Disclaimer: Teen Titans (and all DC and WB related stuff) isn't mine. Got it?

Alphabetical Observations of the Titan Kind

Chapter Three: Bumblebee

Hey, how you doing? I'm Bumblebee, the leader of the Titans East. That wasn't always so, of course, but now I am. And let me tell you, it's hard. I wonder how Robin does it most of the time. Then again, I wonder if his team is anywhere near as crazy as mine seems to be. Especially those two little Spanish… ARGH!

Anyway, I wasn't always a member of the Titans East. I won't go into too much detail (that's not what I'm here to talk about, you know), but I was sent undercover to infiltrate the HIVE academy. And let me tell you, that is one weird place. The entire time I was there, all I could think about was how lucky these kids were, to have someone teaching them the tricks of their trade. We heroes get nothing. We just kind of get pushed into the spotlight with superpowers without so much as an "Okay, go get 'em kid!"

Okay, I'm here to talk to you about something weird that seems to be happening to the Titans West. They don't like being called the Titans West, according to Aqualad. Well, boo hoo. That might sound a little harsh, but get this: They're in the West, people. And we're in the East. It's not our fault our name sounds cooler, is it? But something weird is happening over the there, but more specifically, something is happening to Robin. Nothing too weird, he's not coming out of the closet or anything (always pegged Beast Boy as being that way inclined myself)… at least, I don't think he is. But in all likelihood, he's not. And do you know why? Because it's obvious. The Titans East know, the Titans West know, hell, Brother Blood probably knows, and do you know why?

Because neither of them knows what the hell they're doing. It's that simple. Of course, I'm not sure if anyone in the Titans West knows what they're doing when it comes to that stuff; Sparky especially… But I'll get to that later. Anyway, the weirdness began when Robin called up and asked to speak to Aqualad. I asked him what it was about, but he said it was private. That annoyed me, not just because I'm the leader and things shouldn't be kept from me, but because I wanted to know, dammit. And then, later on in the same day, Robin calls again, asking for me. That's when I know something weird is going down. It obviously wasn't an emergency, because he would have just sounded an alarm. No; this was something else.

So, I went to my room and opened my private line. I don't want to go into explicit detail about the conversation (according to Aqualad, it was pretty much identical to the one he had with Robin in the morning anyway) because it was incredibly short. He looked all awkward and mumbled something about relationships in a team, when I just stopped him short and said:

"Ask the girl out already. She obviously feels the same way, so just do it."

Then he thanked me and logged off. The look on his face was priceless. I'd never seen a guy so shocked since… I kicked Sparky's butt back in that undersea base. That was the whole conversation. Pretty stupid, huh? You wouldn't think that someone as smart and capable as Robin would have any trouble picking up a girl he had his eye on, but there you go. Evidence that God has a sense of humour.

After the call, I started thinking about what I thought of the other Titans. You know, leader stuff. I really doubt that anyone else thinks about this. How bored would you have to be? So, my thoughts drifted on to the first Teen Titan I met; Sparky. You probably call him Cyborg, but I think Sparky suits him better. You know why? Because he's so stupid sometimes it's unbelievable. Now, I know that a lot of people (a disturbing amount) think that he and I are (or that we should) perform the horizontal hokey-pokey on a regular basis. Well, we don't and probably never will. If that sound a bit regretful, I suppose it is a little bit.

I mean, he is pretty handsome, and I think under all that stupid stuff is a nice guy. But most of the time the stupid stuff kinda leaks out too much. Here's a good example. I remember one time when we had just finished building the Titans East Tower, and Sparky showed us the disco lights he installed. I thought it was a pretty cool idea. Aqualad went for a swim, Speedy went to get some ribs, and the two Spanish amigos disappeared. So, it was just me and Sparky. So we start to dance. Nothing incredibly romantic, just a little boogie. Than dumb and dumber zoom in with some computer game console thing. And Sparky just left. I mean, left standing around for a computer game? Even if I wasn't considering anything romantic, that's just kind of… rude, isn't it?

Damn it, I sound like such a prude, complaining about manners. But they are important in a man, to me at least. Probably why me and Aqualad got along so famously for the few months it was just me and him. Dear God, now there is a good looking guy. And believe me, the thought occurred more than once; he just never showed any kind of interest that way. I don't know if he noticed and just ignored it or just didn't see it; I'm not exactly in your face about that kind of thing. I'm a bit more subtle. If I could say one bad thing about Aqualad (and it's pretty hard, he's perfect in almost every way), it's that he doesn't take sides on much, except for pollution and eating fish, which aren't exactly hot conversation topics. I don't expect him to be super opinionated about everything, but… whenever he criticizes anything, he backtracks afterwards, saying it's not fair for him to say that, or something like that. And it kinda gets on my nerves.

Now someone who is opinionated is Speedy. Now, judging by what I said about Sparky and Aqualad, you're probably expecting me to say how he was handsome and I found him a little bit attractive, but the truth is, I just didn't. From the instant I met him, I just didn't feel anything like that. And you know why? The guy almost physically oozes ego. I mean, seriously, he's a nice guy underneath it all, I'm sure, but... I have never seen a man so obsessed with his own appearance. Outside of a drag queen, that is. He spends more time messing with his hair in the bathroom than I do! Now that's saying something, let me tell you. I wouldn't mind if there was some visible result, but his hair is exactly the same when comes out of the bathroom as it was when he went in. I'm not kidding, ask Aqualad. Or Mas and Menos, if you can speak Spanish.

Here's one thing about Mas and Menos that confuses me; they only speak Spanish, right? And yet, they always understand what we're saying, down to the tiniest detail. Now, if they understand English, then why don't they just speak it? The answer? Because they like being annoying. That's the only explanation I can think of, and I'm sticking with it. It works well in combat situations, but outside of that, I can hardly stand them. Now, get them drunk, and it's a whole different story. They become totally different people. They just slow down… a lot. You can get tired just looking at them when they're drunk. But, you get them on a sugar high…

Oh. My. GOD.

I have never been so afraid of my team-mates in all my life. They were just… everywhere, laughing as they went. And I'm not exaggerating, ask Aqualad. Don't bother to ask Speedy, as he was the one who gave them a crate full of pixie sticks before leaving for the night. Oh sure, he thought it was funny at the time, but he wasn't laughing the next day when he found his hair gel had been replaced with superglue. Yes, it was immature of me, and yes, as a leader I should have set a better example, but… he deserved it, dammit.

Now, before you start asking me to say something about the other Titans West, let me just tell you that I have only met them once or twice, and that was only to say goodbye. But then again, it's kind of a testament to how obvious Robin and Starfire are with their relationship that I saw it only after two visits. I mean, come on. The constant glances, the blushing… hell, Sparky even told me they have long talks on the roof as they watch the sunset! I mean, they sound like a couple to me anyway! Is there any question, or is Robin just stupid? I don't care if he was trained by Batman; he could be the last survivor of a doomed alien world for all I care, he's just wasting time because he's scared. Maybe I'll talk to Starfire and tell her about these little calls…

No, that would be too cruel. Besides, Sparky told me that he's trying to play matchmaker with them. Yeah, that's right; the mighty Cyborg is a big ol' romantic softie at heart.

I knew he had it in him.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(A/N: Yeah, a little short, I know, but… she's hard to write for. Review! Next up is Cyborg, which should be nice and long since I can get in his head easy.)