Disclaimer: Don't own Teen Titans. Or any other DC stuff, for that matter.

Alphabetical Observations of the Teen Titan Kind

Chapter 8: Speedy

Yo, I'm Speedy, and I'm a member of the Titans East. I'm Ollie Queen's partner too (who you probably know as Green Arrow), but that isn't as much fun, mostly because he's better than me at everything that makes me the best in the Titans East. And I am the best. Okay, the others have good powers and all, but they all have parts of their personalities that get in the way. Like those two little Spanish piñatas, Mas and Menos. They're way too young and get distracted way too easily. But I'll talk about that later.

A lot of people mistake me for smug, but it's really just confidence in what I can do. Robin's exactly the same, but do the Titans bust him about it? No. I honestly don't know what the difference is between my attitude and his.

Obsessed? They said that about my hair? Obsessed! They don't know the meaning of the word. Robin's the obsessive one. So what if I want to make sure I look good? Where's the harm? They have to wait in the hallway for another few minutes. Boo hoo. Seriously, Ollie never complained as much as these guys do. Actually, Ollie grumbles and moans much more than the Titans East do, so just forget I said that part. You know, I'm not even sure these guys know that I'm the Green Arrow's partner. Do the Titans in the west know that Robin is Batman's partner? I'll have to ask them about it sometime. I'm not about to tell them either way.

Anyway, I'm talking to you because Robin came to me today to ask me about… what was it? Oh yeah.

'Relationships within the team'.

Now, I knew who he was talking about as soon as he said that. Starfire, the hot alien from another planet. I've never met her without being under the influence of mind control, but if I did, I doubt she'd like Robin half as much. Again, that's not just me being smug – it's just that a lot of women like me. Anyway, getting back on track… I don't particularly want to recount the entire conversation, but I told him to just go for it and hang the consequences. I can pretty much guarantee that if you take a risk, no matter what happens, you'll always feel better for taking it. That's pretty much my philosophy; try anything, no matter the risk. Usually, the bigger the risk, the bigger the buzz when you've taken it; the outcome doesn't really enter into it. Usually.

Robin seemed pretty horrified by my approach, which is funny when you think of all the stuff that hardened Gotham criminals do. He can look that stuff in the eye and not even blink; but put one red head from another planet in front of him, and poof – Robin the crime fighter is dead. Long live Robin the blubbering idiot. I've gotta say, I never got nervous around women, so I find it hard to sympathise with him. I'm really having trouble seeing what the problem is. But then again, I've never been described as the most sensitive person in the world.

Well, once he'd hung up, I ended up thinking about the other Titans, and what I thought of them. Looking back, it seems a very stupid thing to just sit back and think about, but there I was, staring up at the ceiling, thinking of the first Teen Titans I met: Beast Boy, Robin and Cyborg. Now, I'd seen the Titans on TV, and I was more than a little disappointed that the women weren't with them, but then again, I wouldn't have wanted to fight them anyway.

And no, that isn't chauvinistic crap, it's more the fact that Starfire as super strength and Raven… well, I've seen what she can do, and I don't want to get in the way of that, thank you very much. Anyway, back to the three Titans I met. First of all, Beast Boy. I've gotta say, I didn't feel much respect for the guy, mostly because I know his type. Always making jokes, never taking life seriously enough to reach their full potential. All I know is, if I had his powers, I would be a much better Beast Boy than he ever was.

Robin and Cyborg were a different story. First of all, Robin. It was good to meet someone who I could talk to about all my weapons – whenever I talk to Ollie about them, he rests his head on his shoulder and makes a mock snoring noise.

And no, I don't think that's funny.

Anyway, Robin's a cool guy – a lot of people say we're really alike, but I don't see it. Aside from the costume, I mean. Really, that was just a bad coincidence. And neither of us is sure who made their costume first, so we really can't accuse one of stealing the other's costume design. But he did steal mine. I know he did.

Speaking of Robin, a lot of people wonder why there are pictures of Robin on magazine covers and none of me (Bumblebee, our esteemed leader takes pleasure in reminding me at every opportunity). The reason is that I'm not a poser. I don't stick around long enough for all those paparazzi's to take my picture.

Moving on to Cyborg. I know him a bit better than the other Titans West because he helped make the Titans East, and he was even leader for a while too. I meant what I said about how we needed him with us. We were a mess before he showed up; of course, I wouldn't have admitted it at the time, but we were. He really turned us around, and I thought it was really cool how he did it calmly. Me, I would have just yelled at everyone until they listened to me. I tried that approach a lot before Cyborg arrived. It didn't work, but at least I tried to get everyone to work together.

Then I went on to Raven and Starfire. I'll just take a moment to ask a question: are there any ugly teenage superheroines? Anywhere? Because I haven't seen any, especially in the case of these two. Like I said, I don't know either of them that well, just what I've been told and what I can see. And what I can see… well, let me put it this way: I drew the short straw by being on the Titans East instead of the Titans West. If I was over there, I would probably be enjoying myself a lot more. Not that Bumblebee isn't attractive, but I find it really hard to like her in that way, mostly because she's our leader and all that. But I like Robin, so I wouldn't even think about going after Starfire. That's right, the self obsessed Speedy as morals. Gasp.

Now, on to the Titans East. I mentioned Bumblebee earlier, so I suppose I should start with her. She's a pretty good leader, but I did have my doubts to begin with. I didn't really think she was the leader type. But then again, I'm not exactly the leader type. I'm not exactly the team player type either, but here I am. She's constantly ribbing me about how I never seem to bring any girls back with me after my nights on the town, but why would I want to bring a girl back to tower anyway? So they can meet Mas and Menos? Or maybe Aqualad? All I'm saying is that there wouldn't be much point.

You know, come to think of it, Aqualad and Bumblebee give me these strange looks a lot when I come back from my nights on the town without a girl. Makes me wonder what they're thinking… they say anything to you?

GAY! They think… GAY! I'm not gay! How could they think I'm gay? I'm not… Oh, they will pay for this. They thought it was bad when I gave Mas and Menos a crateful of pixie sticks… just you wait.

I was going to say that Aqualad is an okay guy and a pretty capable fighter, but now I'm just going to say anything I could have said is pointless since you won't be hearing from him for a long time once I'm through with him.

Jesus… gay…

Anyway, Mas and Menos are okay. Not good, not great, but okay. They make suitable weapons to use against the other Titans when they get on my bad side, so you can pretty much be rest assured that they'll be part of whatever I do to Bumblebee and Aqualad.

I'd talk some more, but that's just ruined my day, and I've got things to plan.

I hope to God that Ollie doesn't find out about this.

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(A/N: A bit short once again, I know, but the Titans East have only had a handful of episodes to let me get into their heads, so… there you go. Review if you like! Review if you hate!)

Next: It's the chapter that you've been waiting for - The Princess of Tamaran, Starfire…