Chapter 11: Wings

Fai watched as Kurogane was struck down by the Tier. For someone his size, it was strange how slowly he seemed to fall, yet from Fai's perspective it took an eternity. Kurogane's name escaped his lips before Fai even realized it in a desperate yell, praying that he was dreaming. Only in a nightmare would Kurogane ever be struck down.

As Kurogane slammed into the ground, Fai felt paralyzed. Far too much was happening far too fast. He wanted to run but his legs refused to budge. His hand slowly crept its way up to his mouth. Fai had felt ill ever since he saw Ashura's corpse and none of the events afterwards had helped it much. He couldn't think and he could barely breathe. Lightening illuminated the scene, making him gag.

Then, without any warning or cause, he was running. Fai couldn't remember ever running so fast before. Upon reflection though, Fai realized that he could and did remember running that fast. He could feel the wind moving through his hair and the way his muscles tightened and the way his heart raced. It was not at all a pleasant feeling, just as most of the memories he had of running were not very pleasant.

When Fai reached Kurogane, everything seemed to disappear. The Tier, the storm, even Syaoran and Sakura seemed to disappear for a moment or so. There was only Fai and Kurogane and the green grass beneath them.

Once he was on his knees, Fai carefully rolled Kurogane over so that he wasn't quite as awkwardly sprawled out. Beyond that though, Fai was unsure of what to do. Kurogane was alive, that much Fai knew simply from the magic that flowed through his blood. There was no way to be certain just how long Kurogane could hold on though.

He felt his teeth clench and for a moment he felt ill again. Fai nearly lost his balance even though he wasn't standing anymore. Guilt ripped through him, it tore at his mind like old cloth. Kurogane had gone out there and fought for Fai needlessly, risking his own life. If Fai could have handled Ashura himself, Kurogane wouldn't be on the ground. If he hadn't been such a coward then Kurogane wouldn't have gotten hurt so badly.

When it came down to it that was all that Fai could bear to call himself. There were much worse things that he felt suited him, but somehow 'coward' rang the truest. After all, he would have never even met Kurogane or anyone else if he hadn't run away from his home world like a scared child. Fai was a grown man and if he had faced his problems like one, no one would have had to get hurt. The thought left Fai in silent tears once again.

For a quiet moment, Fai hated the man laying before him. He hated him for many reasons. Fai hated him for beginning to die, for Kurogane was not supposed to be so easy to kill. Fai hated the fact that Kurogane had wasted his time on a coward like him and he hated that he couldn't even give Fai the comfort of looking peaceful with his eyes shut. He hated that Kurogane made him feel things that he never wanted to feel and things that he had never felt before.

Most of all though, Fai hated himself for being the one who was crying over Kurogane's limp body and not vice versa. Secretly though, Fai believed that he would not have cried. This was Kurogane after all. He would have probably looked a bit grim, but he wouldn't have shed any tears for Fai.

Fai had felt all sorts of different pains that day. Some were physical, some were emotional, and some were just too horrible to describe properly. This was a new feeling though, a new emotion all together. It crept up through the confusion without a sound and took Fai completely by surprise. Whatever it was danced through his throat and his spine and even piercing his heart, putting a new pain in his chest. It didn't really hurt in the same way though, and it really only made itself known when he had stared at Kurogane's body for too long.

" He's still alive," he tried to say, but his voice cracked slightly. Somehow hearing it out loud made him feel just a little better, though it didn't stop the pain. His blood-coated arm was nothing compared to it.

The world slowly faded back, bit by bit. Syaoran and Sakura were on their way over to the two of them and Fai found himself wondering when they had gotten there. Had they been watching this whole time?

" Fai-san," Syaoran gasped for breath. Fai noticed that the boy had been limping and that his lower right leg was coated in blood. " Fai-san, the Tier…"

That was when Fai remembered the rampaging beast that had knocked Kurogane off his feet and into the air. He looked up quickly and saw that it was on the other side of the field, bucking and making the most terrifying noises. Sakura had been trying to balance Syaoran properly so he could walk, but she was having a lot of difficulty doing so. Mokona simply bounced along at Syaoran's side, knowing now was not a good time to hitch a ride on someone's head.

" Fai-san," Syaoran said. " We need to get out of here before it kills us."

Fai nodded slowly in agreement, but before he could try and pull Kurogane upright Sakura gasped and shook her head.

" We can't!" she said. " Can't you tell? It's in pain! My feather is hurting Tier-chan."

Syaoran had an interesting look on his face, like he was unsure of just how to go about telling Sakura she was insane for wanting to stay there. This of course, was Fai's humble opinion really. After all, who would stay? They were caught in a horrible storm in the middle of nowhere and a monster was attacking them. They had no way to protect themselves at all.

" Sakura-hime," he said softly, looking up at her. " I know you want to help it, but it will strike us if we get too close. We'll be killed if we try. We need to go back."

" But we have to do something!" she said. Her eyes were wide and worried with the innocence of a child, even though Fai was certain that she must have been in her late teens.

" Sakura-chan," Fai said, his voice sounding a bit weaker than it normally did. " Even if we were to stop and help, how would we? It ate the feather, right? There aren't many ways to remove it without hurting…Tier-chan even more."

Despite all that had happened that day and even despite all of the pain that he was in, Fai found a smile painting its way onto his face, crawling up like an insect that Fai couldn't brush away. The thought of himself smiling at a time like this sickened him.

" There has to be something we can do," Sakura said, glancing around as though she would find an answer lurking nearby.

Syaoran and Sakura both seemed to have an idea at the same time. Slowly, they both turned their heads towards Fai, staring at him. It took Fai a minute to realize exactly what it was they wanted of him.

" Wait," he laughed nervously. " You can't possibly want me to…"

They did though. The two teens were looking at Fai with hopeful eyes, remembering that he had magic within him. The silent request made Fai's stomach churn. He couldn't use his magic, or at least he had spent so long avoiding using it that just the thought gave him shivers. Fai had taught himself long ago that using his magic was bad and that it brought very bad things along with it. If he used big magic, Ashura would find him and then-

Ashura had found him though. Ashura had found him and then Kurogane had murdered Ashura in cold blood. Ashura was gone. He was gone and he was never coming back. So why was Fai still terrified?

" Please Fai-san," Syaoran said. " Sakura's feather…"

Syaoran had that particular way of looking at people that made Fai squirm inside. It was as though he could see right down to his very soul, even as flawed as it was. Fai couldn't very well say no, but he certainly didn't want to say yes. The way they stared at him left him with no other options.

Perhaps sensing Fai's inner defeat, Syaoran put out his hand. Fai took it slowly and the younger boy pulled him up with ease, despite his injuries. Fai was a little shaky on his feet, though not from injury. No, this time his heart was in his throat and he couldn't believe what he was about to do. Either way though, he was going to do it.

Sakura and Syaoran's cheering voices faded as he walked away from them, away from safety and into the lion's den, so to speak. The Tier was still thrashing about the other side of the field and with each step Fai took it seemed to grow larger and larger. He had forgotten just how big the creature was and his usual cowardice was returning. Fai wanted nothing more than to run away into the trees.

He wouldn't run though, not that day. Kurogane had fought gallantly and had fallen. Fai wanted that ability. He wanted to be brave for everyone, for Syaoran and Sakura, for Kurogane. For once, he didn't want to feel as weak as he knew he was. Fai felt his resolve begin to crumble as he stepped over the mass that was once his worst nightmare, staining his shoes red.

He didn't have Sakura's ability to feel the pain of things without voices, but Fai could and did sense the feather within the Tier. He knew exactly what he needed to do; it was simply a matter of summoning the courage to do what had to be done. Fai stopped walking when he saw the Tier look up in a fury. He began to have thoughts of his own death and people surrounding the grave he wouldn't have saying "The poor fool never had a chance." That was really all he really was when it came down to it, a poor fool.

Seeing a new target for its rage, the Tier stormed over, thrashing about. Fai was nervous, more nervous than he had ever been; except he was lying to himself again and that he had been more nervous before this. He raised his arm, shaking as he did so. He wasn't supposed to use his magic; it would get everyone killed! Everyone would die, including himself.

No, wait, that wasn't true. It wasn't true anymore. The blood at his feet was proof that he didn't need to fear Ashura anymore. Ashura was dead. Ashura was dead, and Kurogane had killed him. He was dead, he was dead.

Now Fai had to use his magic to save everyone, not kill, but save. It was then that Fai realized how rarely his magic was used for good purposes like that. His magic had killed so many people, but Fai couldn't recall a single life he had saved with it.

He glanced over at Kurogane's still form across the field. If Fai didn't do this, if he didn't use his magic then Kurogane would die, and then everything that he had done that day would be worthless. Loosing Ashura would be nothing compared to loosing Kurogane. Something burned in his chest when he thought of that and made his eyes water just a little. He wondered what it was, but there was no time to dwell on it. The Tier was getting closer.

As the Tier neared, he felt his feet rising off the ground as they had when he was a child. He had cried back then, confused and unsure of what was happening, but not now. Fai had long forgotten just how wonderful his raw, untainted magic felt. His magic had always been there, but he had suppressed it deep within himself, smothering it and choking it. They were like his wings, but they had been bound so that he couldn't fly. For the first time in years, he pulled the ribbon and let them spread wide.

Fai's arm was no longer shaking and his feet dangled in midair. He could feel that warm, familiar light hoisting him up, twirling around him and crashing in waves. Fai's blonde locks blew in the wind, but somehow the rain didn't seem to touch him.

The Tier seemed taken aback by Fai and the fact that he was suddenly floating, but it still growled and continued on, rampaging in Fai's direction. Fai was not moved by this, and allowed his magic to fly from his fingers and bind the Tier by the legs. The blue and white lights snaked around them, sinking in and creating an invisible restraint. The Tier howled in response, struggling for movement.

Instead of complying, Fai waved his hand for a second and then put it straight out again. His fingers were clenched, as though he was trying to pull something. The whole time, his eyes were closed in concentration. It was a moment or so before a small stream of light burst through the Tier's chest. It cried out as more and more poked their way through, until together all of the little rays formed one light bright enough to blind any ordinary man.

" Tier-chan!" Sakura cried out from across the field. Her eyes were wide with worry, because as the light grew brighter, the Tier sounded more and more like it was being ripped apart inside.

Then just as suddenly as the lights had come, they were gone. Fai opened his eyes as he floated gently down to see Sakura's feather floating two inches from his face. He felt rather heavy when his feet hit the ground. It was then that the realization sank in. Fai had just used his powers; the powers that he had told himself would lead to nothing but death and destruction. The thought alone was enough to make him shake again.

When he reached for the feather though, he saw something that took his breath away. Fai's eyes widen when he saw the Tier, shrunk back down to its normal size, lying on the ground. It wasn't dead by any means, because it was making the most horrifying noises of pain. There were red splotches on its black fur and it appeared to be licking an open wound, trying to find someway to stop the pain. Fai knew that he hadn't been the one to hurt it; it had hurt itself trashing around the way it had. Still though, he couldn't help but feel as though he was somewhat to blame.

Careful not to startle it too much, Fai picked the Tier up into his arms. It tried to jump away from him, but Fai kept it still. Eventually, the creature eased as blue and white lights enveloped it. Fai didn't say a word and kept his eyes shut as he healed the Tier. He wasn't even sure why he had bothered to do so. Fai decided that perhaps it was his guilty conscience, though he knew that healing one creature would not bring back the hundreds that had died by his hand. It didn't take away the fact that he come close to killing Kurogane. Healing the Tier didn't seem to mean a thing at all, and yet he was doing so.

When Fai was done, he let it down carefully. It yipped at him, its health completely restored, and darted quickly over to where Sakura was, ready to jump into her open arms. Fai smiled weakly at that and remembered Sakura's feather. He took it tenderly, as though it would shatter if he touched it the wrong way. It was warm in his hand, like a tiny candle's flame. Infact, if it wasn't a feather, Fai would have thought it was alive.

He walked back to Sakura and Syaoran with a grin on his face, waving the feather like a moron so they could see it. Fai supposed that some habits never really died, and he wondered if his fake smiles would ever really go away.

" I have something for you, Sakura-chan!" he called out to them.

Mokona bounced up on to Fai's shoulder and then up on his head, nestling itself in Fai's fluffy blonde hair.

" You did it!" Mokona cheered happily.

Fai laughed with false cheer, " That I did."

Sakura and Syaoran both wore the same, relieved smile on their faces, though Sakura's was a tad wider. The Tier had curled right up in Sakura's arms and fallen asleep. Fai could honestly say that he was feeling rather tired as well, and that sleep would be very nice after a day like that one. There were still things to be done though, and with that wordless thought, Fai strolled away from the others and over to where Kurogane still lay unconscious. Mokona fell off of Fai's head when he moved.

Fai sighed to himself. He didn't deserve any glory if this is what would come of it. His heart felt as though it were in flames and he wanted to cry again as he remembered the sacrifices Kurogane had made, just to keep him safe. Fai was filled with shame and disgrace. He couldn't bear to face Kurogane again, not yet anyway. So in a move of selfishness, Fai used his magic not to heal Kurogane, but to suspend him in mid air. There was no way that Fai would be able to carry him the entire way back to town anyway.

Kurogane looked so unnatural floating the way he was. His body was limp and hung awkwardly in the air. It was a funny sight and Fai laughed again, though no matter how cheery it sounded, Fai felt ill again.

Fai waved the children over, and they didn't need to be told twice. Mokona had found a new ride on Syaoran's shoulder. Syaoran had taken Sakura's feather for the moment, and Fai couldn't help but smile at the boy's cleverness. If they gave Sakura her feather right away, she would faint and then they would have even more people to carry back with them.

No words were said as they left the field. Infact, none were said the entire way back. None were needed, for the silence was easily understood through the pouring rain.

((A/N: Guess who's not dead? XD Thank you for all of your awesome reviews everyone, and for being so patient with me. There's one chapter left to go and I promise it won't take a month this time. XD So please R&R and I'll have the next...er...last chapter up soon. : ) )