Author's Note: Chapters that are strictly Naruto-Kyuubi interaction only will be shorter.

Disclaimer: No. Not mine. Happy? Now I'm upset.

2. Your Dog is Dumber Than You Think

Naruto woke late in the morning the day after the bridge incident. He sat up with a groan as he rubbed a particularly large bump on his head. It took him a moment to realize where he was, and another moment to remember why he was there, and why he was covered in bandages. He flushed red in a mix of anger and humiliation, though there was no one else in the room to see it.

'That bastard… that bastard beat me again.' He growled as memories of the fight surfaced. 'But not because I'm weaker… I'm not weaker! I was just so pissed off I couldn't focus… yeah. First Sasuke shoved me off the bridge, and then Kyuubi just had to show up and make things worse.'

Nnn… you call me?

'Eee! Oh… oh man, you've been awake?' Naruto brought his hand to his mouth and began to bite a nail. So someone was there to witness him after his defeat.

No… you woke me. Kyuubi's voice rang with slight annoyance. Heh, the inside of your head screams like a girl. Did you know?

'My head…? Hey, does not!'

Hn. Where are we?

We're. Not. A. We. Shut up with the we already!

Oh bitch, bitch, bitch. Fine, where are you, my dear carrier?

Naruto's inner voice fell silent. He tried desperately not to think about the fight, or the fact that he was in a hospital due to the spectacular beating he received during said fight. Kyuubi would be sure to pick up on it. Instead he randomly thought of a dog chasing its own tail around and around in a circle. The dog continued this for about a minute before it finally tripped on a stick and tumbled over one side and back onto its feet. It shook its head and swayed a bit, before trotting off to find where the tail had gone. Naruto involuntarily thought of Kiba. He immediately burst out in his hysterical laughter; a laughter so hard that even though it made his already sore body throb even more, he couldn't stop and was soon leaning over the side of the bed giggling like mad and gasping for air.

Kyuubi couldn't decide if he was more disturbed by the sudden images of the retarded dog, or the insane cackling spurred on by the thought of the Kiba boy. Naruto was avoiding something…

What are you hiding? If he had had eyes to narrow, he would have narrowed them. Where are we?

The laughing subsided so suddenly it was as if someone had pointed a remote at Naruto and clicked 'mute'.

'Uh… me. ME. And I'm… somewhere.'

A mental snort. Oh really, how wonderful! I've been wanting to come here for so long, it's such a pleasure to finally have the chance to visit SOMEWHERE.

'FINE.' Naruto almost whimpered in embarrassment. 'We're… in the hospital.'

…

'Happy now?'

…

'…are you there?'

…he beat the shit out of you, didn't he?

'He did not!' Yes he did. '…okay, I'm a bit sore, as you can tell. But nothing's broken! …I think… and I beat him just as bad!'

Oh? And where is the Uchiha boy licking his wounds, I wonder?

'…his kitchen?'

You disgust me.

Naruto grumbled something unintelligible and fought down another blush. 'I'm going to sleep.'

Didn't you just wake up?

'No.'

If you have the dream where you and the Uchiha are naked on top of a Skeeball machine again, I'm going to scream as loud as possible until your brain cells rupture.

The blonde nearly fell off the bed as that memory invaded his mind. 'Th-th-that happened ONE time! I-I had spicy food before bed!'

Hn. Night.