The Wizard of La

Disclaimer: I own neither The Wizard of Oz nor Marvel Comics. Please, exercise some common sense, people! As an additional disclaimer, I did bring in some of the original lyrics from the film and alter them in this chapter.

Chapter Two – Scarecrow

"What Remy needs is some better clot'es. Got not'in against dis, but people don' really like seein' a tall, hairy man wit demon eyes dressed like a 14-year-old girlie from da Midwest." Smiling as he spotted a scarecrow near a fork in the road, he began to take its clothes off when it moved.

"AHHH!" They screamed in unison.

Remy fell backwards. "Why da hell are you screamin'? Remy's da one dat jus' got yelled at by a talkin' Scarecrow!"

"A transvestite with red eyes is trying to violate me!" The Scarecrow said. Recognizing the voice, Remy laughed.

"Desole, mon ami. Remy needs t'get some different clot'es. Trade?" Remy said. "Mon name is Remy."

"Scott. Scott the scarecrow." Remy quickly changed into the scarecrows clothes, putting Scott in the dress, but keeping the slippers, since the scarecrow had no feet.

"So, which way does Remy need t'go?" Remy said. Scott shrugged. "No orders for moi?" Remy smiled at the scarecrow.

Scott sighed. "I can't make up my mind. I haven't got a brain – only straw."

"Tell Remy somet'in' he don't know!" Remy said.

Scott was quiet for a moment. "It's really very uncomfortable, being hung up like that by a pole stuck up my ass all the time." Remy chuckled again and put an arm around the dress-clad Scarecrow, pulling him off and watching with minor amusement as Scott limped forward, the legendary stick up his ass removed…at least in this sick little world.

Caw! Caw!

A red bird landed on Scott's shoulder and pulled some straw out of Scott's face. "Ow! What I would do for a brain!"

"What any o'us would do t'give y'one, Cyke." Remy said. "What would y' do wit a brain?"

Scot began to break out into a song. "If I had a brain…"

I could save the world from evil,

From unrighteous mean upheaval,

For every human gain…

And sweet Jean I'd be kissin'

While Miss Madeline is missin'

If I only had a brain.

I'd lead a team of heroes

Who'd treat me like a zero.

And call me such a pain.

Remy watched Scott dancing about in a Scarecrow body, wearing a dress, spinning madly and singing. "Shut da hell up! No more singin'!" Scott froze as Remy yelled. "Y'sing, Remy gonna blow ya t'pieces."

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