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Alphabetical Observations of the Titan Kind

Chapter 6: Raven

Hey. I'm Raven. I'm a member of the Teen Titans. Or the dark member if you like. Or the Goth, people aren't too fussy. Not that I care one way or the other. I'm not as upset by what anonymous people think of me as some people are.

You know I'm talking about Beast Boy.

I'm not saying that it's not important to appear friendly and helpful to the public, but to let it bother you that they're constantly poking into your private life would be pointless. But then again, most of the things that Beast Boy does are pointless.

And before you say anything, it's not some subconscious attraction to Beast Boy that's made me mention him twice in the first few seconds.

Ugh… Nowthere's a rumour I could do without.

I don't really see where that whole theory came from, but if you could see how we interact in our day to day life… well, let's just say you wouldn't think so anymore. And, even though it doesn't bother me, it can be… distracting when the public pokes into your love life (or lack of). That's the main reason why I don't particularly enjoy going to the mall with Starfire. Even though I enjoy her company, I don't enjoy the company of drooling fans who think that they are that 'special someone' who will win my heart. Or Starfire's, which is a lot more likely.

Beast Boy and Cyborg always tease and say that I'm a little bit jealous of Starfire, but I don't understand where that came from, either. That's as ridiculous as me and Beast Boy being a couple.

I think I need to wash my mouth out. That left a bitter taste.

But I can't think of any reason why I'd be jealous of her, except for Robin.

What?

I'm not stupid enough to not know when I've got a crush on someone. But that's not to say I haven't been troubled by thoughts of him; actually it's pretty much the exact opposite. I even went into my meditation mirror to talk to my emotions, to find out what I should do. Logic told me that the feelings towards Robin were a natural psychological reaction to his having come to rescue me and helping me during the Trigon debacle. Love told me… something different.

I know it's a crush. It has to be. If it was anything else, it would cause a rift inside the team so big I don't think it would survive. Starfire would most likely leave, and then so would Robin, followed quickly by Cyborg and Beast Boy going their separate ways. And I wouldn't want that; to end up like I was in the future that Starfire saw. And besides, that would all depend on Robin feeling the same way towards me, which he most definitely does not. Reality check to those who see something between me and him: Robin loves Starfire. He probably doesn't know what it is; most teenagers don't. The only reason I do is because of my extensive training in suppressing my own emotions and sensing the emotions of others. It's almost like radiation when they're together.

Cyborg sees me looking at them together, and I can feel the pity from him. He thinks I'm sad because Robin and Starfire are close; the real reason is because I'm concerned (and a little bit annoyed) at the distracting amount of emotion they're giving off. When emotions build up they have a habit of… building pressure, until they eventually explode. Trust me; I know these things. The amount that they're radiating… they're going to be exploding any day now.

Big time.

And that brings me on to why I'm talking to you in the first place (although the how is still bothering me); Robin came to talk to me about relationships within the team. I sometimes wonder if he knows how obvious he is; for someone who was trained by Batman he's particularly horrendous at hiding his feelings. But I decided a long time ago that you don't tell Robin about his faults, since he takes it very personal from friends. God forbid that Starfire ever criticises him. I won't go into specifics about the conversation, because apparently he's been having similar conversations with the others, and from what I hear, our conversation was pretty much the same as everyone else's. The end result was me telling him to go and tell her. I didn't tell him why (he's frightened enough; he doesn't need the threat of an explosion of emotion hovering over his head), but I think he got the message.

After he left, I tried to continue with my book, but my mind continued to linger on what Robin said; relationships within the team. Since he was on my mind anyway, my thoughts lingered on Robin. And about Robin; I know what I have is a crush, and do you know why? Because I didn't feel this way until the incident with my fa… Trigon.

That's right. Before that, I had no romantic feelings towards Robin whatsoever. I could see he was physically attractive, but… we're too similar for it to ever work in anything but friendship. The reason that he and Starfire go so well together is that they compliment each other perfectly; they are opposites in the best way. As it stands now, Robin knows me better than anyone on the team, and vice versa – yet another reason we don't go together as anything other than friends. He's one of my closest friends (almost akin to a brother), and I have nothing but the greatest respect for him; it was refreshing when I first met him to see someone else who controlled their emotions rather than letting them run wild. As time went on, I obviously found he didn't have the control he thought he did, as you can see from his obsession with Slade and, I suppose… Starfire, too.

My relationship with Starfire is an enigma. By all rights, I should hate her; she is everything I detest in a person. Constantly happy, loud, having little to no control over her emotions, and yet… I think of her as the sister I never had.

Freaky? You have no idea.

And, although I'd never admit to anyone, I've slowly begun to enjoy doing the…

Ugh…

Girly… things…

But that doesn't mean that I like doing all of them though; I still refuse to allow her anywhere near my hair. Especially after she discovered the… how did she put it?

"The joy of earthly hair ornaments."

I do not need Beast Boy and Cyborg seeing me like that. Even Robin would laugh, which is the strangest noise in the world, if you ever come across it. That's another thing that Starfire can do; she can make me laugh. Not gut busting, but she can make me chuckle. To be honest, that's the strangest thing of all; I usually only get amusement from quiet humour; witty comments, sarcastic retorts, that kind of thing. So when I find myself smiling in genuine amusement at Starfire's Splirognatork impression, I surprise myself. While we're on the topic of laughing, let's move on to Beast Boy, someone who I never laugh with, only at.

Although, I think that's the case with most of the others too, except Starfire; though it seems she's wising up to the fact that Beast Boy's jokes… well…

They're absolutely, indescribably, unbelievably bad.

That's what I tell him, anyway. Of course, he doesn't listen, but I say it anyway, in the hopes that he will give up his quest to make me laugh at one of his jokes. What he doesn't understand (I don't tell him this) is that when he's not trying to be funny, he usually is. I'm usually reading a book when he does amuse me, so I've managed to cover it up; if he ever saw me laughing at one of his jokes, I'd never live it down. That's probably why I don't tell him to stop trying to make me laugh; because then I'll have to explain why, which would result in my admitting that Beast Boy was funny.

Don't give me that look. That's the only reason I don't tell him to stop trying to make me laugh. At least, it's the only one I can think of. You're worse than Cyborg in seeing things that aren't there. And that's exactly what the romance is between me and Beast Boy; nonexistent.

So, repeat after me:

Raven…

And Beast Boy…

Do NOT go together.

That doesn't mean I don't like him though. He's one of the truest and most loyal friends I've ever had. True, I haven't had that many friends, and it did take me a long time to warm to him, but in the end… he's one of the best. I wouldn't go so far as to say he's my best friend, but… all I remember is how much he helped me after what happened with Malchior. And for that, he's pretty much earned the place of 'Little Brother' in my mind. Not that I'd ever tell him this, of course. He's annoying enough as it is.

Speaking of annoying, I'd like to move onto Cyborg. Actually, 'annoying' isn't the right word. 'Frustrating' is more like it. He can be so mature and level headed to the point where I've even admired him; then he goes and plays Stankball with Beast Boy, and when he does, well…

Maturity and Cyborg proceed to dine at different tables. They get together occasionally, but most of the time… they're pretty separate. Most of his immaturity is aimed at Beast Boy though, so I can't say it annoys me too much. Well, not enough for me to get involved.

Yet.

When he's separate from Beast Boy, he's actually okay to be around. His waffles are incredible. Yes, I just got enthusiastic about something – it happens a lot since Trigon was defeated. It doesn't happen too much though, and I'm grateful for that. It just seems like some subconscious barrier around my emotions has been lifted slightly following Trigon's defeat.

Going back to Cyborg, I know that a lot of people find it strange that I, of all people, was the one to comfort him when the T-car was stolen. To be honest, so was I. I thought it would be Beast Boy. In fact, I was sure it would be. But no, I ended up letting him bear his soul to me, and even ended up helping him put together the new one. And I did something I haven't done for anyone else in the Titans; I grinned at him. Not a smirk, an amused half smile, but a full grin. I couldn't control it; it just exploded on to my face. But it felt right. And I felt a certain amount of pride (and still do) that I helped build the T-car. I still occasionally help Cyborg work on it.

Emphasis on 'occasionally'.

His attachment to that thing is steadily getting past the point of 'concerning' and wading dangerously into the area of 'disturbing', so I let him work on it alone.

After the Titans I work with, I thought about the Titans East. Well, the only member I've exchanged more than three sentences with; Aqualad. Now he's annoying. Not in a Beast Boy way, but more because of the effect he had on me when I first met him. There he was, towering over me, looking at me with those eyes while he smiled… and my brain promptly melted. Only for a few seconds, but it still happened. And that ticked me off. Raven of Azarath, trained to have the utmost control of my emotions, and there I was with a goofy smile and a blush heating my face to the point where I thought my sweat would start sizzling.

Not a pleasant experience. It got better over time, but I'm still very… discomforted by the memory. That's why I'm glad he didn't take Robin up on his offer to join our team. I don't think I could've taken that. Yet another example of how oblivious Robin is to the obvious: Starfire couldn't take her eyes off of Aqualad, and yet Robin still invited him to join the team. If I hadn't been so… distracted, I probably would have said something.

There's the alarm. I can hear Beast Boy complaining about the sound the alarm makes from here.

And… now he's wondering if Robin could change the sound of the alarm into something less, in Beast Boy's words, "Crap scary?"

I have to go out there and say something. I can only ignore Beast Boy's stupidity so much. Sure, he's my quote unquote 'Little Brother' but… he's just a little too little sometimes.

Hmm… 'A little too little'? Sounds like something Beast Boy would laugh at.

I really need to get out more.

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(A/N: I was feeling kinda bad for how short the Mas and Menos chapter was, so… here's true blue Zinthos from the makers of Azarath and Metrion.

Do you approve of true blue Zinthos? Whatever your opinion, call the Review hotline now. We love your feedback.)

Next: The only full time Titan who isn't on Robin's list…