The Wizard of La

Disclaimer: I do not :

-Own Marvel

-Encourage the use of opiates

-Encourage public inebriation.

-Advocate public nudity

At least one of the above is a lie. And this chapter is foul, as a fair warning.

Chapter Nine – Poppy Fields

"You're so brave!" Logan said, looking adoringly at Creed. THE Wolverine with THE Sabertooth. Ick.

Remy was learning a lot about Wolverine's repressed persona through his misadventures. For one thing, he was swooning over Creed like he'd once done over Belladonna. Creed, sickly enough, seemed to enjoy the fact that Logan's clinginess stroked his ego. He found himself walking with Scott, not wanting to overhear any more affectionate conversation between Logan and Creed. Amusing was when they weren't trying to kill each other. 'Just plain sick' was Logan trying to hold Creed's hand. Plus, he still smelled like urine.

"Ain' we jus' a happy lil' bunch, eh mon diamant noir?" Remy said, talking to the shiny black kitten in his pocket. "Maybe we call you dat? Ebony! King of da Swamp?" He rolled his eyes as the kitten yawned and closed it's eyes. "Merde, even Remy knows dis is cute. Next he be singin' like a big fruit wit da rest of dese freaks."

"Oh no!" Logan yelled and clung to Creed's metal chest, pointing to Xavier, who was approaching on his broomstick. Remy closed his eyes tightly when he was right over them, wanting to avoid any accidental repeat of what happened last time. Xavier landed right in front of Remy, his long black dress draping over his legs from the sides of the broomstick.

Remy knew something bad was about to happen. He just knew it.

Xavier winked at him, then licked his lips, apparently holding the broomstick by his butt cheeks, thrusting it forward as he gazed at Remy suggestively.

"MERDE!" Remy shrieked like a girl and covered his eyes. "Stop dis!" He fell on his knees, still covering his eyes. "Remy'll do anyt'ing if y'just leave him alone! Stop dis torture!"

Xavier was quiet than said, "Anything?" about two seconds before Remy felt the broomstick touch his lips.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Remy yelled again and found himself hiding between Logan and Creed. "Remy hates y'!" He screeched at Xavier, who suddenly turned from playfully interested to anger at the rejection.

Xavier frowned and one lip curled up at his rage. "All the worse for you, then. I'll take care of you now instead of later! Hah! When I gain those ruby slippers, I will be the prettiest little girl in La! And now, my beauties! Something with poison in it, I think. With poison in it, but attractive to the eye – and soothing to the smell!"

"Least dis one sounds like a femme." Remy muttered, trying desperately to recover.

Xavier snarled. "Poppies! Poppies! Poppies!" He picked up his broomstick and took off.

Remy pulled himself to his feet, rubbing his lips. "Remy don' even want t'know where dat broomstick been!" He looked over at Logan and Creed and found the situation had grown more sickening; Logan was tracing on of his furry fingers across Creed's metal torso and purring madly.

"I may be mentally inept, but damn…that's pretty gross." Scott said as they turned away and started walking down the street.

They descended down the hill, catching their first glimpse of Emerald City. Remy saw the entrance to the city across the field of poppies, and lead them across the field. They didn't get very far. The wind carried the drug-laced scent of the poppies over them and they were all stoned within a few minutes.

Remy found himself laughing as Scott spun around, high as a kite and just as square. He toppled into him, and both men fell to the ground. Scott looked up at him. "You're my heeeeeeero, for taking that big, huge thing out of my ass. It was only fun for the first few inches."

Remy frowned and then began laughing again. "I'm not a hero, I'm an S-Man! A S-Man with a pussycat!" He said, protectively patting his pocket. Remy stood up clumsily and sprinted through the field, his arms sticking out as he stripped. "Wheeeeeeeeeeeee! Dis T'ief can fly!" He laughed as he ran through the field, completely nude, then he saw Logan and ran toward him, crashing into him. "Y'know, Wolfie…you'd be ab-able t'steal Scott's femme right out from under him if y'could dance!"

Logan laughed and glanced up at Creed. "It's not a 'femme,' I'm interested in." He said, purring.

"I…can dance!" Scott said.

"Non!" Remy said. "Remy'll prove it!" He stood up and ungracefully lead Scott across the field. After a few minutes, he suddenly felt that he was dancing with Rogue. Unbeknownst to Remy, Scott was suffering a similar delusion.

Gazing into Rogue's lovely eyes, he leaned in to kiss her, amazed by how much better she seemed to kiss here. Remy moaned softly and slipped his tongue into her mouth, met by…straw?

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Scott and Remy sat across from each other on the ground, screaming and spitting. Remy found this to be a sobering experience and ran to Creed and Logan, who he found snuggling against a hill, then his clothes (which he hurriedly put back on), and pulled them up, dragging them all by the hands across the field and onto the drawbridge.

Creed giggled. "Loooook! Mr. Grumpy Cajun is holding our hands!"

"Shit! Remy kissed Cyke when he was nakey. Dis da worst t'ing so far." Remy spit on the ground and shivered.

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Next Chapter: The Wizard is unveiled! Leave me a comment, there's no way a person can read this chapter and not have an opinion!

Tokyo Fox – I considered making Gladiator the lion, or possibly Apocalypse. A scared-senseless Apocalyse would have been funny, which was my plan. The Logan + Creed cuddling thing makes me laugh.

Puppybaddog – Aww…glad I could brighten up your day.

BlkDiamond – Kitty cat has a name now. And a purrrrr-pose.

WolvGambit Le Diable Blanc – An update has arrived! Hope you enjoy!

Bunsdarien – More to come. Suffice to say that Creed is 'pussywhipped.' Meow!

Fauna Greywolf – I hope so.