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Alphabetical Observations of the Titan Kind

Chapter Two: Beast Boy

Hey, dudes and dudettes, I'm Beast Boy, and I'm a member of the Teen Titans. Well, it's Beast Boy to the dudes, and Beast Man to the dudettes. I may have the body of a boy, but I've got the animal spirit of a MAN. ROWR!

Heh. Sorry about that. I'll try that again.

Hey, I'm Beast Boy, and I'm the strongest member of the Teen Titans.

What? I am.

I don't care what Cyborg says about his hydraulic arms, I can turn into an elephant! And a T-Rex! And a Hippo! A Hippo may not sound strong, but they're like, one of the strongest animals. Seriously! I saw it on a documentary.

"What's that?" I hear you say. "Beast Boy? Watching a documentary? Never!" And y'know what? You'd be right. I hate documentaries. They're boring, and long, and stupid, and they take away from vital zombie killing time. But I watch the wildlife ones. Y'know, like research.

"What's that?" I hear you say. "Beast Boy? Research? Never!" And again, you'd be right. It's Robin's stupid idea anyway. But you know what? Some of it's kinda interesting. Like that snake that digests animals over like six months or something. I'd like to see Mumbo get out of that! Y'know… I'd never admit this to the guys, but I kinda like it whenever we go up against Mumbo, 'cause he just comes out with the weirdest stuff. I mean, turning Raven into a rabbit? C'mon, that was funny. But he takes it too far. I mean, he turned me into a lamp. A lamp! Do you know how stupid that felt? To be a stupid lamp? I felt so stupid. Y'know, speaking of Raven, if she was here, she'd make some lame comment about how I'm always stupid. But y'know what? I'm not stupid.

"What's that?" I hear you say. "Beast Boy? Not stupid? Never!" But you'd be wrong. 'Cause I'm not stupid. I'm just not super smart like Cyborg. I mean, Starfire isn't exactly the brightest light bulb in the… I can't remember how that saying goes, but you know what I'm talking about. Starfire doesn't get things just like I do, but you don't see Raven making comments about how stupid she is, do ya? But then again, Robin isn't my boyfriend. Ewww! Did I just say that? That's just… dude! Bleagh! But you know what I mean right? I mean, Robin doesn't say that he's her boyfriend, but it's so obvious. That whole thing just seems so stupid to me, and that's why I laugh when Cy calls him out on it. It's just so funny how Robin gets all angry, y'know? As if he thinks that it's well hidden or something.

And that's what I'm here to talk about, I think. I'm not sure why I'm talking to you in the first place, but there ya go. I just kinda go along with these things. It helps in this line of work not to question stuff too much. Like, if Control Freak sucks us into the TV, then that's okay. If Raven's like a portal for some huge demon dude, then that's okay too. Anyway, it kinda hurts my head to think about those things too much. Cyborg too, but he just doesn't admit it.

But I'm not stupid though.

Where was I? Oh, yeah, Robin and Starfire. It's so obvious, and… wait, have I said that already? I have? Dude! Why didn't you say something? That's so… FFnnnrrr… anyway… I was on the Gamestation 2 playing 'Supreme Zombie Kickback 5: The Ultimate Edition' when Robin sits down next to me. Now that just freaked me out. Usually, Robin comes and says, "Where's Starfire?" or "I'm Robin, and I'm too good to play games with you Beast Boy, so I'm going to read the newspaper in the corner!"

What?

Okay, maybe he doesn't say that out loud, but he does say it.

What was I talking about? Robin, okay. Anyway, he was sat next to me, and that threw me off, so I was killed by one of those super fast slashing zombies, y'know, the ones with laser rakes? Anyway, I lost, and then Robin said like, "Beast Boy, I'm gonna talk now, and you're gonna listen, because I'm Robin and I dress like a Christmas tree!"

By the way, I can't remember this too well, so I'm gonna change the bits I don't remember. Anyway, here goes:

Beast Boy: Yeah, sure Robin. I know you're jealous of me anyway, so go ahead.

Robin: First of all, you're right Beast Boy – I suck so much it's not even funny.

Beast Boy: Yes, you do.

Robin: Anyway, I wanted to talk to you about romantic stuff in the teams.

Beast Boy: Okay.

Robin: Well, I'm too chicken to ask out Starfire by myself, so I came to you for advice first because you're so great with the ladies, and any advice you give will help me, because you're like a God.

Beast Boy: No, no, Robin. I'm not like a God: the ladies just see me as one, is all. Anyway, team romance is cool. Just act like me and Star will have no choice but to fall in love with you.

Robin. Yes! You are right! Now I have the confidence to ask out Starfire! Thank you Beast Boy! You are the greatest!

Beast Boy: Yeah, I am.

Anyway, that's the basic jist of it. Pretty weird huh? I thought so too. I mean, I just don't get what the problem is. Does Robin still believe in cooties or something? He probably has like cootie repellent in his belt. Hahahaha! That's pretty funny! I gotta start writing this stuff down! Anyway, Robin left, and I was about to start my zombie slaying again, when I started thinking about relationships and stuff in the team.

"What's that?" I hear you say. "Beast Boy? Thinking? Never!" But seriously, I was sat there thinking. I even turned off the Gamestation and sat in front of the window to think about it.

"What's that?" I hear you say. "Beast Boy? Turning off the Gamestation? Never!" Kinda freaky, huh? Anyway, I started thinking about it, and this is what came out.

Don't ask me why, but I thought of Cyborg first. Well, actually, that isn't so weird actually, seeing as he is like my best buddy. I'm not trying to be mushy, but he is. They say a good friend is the kinda guy that you can sit with when it's all quiet and it doesn't get awkward, and I can do that with Cyborg. Sometimes we just chill with a pizza and listen to music and talk about stuff; don't ask me what, just stuff. Don't get me wrong, I can talk to the other guys pretty easy, but I can't hang out with them for hours at a time. 'Course, that's not sayin' that Cy doesn't get on my nerves sometimes; actually, he does it all the time. But it's not like seriously P.O'd, it's just kinda… friendly annoyed, y'know?

Before I go on, I'd just like to say a few words about pizza. I love pizza. It's like the only fast food that doesn't have anything from animals. It only has cheese, tomato, bread stuff… wait… there's something wrong there… oh yeah, sometimes I have mushrooms as well.

Anyway, then I thought about Starfire. Okay, major confession time here. When I first met Star, I had a major crush on her. Who wouldn't? I mean, she's pretty, she laughs at my jokes (even if she doesn't get them; I've got complicated humour), and the most important thing was that she paid attention like everything I said was important. I really liked that, and I thought it was something else at the time. But then I saw her talking to everyone else, and I realised it was just Star being Star.

But then I saw something else. Whenever she talked to Robin, she would act a bit differently than she did with the rest of us. She'd move a bit closer to him when they were talking, play with her hair, that kinda stuff. And the biggest thing was that she blushed when he smiled at her. When he smiled at her! I mean, geez, it's just a smile! Anyway, I kinda gave up on her after that. The more I thought about it, the more I think it wouldn't have worked out anyway. We were a bit too similar, y'know? She would have gotten on my nerves after a while. But, she still pays attention when I talk, and she's still pretty (but that doesn't really occur to me anymore – much…) but she doesn't laugh at my jokes as much as she used to. She still laughs, but I think Robin's rubbing off on her too much.

Ewww. I don't even want to think about that.

That kinda led me onto Robin, and that's kinda weird. Sometimes he seems like such a big jerk, y'know? And then other times, I've even… sorta… looked up to him. Y'know, how he never panics, he always knows what to do… I can see why the kids like him so much. But I can't see why the girls like him so much. I mean, I can understand that he's handsome (even if I don't see it) and has that whole brooding thing going on, but still… whenever we go out anywhere, the girls are always like, "Look, it's Robin! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

And what's so great about the brooding thing, anyway? I think it's pretty boring.

But I'm not jealous.

"What's that?" I hear you say. "Beast Boy? Not jealous? Never!" But I'm not; not much, anyway. And he does all the stuff that I don't want to, like talking to the mayor and doing all the bills and investigating Slade and all that; I wouldn't touch that stuff with a ten foot pole if you paid me. Besides, a part of me's kinda happy that I don't have to deal with it as much; I mean, I get recognised and asked for autographs and stuff, but Robin goes through hell when we're walking down the street or through the mall. Whenever we go out for pizza, it takes us about half an hour to get rid of Robin's admirers. Of course, the other guys have their fair share.

Cyborg has the kids after him, and he loves that so there ya go (I think he really wants to be a dad); Robin gets the girls and the kids, but you already knew that; Starfire gets the pervy guys (which Robin really hates – it's so much fun to watch him getting ticked off with middle aged fat guys) and the little girls (y'know, the ones that are too young to like Robin); Raven gets the Goths and stuff, and me? I get the people somewhere in the middle. I usually get families coming up to me, which is kinda weird. Do I give off a 'family guy' smell or something? I think it's probably because, out of all of us, I'm the most normal.

"What's that?" I hear you say. "Beast Boy? Normal? Never!" But it's true. Think about it. Robin is too brooding and serious to like… relate to and stuff, Starfire is an alien, Cyborg is half robot, and Raven… well, she's Raven. But me? I'm kinda like the Peter Parker of the group, y'know? I'm the…uh… the everyday… no, that's not it… the everyman, that's it! I'm the everyman of the Teen Titans! Wow, that's pretty smart for me!

Anyway, that leaves Raven. Now there's a big question mark. I don't get her most of the time. I mean, she's my friend, and I like her, but sometimes… she just hurts my brain, y'know? I mean, most of the other guys, I can tell what they're about, even Robin, who's pretty emotional, so it's easy to tell. Raven just never shows anything, ever. At first it kinda annoyed me, but now I'm interested. 'Course, now I know why she's so in control all the time, but I've kinda made it my mission to make her laugh. Why? I don't know. It might be 'cause it's something to do, or something else I can't think of. That wouldn't surprise me. I do a lot of stuff without knowing why. But you know what? For all the times she's insulted me and I've insulted her, I consider her one of my best friends, almost next to Cyborg. I don't know if she feels the same way, but if Cyborg wasn't around and I needed someone to talk to, I'd go to Raven first. And you know what? I have no idea why. And it drives me crazy sometimes, it really does.

And then I thought about the Titan that meant the most to me. Above Raven, above Cyborg, above everyone else… and her name was Terra. I don't care what anyone else thinks, she was a Titan in my eyes. And I loved her. I don't care if you think I'm being mushy, because when it's about Terra, that kinda stuff just doesn't bother me; I don't get embarrassed about it because it feels so… right, y'know? Well, at least… it felt right. Not a day goes by that I don't miss her. I always spend at least one moment of every day thinking about Terra. I don't know if that'll ever change, but right now, I just can't help it.

Even when it was the end of the world… and I tell you, I'd never felt so angry as when that evil me said those things about Terra. I shook it off and got to work, but it stuck with me. And, deep down, I know that no matter how much Robin and Cyborg look into it and research it, they won't be able to bring Terra back. And that hurts… a lot.

The fact that she's dead.

I'm not gonna deny it – when that thought first occurred to me, I sat in my room and cried. I remember just saying to myself, "Terra's dead." As soon as I said it, I couldn't even stand up. I still cry sometimes when the thought hits me. I don't mean blubbering like a baby, but I do cry a bit. But I still visit her once a week, to tell her what's been goin' on at the tower. I'm sure I've spotted Raven talking to her before she disappears through the floor. And that makes me happy. That Raven forgave her and even goes to visit her… it makes me feel good.

Whew. Heavy stuff, huh? Sorry to pull you down like that. I suppose that's why I get so annoyed at Robin dodging around the whole Starfire thing. But I guess I can only say that because I've lost something like that before. I just hope that Robin wakes up before something happens to Star.

Anyway, I know what you're wondering. "What about the Titans East, Beast Boy? What about them?" But to be honest, I don't know them too well, only Aqualad. And he used to annoy me, 'cause I thought he was a pretty boy know it all that all the girls loved, but then I realised that he was okay. Sounds like Robin so much, it's not even funny.

Wow. That took longer than I thought. Anyway, I'm kinda bored with slaughtering zombies, so I think I'll go and find Raven; see if I can make her laugh.

"What's that?" I hear you say. "Beast Boy? Make Raven laugh? Never!"

I wouldn't bet on it, dude.

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