Chapter Ten: The Brilliant Dance

So this is odd
The painful realization
That all has gone wrong
And nobody cares at all
And nobody cares at all
So you buried all your lover's clothes
And burned the letters lover wrote
But it doesn't make it any better
Does it make it any better?

Jay stood there, dumbstruck, until he pulled himself together.

"Uh…I'll be going now," he muttered.

"Hold on," I said, grabbing his arm. "Where's Dani?" I asked.

"Right there," he replied, pointing to his car. She was there, asleep in her car seat.

"Why did you come here then? Did something happen?"

"No, I just thought we'd surprise you," he shrugged.

"What if someone saw you?" I hissed.

"I dunno. I'd tell them she was my sister or something. It's not their business anyway." I rolled my eyes.

"Just meet me at my house," I said, jumping in my car and driving off. He really has got some nerve…but, then again…I just told him that I loved him. I didn't even mean it. Now what am I going to do? I just jumped at the chance to make Oliver jealous or something.

And the plaster dented from your fist
In the hall where you had your first kiss
Reminds you that the memories will fade

I got to my house, and somehow, Jay beat me there. He was already down in my bedroom, putting Danica into her crib. He sighed, looked over at me, and then slowly walked up the stairs.

"Jay, wait," I said, before he walked out of the house. I dragged him into the living room, and we sat on the couch.

"Listen, about that kiss…" he started to say. I bit my lip. "Not that I'm complaining, 'cause it was good, but…I know your heart wasn't in it," he finished.

"What do you mean?" I acted all innocent, but he knew I was pretending.

"Look, I'm smarter than you think Emma. I know you don't really love me. For some twisted reason, you said you did. Probably because the kid following you pissed you off. I'm gonna guess he's Oliver."

"How did you know?" I asked, surprised.

"The way you looked at him. It was a look of defeat, but you still weren't giving up. You love him," he said. I just stared at him. It was my turn to be dumbstruck. When I didn't answer, he continued. "Come on Emma, you may not realize it, but you talk about him all the time.

"I do not!" I protested, snapping out of it.

"Yes, you do. 'Oliver just knows me. He feels what I feel. I really miss Oliver. Do you think I should call Oliver? Oh Jay, Oliver has a mohawk and a few tattoos; I think you'd like him,'" he said, mocking me. I laughed.

"I didn't realize it. Sorry," I said.

"That's okay. But Em, I don't want to be used. I'm not gonna pretend to be your boyfriend just to piss this guy off."

"I know. I won't do that, I promise. But can you do me a favor?" I asked.

"Sure. What is it?"

"Will you take Danica to your house for awhile?"

"Uh…why?" he asked.

"Well, Manny is coming over, and, I just thought…" I trailed off.

"What do you want me to do?" he asked. "I can't take her crib and all that stuff. Emma, I can't erase your daughter from your life for a couple of hours," he told me.

"I know, I just…I thought I was ready to tell her." I sighed.

"Just tell her she can't come over. If you're not ready, then you don't have to tell," he suggested. Then the doorbell rang.

"I think it's too late for that," I said. "Will you at least stay while I tell her?" I asked.

"Yeah."

"Thanks! You're a great friend." He smiled at me. Wow, I can actually make Jay Hogart happy without getting in his pants. The doorbell rang again, dragging me from my thoughts.

"You gonna answer that?" I rolled my eyes and stood up. This is it. Pulling the door open, I greeted my best friend. She walked into the house, saw Jay, and froze.

"Uh…hi Jay," she said. He waved in reply and stood up, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"Manny, I want you to meet someone," I said.

"I already know Jay," she said. Rolling my eyes, I grabbed her hand and pulled her towards my room. Jay silently followed. We got downstairs and I brought Manny over to the crib. She looked down at Dani, who was wiggling around, smiling. "She's beautiful Em. Whose is she?"

"Meet Danica. She's my daughter." Manny backed up and let herself drop onto my bed.

"But…how…?" she asked. Then her eyes flew to Jay. "Is he…her dad?" she asked. My heart started pounding in my chest.

"Yeah," I said, looking at the ground.

"I better go," Jay said. He backed up, watching us both, before turning around and leaving. My room was silent, except for the sound of Dani's laughter. I walked over to the crib, picked her up, and then sat down next to Manny.

"Emma, why didn't you tell me?" she finally asked, turning to face me. I bit my lip.

So this is strange
Our sidestepping has come to be
A brilliant dance where nobody leads at all
Where nobody leads at all

"How did all of this happen?" Jay asked, face in his hands. As soon as Manny left, I called him back over.

"I don't know. I'm sorry," I whined. I was trying to keep my tears back, but it wasn't working very well.

"Well, what did Manny say?" he asked me.

-Flashback-

"Emma, why didn't you tell me?" she finally asked, turning to face me. I bit my lip.

"I was afraid to tell anyone I guess. I mean, her father didn't even know," I told her. "I guess I was afraid that you would all disown me." I started to cry. I couldn't help it.

"Why would you think that? I'm your best friend Emma. You can tell me anything," she said, rubbing my back. Yeah, right, I thought to myself. Anything.

"I'm sorry for not telling you," I said. I really was too. If anything, I needed her there for me at a time like this.

"Don't worry about it. Em, she's beautiful. I'm so glad that you finally decided to tell me. How old is she?"

"She's five months," I said.

"How does Jay feel about all of this?" Manny asked me, looking down at my baby.

"He really loves her; I can tell. And he stays with her while I'm at school," I said.

"That's good then. At least he's good for something."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked, angry. "He's a good person Manny; he's changed!"

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that." We hugged and then her cell phone started going off. "Oh, it's from Craig," she said, reading the text message. "We've got to go shopping. But I'll definitely come and hang out with you guys some other time, okay?" I nodded my head and watched her go. This is not going well. It may seem like it; but I doubt things are going to all be better now.

-End Of Flashback-

"So…I'm her father?" he asked, staring down at Danica. He was holding her while she slept. I had just finished telling him about my talk with Manny.

"Well…yeah."

"Emma?"

"Yeah Jay?"

"I'm just finding this hard to grasp," he said, sitting down beside me.

"Why?"

"Well, don't you have to actually have sex to make a baby?" he asked. "I mean, I could be wrong, but I think I was actually paying attention in health that day."

"I panicked! I didn't know what to say. Forgive me?" I asked him. I needed him.

"I said I didn't want to be used."

"This is different. I'm not using you against Oliver!" I whined.

"But you're using me as a safety net. Well, I'm not always going to be there when you fall. I can't always catch you!"

"But you're here now," I whispered. I leaned over and kissed him. He kissed me back, but then pulled away.

"You're doing it again Emma!"

"Doing what?" I asked. I don't know why I just kissed him. It felt right.

"Using me! Who were you kissing just now? Me, or Oliver?" I didn't answer him. For some reason, I couldn't. "That's what I thought," he said, handing my daughter to me. "I gotta go."

I watched Jay leave with a longing. He loved me; why couldn't that be enough for me? Because I still love Oliver, that's why. Jay is a good person now. But he's not the one for me.

I put Danica in her crib, and was about to do some homework, when my cell phone rang. I looked at the caller ID. Unavailable number. I decided to answer it.

"Emma, I need to talk to you."

"What part of 'leave me alone' couldn't you understand?" I slammed the phone down. Why couldn't it be enough?

And the picture frames are facing down
And the ringing from this empty sound
Is deafening and keeping you from sleep.
And breathing is a foreign task
And thinking's just too much to ask
And you're measuring your minutes by a
Clock that's blinking eights.

This is incredible
Starving, insatiable
Yes, this is love for the first time
Well, you'd like to think that you were invincible
Yeah, well weren't we all once
Before we felt loss for the first time?
This is the last time.

A/N: The song is "The Brilliant Dance" by Dashboard Confessional and they own it. So far, this is my favorite chapter that I've written. Tell me what you think.