PART FOUR: (from Buffy's POV)

I hadn't been home in ages…hours. I don't think I can handle Dawn wanting to know what's up. And if Connor's still there…I shuddered at the thought of him trying to open up and grieve. You gotta be kidding me, this can't be happening again. Angel isn't dead, this is some weird joke that he's playing on me. Any minute now he'll jump out of the shadows and yell: 'boo!'

But he didn't, and he won't ever again.

I'm walking down one of the main streets in the nearest town, it's called something English sounding. My mind's kinda mush at the moment, so I don't think I'll be remembering any town names tonight.

"Angel…" I whispered softly. "Why do you keep doing this to me?"

He didn't answer, but I got a different message, a sign, really. Like a shining light in the dark it appeared: my salvation. A bar. Or pub as they call it here. Oh, sweet alcohol. Please numb the mind splitting pain.

I grinned to myself and walked over to the pub on the corner. I didn't have any money on me, I wasn't expecting to be out at night running from my grief, but I'm sure that I can get a well-off sap to buy me a drink.

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I hit the ground hard. A sound of pain escaped my lips, but I welcomed it anyway. Anything's better then feeling what I'm meant to be feeling. A man behind me laughed. I got to me feet and wobbled a bit. Yeah, I'm drunk. Very drunk. But I don't want to feel the grief anymore.

"Hey, darling." Said the man who was behind me, but was now standing in front of me. He was the one who bought me all my drinks. I'll have to thank him for that. "Where are you off to?"

"Home. My ex's son is there waiting for me. I'm supposed to cry. Pfft." I said waving my hand dismissively. "I don't think I want to be doing that."

"I don't think you should either." The guy reached forward to touch my arm. "How about you come home with me?"

"No. I don't want to do that either." I took a step back. "He died, you know. My Angel is a real angel now."

"Well then you'll need someone to help you get over it."

"And you think you're the person for the job, huh?" I leaned in close to his face. "Not in a million years."

"You were coming onto me." He said getting into my face. He's angry. I laughed inwardly, he doesn't know who he's messing with.

"I wanted you to buy me a drink. That's it, buddy. I'm not going to have sex with you. So back off." And I punched him hard in the face. He fell backwards unconscious. I giggled, he looked funny lying on the ground. Almost like he was dead.

Dead.

Dead.

Dead.

Angel was dead.

I fell to the ground again. But this time, I was crying.

"You died. You son of a bitch. Why do you keep doing this to me? Why do you keep leaving? I can't – I can't do this without you. Who am I going to spend the rest of my life with? You were my everything, and you're gone. All I wanted was to be with you. Is that so hard?" I looked up at the sky. "You took him from me! You took him from me! Bring him back! Right now! Bring him back…"

"Buffy…is that you?"

"Connor?"

"Yeah." Said Angel's son stepping out of the dark. "Are you okay?"

"No. I'm a bit drunk. More than a bit, I think."

"No, I mean about-"

"Peachy, with a side of keen." I didn't mean it, god, I didn't mean it.

"You're lying, but whatever. Dawn sent me to find you. I never thought I'd find you here."

"You know nothing about me. We only just met a few hours ago." I got to my feet and wiped my eyes with the back of my hand. "You know nothing about me."

"I do know a lot about you. Angel wrote me a letter too. I think mines longer-"

"Shows how important I am, doesn't it?" I said laughing.

"It does. Nearly the whole thing is about you. What you mean to him. He said that I'd need you and you'd need me."

"Well, he was always telling people what to do. Making their decisions for them, why should it be different now that he's dead?" I could feel the bitterness in my voice.

"You'll regret saying that in the morning." Connor took a few steps closer to me. I felt the urge to run, but I might throw up if I do that. "Come on, I'll take you home."

"Where's home?"

"The manor. With Dawn."

"I remember when home was where Angel was. Can I go home?"

"No, Buffy. I'm not going to let you die. He'd want you to live. So live for him."

"Live…" I whispered. "For me."

"What?"

"No." I said shaking my head. "I'm not going to do this. Pretend that it's okay-"

"No one expects that."

"Maybe you don't. Maybe Dawn doesn't, but my friends…they think I'm over him. That I don't love him like I used to. But I've always loved him the same. I don't want to deal with them."

"Then we don't deal with them for a while."

"It won't change anything. They still won't understand and he'll still be dead." I closed my eyes and sighed. "He'll still be dead."

"Come on," Connor reached out his hand. I looked at it, deciding whether or not I should take it. Slowly I put out my hand, Connor got a hold of it and held it tightly. "See, baby steps." I think I nodded, I'm not sure.

"What are we going to do now?"

"We'll just go back to the house. Dawn made some dinner. She made me a sandwich before, it was good-"

"Don't get any ideas." I warned him.

"No offence, but 'ew.' In another life, you would have been my mom. She'd be my aunt. I don't want to think about it."

"You're okay. I think I might like you."

"Same."

I smiled at him. He doesn't look too much like Angel, or too much like Darla. That'll make it easier to be around him. He smiled back. A half-smile.

"No." I pulled my hand out and took a few steps back. "No, no, no."

"Buffy, what's wrong?"

"You smile like him. Don't. Please, don't." I began sobbing and my legs gave way. I hit the ground. I continued to cry. Connor rushed forward and put his arms around me. "It hurts so much. Make it stop, make it stop."

"I know, I know it hurts. But it'll get better."

"How do you know? How can this ever feel better?"

"It has to. Or we're not going to survive this."

"I miss him." I admitted, "I want him to come back." So that he can be with me.

"I know. I know." Said Connor soothingly. "It'll be okay. It'll be okay."

"Don't make empty promises."

"I'm not. It will be okay. I just know it will. It has to." Connor told me, "I'll be here to help you through it."

"I know. Thank you, for everything."

"It's a pleasure. 'Sides, I get to know the family I might have had. I want to meet everyone once you're ready."

"You'll either love or hate Xander. He's like the crazy cousin, who sometimes says things at the wrong time. Willow, you've met her."

"Yeah, but it was kinda hectic. And I wasn't the best person back then."

"And you've met Dawn. Then there's Giles, he'll be fascinated with you. 'Vampires as parents, how ever did that happen?'" I said in a pompous British accent, although it sounded nothing like Giles.

"Great, I'll be an attraction for all to stare at and poke with medical equipment."

"As if that would happen, you'd kick their asses."

"Are you still drunk?"

"Yup."

"Okay, come on." Connor got up, pulling me up with me. He helped steady me, then let go. "You hungry?"

"I could eat two horses."

He chuckled, "Let's go then."

We began to walk along the side of the road. It was fairly narrow and the curb wasn't very high. Go thing, I can't really lift me feet too high. Connor walked silently beside me. I could tell he was on the lookout for any 'disturbances,' demons, vamps etc…his eyes were combing the darkness. I know that I'm a slayer and I should be doing that stuff, but if he wants to, fine by me.

"So, what was in the letter? Exactly."

"Not telling, and you're not going to read it."

"Why not?"

"He told me not to."

"What?!"

TBC…

Sorry about the long wait, hope it was worth it. Thanks to all who have reviewed so far, I never thought it would be this popular. So thank you very much. Next part is from Dawn's POV, but it won't be out still the end of the month (January), I'm going on a holiday and very much doubt being able to update till I get back, Maddy.