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Alphabetical Observations of the Titan Kind

Chapter 7: Robin

Hi, I'm Robin. I'm the leader of the Teen Titans. Or Batman's partner, the Boy Wonder, if you prefer. I still don't know where that name came from. It was probably Alfred. He has a sadistic sense of humour sometimes. He and Cyborg would probably get on great, always cooking up ways to humiliate me. Although it would be interesting to see Bruce's reaction if Cyborg pulled a prank on him.

You'd think it would be a hard job leading a team of four teenagers. And you'd be right. It is hard. But I have no complaints. In fact, I have to keep stopping to remind myself how lucky I am. I'm at the very peak of human physical condition, I see and go places that most people only dream of, and I'm the partner of one of the greatest heroes that has ever lived; or ever will live, and I lead a team of teenage heroes, each of whom will probably go in the same history book as Bruce. And, of course, I'm luckiest of all because I… you know.

Anyway, you've been watching my plan in action, and you've probably guessed what it is by now. But if you haven't, here it is: I'm going to ask each of the Titans what they think of romantic relationships within the team, and then act on the majority reaction. It's not exactly a great strategy, but it's the best I could come up with. Logic doesn't really apply to this kind of problem, so I need to keep the solution as simple as possible.

A part of me was kind of hoping that everyone would disapprove of relationships so I wouldn't have to go through with it. To actually go up to her and just… it seems impossible just thinking about it. If you don't know what I'm talking about, then you're as blind as I've been since I first met Starfire. Or you're Beast Boy. Either way, I'm going to be explaining this to you.

Starfire… I wish I knew what to do about her. Correction: I know what to do, but I wish I wasn't so cowardly about it. I have to admit, I almost fooled myself into thinking it was just a fleeting attraction to the superficial things about her. But as time went on, the feelings didn't stop; they grew into an attraction to everything about her. But I still held off, mostly because I wasn't sure what she wanted to do. That is, I didn't know until we were stranded on that alien planet. That's when I found out that she actually thought she was my girlfriend! Now that just… well, it scared the crap out of me; now I had no excuse for not following up on my feelings for her.

I was a bit angry with myself, too. There I was, the protégé of the World's Greatest Detective, and I hadn't noticed for the longest time that Starfire liked me that way. I was trained to analyze the behaviour of the most hardened and emotionally closed off criminals, and one of the most emotional people I've met passes me by? Well, that just made me angry.

We're not talking 'punching the wall in anger' angry, this was more 'glaring at Beast Boy and Cyborg' angry. Although I have done the first one before. Just once. It was after Slade's mask made me hallucinate that I was fighting Slade. I left to go to bed after Cyborg removed the reagent from my bloodstream, and while I lay in bed I remembered everything that had happened that day.

Then I remembered grabbing Starfire. I can safely say I have never felt as angry as I was when I remembered that. Not even when Slade forced me to be his apprentice. On a scale of one to ten, I was about seven when I was his apprentice. On that night, I was pushing twenty. There's still a dent in the wall that I've hidden with a poster. I went straight to Starfire and apologised, and she said that it wasn't my fault, but that didn't really help when I could see the bruises on her arm where I had grabbed her.

I remembered the look on her face, and the tears in her eyes, and… I wanted to cry (I didn't though). That doesn't happen very often (wanting to cry, not actually crying), but it's almost always linked with Starfire when I do. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Of course, that pretty much accounts for my feelings for Starfire in general.

Oh, I'm sure that my feelings for Starfire are good, nothing but… too many good things, really. I'm not even sure what to call the feeling that I get when I look into her eyes, or when she hugs me, or even when we're just talking. What do you call that feeling?

Love? I don't know… it's pretty strong, whatever it is, but love? I'm not too sure. I mean… I don't have anything to compare it to, for a start. The only love I've felt is for my parents, and if I felt that kind of love towards Starfire I wouldn't be as troubled as I am right now. They're like two different kinds of love. But then again, that all depends on whether it is love I feel for Starfire, or if it's something else. I don't know; I just don't know.

I wish it was as straightforward with Starfire as it was with the other members of the team. With them, I can tell you exactly how I feel about them and where they fit in my life. Take Raven for instance. A lot of people think that my obsession with helping her through the whole Trigon thing means that I'm in love with her. I'll be honest with you; when I first heard about that, I laughed. I wasn't rolling on the floor crying, but it was a good honest laugh. And you know why?

Because it's ridiculous. Completely, totally, and absolutely ridiculous. Not convinced? Okay, let me put it this way: would you date your sister?

I'm going to assume you said no, because any other answer would just disturb me. Okay, so you wouldn't date your sister. But would you do anything you could to help her if she was in trouble?

Right; you'd do everything in your power to help her. I rest my case. I hope Starfire doesn't think… no, she wouldn't, would she? Not after what happened on that alien planet… never mind, back to Raven.

I have to admit that she's a very calming influence in my life, and I meant every word I said to her about her being the most hopeful person I'd ever met. Come to think of it, I never say anything if I don't mean it. Except (big surprise) when it comes to Starfire.

As for her place in the team… she keeps us grounded. As corny and cheesy as it sounds, she keeps our eyes on the bigger picture; stops us from getting too caught up in our emotions. Although that rarely helps with Beast Boy.

When I think of Raven, Beast Boy almost always comes hand in hand, mostly because I see them still together in about seventy years. I don't mean romantically (though it wouldn't surprise me), but I can still see a white haired Raven shouting at one of Beast Boy's pranks while he just rolls on the floor and laughs.

I never want Beast Boy to grow up. I may act like he annoys me sometimes, but… actually it's not an act most of the time. He does annoy me; just not as much as he obviously does Raven. But most of the time I truly do appreciate what he does for the team. This isn't just the leader part of me talking (though that's a big part of it), I'm just truly glad that he never takes anything too seriously, no matter how bad the situation looks.

That's something I can't say I'm particularly good at, though Bruce has commented on how much more light hearted I am since I joined up with the others; though I haven't noticed myself. It's probably just subconscious; I can't think of anything worse than becoming like Beast Boy. I like what he does for the team, but I would not like to be him.

Then we move on to Cyborg. My feelings for him are equal parts irritation and admiration; he can annoy me so much that I just want to hit him. Well, you know, don't you? You've seen how he can get under my skin; although it's usually to do with Starfire. Actually, it's always to do with Starfire. I wonder why he's so snarky about it. Does he like Starfire? No, that couldn't be it.

Gah.

Welcome to another irritating habit of mine: paranoia. You've seen him before, I'm sure. It's what drove me right into Slade's waiting hands when we first met him, and what drove Starfire and the others away. At least, it drove them away to begin with. I've tried to make a conscious effort to become more involved with the rest of the team, though I still can't stand tofu or Cyborg's strange obsession with the T-car. I don't really care that much for meditating with Raven, actually.

And would you look at that? I'm left with one person: Starfire. If you could hear me right now, you'd hear a growl. I've found myself doing that a lot recently. Not around the others, of course. And certainly not around Starfire; around her it would take on a completely different meaning.

Anyway, back to Cyborg. Sorry, I don't usually veer off topic like that… But I'm veering off again, aren't I? Back onto Cyborg. Like I said before, he irritates me, but I have nothing but the greatest admiration for Cyborg; for how he overcame the obstacles in his life with a easy smile and a calm attitude; how he's constantly improving himself (physically and mentally).

But most of all, I admire how he doesn't elect a position for himself, he just fills it. I admire that without any kind of argument from the others, Cyborg became leader in my absence. I admire that he has become the big brother of the group without even trying; he just is. I didn't truly appreciate that until I talked to him earlier today.

And that leaves, guess who? Starfire. I always leave her for last in these kinds of things, as you can see from my list of names. I even put her last on the training schedule; when we do one-on-one training programs, that is. Most of the time we do whole team exercises, but about once a month I schedule one-on-one training, so we can adapt in case we're left without our powers or weapons for whatever reason.

And I always leave Starfire for last. I think it's probably because it means I can spend as much time with her as I want without having to worry about the next 'trainee'. Of course, they always end badly for me. I find it difficult fighting someone with five times my strength as it is, but when that person is Starfire and they're so close to me that I can feel their breath on my face… well, it gets awkward.

And I get distracted.

And Starfire breaks some bones.

Then Robin goes 'ouch'.

Yet another reason I thank God that Raven's on the team; her healing powers. If not for them, I'd probably just have to hand over the leadership reigns to Cyborg and sit in a wheelchair back at the tower.

You know, I remember being sat in the common room area just watching the rest of the team enjoying themselves in whatever they were doing, when I started to wonder what we'd all be doing in ten years time. Or twenty. And I didn't see myself in the Tower anymore. Which scared me. To think that somewhere in my mind I didn't think I'll be staying with my friends anymore. I wondered what could possibly prompt me to leave the best friends that I'd ever known.

But that isn't what horrified me the most. The real clincher was the fact that I saw Starfire still in the tower with the rest of the team. And the thought of my life without her in it scared me. But another thought hit me. What if she found someone else after I left? That didn't scare me; that just made me angry. To think that some other guy would be with her, talking to her, having…

ANYWAY…moving on.

And that's when I pretty much realised that what I felt for her was something more. Something… big. That's the only word I can think of to explain it. Just… big.

Well, that's it. I've only got two more people on my list, Speedy and Starfire. And no matter whether they approve or not, the majority seems to be in favour of me and Starfire. That kind of annoyed me, too. I like to think I keep my feelings pretty well covered, but apparently not, since everyone from Aqualad to Raven seems to know about it.

Besides, it's not like I don't agree with the majority or anything; I mean, would I be talking about her this much if I hated her? It's just…

Ah, hell, it's not just anything. I've got no idea what I'm talking about. Talk to me about Slade or the Joker or something, fine. I could go on for hours with pictures and statistics and charts and… well, a lot of stuff. Talk to me about Starfire, I'll start blushing like a madman and stuttering so much you'd want to hit me.

That's another thing I never did before I met Starfire. Well, two things; blushing and stuttering. Just two more for the list of things she does to me I suppose; and she doesn't even have to be there to do anything. Just the thought of her or the sound of her name… I suppose that's what scares me most. I know that she likes me, but does she like me anywhere near as much as I like her? I mean, I'd definitely have seen something by now, considering how emotionally open she is…

Damn, this is annoying.

But you know what's most annoying? She'd probably say yes.

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(A/N: So – are you feeling the Robin hate? Or the Robin love? Review!)

Next: Speedy! Same Robin-place, same Robin-channel, same Robin-time!