PART TWO: (From Buffy's POV)

There was a knock on the door, I heard Dawn yell that she was going to answer it so I continued to do Tai Chi on the first story. Whenever I would do Tai Chi it always reminds me of Angel. He taught me how to do it right, to find my centre, but then he left and my centre went all wonky.

Dawn had opened the door and with my super-hearing I could hear voices, then the door closed. It's a little odd, we don't get many visitors apart from the Gang, and Xander doesn't even knock, he just lets himself in with his set of my keys. It seemed like a good idea at the time, to give the Gang their own set of keys if they ever needed to get in.

"Dawn, who was it?!" I yelled.

"Some guy who knows Angel." Replied Dawn coming up the stairs and into the open living area where I was. "He gave me this to give to you." She held in her hand a white envelope, from underneath Dawn's fingers I could see Angel's handwriting. "It's from Angel."

Dawn help out the envelope and I hesitantly took it.

"I didn't know you guys where still talking."

"We're not. Not really, anyway." The envelope flipped in between my fingers as I studied it, figuring out if I should open it or not. "Are you sure this isn't some-"

"Trap? Buffy, it's the mail. Besides, I asked Connor if he was trying to kill us through postage, he said he wasn't."

"And we just believe people we've never seen before? Dawn you know better than that."

"Yeah, I do. But there's something about him, I just don't know what…" Dawn got a far off look on her face as though searching for something. "Nope, not sure why. Just open it. I'm going to make myself a sandwich."

She then left, going back down the stairs. I again looked hard the envelope, should I open it? Should I, shouldn't I? I sat down in the armchair next to the window and again just looked at it, it could be important. Or he could just be saying that he was over me and didn't care if I was a cookie or not, or, thought my more hopeful side, he could've written that he'll always love me and will wait for me to be a cookie no matter how long it takes.

I still had some reservations with opening it, but since it's form Angel I owe it to him to see what he has to say. I turned the envelope over, ripped open the top bit and pulled out a letter, this is such an odd way for us to communicate, why didn't he just ring me? Because you've been a complete bitch to him, telling Andrew that you didn't trust him, knowing that he was in the country but didn't want to see him or Spike 'cause I was too busy with the Immortal.

I slumped into the seat, maybe I don't want to read what he has to say to me, maybe he is over me. I felt tears form in my eyes, I can't have him be over me, who will I be cookies for?

I unfolded the papers, and began to read

To my dearest, Buffy.

You're probably wondering why I've written to you, I'll explain don't worry and this isn't an attempt at not having to talk to you or to see you face to face. I wish for nothing more than to see your face, to touch you or hold you in my arms. But I can't, you're over there and I'm here. I've got a job to do, it's dangerous, but then again, all my jobs are.

I'm going to ask how Dawn and everyone else is, I know that I'm avoiding the main point of this letter, but I don't think I can put down in words what I'm really thinking. So how is Dawn? Does she like Italy? How's your Italian? I remember Italy from back in the day, when Darla and I – no, I don't think I'm going to tell you that story.

I love you, Buffy. I need you to know that, I'll always love you and I always have. You're still my girl to me, not Riley's, not Spike and not the Immortal's either. You might not agree, but I need you to know how I feel, 'cause I can't say this to you personally (though I realise that if I said this to your face, you might get pissed at me) . I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry for whatever pain I've caused you, I wish I could take it all away, the pain, the loneliness, the slaying…everything.

I've wanted you to be just a girl and for me just a boy for years, ever since I first saw you outside of Hemery, I loved you long before I ever saw you and all I wanted was to be with you. But we couldn't, we never could. And that breaks my heart just to think that.

I'm sorry, I really am, for any pain that I may have caused you, I never meant to hurt you, but I know I have. But you hurt me too, this letter isn't about blame, or anything like that, I just needed to write this to you to say goodbye.

God, I don't know how I could even write that, the mere thought if saying goodbye to you in any sense is killing me. Please, Buffy, believe me I don't want to say goodbye to you, I never want to say goodbye to you. God, I wish I could be with you always, I wish we could finally have the life we've always wanted. I wish I didn't have to wish for anything, I wish I already had it all.

But when it comes to us it's never easy, is it? I didn't mean for this to happen, Buffy. I didn't want to leave you, but if you're reading this, then I have, and I'm sorry for that. There's a lot I need to tell you, a lot you need to understand. But please remember, that as you're reading this, I love you and I'll always be with you.

The young man who delivered this letter, his name is Connor, and he's my son. Darla is his mother, I know you're wondering 'what the hell?!' There's these evil lawyers and they're in very deep with the dark magicks and really hate me, and they're the ones who brought Darla back, as a human. But she was dying of syphilis and Dru turned her.

During the whole time, I was sinking into a depression, I was getting obsessed with Darla and with finding her. I got to the lowest point when I fired Wes, Cordy and Gunn. There was this glove thingy, I wanted it, Darla did too. And when I got it, she came after me, and we…you know. I didn't lose my soul, though she thought I would because she thought it was just the sex that made me 'perfectly happy,' but it wasn't, it was you, it was always you.

Then she showed up in LA, not long after you died (the second time) pregnant with Connor. She staked herself to bring him into the world, and I was a dad. I loved him instantly, but he was taken from me by an old enemy and spent some time in a demon dimension where time travels differently, so when he'd only been gone for a few weeks in this world, it was close to 17 years in the other dimension.

He knows everything about me, and because I gave him a letter too (which is longer than yours, sorry), he'll know everything about you, and about us. I do love him, Buffy, even though I was never the best father to him. He's a good kid, I'm going to get him to explain to you all the other details because I don't have much time.

I took over Wolfram and Hart because I believed that I could destroy them from the inside, and for other reasons that Connor will tell you. I never crossed over and it killed me to think that you didn't trust me. But I had to get over it, I had a job to do.

There's this group called the Black Thorn, pretty much the most evil and powerful group in not only this dimension, but probably in a few other ones too. We need to eradicate them, we're going to separate them and kill them all. I don't know if I'm even going to live through that bit, because after that…I don't know.

I'm planning on seeing Connor today, and I'm going to give him this letter. He'll only give it to you if he doesn't hear from me within ten days, 'cause that's mean I'm dead, dust…gone. So if you're reading this, please don't cry too much, okay. You won't be too fun to watch over from where I am if you're upset all the time, but that doesn't mean that you have to be happy about it either.

I know that I'm being a bit jovial about me being dead, but I don't really want to think about it, I'm just trying to remember what your face looks like, your smile that would reach your green eyes and make them shine, how it felt to kiss you, to love you. I've tried to be strong, Buffy, I really have, but it's so much harder when you're by yourself. So promise me that you won't die alone, that you'll let someone love and love them back.

I don't want to see you up here for a long time, Buffy. I do think I'm in heaven if I am dead, I think that somehow I deserve it, or that the powers that be owe it to me for not letting us be together. I was supposed to get my reward, there's this prophecy that says that the vampire with a soul will live to die, I'd be human.

But I never think that'll happen, I signed it away and now I'm dead.

I love you, and I wanted to be human for you, because you were always my reward. I loved you, god, it seems like I always have. I know that I keep saying that, but I wish I could say it to you everyday, more than that. I know that you'll be able to survive, you're stronger than you realise, you have Dawn, Giles, Xander and Willow. And now you have Connor, too. I want you to know him, Buffy. I wanted it to be you who was his mother, I never wanted kids with anybody else, I never really let the thought enter my mind.

Talk to him, Buffy, ask him questions. You'll need to asks questions, ask whoever you can. I don't know who will survive this fight, but I didn't obviously. Again with joking about this whole thing, I am sorry about this, all of it (imagine me holding out my arms), I want to take away the pain, but I know I'm just causing more.

I need to say goodbye now, love. Wait, no I don't. I'm not going to say goodbye, just see you later, because I will see you again.

I love you, never forget that there was someone on this earth that loved you more than life, unlife, itself, who would have died for you, and in some ways I did. But my love for you will last longer than time itself. I need you to know that, I need you to know that everyday because I won't be able to tell you ever again.

You can cry if you want, you can laugh, scream, beat up a few demons. But don't you dare give up, don't let yourself die, you keep fighting. That's what I love most about you, you don't give up, you might hit the bottom, but you'll get back up.

I will always love you, I will always be with you and forever is the whole point. And when you're time is up, I'll be here waiting for you.

Always yours, Angel.

The letter fell to the floor, I looked at the ground because I couldn't look at anything else. My eyes don't seem to be working right, nothing seems to be working as it should be. I can't feel anything.

"I can't feel anything!" I screamed, grabbing the vase next to the chair and throwing it across the room, it hit the wall and smashed into thousands of pieces.

"Buffy, what was that?"

Right, Dawn. My sister, Dawn. Angel said that I had Dawn. Angel…No, god, no. don't be dead, don't be dead, don't be dead, don't be dead, don't be dead…

"Buffy?"

Now she's coming up the stairs, no she can't be. I can't have her see me right now, I can't deal with this, I can't. I need to, I need to…go.

I left the letter lying on the floor, I don't know how I managed to finish reading it when I knew he had died about halfway through. How did I keep reading? As Dawn climbed the stairs, I ran pass her, she tried to grab a hold of me but I was too fast.

I'm sorry, Dawnie, but I just can't do this. I can't, it can't be true, it can't be. Angel isn't dead, I didn't get that letter, Connor never had to deliver it, Dawn never opened the door and I'm still doing Tai Chi upstairs. But I wasn't and he is dead.

I pulled the door open and ran outside, it was day, there were only a few clouds in the sky, an odd occurrence in England. There's a boy sitting under the big tree, he's got his head in his hands, but I know that I've never seen him before.

He then looked up and stared at me for a few seconds, then his face lit up in sudden recognition. "Are you Buffy?"

"Are you Connor?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah, I'm Buffy."

"He said that I should talk to you."

"Funny, he said the same thing about you."

"So do you want to talk?"

I took a step back, suddenly talking with or to Connor wasn't such a good idea. I think I shook my head, I can't really feel much.

"Buffy…" he half rose from the ground before I ran again.

TBC…

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