Disclaimer: I do not own Marvel, or the Wizard of Oz.

Chapter Thirteen – The Wizard

"Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck." Remy muttered.

The voice boomed. "I am the Great Wizard of La! Come forward!"

Remy stared up at Sinister's face and crossed his arms. "Remy not gonna do not'ing f'ya."

Kitty and Jubilee walked forward and Jubilee spoke. "You shut up, Essex. Don't make us remind you of what happens when you fuck with the Guild!"

"Yes, Yes!" Essex said, almost fearfully. "I remember now…"

Logan clawed at Creed's chest. "I wanna go home, Vicky!"

"Not know…" Creed growled at him, pushing him away.

"The great and powerful wizard knows why you have come!" Essex said. "Step forward…strange metal man! You dare to come to me for a heart, do you? You clinking, clanking, clattering collection of caliginous junk! Explain to me why I should give you a heart!"

Creed held onto Logan's hand. "I…I wish to experience true love. And I want to be kind, maybe become a missionary or charity worker."

"Merde, shut y'mouth, y fucken' woman!" Remy said. "Remy got anot'er friend, he uh…had a girl problem." Remy pulled Scott out of his pocket and watched as two servants suddenly ran in with a pile of straw and re-stuffed Scott. Scott stood up and looked around a little confused.

The wizard boomed at him. "And you, Scarecrow, have the effrontery to ask for a brain? You billowing bale of bovine fodder!" The face turned to Logan. "And you, you want courage?"

They all nodded and Sinister walked out from behind a hallway. "You, Creed, will always be a heartless animal. Scott, you will be a dumbass until the day you die, a failed genetics experiment. And Logan, someone is going to cut your body apart and stick metal to all of your bones. Remy, your girlfriend will dump you in Antarctica. You probably wasted your time coming here."

"Wait!" Remy exclaimed. "You da real Sinny! Not dis fucked up La crap!"

"How much more fucked up could life get?" Sinister said. "Remy? Is it really you?"

Remy nodded. "Remy wanna go home!"

"If I knew how to leave, do you think I would be here? Being terrorized by those…mini-bitches!" Sinister said, glaring at Kitty and Jubilee who pointed knives at him. "But! I do believe that we may be able to escape if we could get our hands on the Professor's broomstick."

"Why?" Remy said.

"How many people on earth could do THIS?" Essex said, indicating their environment. "Plus, have you seen the way the Professor treats that damn thing?" Essex suddenly became flustered.

"Merde…he comin' onto y'to?" Remy asked, met by two very depressed looking red eyes. "We gotta get outta here."

"Bring me the broomstick, and I'll do what I can. I'll even help your friends." Sinister said.

"Non! He'll rape me!" Remy said. "Remy'll feel dirty." He frowned, whining.

Kitty hugged his leg. "Don't worry, the Guild is behind you. We'll make that man bitch pay if he touches you!"

…………………………………………………………………………

Ha, you knew it was coming. You knew it.

Next Chapter: Six mismatched companions form a plan and go after the broomstick.

Leave me a review!

BlkDiamond – Hope you liked.

Fauna Greywolf – Why thank you. Mini-criminals make me smile.

Kitty Rasputin – I'm sorry. And yes, running out of characters. I know you wanted Storm, but I couldn't resist.

Puppybaddog – I'm sad that I'm running out of movie script. It's getting closer to the end, and I'm really enjoying my mass mischaracterizations.

Tokyo Fox – I always spell his name wrong. My spell check is set to fix it automatically, because, well, I'm an idiot.