This story is AU from the "Experience is the Teacher". Basically think of it as an alternative ending if Mr. Zwick and Co. had the allotted 22 instead of 19 eps. Stupid ABC. Everything remains intact from "Experience is the Teacher".
Disclaimer: This fic is designed for non-profit use only. I own nafink. NAAAAFINK. It's all Mr. Zwick and Co. and the good people at ABC who used to and abused the show mercilessly. Good work ABC, you fickle sods
THANK YOU for all the feedback I've received. You guys are the best and I hope that you continue enjoy this story. And everyone, after you read this chapter, please, taken two minutes to review. I'm needy
Sorry for the delay- I'm posting chapter five tomorrow. This chapter is a little more ensemble- but, ah, don't worry about the lack of j/k. I make up for it, trust me.
If you've forgotten the story, all five chapters are available on finally, shout out to my awesome Beta Reader extraordinaire, Karen. Thanks for picking up on the little things I never do. And loving Koala's.
Chapter Four
Rick woke up slowly, lying in his bed and listening to his wife bustle around, tidying stray clothes that were lying on the floor. With a great effort, Rick pried open his eyes and stared adoringly at Lily. "Honey, come back to bed." He croaked.
"It's late."
"It's Saturday," Rick wheedled.
"We have a busy day," Lily said, ignoring Rick. "We're going up for my first check up at the hospital."
"We are?" Rick was stupefied. "I didn't know this."
"You didn't know till last night there even was a baby."
Rick smiled. "Well, that's true."
"So you won't be able to do anything with Eli and Jessie."
"That's OK. They're staying over at Karen's this weekend."
"But it's not her turn." Lily snorted. "I bet Karen will love that!"
"Hey come on." Rick chided gently. He reached out to Lily. She reluctantly walked over to Rick's side of the bed.
With shaking hands, Rick gently touched Lily's stomach. "Hey little buddy," he said softly "how you doing in there?"
Lily glanced down at Rick, who was smiling serenely at her stomach. Rick continued to massage her gently.
"They can hear us you know." His voice was full of wonder. "Babies can hear in the womb."
"I know." Lily said softly. Abruptly she turned and walked to the door.
"Where you going?" Rick asked.
"Off to the kitchen. Somebody has to make sure the children are not killing each other."
And with that she was gone.
"Hey honey." Lily said cheerily as she saw Grace sitting at the breakfast table. "What are you doing?"
"Going over my speech," Grace mumbled through a mouthful of cereal. She swallowed then continued. "It's so stupid. I like have to just pander to the principal's wishes and go on about how wonderful and challenging this year's English course has been." Grace angrily spooned another piece of cereal. "Which it so hasn't"
"But you always loved English." Lily said worriedly. Grace just shrugged and kept chewing. "And you're nominated for that Young Writers Award."
"Yeah," Grace swallowed. "I have to hand in my completed piece at the Faire today. It's so weird. Like, people send stuff in from all over America. Then some board of critics sits down and decides the winner." Grace shook her head bemusedly. "Still, I'm not too worried about the competition. But this speech," Grace just shook her head in disgust.
"You still haven't told me if you're new English teacher is any good." Lily asked shrewdly.
"Hi Mom!" Zoe wandered into the room and plonked herself next to Grace. Reaching for the cereal box she asked. "Can we borrow the Simpsons today?"
"You are always watching that inane show!" Grace said derisively.
"It's not INANE or anything."
"Do you even know what inane is?"
"I don't need to." Zoe snapped. She stuck her finger in Grace's face. "You always act as if you're better than it. Just because you don't understand."
"Oh please, like you're in any way smarter than me!"
"Girls!"
"I can't take this!" Grace threw her hands up in disgust and dumped her plate in the sink.
"Can't take what?" Eli meandered into the kitchen.
"Zoe and her stupid voice," Grace snapped.
"Yours is much worse." Zoe snapped back.
Lily sighed and buried her face into her hands.
Grace ignored Zoe and spoke to Eli "Remember today is…"
"English and Art Faire. I'm on it." Eli sighed. "When do I have to pick you up?"
"I don't have to be there until one thirty. So pick me up at quarter past."
"Done."
"Great." Grace threw one final annoyed look at her sister then stormed out of the room, almost barging straight into Rick.
"Do I smell or something?" he joked.
"No Dad." Eli teased. "If you smelt I would be the first to tell you."
Rick smiled and lightly squeezed his son's shoulder. "You have to be at your Mom's before nine. Where's Jess?"
"Oh," Lily looked up. "She's in her room with Katie. I'll just go get her."
"I'm so relieved to be away from everyone," Lily thought as she trudged up the stairs to Jessie's attic. "Everything is too hectic already, I don't think I need any more surprises."
Without thinking, Lily opened Jessie's door. She stopped short and stared in shock.
The two girls were sleeping serenely while Jessie was nestled in Katie's embrace. They were clearly holding onto each other tightly, sleeping soundly with innocent faces.
Lily first felt as if she had been sucker punched. For a moment she stood, frozen and still, her mouth gaping wordlessly, clinging onto the doorframe with nerveless fingers. Then she felt a flush creep into her face as she began to feel acutely uncomfortable, intruding on this private moment. With an inaudible gulp Lily backed out of the room silently. She closed the door then retreated down a few steps. Her mind racing, she didn't know quite what to think.
Lily considered going downstairs and telling Rick Jessie was sleeping but then she knew that Rick would soon come upstairs to wake the girls. Lily suddenly didn't want Rick to find them like that.
"Girls," Lily called from the stairs. "Girls you have to wake up. Come down for breakfast in a minute."
Lily paused, and thought she could hear panicked movement from inside the attic. But Jessie's voice sounded normal as she said "OK."
Lily turned and walked down the stairs "See," she thought. "Everything is fine"
As she entered the room she could hear Zoe and Grace still arguing loudly in the living room. She caught Rick's eye and they both knew nothing was completely fine. There was a baby on the way.
Karen glanced up from her briefing notes when she heard Rick's car pull into her driveway. She spotted her two children walking towards the house and she excitedly picked up her cane and hobbled to the door.
"Hey there," she said, opening the door and hugging Jessie then Eli. "Get out of the cold and come in."
All three entered the living room. "You're walking a lot better Mom." Jessie said, clearly delighted.
"Yes, well I've been told soon I won't need this cane anymore."
"What do you mean? A cane is a fantastic accessory." Eli grinned.
"We should hang it up on the mantle piece." Jessie teased.
"More like burn it." Karen said, swatting Jessie affectionately on the shoulder.
"What's this Mom?" Eli walked over to Karen's table.
"Oh, just some legal work. Don't pay any attention to it."
"Aren't you supposed to be recuperating? Mom!" Jessie chided.
"I'm resting," Karen said defensively. "I am! But it's so boring here honey, with nothing to do all day except to watch those ridiculous soap programs."
"Mom, we know you love them," Eli had walked into kitchen and was now munching on cornflakes.
"Haven't you had breakfast?"
"Yeah but Eli never stops eating," Jessie snorted.
"I was distracted at breakfast." Eli said coyly. "Maybe next time you shouldn't bring such a hot friend to sleep over."
"Shut up Eli," Jessie snapped.
"Eli!" Karen admonished gently. She turned and looked at Jessie who was still glowering at her brother, "Hot friend?"
"It's just Katie." Jessie muttered.
"Oh. Well, how's school?"
"Ok," Jessie expression suddenly changed to guilty.
"Honey what?"
"Oh, I just my mark back for a science assignment. I got a C+"
"Jessie!"
"I know I'm sorry." Jessie said, humiliated.
"Well, what happened?" Karen said looking concerned and disappointed.
"It was a group assignment but the other two didn't do much so I just did it myself."
"Oh honey, you have to learn that in life you can't count on other people. You have to start early and make sure everything is entirely under your control to ensure that you can't be let down by anyone else."
"I know," Jessie said sadly, unable to look in her mother's eyes.
"Oh well, next time will be better honey," Karen said, gently cupping Jessie under the chin.
"So Mom, I'm thinking I can maybe get some employee discount on some of those books you like," Eli said, deftly interrupting Jessie and Karen. "So you won't have to endure those 'ridiculous soap programs'"
Before Karen could answer, the phone rang shrilly. Eli wandered over and answered it.
"Hello?"
"Uh, hello this is Hen- I mean, this is Doctor Higgins. I'm wondering if Karen is there."
"Yeah, MOM!" Eli called. Karen looked confused and reached for her cane. "It's uh, Dr. Higgins."
Karen looked dumbstruck. "Uh, oh ok," she said weakly, catching her son's knowing look
"Wanna take it somewhere private?" Eli asked with false innocence.
"What? Oh no no," Karen hastily. "This is just for another appointment. You kids wait here," Karen grabbed the receiver and hobbled off.
Eli sat next to Jessie who was still looking downtrodden. "Can I have a look at your C?"
"What?" Jessie gave Eli a funny look.
"I just wanna see what one looks like."
"You've never seen a C?"
"A C+ is what? Slightly above average," Jessie nodded. "Then nope never seen it."
"Eli!" Jessie laughed.
Eli leaned in. "You know this Dr. Higgins." He said conspiratorially. "I think Mom likes him!"
"You serious?" Jessie began to perk up.
"Yeah, you should see the way they look at each other after their 'sessions'" Eli's grin widened. "We should totally eavesdrop."
"We can't!"
"Yeah we can! C'mon, she'd never know," he smiled wickedly then picked Jessie up with both arms while she laughed and kicked wildly.
"What's going on?" Karen hobbled back into the room, but stopped when she saw Eli swinging around a delighted Jessie.
Eli set Jessie down. "Jessie's being annoying," he grinned.
"I am not!" Jessie protested.
Karen smiled. She loved her kids.
"Just put the new arrivals on the shelves and you're pretty much done," Jake said to Eli.
"No problem." Eli said easily.
"Thanks again for coming in on a Saturday." Jake said appreciatively. "I know you were spending the morning with your mom."
"It's Ok; I have all weekend to see her." Eli grabbed a handful of books.
"And you get double the pay on the weekends!" Jake said cheerily.
"Definitely takes the edge off," Eli joked.
"Great, well I'll see you later," Jake was clearly happy with the young man. With a smile, he was off leaving Eli to finish his job.
Shelving wasn't too bad. Eli switched off altogether when he shelved books, retreating into his mind cocooning himself from the outside world. He tried to ignore the music wafting from the speakers which catered to the large amount of elderly folk that were patrons of the store.
"Oh my god, Eli?"
Eli whirled around and gaped at the girl waving over at him. Walking forward he gasped "Jennifer?"
"Hey," his ex-girlfriend said easily, giving him a friendly hug. She had changed a lot, her hair was longer, draping her face. She had gained a small amount of weight which gave her a lovely, fuller figure that looked great on her small frame. Jennifer still had the bright, elfin features that had attracted Eli during school. "My god, it's been a million years."
"Yeah, wow," Eli's smile lit up his whole face. "So where'd you say you were going?"
"Berkeley."
"How's that going for you?"
"Awesome. I'm taking arts and communication. I thought it was going to be an easy course but it's really cool and illuminating. I'm learning all sorts of means of communicating and hopefully next year I'll be able to get an advertising firm to take me on for work placement for a while if I ace my finals." Jennifer spoke so quickly Eli wondered if she ever needed to breathe. "I'm back here for the weekend to see my mom thought I'd go shopping; you know come back and see the old town. I'm definitely wanting to spend loads of money on shoes!"
"Whoa, slow down that's whole lotta information for a guy to take in!" Eli said, shaking his head in wonder.
"Oh, shut up!" Jennifer laughed playfully. "Jeeze, you haven't changed one bit." She didn't notice Eli's smile fade. "You still in a band?"
"Oh yeah. I mean, we don't practice as much as we used to," Eli spluttered as Jennifer nodded her head understandingly. "But still it's going great, it's all great. I think we're getting better."
"Cool! So this is your part time work?"
"Not exactly," Eli felt flushed with embarrassment. Jennifer looked confused. "I mean I work here, full time."
"Oh! OK." Jennifer looked uncomfortable as well. There was a pause when both youths sought for something to say. "Well, that is so great." Jennifer said brightly finally interrupting the silence. "You're looking to get into business."
"Well, yeah," Eli blustered, now unable to look her in the eye. "I'm hoping being employed here will give me the foundation for you know, bigger and better opportunities for me later on, in the future." He finished lamely while Jennifer looked sympathetically at him.
"How long you here for again?" Eli asked quickly. He felt self loathing bubble up inside him.
"Just for the weekend. I'm spending the whole time with my folks." She glanced at her watch. "I have to go meet my Mom now."
"You coming in tomorrow?"
"No, sorry," Jennifer winced. "I'm spending the morning with my family then catching a plane so I can meet up with friends at Berkeley on Tuesday. We're doing a whole lame end of semester gathering thing." Jennifer patted Eli on the arm. "But it was really nice seeing you again." Jennifer was backing away. "Next time I'm in Chicago I'll come by here and we can hang out."
"Sure," Eli mumbled.
"Ok, see you Eli!"
"Bye." But Jennifer was gone, a swinging door the only reminder she was here. Eli blearily looked around, at the chandelier, the old, cottage-cheese like arm-chairs and the dull murmuring off the customers. He had an incredible, unwavering desire to leave. Eli's face crumbled, and he grabbed his coat, unable to let anyone see his pain. He was sick of people's pity.
"OK, Mr. and Mrs. Sammler, I'm Doctor Parks. Why don't you sit down?" Dr. Joan Parks ushered Lily and Rick into her homely office.
"Thank you," Lily said stiffly. She shook the doctor's hand. "Lily Sammler and this is my husband Rick."
Dr. Parks smiled. "It's lovely to meet you both."
"Well, this is nicer than the rest of the hospital," Rick commented.
"I can't spend Saturday afternoons surrounded by disinfectant." Dr. Parks wryly said. She regarded Lily and Rick who were sitting nervously across from her. "Ok, this is our first appointment so I'm just going to ask you a few questions. Firstly, how many weeks are you Lily?"
"I'm not sure" Lily stammered. She cast a guilty look at Rick. "Four, five weeks."
The doctor noted Rick's shocked expression. "This is your first child, Rick?"
"No, my third." Rick said, dazed.
"My third too," Lily rushed in. Off the doctor's incredulous look, she hurried to clarify. "This is our first baby together."
"Right, fantastic." The doctor smiled. "Well, I'm thinking in a few moments I'll get out my trusty needle and administer a blood test, just to certain of conception. The results of a blood test taken today should mean that you can receive your results next week and…"
"Doctor," Lily burst out. "I have some, uh concerns."
"Mmm?"
"Well, I uh," Lily cleared her throat. "I'm old." She said bluntly. "I'm forty two going on forty three and I'm just worried about the potential, complications of having a baby at my age."
"Right," The doctor frowned. "Well, there are some risks. For instant, for a woman your age, the chance of miscarriage is almost fifty percent. The older you are, the increased chances of the baby being born with genetic defects, such as Down syndrome. We're going to have carefully examine you throughout your term which is why a blood test then ultrasounds are important as soon as possible to determine if everything is going to plan."
"Oh, ok." The doctor's words were ringing ominously in her ears. 'Miscarriage, Down syndrome?'
Dr. Parks saw both Rick and Lily's stricken faces. "There are a lot of misconceptions about older pregnancies." The doctor said. "There are risks but the main thing is you've already passed the biggest hurdle, actual conception." She smiled. "We're going to take care of you Lily. There is no reason why this pregnancy should be any different than your previous two."
"Of course," Lily said weakly. But as the doctor looked away, both Lily and Rick shared a dubious, worried glance.
After they had finished the appointment, Rick and Lily wandered back to Lily's car. "So that went…" Rick trailed off and shook his head. He saw Lily open the car. "Lily wait."
"What?" Lily snapped.
"Are we going to talk about this?" he asked huskily. "I mean, when are we going to tell the kids?"
"I'm not sure. After the results of the blood test."
"But that's next week!"
"Why should we get them worried over nothing," Lily's voice was venomous. "After the blood test."
"Lily, when are you going to realise this is not nothing?" Rick retorted.
"Rick I'm not going to upset any one unnecessarily." She said loudly.
Rick shook his head sadly. "Oh, and I get no say in this."
"You do, but later." Lily felt guilty at his hurt face. "Rick, I"
"I'll drive," Rick said curtly, ignoring her and opening the door. Lily exhaled, feeling extremely worried.
Sam Blue strode into his office and casually flung himself on a chair next to his partner, Rick who was perched over his desk working. "Man you should've heard what I got up to last night!"
"If it has anything to do with Judy, I really do not want to know." Rick muttered not taking his eyes off his sketches.
"Hey, I would never tell you the juicy details of what Judy and I get up to. Wouldn't want to make you all jealous of the sexy single life I lead," he grinned smugly, then cocked an eye brow at Rick. "How come you're working today, it's a Saturday afternoon? I thought you'd be Lily."
"No," Rick muttered, scowling at his papers. He then sighed and looked at Sam wearily.
"Why don't you tell me whether the Allen Branch people have rung yet?"
"They haven't." Sam answered quickly. He saw the disappointment etched on Rick's face. "Whoa, don't look so concerned. Colin said everything will be fine. This is a huge company, I'm sure it's gonna take them a while to decide." Sam indicated to the drawings. "Finished the Anderson job already?"
"It's designing a back porch." Rick snorted. "Hardly difficult."
"Hey man, if the moneys coming in then I don't see what's with the worrying."
"Except…"Rick objected, but then cautioned himself from speaking. He dropped his eyes and began to pack away his things.
But Sam didn't let him off so easily, "Except what?"
"It's nothing."
"Come on Rick," Sam implored. He leaned over to look Rick in the eye. "Trouble with finances at home?"
"No, not- not at the moment." Rick admitted, unable to look Sam in the eye.
"So what's the problem?" Sam was beginning to feel worried.
"We're doing small odd jobs around and that may be ok for now, but very soon I'm going to need a bigger income and these jobs won't cut it!" Rick said, frustrated.
"Like how soon soon?" Sam asked cannily.
Rick was silent for a moment. When he spoke, it almost sounded sheepish. "In nine months."
Sam's mouth dropped open so comically that Rick couldn't help but bark out a laugh. Sam shook his head in amazement.
"Shit," he gasped.
Rick leaned back in his chair and ran his hands through his bangs. "Yeah."
"I thought you were in a rut?" Sam asked, perplexed.
"We got over that," Rick muttered, embarrassed,
"Obviously," Sam smirked. "I gotta say big buddy I'm surprised. I mean, Lily isn't some fresh faced junior, she's an older, more mature, curvy and vivacious woman…"
"Sam, take your drool elsewhere." Rick interrupted wryly.
"It's surprising she's even having kids" Sam finished.
"We were shocked," Rick admitted
"So, is everyone OK with this bomb shell?" Sam asked compassionately.
"I don't know," Rick said quietly. "The kids don't know yet, and Lily is…I don't know how Lily is."
"So she hasn't talked to you about it?" Sam asked slowly.
"So?" Rick asked defensive.
Sam shifted in his seat, embarrassed. It was clear he wanted to say more but decided against it.
"Ah, communication, what man needs that anyway," he joked. "I mean, Janine and I, didn't talk for five years
Somehow, Rick didn't take any comfort in that.
Eli reclined easily on his bed, and took another drag of his joint. After meeting Jennifer in the morning he couldn't bear being at work, so he took off and relaxed on his bed, playing music and smoking. He couldn't think of anything better to do on a Saturday afternoon.
Without warning his door burst open and Grace stormed in, livid.
"What the hell are you doing?" she shrieked.
"Jeeze," Eli said as he struggled upright and winced. "Don't you knock?"
"Do you have any idea what time it is?" Grace snorted. "Of course not. Well let me remind you, you were supposed to pick me up for the English and Arts Faire forty five minutes ago."
Eli's eyes widened. "Oh shit the Faire," he moaned. He stood up shakily. "If I can find my keys I can still drop you there."
"It doesn't matter," Grace screeched. "I've already missed delivering my speech. People were counting on me and because of you I let them down."
"Oh man," Eli covered his face in his hands. "I'm sorry."
"You're sorry," Grace repeated, incredulous. "Oh Ok, everything's fine now. Oh wait," her voice cracked with emotion. "You also forgot that this was the day that I had to submit my piece for the Young Writers competition. And now I've missed that deadline too." Tears prickled in Grace's eyes. "Do have any idea what that competition meant to me?"
"Grace," Eli said, feeling terrible.
"No!" Grace snarled. She turned her back on him. "I mean, it's my fault." She said brokenly. "I mean, I trusted you. Again." She shook her. "I mean, god knows why since you always just let me down."
"Hey come on," Eli felt the first prickle of annoyance hit him. "Maybe you missed that speech thing, but for the past week you've been whining how you don't want to do it. And if we go now, you can still hand in your piece. Come on, I'll drive," Eli tried to take Grace's arm.
Grace wrenched her arm away. "You think I'd let you drive?" she asked, amazed. "Are you that dumb? You're stoned."
"Hey, I said I'm sorry." Eli said sharply. "What else do you want me to do, sing it from a rooftop?"
"Maybe it would be better if you'd stop sitting on your butt and do something." Grace snapped.
Eli's narrowed his eyes. "What?" he asked tersely.
"Oh come on!" Grace scoffed. "You always do this Eli! Always make excuses then act like its ok." Grace shook her head. "Well, it's not ok. I hate that I just fall for your dumb excuses every time."
"Well, obviously you're just as dumb then," Eli said coldly.
"Don't you blame me for this!" Grace shrieked loudly.
"I'm not like you," Eli roared in frustration. Grace gaped at him, shocked. "I haven't got everything planned all neatly out," he continued angrily. "When I was seventeen I didn't know exactly what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. I mean," the anger was out of his voice now. "How am I supposed to know at nineteen where my life is headed? People aren't falling over themselves to offer me opportunities like people have been doing to you for your whole life."
"People might offer you opportunities if you weren't such a lazy, hopeless loser!" Grace snarled.
Eli flinched as if she had struck him. As soon as she saw his hurt look, she felt guilty. "Eli…" Grace said quickly.
Eli turned and sorted through his mess on the floor. After a moment he picked up a set of keys. "Take them." He said dully. "They're the keys to my dad's car. I'll tell Lily and Dad when they get back that you've gone." He shoved the keys into Grace's hands.
"Eli, I didn't mean that," Grace pleaded.
Eli ignored her and sat on the edge of his bed. Before she could say anything else, he picked up his head phones and put them on, pushing the music up to full blast.
"Eli! Eli!" Grace called but realized his music was up too loud for him to hear. Feeling worse than she did when she came in, Grace turned and slowly walked out, her mind heavy.
"So, how was the faire?" Dr Rosenfeld asked Jessie, watching her settle in for their session, which took place every Tuesday.
"It was really great!" Jessie beamed. "You should have seen Katie's exhibit, it was the main attraction. Everyone was raving about it, and Katie got all embarrassed because all these people kept telling her how fantastic her work was." Jessie smirked at the memory.
"Did you agree?"
"Of course," Jessie said without thinking. "I love everything she does!"
Rosenfeld said nothing and made sure his face stayed neutral. He caught the look of panic that momentarily flashed across Jessie's face "Does she know that?" he asked conversationally.
"Well yeah, of course," Jessie said haltingly. "She's…a really good friend."
"I know," Rosenfeld smiled. "She's had a quite an impact over the last few months. I guess your parents have also been taken in with the magnificence that is Katie?"
Jessie rolled her eyes at Rosenfeld's teasing, feeling more at ease. "They like Katie," she said slowly.
"But…"
Jessie ducked her head. She felt like a huge weight was slowly grinding her down, suffocating her. Words she so desperately wanted to say echoed in her mind yet whenever she opened her mouth her breath would whittle and die in her throat. Jessie studiously picked the lint on the couch instead of answering.
Rosenfeld noted her expression. "Jessie, whatever you're feeling, it's OK. There is nothing you can say that will be shameful or wrong." He peered at her expectantly.
For a long, agonizing moment, Jessie said nothing. When she looked up tears were brimming in her eyes.
"They can't know," she whispered.
"Then don't tell them." Rosenfeld said gently.
"It's not that simple," Jessie croaked with emotion.
"It can be." Rosenfeld said firmly. "Everyone around you cares for you and loves you, but that doesn't mean that your business is their business. There are plenty of things about your parents' lives you don't know, which is probably a good thing." His joke earned a small smile from Jessie. "The real question is, when you take everything else away how does Katie make you feel? Truly."
Jessie considered this seriously, then after a moment she smiled through her tears.
"Wonderful" she breathed.
"Then what could be wrong with that?" Rosenfeld asked sagely.
Jessie chuckled, feeling infinitely relieved she finally found someone to talk to. "It's so hard keeping this from everybody," she admitted, her voice small. "But it's also like, just having something to myself. Like," Jessie struggled to articulate her thoughts. "I like that what we have, its' only for us, that no one else has any control over it" Jessie sighed and rolled her eyes. "I'm not making any sense, am I?" she asked.
"No no, you're making perfect sense. You like that Katie is someone you don't have to share with your family."
"Yeah," Jessie gave a small smile.
Rosenfeld raised an eyebrow. "So it's a fun secret?"
Jessie's smile faded as she looked at Dr. Rosenfeld solemnly. "Sometimes," She said.
The next day Rick's four wheeled drive pulled into the Manning Manor. Rick turned off the ignition then looked at the window, studiously ignoring his wife.
"Are you still mad?" Lily asked, although she knew the answer.
"I don't like keeping this a secret!" Rick snapped. He rubbed his temple. "The children have a right to know."
"It's my body Rick," Lily hissed. "It is my right to tell people what is happening within it!"
Rick threw his hands up in frustration. "Ok, fine!" he grated.
"Oh please," Lily said, exasperated. "Why don't you just admit you're not happy about this baby?"
Rick seemed hurt. "What? How can you say that?"
"Because it true!" Lily insisted. "I see the way you look at me; you're walking on egg shells like everything has changed."
"We're not buying a pet, Lily!" Rick snapped. "Of course a baby changes everything."
"Well, that's why you're so worried," Lily said self-righteously.
"No, that's why you're worried, so don't you go into denial and project your own feelings onto me!" Rick snarled. After a pause he felt the anger seep from his body. "I'm sorry."
Lily swallowed hard. "No, you're right," she whispered. She stared mournfully out the window. She felt Rick place a tentative hand on her arm but she shrank back, unable to cope with contact. Rick did not bother to hide his hurt and sat back, waiting for Lily to continue. "This whole year I felt like I was the model parent," Lily said shakily. "I thought that if I was there for everyone particularly Eli and Jessie, that everything can work out as a family." Lily smiled, but her eyes were brimming. "And here's the kicker," she continued, her voice shaking. "I thought everything was Ok. I made myself believe everything was OK. But all the while, my step children resent me and my own daughter fell in love with her teacher." Lily's tears fell freely now. "What sort of a parent am I if I can't even see what's happening in my own daughter's life?" she asked Rick. "I wasn't there for her when she needed me, so how am I going to support her when this baby comes? And Zoe, whose birthday is soon and I haven't even thought about a party." Lily buried her face in her hands. "I'm not a good parent, Rick," she mumbled. "Not to my own kids not to any future kids."
"Oh Lily," Rick wrapped his arms around her and brought her close. "You're not a wonder parent, OK, and none of us are." He squeezed her reassuringly. "So stop trying to hold yourself to those standards." Lily chuckled softly and snuggled into Rick's embrace.
"Every parent makes mistakes. But the truth is, we don't know everything that goes on in our children's lives. And that," Rick's throat closed and he choked back his own tears. "And that terrifies me. The only way I stay sane is that I promise myself that I will always be there for them. To protect them. No matter how many times Karen and I stuff it up." He looked down into Lily's face. "That's what you have done with Grace and that's what we'll both do for this baby."
"But what if it's not enough?" Lily asked weakly.
"We'll make it enough," Rick said more firmly than he felt. They both paused, simultaneously fearful of their responsibility but content with their connection
"I don't feel like cooking tonight," Lily said quietly. "Want to get take out?"
"Take out would be great," Rick said, tenderly playing with Lily's hair. "I love you," he said with feeling.
"I love you too," Lily placed her lips on Rick and kissed him softly. When they were finished, she wriggled out of his embrace and opened the door. "Come inside for a moment I have to get my coat."
Wordlessly they walked to the house, hand in hand. Rick looked at his wife in awe and again wondered how he was so blessed.
Rick quietly opened the door of the kitchen and entered with Lily in tow. "I don't mind any take out as long as we get some for the kid…" he stopped so abruptly that Lily walked into him from behind.
"What's wr-" Lily's jaw dropped as she saw Jessie and Katie struggle up from their position on the couch, red faced and looking guilty.
"Oh." Lily said.