The Wizard of La
Disclaimer: I own neither The Wizard of Oz nor Marvel Comics. Please, exercise some common sense, people! As an additional disclaimer, I did bring in some of the original lyrics from the film and alter them in this chapter.
I apologize in advance for this chapter. :D I insert a smiley face in hopes that those of you who are offended will forgive me.
Chapter Six– Wicked Witch
"Oh hell. Get y'damn stubs away from Remy!" He punched Scott and kicked Sabertooth, who, for the millionth time, were attempting to skip arm-in-arm with him. Crossing his arms, he glared at them. "Remy's still willin' t'kill y'bastards for acting so fruity." Scott and Creed continued to skip and whistle, making all sorts of asinine expressions and cheery remarks.
Remy was not in a happy mood. Just when he thought it couldn't get any worse, they passed two Munchkins on the road. "Henri? Lapin?" Recognizing them as his adopted brother and cousin, he laughed at their minimal stature, only to be kicked in the shins repeatedly. "Don't y'fuck wit da Guild!" Henri said in a tiny, tiny voice.
Chuckling harder, Remy picked the munchkin up. "Da Guild lets pipsqueaks like you in dese days?" He spun the munchkin over his head and put him down.
"Don't you know who we are?" Lapin said in an equally tiny voice. "We're da heirs of da Lollipop Guild! Y'makin' a big mistake!" Remy scrunched his eyebrows together and burst out laughing again and continued walking, leaving the foul-mouthed munchkins in the middle of the road, cursing in their tiny little voices.
"Do you want me to kill them?" Creed asked, swinging his ax.
Remy stared.
"Sorry…don't have a heart." Creed added apologetically.
"Remy don' t'ink dat's y'problem." Remy said, spotting an individual flying down to them on a broomstick.
"Helping Remy along, gentleman?" The three turned to see the Wicked Witch of the West. Or so they thought. "Stay away from him, or I'll stuff a mattress with you!" The witch turned and pointed at Scott, who leered at her.
"XAVIER? Xavier in drag is da wicked 'witch?'" Remy's jaw dropped. "You're a man!"
"I am no man!" The witch called out, circling them on his broom. "I am a witch! A GIRL witch!" Xavier cackled in an obviously fake falsetto voice and then landed, trotting up to Remy in a long black dress. Scott protectively stepped between the cross-dressing fiend and his new friend. "Here, Scarecrow! Want to play ball?"
"Sure!" Scott said, as if pleased someone actually wanted to do something with him. Remy rolled his eyes and knocked Scott out of the way as Xavier hurled a ball of fire at them. "Hey! You tricked me!"
Xavier cackled.
"No offense, mon ami, but he's da dumbest guy in..whatever dis place is." Remy said as Xavier pridefully postured.
"La! This land is called La!" Xavier exclaimed, temporarily forgetting to disguise his voice and speaking in a deep male voice.
"Remy knew y'were a homme!" Gambit said, smirking.
"No! See?" Xavier pulled his dress up and flashed Remy, who screamed and fell down.
"AAAAHHHHHH!"
"MERDE!" Remy covered his eyes. "Guess dey don' make razors OR undies here! Remy's gonna need some t'erapy when dis is over…and not from da Professor!"
Pleased with himself, the wicked witch flew away quickly. "Did you see that?" Scott said. "I think I may need more than just a brain." He frowned and looked down at Remy, who seemed to be in a horrified daze.
Finally, he stood up and walked alongside his two companions, who had restarted their vocal assault on Remy's ears.
We're off to see the Wizard
The Wonderful Wizard of La
We hear he is a whiz of a Wiz
If ever a Wiz there was.
If ever, oh ever a Wiz there was
The Wizard of La is one because
Because, because, because, because, because
Because of the wonderful things he does
We're off to see the Wizard
The Wonderful Wizard of La!
About an hour later, Remy finally managed to push the horrible thoughts away. "Maybe dis wizard can erase mon memories? Merde, Remy knew dat was a homme." He shuddered and sighed as Creed and Scott skipped several feet ahead of him.
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Next Chapter: Lions, and Tigers and…uh…you'll see.
BlkDiamond – Yay! I'm glad you're still liking this. I'm 90 sure this chapter is going to get me flamed. I'll put a kitty in the next chapter!
addtothenoise – Glad you like. Ummm…yeah. This is a lot of fun.
Puppybaddog – Happy to amuse. I really admire your work, so I'm quite pleased you like mine.
PixiesAddict – Or snort sprite all over your computer…which is what I did earlier.
afreddiefan – Blowing Scott up is a funny idea by itself. Putting him in a straw body and doing it just enhances the experience:D
alik – Next chapter! I hope my choice pleases you.
Kitty Rasputin – Yay! A Kitty/Piotr fan! Man oh man, was I pissed when Colossus died. I haven't seen what the new Colossus series of comics is about, yet.
bunsdarien – In my head, I heard the voice of Sabes from TAS. You know the one, kind of grungy and mean…singing about being gentle!
Rogue-soul – Remy rocks my socks. Remy in women's clothing makes me laugh them off.
Leave me a review if you are pleased or displeased by my decision for the wicked witch. Leave me a review anyway!