Disclaimer: I do not own Marvel, or the Wizard of Oz.
Chapter Twelve – All Cleaned Up
Remy flagged a cabbie down and anxiously stuffed his companions into it. "To da Wizard!"
"Surely you cannot be planning on seeing the Great Wizard like that?" The driver of the cab turned around and Remy very nearly had a heart attack.
"Icecube?" He said.
"Robert Drake, pleased to meet you!" He said, cheerfully. "I'm going to take you someplace where you can get all spruced up! You have to be pretty to see the Wizard, he's such a hottie!" He drove the horse and buggy to a large house that had a sign in front that read 'Ororo's House of Beauty.'
"Ro!" Remy exclaimed as the door opened. He frowned when he saw her, clad in skin-tight black leather, a whip in one hand. "Uh…"
"Silence!" Storm said, cracking the whip, motioning behind her. "This is Emma, and we are going to clean you filthy man tramps up." Emma grabbed her from behind, clad in all white leather, and kissed Storm on the cheek.
Scott nudged Remy. "That one is mean! And I think she's mad at me." He whispered.
"Some t'ings never change." Remy muttered as the women lead them inside. Emma immediately grabbed onto Scott.
"I get this one." She said to Storm, shoving Scott down on a massage table roughly, then jumped onto the table and straddled him. She smiled and began to sing sweetly in his ear as she cleaned him up, an evil smile on her face.
Pat, pat here,
Pat, pat there,
And a couple of brand new straws.
That's how we keep you young and fair
In the merry old land of La!
Without warning, she slapped him across the face. "Now, my dear scarecrow," She struck a match and held it close to his face. "I heard you visited a pair of redheads earlier."
"No!" Scott exclaimed. Emma pulled a single reddish hair off of Scott's shirt and held it up. "That's…actually Remy's!" He screamed, knowing he'd had his clothes off long before Madelyne had time to shed on him. "Right, Remy?"
Remy laid back on one of the tables and shook his head. "Remy t'ink y'hit y'head. We both know y'got dat from Madelyne!"
Emma slapped Scott and pulled out a pair of scissors, cutting him across the torso. "This is how it feel when you treat me like this!" She screeched as she threw Scott's insides all over the room, then tossed him aside. She stood up, dusted herself off, then walked over to Logan, smiling as if nothing had happened. Logan froze in fear while Remy was enjoying his turn on the table.
Hank came from a back room with a cloth and some polish and began to polish Creed.
Rub, rub here,
Rub, rub there,
And whether you're tin or bronze.
That's how we keep you in repair
In the Merry Old Land of La!
Hank stopped polishing when, out of the blue, Creed swung at him with the ax. "Creed's chest can only be rubbed by one furry beast." He affectionately looked over at Logan, who was paralyzed with fear as Emma gave him a manicure, still singing her sickly sweet tone.
They stood up and walked back out to the cab when Storm finished fawning over Remy and found Bobby waiting outside with the cab. "Wasn't there someone else?" Remy nodded forlornly and looked at the fabric that used to contain Scott. "Maybe da Wizard can fix dis too, eh?"
Bobby winced. "Man, that guy gets around! So…to the Wizard?"
"Non!" Remy exclaimed. "Da jail."
"The jail? Did you hear they caught the Lollipop Murderesses?" Bobby said, then frowned when Remy smirked.
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Remy charged the outer wall of the jail, and smiled as it exploded into a pile of rubble, the two malicious munchkins standing behind it. "We knew you'd get us out!"
"Yeah?" Creed said.
"We made a deal with the devil, and Remy's got devil-eyes!" Kitty said. "See, Jubes, we don't have souls anymore, just like I said!"
"Satan bailed us out of jail?" Jubilee said.
Remy saw guards rush toward them, so he grabbed Kitty and opened Creed's chest, quickly stuffing her in as she screamed. He picked up Jubes and held her on his hip like a little girl, the companions walking back down the street as if nothing was wrong. "Non, Remy da son of Satan. An' he needs t'get in t'see da Wizard. T'ink y'Guild contacts can get us in?"
Thirty minutes later, they were standing at the side entrance of the massive building, the two munchkins at the feet of none other than Emerald City Guard Warren Worthington. "I…I can get the money to you in just a few more weeks. Betsy's pregnant again, and money has just been so tight. I'm not rich, you know."
Kitty kicked him and then crossed her arms. "All we're hearing is excuses." She said, her tiny voice laced with indignation.
"Surely there must be something I can do!" Warren pleaded to them.
"We need to get in." Jubes said. "We'll give you another forty-eight hours, and you'll let us in."
Remy arched his brows at the girl's hard bargaining and walked into the building, sneaking through the halls. "Follow us!" Kitty said. "We know the way."
"How?" Creed asked.
Jubilee giggled. "He owed us some money." They followed the girls to a large room where a huge green face was projected among some impressive pyrotechnics.
Remy spotted the Wizard and nearly rolled on the floor laughing. "Remy don' know what's more ridiculous, da fact dat he's here, or da fact he came here exceptin' y'to fix his problems!"
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