Chapter Two: Secrets
I'm running out the door
I feel so tied down
I'm walking on quicksand
I want solid ground
I don't feel alive
I must be halfway dead
Sooner or later you'd find out
What's really in my head
My bedroom light flipped on and I squinted my eyes. I looked at the clock; 3 am. Then I realized that my mom was the one who turned the light on. And I heard crying. I jumped up and ran over to the crib.
"Emma, I shouldn't have had to wake you up," my mom said, glaring at me. She was just as tired as I was.
"I'm sorry Mom; it's just that...I had help back in California..." I trailed off. I didn't really want to tell her. Back in Los Angeles, there was someone who woke up with the baby in the middle of the night. I worked so many hours (I was actually a waitress there) that I was exhausted at night, and never heard her crying. But I was lucky enough to have Oliver there to help me.
"You know that I will help you as much as I can, and so will your dad. But now that you're a mother, you need to be taking on more responsibility. You need to get up with her in the middle of the night to feed her, change her diaper, or maybe just rock her back to sleep. It's your job now. And I don't really like the fact that someone else was doing it for you," she lectured.
"I know Mom, I'm sorry. I'll take it from here," I told her. She went back upstairs to her bedroom and I leaned over my daughter's crib, picking her up. I cradled her in my arms and held her close. "Shh...it's okay baby. Mommy's here now." A few minutes later, she quieted down and let me put her back in the crib.
I guess I should tell my story now. What happened. Near the end of July, after grade ten, I got pregnant. I didn't want my friends to disown me, and I didn't want my teachers to know. So Mom and Dad let me go to California to live with Mom's sister. I went to a school to prepare me for childbirth and motherhood, and missed my entire grade eleven at Degrassi. Manny and the rest of my friends thought I was going to a private school.
Now I'm back for grade twelve. I want to be able to graduate and I want to raise my daughter at home. But no one can know my secret. We thought of telling everyone that my parents adopted a baby, but they couldn't lie to their friends and family about something that big. So we all agreed to tell people that she was my cousin from California, and I was being paid to take care of her for the year while my aunt was working overseas.
That gives me a year to figure out how to tell everyone about her. Her name is Danica Jade Nelson. Danica means morning star and Oliver picked Jade as her middle name. Oliver James was my best friend in California. He was with me throughout my whole pregnancy, and he was there the night Danica was born. My parents flew in and were there for her birth too, but they couldn't stay for more than a few days because they had work.
On my first day at Luna Park, a restaurant in L.A., I met Oliver. He has dirty blonde hair that is spiked into a short mohawk, but it's not shaved on the sides. He has blue eyes and is slightly taller than I am. Oliver trained me as a waitress, and we instantly clicked. We hung out all the time, and he was the first to find out that I was pregnant.
The manager at Luna Park let me waitress until I started showing. After that, I was only allowed to work at the hostess station, taking phone messages, booking reservations, and rolling silverware. I didn't mind it though. I loved the job. The only downside was that I didn't make enough money to fully support my daughter. But I do now.
Anyway, Danica was born on April 22. Since I was still in school, I stayed until the end of July. I knew I had to go back home. I missed my parents, brother, and all my friends. But I didn't want to leave Oliver behind. He still calls me every day, but he doesn't know what I do now. I don't want him to be disappointed in me.
I started working at Tric in the beginning of August. I managed to work for a month without anyone seeing me. But then Craig had to show up. Why was he even there? Shouldn't he be at University by now? I hope he doesn't tell anyone.
I lay down in my bed and positioned myself so I could watch Dani sleep. She's so beautiful. She has blonde hair and the bluest eyes I've ever seen. Her eyes remind me of Oliver, even though he's not her father. I wish he was. I made a huge mistake and I can't take it back. But being a mother is one of the most rewarding things in the world, and I love Danica more than I have ever loved anyone in my entire life.
My alarm went off at six o'clock in the morning. I rubbed my eyes and groaned. Right after I fell asleep, around three thirty, Dani had woken up again. I fed her and got her to sleep by four. I got about five and a half hours of sleep. Not good for my first day of school. But then again, I had gotten pretty used to it.
I gathered all my school stuff, preparing to take a shower, but Danica chose the exact moment that my foot hit the stair to wake up. I walked back to her crib, picked her up, and placed her on her changing table. I gave her a fresh diaper and fed her. When I got back from California, my mom had fixed my room up with a mini fridge for her bottles and a microwave to heat them up in. I decided not to breast feed her because I knew I couldn't be around all the time to feed her naturally. I cleaned Dani's face off with a baby wipe, and then selected an outfit for her out of my top dresser drawer. Gently placing her back on the changing table, I put her in her new clothes.
After getting my bag and clothes, I brought my daughter upstairs so I could get ready for school. Placing her in the playpen in the living room, I quickly showered and got dressed. My mom was in the kitchen, holding the baby, when I went in for breakfast. I had fifteen minutes before school started. Scarfing down my Pop Tarts in a record two minutes, I took Danica from my mom to say goodbye to her. And then it happened. She threw up all over me.
"Dani!" I yelled, which caused her to burst into tears.
"Emma, she's only a baby!" my mother scolded me.
"I know, I'm sorry baby," I told her. "Mommy has to get to school!" I said, still a little angry.
"Let me guess, you forgot to burp her." Damnit! I knew I forgot something this morning. "Here, I'll take her and you just go change for school."
"No Mom, you were right; I have to do this for myself." I brought Danica back downstairs, changed her clothes, and then changed mine. The outfit I picked wasn't nearly as cute as my first one. And now I smelled like baby puke and formula. Welcome to the world of motherhood. I ran upstairs, handed Dani to my mother, and kissed her on the forehead. "Bye Mom!" I yelled as I ran out the door. Jumping in my car, I sped to Degrassi, and then ran into my homeroom with Mr. Armstrong. Fifteen minutes late.
"Emma, you're late. That's not a very good way to start the year," Mr. Armstrong said, frowning. The entire class was staring at me.
"I'm sorry, it won't happen again," I stammered. I didn't like all this attention focused on me. Especially since I was trying to keep a low profile.
"It better not. And if it does; you'll find yourself in detention." I quickly took the first seat I could find, which happened to be between Toby and Liberty.
"Good one Emma. Way to start your first day back," Liberty said sarcastically. I shot her a look and she quickly shut up.
"Emma, it's great to have you back. We all missed you," Toby said. I smiled at him and was about to say something when Mr. Armstrong appeared over us, glaring.
"Can I finish Mr. Issacs?" he said to Toby.
"Sorry," Toby answered, blushing. We focused our attention on Mr. Armstrong. Well, at least I pretended to be listening. I was really thinking about Oliver and how part of me wished I was back in L.A., going to school with him.
The bell rang a few minutes later, and I rushed off to use the bathroom. Toby followed me, but I just quickened my pace. I only had a few minutes until my first class. I checked to make sure all the stalls were empty, and then I pulled out my cell phone.
"Hello?"
"Mom, how is she?" I asked. I was always worried about my baby. She was sick when she was born and I can't bear to leave her for very long, even if she is with my mother.
"Emma, she's fine. Shouldn't you be in class?" she asked.
"It starts in a few minutes. I just wanted to check up on her," I said. Just then the bathroom door burst open and some girl I'd never seen before walked in. She was almost my height, and had brown hair that fell just past her shoulder blades. Her eyes were a deep brown. "I gotta go; bye!" I hung up the phone and was about to leave when I noticed the girl was crying. "What's wrong?" I asked her.
"What do you care? You don't even know me," she replied.
"Sorry to bother you. I just thought that maybe I could help. Are you new here?"
"Yeah, my family just moved here from L.A. My name's Brooklyn," she said, holding her hand out. I shook it and responded.
"I'm Emma. Want to tell me why you were crying?" I asked.
"The whole reason I moved here was to get away from people who always judged me. My parents thought that if we left the country that we could get away from the type of people who were hurting me. But apparently they were wrong," she explained.
"For some reason, you seem really familiar to me. I went to school in L.A. for a year, maybe I know you from there," I told her.
"I doubt it. To tell you the truth, the school I went to was for teenage parents. That's why everyone's being really mean. They found out that I have a son," she confessed.
"Then I definitely do know you from school," I told her. "I went there too. My daughter was born on April 22nd."
"Wow. I guess it's a small world then," Brooklyn said, wiping her tears from her cheeks.
"Hey, do you wanna come over my house after school? It'd be nice to be able to talk with someone who knows my secret," I said.
"Yeah that'd be cool. But I'd have to pick my son up from daycare first. You mean to tell me that none of your friends know about your daughter?" she asked.
"Nope. That's why I went to L.A. for a year. My parents are the only ones who know." I could tell she was about to say something, but the bell rang. "Great, I'm late for class again," I groaned. I quickly told Brooklyn where to meet me after school before running off to my first class.
When the final bell rang, I rushed out to my car and found Brooklyn already waiting for me. Just asI was about to get in, Manny showed up.
"Hey Emma, wanna go to The Dot or something?" she asked.
"Sorry, I can't. I have to watch Jack. Maybe some other time okay?"
"I could help you watch him. I have nothing to do," she complained.
"Well, Brooklyn already offered to help, and you know how my mom is. I can't have too many people over when she's not home," I lied.
"Yeah, I know. I have something really important to talk to you about. Call me tonight?" she asked.
"I will, I promise. Oh by the way: Manny, this is Brooklyn, Brooke this is Manny," I introduced them.
"I've seen you around school; you must be new," Manny said.
"Yeah," Brooklyn answered her.
"I guess I'll let you two get going. Don't forget to call me!" she called as I backed the car out of the space. As we drove away from Degrassi, Brooklyn told me how to get to the daycare where her son was.
"So, how do you know Manny?" she asked me suddenly.
"She's been my best friend for a long time now," I told her. "Don't tell her I told you this; but she got pregnant in grade nine and had an abortion."
"Then of all people, why haven't you told her about your baby? She's your best friend, and she probably knows at least some of what you're going through. Why wouldn't you tell her?" Brooke asked. I bit my lip, not wanting to answer her question.
We had our eyes open
We had the best of plans
But people change
Because people can
One or the other gets restless
And hears the wild wind call
One picks up the pieces
While the glass house falls
A/N: Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi or any of its characters. I do own Danica Jade Nelson, Oliver James, Brooklyn, and her son. Anyone surprised that Emma's the main character? Why do you think Emma doesn't want to tell Manny? Come on, I want guesses! The lyrics are from the song "Secrets In Your Heart" by Murray McLauchlin and he owns them…they have to do w/ Emma's secret and a certain person she doesn't want to know…more guesses as to who that person is (not Manny). And please review to all of my chapters individually; just so I know that you guys are reading!