@)~~~~
The Lives of Kagome, Inuyasha...and Miroku...over the last 8 years....
@)~~~~
"Kagome, darling." Kouga grinned a fanged grin. She was completely intoxicated. Her eyes rolled heavenwards, as if trying to see the inside of her eyelids without shutting them and her lips became even more inviting then when he had picked her up.
"Yes, mysterious stranger?"
"This won't work out."
A flurry of emotions overtook Kagome. However, aggravation seemed to be the most prominent. She held her position.
"We've known each other for a few hours. You can't have been cheating on me."
"Well, no..."
"Oh thank goodness!" Kagome squealed and latched onto Kouga, in a sudden sobriety. "We'll have so much fun! We'll go on dates, and I'll attach a homing device to you so I know if you've so much as WALKED near a sorority...oh! And matching house keys!! It'll be great! And when you propose, I'll wear that tube top dress...not really a dress when you think about it...but it'll be so worth it! I like sapphires," she said seriously, "they match my eyes."
"Hm. I'll keep that in mind...though it probably won't do me any good."
Kagome pulled out the big guns and pouted. "Why not, sexy?"
"I'm engaged. See ya!"
The Tokyo Police Department received several complaints about an attempted murder but upon investigation, it seemed a man had somehow accidentally royally pissed off a drunk cat.
@)~~~~
In the state penitentiary...
@)~~~~
"I still can't believe you're a computer engineer."
Grunt.
"I mean, Stewart over there was a manicurist...and we thought that was strange."
Grunt.
"Personally, I think a nice manicure does a body good. Speaking of bodies..."
"Touch me and die."
"Fiesty ones are popular here. Wanna let me show you how to properly hold soap?"
"Remember why I was jailed in the first place?" said Inuyasha with a sort of controlled mix of rage and desperation.
"Um, Mikey said something about...a stapler? Who'd you do in with a stapler?"
"I think there must have been a kind of miscommunication."
"Oh?"
"I raped..." said Inuyasha slowly, unsure of how to make it seem more threatening than what Molly Shannon here was used to.
"Ooh! A rapist! Guys get in here!"
"...a small army of chipmunks."
The congregation blinked.
"Yes, chipmunks. I'm not going to go into details...but they were part of a radioactivity experiment held at the...lab...I used to work at. Yes, I worked in a lab. I fixed...mouses...." Inuyasha stopped mid-sentence. What the hell am I talking about?! How the fuck did I end up this way?! Why?!
"That...."
"Oh my god...."
"We don't hold hospitality to perverts, fella."
Inuyasha was against a wall. And then he did something uncharacteristic of his hanyou heritage. He squeaked.
"NOOO! I don't mean...I mean...it's so gruesome...what I did...the secret service...yes! The AMERICAN secret service won't let me reveal it and gave me this rather...brilliant...cover story...so...I'm half demon! Shouldn't you all be terrified?!"
"Jakotsu over there's full demon and he got us to cooperate by telling us of his life as a traveling drag queen."
"Damn."
@)~~~~
Luckily for the abused Inuyasha, his five years are nearing an end. Where has Miroku been all this time?
@)~~~~
"Lovely Sango...." All she saw was a lecherous smile.
"Who the fuck are you and how many teeth are you prepared to lose?!"
"Simply your admirer, I have--"
"Your hand is WAY to close to be in my comfort region. Remove it, or I shall find a way to manually castrate you."
"Such a divine voice!"
"Buddy, we met at Taco Bell. Our orders were mixed up. I'm not going to suddenly bear your child."
Miroku's face fell. How?! However, he was always known for a quick recovery.
"I shall prove to you we are destined."
"And I shall prove to you that legalization of domestic fire arms has done me hella good."
@)~~~~
Back in the penitentiary...
@)~~~~
"I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to--"
"Hey, Yasha!"
"INUYASHA, jacka--"
"You're free."
"Excuse me." It was definitely a statement...borne out of shock.
"I mean, squirrel rapists...it's almost understandable." Inuyasha stared at the guard, "Had a thing for sheep, myself."
The hanyou gulped. It takes a lot to make a hanyou gulp.
"You're letting me go?"
"Yes."
"And it's perfectly legal?" "Sure."
"Because you believe I violated woodland creatures."
"That's pretty much it."
"...."
"You seem happy," said the guard, opening his door, "I mean...you seem the outdoorsy type...it was probably a terrifying act of desperation...FAR more honorable than beating women in any case. I can't stand those. They should be killed the instant they step in here...."
Inuyasha broke into a sprint.
The Lives of Kagome, Inuyasha...and Miroku...over the last 8 years....
@)~~~~
"Kagome, darling." Kouga grinned a fanged grin. She was completely intoxicated. Her eyes rolled heavenwards, as if trying to see the inside of her eyelids without shutting them and her lips became even more inviting then when he had picked her up.
"Yes, mysterious stranger?"
"This won't work out."
A flurry of emotions overtook Kagome. However, aggravation seemed to be the most prominent. She held her position.
"We've known each other for a few hours. You can't have been cheating on me."
"Well, no..."
"Oh thank goodness!" Kagome squealed and latched onto Kouga, in a sudden sobriety. "We'll have so much fun! We'll go on dates, and I'll attach a homing device to you so I know if you've so much as WALKED near a sorority...oh! And matching house keys!! It'll be great! And when you propose, I'll wear that tube top dress...not really a dress when you think about it...but it'll be so worth it! I like sapphires," she said seriously, "they match my eyes."
"Hm. I'll keep that in mind...though it probably won't do me any good."
Kagome pulled out the big guns and pouted. "Why not, sexy?"
"I'm engaged. See ya!"
The Tokyo Police Department received several complaints about an attempted murder but upon investigation, it seemed a man had somehow accidentally royally pissed off a drunk cat.
@)~~~~
In the state penitentiary...
@)~~~~
"I still can't believe you're a computer engineer."
Grunt.
"I mean, Stewart over there was a manicurist...and we thought that was strange."
Grunt.
"Personally, I think a nice manicure does a body good. Speaking of bodies..."
"Touch me and die."
"Fiesty ones are popular here. Wanna let me show you how to properly hold soap?"
"Remember why I was jailed in the first place?" said Inuyasha with a sort of controlled mix of rage and desperation.
"Um, Mikey said something about...a stapler? Who'd you do in with a stapler?"
"I think there must have been a kind of miscommunication."
"Oh?"
"I raped..." said Inuyasha slowly, unsure of how to make it seem more threatening than what Molly Shannon here was used to.
"Ooh! A rapist! Guys get in here!"
"...a small army of chipmunks."
The congregation blinked.
"Yes, chipmunks. I'm not going to go into details...but they were part of a radioactivity experiment held at the...lab...I used to work at. Yes, I worked in a lab. I fixed...mouses...." Inuyasha stopped mid-sentence. What the hell am I talking about?! How the fuck did I end up this way?! Why?!
"That...."
"Oh my god...."
"We don't hold hospitality to perverts, fella."
Inuyasha was against a wall. And then he did something uncharacteristic of his hanyou heritage. He squeaked.
"NOOO! I don't mean...I mean...it's so gruesome...what I did...the secret service...yes! The AMERICAN secret service won't let me reveal it and gave me this rather...brilliant...cover story...so...I'm half demon! Shouldn't you all be terrified?!"
"Jakotsu over there's full demon and he got us to cooperate by telling us of his life as a traveling drag queen."
"Damn."
@)~~~~
Luckily for the abused Inuyasha, his five years are nearing an end. Where has Miroku been all this time?
@)~~~~
"Lovely Sango...." All she saw was a lecherous smile.
"Who the fuck are you and how many teeth are you prepared to lose?!"
"Simply your admirer, I have--"
"Your hand is WAY to close to be in my comfort region. Remove it, or I shall find a way to manually castrate you."
"Such a divine voice!"
"Buddy, we met at Taco Bell. Our orders were mixed up. I'm not going to suddenly bear your child."
Miroku's face fell. How?! However, he was always known for a quick recovery.
"I shall prove to you we are destined."
"And I shall prove to you that legalization of domestic fire arms has done me hella good."
@)~~~~
Back in the penitentiary...
@)~~~~
"I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to--"
"Hey, Yasha!"
"INUYASHA, jacka--"
"You're free."
"Excuse me." It was definitely a statement...borne out of shock.
"I mean, squirrel rapists...it's almost understandable." Inuyasha stared at the guard, "Had a thing for sheep, myself."
The hanyou gulped. It takes a lot to make a hanyou gulp.
"You're letting me go?"
"Yes."
"And it's perfectly legal?" "Sure."
"Because you believe I violated woodland creatures."
"That's pretty much it."
"...."
"You seem happy," said the guard, opening his door, "I mean...you seem the outdoorsy type...it was probably a terrifying act of desperation...FAR more honorable than beating women in any case. I can't stand those. They should be killed the instant they step in here...."
Inuyasha broke into a sprint.