Well, I'm back with another freaky stupid chapter. Filipino language used in some parts. To clear things up, I put translations at the bottom.

Also, my never ending apologies to Polo, because if you ever, ever, ever, EVER read this, Polo, then I am eternally sorry for that part. But you really remind us all so much of a donkey/horse/centaur/tikbalang/kabayo, so you are first that comes to mind when I hear the word 'horse'. Again, I am sorry. KASI TALAGANG PARANG KABAYO KA!

Again, sorry Polo.

Xxx

Chapter 8: Potato Interrogation

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"They should be waking up in a few more minutes," Butler said, observing the two unconscious girls.

Butler took a good look at them. It wasn't hard to spot who was the one who tried to shrink the room. She gave off an air of insanity, with messy black hair hiding her facial features, skin almost as pale as Artemis', and about the same shape and figure of a skeleton. She looked crazy. Not in a harmless sort of way, either. She looked I'm-going-to-come-out-of your-TV-and-kill-you crazy. But in a louder, ruder, more insane way.

The other one, though, seemed normal. Brown hair that was also slightly messy, but the neatest thing in the world compared to Ria's hair. She looked ordinary, nothing at all like someone who would trap six people in a box. But ordinary looking as she was, Butler couldn't afford to let go of his suspicions.

"Creepy looking, isn't she?" Mulch took a closer look at Ria. "I swear, I think I saw her in a horror mov—AHH!"

Ria was waking up. And, next to her, so was Katrina. Katrina was attempting a coherent word.

"Brrfflp," she mumbled. Then she opened her eyes, realized what had happened, and swore.

"Well, one's awake," Mulch said. "Let's wait for the other one."

"I am awake!"

Mulch jumped at the sound of Ria's voice. Ria was trying to shake her hair out of the way, and was failing miserably, and looking much like a dog trying to dry off its wet fur by shaking. After some difficulty, most of her hair finally got out of the way, and she finally got a good look at Mulch. What she saw, it seemed, surprised her.

"AAH! Dwende! Dwende!" she screamed, trying to jump up and run away. But since she was tied to her chair, she just managed to fall down and collide painfully with the floor.

"Yes, I know I'm a dwarf, do you have to rub it in?" Mulch said, looking a bit surprised.

Ria was whimpering again, and her eyes were squeezed shut. "You don't exist, you don't exist, you don't exist…"

"Now, that's just mean!" Mulch said angrily.

"Oh, come on, Mulch, I'm sure she doesn't mean it…" Holly walked over to Ria, trying to get her to open her eyes. When she eventually did, she took one good look at Holly, and then screamed again.

"How does it feel to be screamed at, eh, Holly?" Mulch said smugly.

"Pointed ears! Dwarfs! A giant! A vampire! A Tikbalang!" She squealed. "Katrina, what did you put in my coffee?"

"CALM DOWN!" Foaly shouted, whacking her with a potato. But luckily for Ria, she wasn't knocked out by the flying tuber.

"What is this? Potato interrogation? Give the wrong answer, get hit by a potato?"

"Pretty much."

"Wow, I'm playing a game with creatures that DON'T EXIST."

This was getting strange, Artemis thought. Ria was displaying the normal response of people who see The People for the first time. She was on the brink of going into shock. But, shouldn't she have known about The People? She had contained four of them in a box, along with Katrina. Speaking of whom, seems to already be going into shock as well.

"All right, enough of that now," Holly said suddenly, layering her voice with the mesmer. "Calm down, and we'll explain."

Ria and Katrina both instantly calmed down. Katrina's look of terror was replaced by a vapid smile.

"Okay, okay… nice voice and all that… all deep and stuff," Ria babbled.

"Simple questions first. Whatever we ask, you answer. Let's start with who are you?" Holly asked her voice still layered with the mesmer.

"She's Ria, I'm Katrina."

"All right, that was obvious, so other questions. Where are we?"

"The control room, and the control room is on some island, and that island's off the South China sea," Ria babbled. "And the South China sea's on the Earth," she added, for good measure.

"Okay, why do we have no memory of being taken to the box?"

"Because you were… what's the term? Oh, yes, mind-wiped. Mind-wiped, and then taken here."

"Why do you seem so surprised to see Mulch, Foaly, Root and Holly?" Artemis cut in.

"Who? But we were surprised to see the dwende, and the two pointy-eared midgets and the tikbalang." Katrina droned.

"Why were you surprised?"

"Because they don't exist!" Ria squealed. "They don't exist, they don't exist, they don't exist…"

She continued chanting "don't exist, don't exist, don't exist, don't exist…"

Until Root shouted, "SHUT UP!"

"Okey-dokey, pointy red guy. Shutting up."

" Hey look, it's Polo!" Ria shouted, staring at Foaly. "Whatcha doing here, Polo?"

Foaly whinnied. "What in Frond's name is Polo?"

"You are, Polo!"

"I AM NOT A POLO! WHATEVER THAT IS!"

Retrieving another potato, he threw it at Ria in a rage.

"Yes you are, Polo," Ria continued, wincing as she was hit by another potato. "Because Polo is a tikbalang, that's a horse, so you're Polo!"

In her highly mesmerized state, Ria realized she had just made a joke. So she laughed. Ha-ha. What actually came out was more like "hfffrrlbrr."

"Okay, Ria, calm down," Holly said, mesmerizing her again. "If you say Foaly is Polo, then he's Polo. Okay?"

"I'M NOTA POLO!" Foaly shouted. "Whatever that is!"

Holly glared at Foaly again, and questioned Katrina next.

"Do you even actually know who we are?"

"Yeah, you sound like that Holly person in the box! And Polo sounds strangely like Foaly. And the girl named Artemis sounds like the vampire over there!"

"Okay, let's start with—I am Holly. And Foaly is not a… Polo. And it is generally believed that Artemis is male."

Katrina frowned. "Artemis? Hindi ba pangalan ng babae yan?"

(You can maybe guess, but that meant: Artemis? Isn't that a girl's name?)

Holly grinned. She knew how much Artemis hated to be asked that question. "Oo nga, pambabae ang pangalan niya."

Artemis managed to guess what it meant, and tiredly reiterated his often-repeated explanation. "It's my father's name, and it can be—"

"We get the picture, Fowl," Holly said, cutting him off mid-explanation.

Meanwhile, Katrina also seemed to be prone to chanting while under the mesmer, and was repeating three words over and over again, to Artemis's annoyance.

"Babae si Artemis, babae si Artemis, babae si Artemis, babae si Artemis, babae si Artemis…"

(Artemis is a girl, Artemis is a girl…)

Ria, who seemed to enjoy the chaos created by Katrina's new chant, joined in.

Root also seemed to be annoyed by their new chant, and put a stop to it quickly.

"Okay, stop. We get it. Artemis is a girl's name."

At that point, Artemis tried his luck at throwing a potato at Katrina. Unfortunately, his aim wasn't exactly the best thing in the world.

"Hey, you throw like a girl, too!"

"He's got you there, Mud Boy," Foaly mocked. "Your girl's name does suit you in that respect."

"It is not just a girl's name, Artemis explained, showing a bit of annoyance.

"Yes 'tis." Ria argued in a slurred voice.

"Normally it is, but—"

"Okay, Artemis is a girl's name, we get it!" Holly cut them off mid-argument. "He's a boy with a girl's name."

"Yeah, JB never told us about that. We assumed Artemis was a girl," Katrina blabbed.

"JB? Who's JB?" Artemis asked, all traces or annoyance gone.

"JB hired us. To take care of you guys." Ria said proudly. "We had an audition, and we were considered Most Annoying. So we were hired."

"And what does JB stand for?"

"I don't know."

"Well, where can you meet JB?"

"JB's coming tomorrow, to explain stuff."

"Is JB a fairy or a human?"

"A human, of course!" shrieked Ria. "Fairies don't exist, don't exist, don't exist, don't exist…"

"WE GET IT!" Root roared. He followed Foaly's lead, picked up a potato, and hit Ria with the third of the flying tubers.

"Okay, pointy red guy. JB always said that you had to watch your temper."

"We'd better meet this JB soon," Root growled. "To know who he or she is, what motives they have, and what their problem is with my temper!"

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I make short chapters. JB? It's kind of obvious. Look around fanfiction and my reviews, and you might find out.

Translations—actually a bit obvious.

Dwende- dwarf. P

Tikbalang- centaur. Also used to refer to Polo. Sorry, Polo.

Babae si Artemis- Artemis is a girl. xD

Also, reviewer replies in no particular order:

Identitycrisis- Yes, pay raises and pink bunny suits are included.

Athleticsrulz- I have no idea what the Big Brother control room is. There's a Pinoy Big Brother, but it hasn't really started yet and I really don't have plans to watch, school and all that keeping me away from televisions and computers.

RebelRose- I created a We Hate Hao Club. Wanna join? And okay, I'll read the Aztec Incident.-stumbles off to search-

FlamingNinja- Glad to clear up that Hao-Halo thing. Halo is nice, as far as I've heard.

Anythinggirl2004- Yeah, Holly should hit Foaly. I think I'll work that into the remaining chapters.

The Dark Empress of Eternity- Dun dun DUN indeed. D

Senseikkhehe- Thanks!

Fish stix satay- thanks!

ArcherGirl87- Thanks!

Sergeantstan- Thanks!

Knuckles Spyro Fox Link Zidane Sora Artemis- Tell me what happens to the potato should you choose to actually microwave it P

Almostinsane- Sure! You can "help" them! -thinks up of a way to include you-

Otakunekogirl –(Katrina in the story, my best friend, and beta tester) Don't think I didn't stop to read this. No, I still think you're cra…, and a lousy interfering beta. I'll never trust you with it anymore. XD Never ever, ever try that again. I'm going to kill you. I'll get Stephanie, Ko or Bia to edit instead next time.

Wow, this is possibly the longest chapter I've made. My chapters are really short.

Anyway, until next chapter which is called: The Return Of The Dog. (Berus is coming back. Yep.)

—Ona