Chapter Six: Take Tomorrow One Day At A Time

You got lost, for a while.
You've been trying to find a smile.
You got stood up, then you fell down,
And when you needed, there was no one around.
You loved the previews and hate the movie.
You scream at the screen, "Something move me!"
Before you start to fade away.

"Emma, this isn't like you," Ms. Kwan said. Reading had just ended, but she noticed that I hadn't handed my homework in.

"I'm sorry, I just didn't have time to do it," I told her.

"Well, I don't know what went on at that other school of yours in California, but whatever it was; you need to get back on track here. At Degrassi Community School, you are expected to do your homework," she lectured.

"I know. Do you want me to take a zero on the assignment?" I asked. I just wanted to get out of there.

"You can hand it in tomorrow. But this is the only time I'm going to let this slide. I'll write you a pass; where are you going next?" she asked.

"I have math." I still had to face Mr. Armstrong. I didn't do his homework either. Ms Kwan wrote me the pass and I gladly took it, rushing off to my next class.

Throughout math, I couldn't concentrate at all. Luckily, the teacher didn't call on me. I was busy worrying about Dani and if she was okay. Could Jay really handle a baby on his own?

At the end of math, everyone handed in their homework as they went by Mr. Armstrong's desk. I put my stuff in my bag as slowly as possible, waiting for everyone to leave. Then I started to lie again. I was getting good at it.

"Mr. Armstrong, I accidentally left my homework at home on my bed," I told him. "Can I give it to you tomorrow?" I didn't want to have another confrontation like I had with Ms. Kwan.

"Sure Emma, that's fine. Make sure you get tonight's homework done," he said.

"Thanks, see you tomorrow." I really wanted to call Jay and check on the baby, but I didn't have time. I had Media Immersions. I slipped in my seat next to Manny as soon as the bell rang.

"Okay class," my dad said. "We have a project." Everyone groaned simultaneously. "Come on now, you know they're always fun. Yes Liberty?" he asked when she raised her hand.

"When is the project due?" she asked. I rolled my eyes. She's so annoying.

"Why don't you let me tell you about it first," he answered. "This is an individual project. You can pick any subject that has to do with the media, as long as you run it by me first. Once you have your subject, you have two weeks to make a webpage. You'll have half of each class to work on it; and you can use your study period as well. That's it; get started." As soon as Dad finished talking, I walked over to his desk.

"May I use the washroom?" I asked.

"Sure Emma, but make it quick; you have to get started on this project." I gladly left the classroom. As soon as I made it into the girl's washroom, I checked each stall, and then pulled out my cell phone. "Jay?" I asked as soon as he answered the phone.

"Em, is that you?" he asked.

"Yeah, listen, how is she?"

"The baby's fine Emma. I told you that you didn't have to worry about her. She's taking a nap right now." I looked at my watch to make sure it was the regular time she took her nap. It was.

"I'm glad that you're doing so well with her. Has she been eating okay? And have you changed her diaper?" I asked. I was still worried, even if he said things were okay.

"I've followed every instruction perfectly. Go back to class now. She'll be fine," he assured me.

"I'll be home as soon as school's over," I said. "Bye." I closed my cell phone and put it in my pocket. I fought back tears as I thought about my daughter. Even though I knew Jay, I still would have felt better if my mom was watching her. And I don't think I'll be able to leave her with strangers. That would be too much for me to handle. The only person besides my mom and dad that I really trusted Danica with was Oliver. And he's not even here to help me.

-Flashback-

"Oliver, I just thought of something," I said as I lay in his arms on my bed. It was my first night back from the hospital. Danica was still there; she was sick.

"What's that?" he asked. His voice made me feel better. It always did.

"What if you came back to Canada with me? You could stay at my house, or we could get an apartment together. You're the only person that I trust with my daughter."

"I can't do that Emma," he said, shattering all of my hopes.

"Why not?" I asked, tears falling from my eyes.

"I just can't okay? I can't leave my family or my friends or…" he trailed off, not finishing his sentence.

"Or what?" I asked. I turned and looked into his eyes. He wiped a tear from my cheek and brushed some hair out of my face. "Or what?" I repeated when he didn't answer.

"I gotta go." He jumped off the bed, grabbed his jacket, and left.

-End of Flashback-

I never brought the subject up again. Oliver and I continued to see each other, and he helped me with the baby, but we never spoke of him coming with me. It hurt me to say goodbye. I never knew if he was just my best friend or if he was more than that. We hadn't talked about that either. I slowly walked back to class, staring at the ground. I wonder what Oliver's doing right now?

Give me all your fear, throw it all away.
And think about the good things, no matter what they say,
We'll take tomorrow baby, yeah,
One day at a time.

You just stare into space,
You found love but it got erased,
You're on the road with all the stoplights,
And you're too afraid to turn the wrong from right.
You ate your soul and it made ya fat,
Starve yourself from everything else that makes you completely full.

"Emma? Hello?" Manny shook me. I jumped. I had been lost in a daydream filled with Oliver and Danica and all the good things I had in L.A. All those things were taken away when I decided to go back to Toronto. Maybe I shouldn't have. Why does this have to be so hard?

I stared into my best friend's eyes. She had no idea what was going on in my life. She also had no idea of the lies that I was full of. She doesn't know who I am anymore. No one does. I don't think I do either.

"What is it Manny?" I asked, snapping out of it.

"Uh, the bell rang, didn't you hear it?" The bell. That means it's the end of the day. I have to get home.

"Oh yeah. I gotta go," I told her. I grabbed my bag and slung it over my shoulder.

"Wait!" she called after me. "I was thinking maybe we could hang out."

"I can't; I have a lot of homework to do." It wasn't exactly a lie.

"Oh, okay. Call me later I guess," she said, disappointed.

"Don't you have a wedding to plan anyway?" I asked. I don't even know why I said it. I didn't want to talk about this. But Manny's face instantly lit up.

"I totally forgot to ask you; will you be my maid of honor?" she asked. I bit my bottom lip; something I always do when I don't want to answer someone's question. It took all I had in me to answer her.

"Of course," I said. What if Craig tells her my secret? Great, there I go, thinking of that again. I hope I don't have to see him anymore. Maybe he'll forget about seeing me at Tric. I hope he does. I ran out to my car and jumped in, eager to see my baby.

So you run, so you hide,
And you watched as they die,
They all fell, you could fall too,
Or you could sew your wings and try to fly right through.

As soon as I got home, I went straight down to my room to find Jay lying on my bed, with Danica asleep in his arms.

"She's taking another nap?" I asked, sitting down next to Jay.

"We had a long day. Took a walk in the park," he commented.

"Did anyone see you?" I asked him.

"No," Jay sighed. "Emma, just tell me. Is she your daughter?" he asked. I bit my lip. "So you don't want to answer," he said.

"What?"

"You're biting your lip. That means you don't want to answer." I stared at him in surprise. "I know more about you than you think Em. I really care about you," he said. I really don't need this stress right now. Why does he have to care about me so much?

"Yes," I whispered. "She's my daughter." A single tear rolled down my cheek and he wiped it away.

"You don't have to cry. I won't tell anyone. I promise."

"Really?" I asked him.

"Really."

"Jay, would you be interested in watching Danica every day while I'm at school? At least until I can find a daycare for her. I'll pay you," I told him.

"I'd love to," he said excitedly. "But you don't have to pay me," he added.

"I insist on it. I have to be responsible, and that includes paying for daycare for my daughter," I told him. "We can work out the money thing on Saturday, if that's okay. That's the night that I get paid, so would it be okay if I paid you on Sundays?" I asked.

"Of course, that's fine," he said. "I better get home though."

"Okay. Thank you so much Jay. I really owe you," I said, happy for the first time that day.

"You're welcome." He kissed me on the cheek and turned toward the window, ready to climb out.

"Jay?"

"Yeah?" he asked, turning around.

"Come to the door tomorrow," I told him.

"Okay." He flashed me a smile and went out the window. My hand went up to my cheek where he kissed me. A single tear ran from my eye. And I wasn't thinking about Jay. I was thinking about Oliver.

Give me all your fear, throw it all away.
Think about the good things, no matter what they say.
We'll take tomorrow baby, yeah,
One day at a time,
Yeah...
One day at a time.

A/N: The song is "Take Tomorrow (One Day at a Time)" by Butch Walker and he owns it. The ending is just to show how much Emma really loves Oliver…but has a little bit of feelings for Jay. fluffymello: you asked why Jay is not in school…if you reread his letter to Emma, it says that he took a year off before University to wait for her. Since Emma's a senior, he would have graduated the year she was gone in L.A. And for the few people that mentioned this…sorry I didn't add what happened while Jay was watching the baby…it would have been easy but I didn't think of it at the time and I've already written pretty far ahead.