It was late .Neil wasn't used to being outside, by himself, at this time of night .But he had to admit, it was rather wonderful. For once, he didn't have to defend all the weaker ones or pretend he was a happy, upbeat bastard. Despite the many morose thoughts swirling through his mind, a smile slowly grew into his features. But not the usual, content smile he had worked so long and hard to perfect. This smile was more of a grimace, and perhaps, by outsiders, seen as less natural. But this expression felt more natural, more human than any other expression that had graced his features in his entire life. Somewhere in the recesses of his mind, something clicked. Something that had been long forgotten had been recovered. Stored away in some dark, shadowy corner where unwanted emotions had been stored. With this time for reflection, his wispy, uncertain soul had been given a chance to reflect upon the choices he had made. Why did he have to pretend he was happy? Todd seemed to get along fine, despite his rather unhappy disposition. He stood up for the morbid little guy. Well, maybe that was it, Todd survived because of him. Gosh, if he weren't happy, who would stand up for him? He had no redeemable qualities like Todd. Oh how wonderful Todd was. How he wished he could be more like him, so quiet and artistic. He really was a fabulous poet. If anyone read his scribblings, they would gag in horror at the pathetic quality of them. The grimace faded and a sob grew in his chest. He quickly stifled it and shook his head to rid himself of the feeling. He was disgusted with himself. All these thoughts that he could be something else, someone else. At least he could take more walks like this, and experience this new, unhappy being he had allowed himself to be.