Chapter Eight: Let Me Go

One more kiss could be the best thing
But one more lie could be the worst
And all these thoughts are never resting
And you're not something I deserve

I figured out how to make more money. But no one was gonna like it. That's why no one had to know. My parents thought I was taking extra shifts at the 'café' but I obviously wasn't.

"Mom! Dad! I'm going to work now. I'll be home in a few hours," I yelled.

"Okay honey, have fun," my mom said. I walked into the living room where my dad was holding Danica. I kissed her on her forehead.

"Goodbye sweetie. Mommy will be home soon," I cooed. I left the house and drove down to the ravine. When I got there, I made sure Jay wasn't around. He wasn't; but the van was.

I walked around for a few minutes until I found a guy I didn't know. He was leaning against a tree, smoking. I knelt down beside him and whispered something in his ear. A smile broke out across his face and he stood up, following me into the van.

"So let me get this straight," he said as soon as I closed the door behind me and sat across from him. "It's twenty for a blow job and fifty for sex?" he asked. I nodded my head.

"But only if you have a condom," I said. "And no kissing."

"Got it. So if I want both, I just give you seventy?"

"Yeah." The guy pretty much threw seventy bucks at me. I pocketed the money and did what I promised. He was satisfied. I know that this is the worst thing that I've ever done; but my daughter comes first in my life now. And she needs clothes and food. I'll do anything as long as I don't let her down. "Hey, tell your friends. Send someone in," I told him.

A few minutes later there was a knock on the van door, and another random guy came in. He only wanted sex. I got through that, and more and more guys kept coming. With each guy I became more depressed, but as I counted the money, I felt a little better. This would help out a lot.

Two hours and seven guys later, I had a total of four hundred and twenty dollars. That was pretty good. It was the kind of money I made in tips at Tric, only double the hours. I willed myself not to cry as I got ready to leave. I slid the van door open, only to find myself face to face with Jay. He flew past me into the van, dragging me in farther, and then slammed the door shut.

"Emma, what the fuck are you doing?" he asked, his head in his hands. He was really pissed.

"I was just leaving," I told him, trying to get up. He pushed me back into a sitting position.

"How could you do this to yourself?" he asked. I really thought he was going to cry.

"Do what?" I asked innocently.

"Do you think I'm a fucking idiot Emma? Every guy out there is talking about you, and you've already been with about half of them," he said.

"Just like you've been with most of the girls that hang out here!" I yelled.

"That's different. I wasn't selling my body like you are. I've changed. I only came here because I was going to get this van and bring it home. This is wrong!" he yelled right back. "What are you gonna do when every guy at DCS is talking about you? How are you going to handle that?"

"No one will say anything; they won't want to admit they had to pay for some action Jay. That's the whole point of coming here," I said.

"How can you do this Emma?" Tears were forming behind his eyes, but he didn't let them spill over. "You're hurting yourself."

"Why do you even care?" I yelled. "You used me just like all these guys are; for a good time!"

"I care because…" he trailed off, leaning towards me and kissing me hard. "I love you."

You love me but you don't know who I am
I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand
And you love me but you don't know who I am
So let me go
Let me go

"You shouldn't," I whispered, pulling away from him. I stood up and threw open the van door, tears in my eyes. All the guys at the ravine started cheering when I stepped out, causing my tears to spill over and drench my cheeks. He's right. How could I sink this low? I ran to my car and got in, but Jay was right behind me. He got in on the passenger side and locked the door.

"Leave me alone Jay," I said. "Get out of my car."

"No, I won't. Why are you doing this Emma?" he asked.

"I need the money okay? You don't know what it's like to raise a baby when you're seventeen years old. I have to pay for her food, clothes, diapers, for you to watch her, and for her medical bills!" I cried.

"It doesn't have to be this way. Danica wouldn't want you to do this!" I suddenly fell silent. I had nothing to say. He was right; but I couldn't admit it. At least not to his face.

"There's nothing else I can do Jay. What do you want from me?" I asked him.

"Just promise me that you won't come back here," he said. "That's all I can ask."

I dream ahead to what I hope for
And I turn my back on loving you
How can this love be a good thing?
And I know what I'm going through

"I'm sorry. I can't promise you that. I'm coming back on Wednesday. I have to get home to my daughter now, so can you get out?" I asked.

"You're making a big mistake Emma," he said. He didn't want to leave me like this, hell, part of me didn't want him to leave either, but he got out of the car. As he let the door close, I sped off, leaving him standing alone in the darkness.

And no matter how hard I try
I can't escape these things inside I know
I know
When all the pieces fall apart
You will be the only one who knows
Who knows
You love me but you don't know who I am
I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand
And you love me but you don't know who I am
So let me go
Just let me go

And you love me but you don't
You love me but you don't
You love me but you don't know who I am
And you love me but you don't
You love me but you don't
You love me but you don't know me

Jay loves me. I know he's being sincere, and I feel something for him too. But I still love Oliver.

A/N: The song is "Let Me Go" by 3 Doors Down. The music video is with Jesse Metcalfe (Miguel from Passions/John from Desperate Housewives) and Jodi Lynn O'Keefe. She's actually a stripper because she has to make money for rent and she breaks up with her boyfriend because she doesn't want him to know she has a baby. I still haven't figured out if the baby is supposed to be his because she has a picture of him up by her daughter's crib at the end and he sees her through the window. Anyway, it's a great video, check it out, and I thought it was perfect for this. More drama to come! And yes, I forgot about Jack being Dani's uncle…but I was kinda talking more along the lines of people to help take care of her and give her presents and all that…and Jack's not old enough. I wanted to actually get a few more reviews on chapters6 and 7 but I guess I can't be too picky.