@)~~~~
"And so, Inuyasha, you and this court of law meet again...not in the greatest of circumstances, but--"
"Miroku, you sorry sonuv--"
"Ah-ah-ah, Inuyasha! Such language will not be tolerated in my court and ESPECIALLY not in the presence of such beauty," Miroku took the liberty to wink at Sango who flipped him off, "and may I remind you, you are here again on charge of assault to not only a woman, but a pregnant woman, a pregnant woman with a friend whose curves could knock professional race car drivers off their co--"
He was abruptly cut off with a folder to the cranium.
"And as Miss Sango here silently points out, we have a case to attend to. Inuyasha, your criminal record and past history with women leads me to believe you are incapable of properly repaying your debt to society in a prison, so I have decided to make an experimental service suggestion."
Inuyasha silently allowed Miroku's verdict to sink in and slowly translated it into simple language. He responded:
"Say what?"
"You and Miss Kagome here shall be spending the next nine months of her pregnancy together. You, more or less, shall be at her constant command regarding the child you've probably permanently damaged." At this point, the author wishes to introduce Kagome, who was trembling slightly, switching looks of hateful passion between Inuyasha and Miroku, lost in thought when staring at her stomach, and finally, after finding out the silver-haired lunatic was going to play the ex-convict father figure, she burst into tears. Sango handed her a Kleenex and turned to Miroku.
"You raving idiot! He's a criminal more or less! He pretty much knocked her senseless at a condiment bar for god's sake! A *CONDIMENT* bar! That's a sure sign of a diseased mind!"
Inuyasha hadn't really considered Sango much of a human being from the start of this, and judging by the withering glare he gave her, she was down on the list with car bumpers and soapy baths.
Miroku attempted to placate her, "Well, he's not really such a bad guy. The last time was a giant misunderstanding--"
"AND YOU STILL SENT ME TO JAIL, YOU BASTARD!!!"
"—and I assure you Miss Kagome here shall be in the safest and most efficient of company during her nine months. If anything happens, this court of law will not fail to immediately prosecute Inuyasha in a harsher method and she will be reimbursed for any problems involving Inuyasha."
"But *I* don't want to spend my pregnancy with him! This was an independent decision! I'm going to raise this child on my own!"
And, like the clichéd moment of hysteric drama that it was, Mrs. Higurashi burst through the twin oak doors, like a cherry patterned hurricane in a ruinous desert, her floppy straw hat and matching driving gloves setting off an inborn nostalgia in the group, excluding Kagome, for a Happy Day's Marathon.
"Your honor!" Her saccharine voice put Miroku on edge. He knew whichever side she picked, his or everyone else, would be a guaranteed winner.
"Y-yes, madam?"
"That was an excellent verdict. I am sure your mother is very proud to have raised such a well-meaning lad. Have a fudge pasty," Mrs. Higurashi smiled, handing him a tray of perfectly crafted baked goods.
"Yes ma'am!" Miroku realized he had won.
Mrs. Higurashi flamboyantly turned to Kagome, who began wondering if it was even kind to expose her unborn child to this life.
"He's an extremely handsome boy, Kagome."
"Yes, Mom." Kagome replied, automatically, obediently, and most importantly, fearfully.
"A computer engineer, is that right?"
Inuyasha nodded, blushing, "Yes ma'am."
"From that wonderful inuyoukai clan. All professionals they are!" Mrs. Higurashi clapped her hands together in delight, "Does Sesshoumaru still have that adorable little law firm downtown?"
Inuyasha nodded dutifully, too petrified to growl at the mention of his brother's name.
"This will be simply wonderful! Our Kagome," Mrs. Higurashi vaguely flitted her hand in her daughter's direction, "is descended from a very powerful miko, Midoriko," she winked, "I wonder if you've heard of her. Oh, but this time will be simply wonderful. You two should have dinner. Tonight. In fact, why don't you just move i--"
This was Kagome's last straw.
"MOM! I barely know him!"
Mrs. Higurashi was expecting an outburst. She had baked fudge pasties, after all. She artfully slowed the atmosphere in the room and turned to her daughter, her lower lip trembling.
"Honey...."
Kagome looked for a spot behind her mother's head to glare at. Never look straight into her eyes, she reminded herself. She looked at Sango, Miroku, and Inuyasha, whose heads were bent forward, entranced by Mrs. Higurashi.
They'll agree with everything she says, Kagome thought desperately, how do I get out of this?
She looked at Inuyasha and decided he was good looking—in that criminal type of way. Well, no, not exactly. He was...she groped for a word...manly, she supposed. Silver hair was strange, but it didn't make him look old. His face was a chiseled oval of tan skin, coming to a close at...lips, she guessed. Kissable was too intimate a word for a guy she had just met. And his eyes...were yellow? They seemed to be searching for something...not from her or her mother...but from life in general...and were darkened by the thick eyebrows that beetled into a genuine frown. She'd probably have to fix that if they were going to end up living together.
Oh, but he had dog ears. She could forgive him everything else if she had those dog ears all to herself.
She vaguely recalled her mother saying something.
"—and how can you say you barely know Mr. Inuyasha here when you barely know the father of your own child! And don't think I didn't try and stop y- ooouuu!" Mrs. Higurashi's words ended in a wail that broke the general awe of her and made everyone either uncomfortable or upset at Kagome.
Inuyasha was both.
She's...a slut? She doesn't look like one.... Inuyasha glanced at Kagome and almost went into a cardiac arrest.
'She looks like Kikyo! Oh god, why me? Why?' Inuyasha was certain that there were people worse than him in the world. Sesshoumaru, for a start.
He decided it would be a good time to say something.
"What do you mean, 'you barely know the father of your own child'? Are you some kind of--"
Mrs. Higurashi was tactful enough to make erratic hand gestures and yell 'NO!' multiple times.
"It's nothing like that, Mr. Inuyasha!" Mrs. Higurashi hurriedly explained, "Kagome went through that...that...in-in-vierno...erm."
"In vitro fertilization, Mom."
"Oh indeed! And suddenly, she's having a test-tube baby! I ask you, girls these days! She wanted a baby and no father at all! I personally blame her grandfather for traumatizing her with all those lint bedtime stories...." Mrs. Higurashi trailed off into her own thoughts.
Inuyasha and Kagome uncomfortably stared in different directions, realizing speaking would cause an all out warfare and probably, with Inuyasha's luck, another lawsuit.
"Okay." Kagome said at last.
"Fine," piped Inuyasha, who decided someone who had to live with Mrs. Higurashi probably couldn't be exactly like Kikyo.
"This probably means I'll be seeing more of you, Miss Sango," Miroku said, leering, "As we are the best friends of the expectant parents...."
Sango grabbed Kagome's box of Kleenex and buried her face into a soft fold, sobbing.
"But don't expect me to like it!" They said at the same time, ironically, cornily, and unfortunately for their blossoming relationship.
They glared at each other. Let the child management begin.
@)~~~~
"And so, Inuyasha, you and this court of law meet again...not in the greatest of circumstances, but--"
"Miroku, you sorry sonuv--"
"Ah-ah-ah, Inuyasha! Such language will not be tolerated in my court and ESPECIALLY not in the presence of such beauty," Miroku took the liberty to wink at Sango who flipped him off, "and may I remind you, you are here again on charge of assault to not only a woman, but a pregnant woman, a pregnant woman with a friend whose curves could knock professional race car drivers off their co--"
He was abruptly cut off with a folder to the cranium.
"And as Miss Sango here silently points out, we have a case to attend to. Inuyasha, your criminal record and past history with women leads me to believe you are incapable of properly repaying your debt to society in a prison, so I have decided to make an experimental service suggestion."
Inuyasha silently allowed Miroku's verdict to sink in and slowly translated it into simple language. He responded:
"Say what?"
"You and Miss Kagome here shall be spending the next nine months of her pregnancy together. You, more or less, shall be at her constant command regarding the child you've probably permanently damaged." At this point, the author wishes to introduce Kagome, who was trembling slightly, switching looks of hateful passion between Inuyasha and Miroku, lost in thought when staring at her stomach, and finally, after finding out the silver-haired lunatic was going to play the ex-convict father figure, she burst into tears. Sango handed her a Kleenex and turned to Miroku.
"You raving idiot! He's a criminal more or less! He pretty much knocked her senseless at a condiment bar for god's sake! A *CONDIMENT* bar! That's a sure sign of a diseased mind!"
Inuyasha hadn't really considered Sango much of a human being from the start of this, and judging by the withering glare he gave her, she was down on the list with car bumpers and soapy baths.
Miroku attempted to placate her, "Well, he's not really such a bad guy. The last time was a giant misunderstanding--"
"AND YOU STILL SENT ME TO JAIL, YOU BASTARD!!!"
"—and I assure you Miss Kagome here shall be in the safest and most efficient of company during her nine months. If anything happens, this court of law will not fail to immediately prosecute Inuyasha in a harsher method and she will be reimbursed for any problems involving Inuyasha."
"But *I* don't want to spend my pregnancy with him! This was an independent decision! I'm going to raise this child on my own!"
And, like the clichéd moment of hysteric drama that it was, Mrs. Higurashi burst through the twin oak doors, like a cherry patterned hurricane in a ruinous desert, her floppy straw hat and matching driving gloves setting off an inborn nostalgia in the group, excluding Kagome, for a Happy Day's Marathon.
"Your honor!" Her saccharine voice put Miroku on edge. He knew whichever side she picked, his or everyone else, would be a guaranteed winner.
"Y-yes, madam?"
"That was an excellent verdict. I am sure your mother is very proud to have raised such a well-meaning lad. Have a fudge pasty," Mrs. Higurashi smiled, handing him a tray of perfectly crafted baked goods.
"Yes ma'am!" Miroku realized he had won.
Mrs. Higurashi flamboyantly turned to Kagome, who began wondering if it was even kind to expose her unborn child to this life.
"He's an extremely handsome boy, Kagome."
"Yes, Mom." Kagome replied, automatically, obediently, and most importantly, fearfully.
"A computer engineer, is that right?"
Inuyasha nodded, blushing, "Yes ma'am."
"From that wonderful inuyoukai clan. All professionals they are!" Mrs. Higurashi clapped her hands together in delight, "Does Sesshoumaru still have that adorable little law firm downtown?"
Inuyasha nodded dutifully, too petrified to growl at the mention of his brother's name.
"This will be simply wonderful! Our Kagome," Mrs. Higurashi vaguely flitted her hand in her daughter's direction, "is descended from a very powerful miko, Midoriko," she winked, "I wonder if you've heard of her. Oh, but this time will be simply wonderful. You two should have dinner. Tonight. In fact, why don't you just move i--"
This was Kagome's last straw.
"MOM! I barely know him!"
Mrs. Higurashi was expecting an outburst. She had baked fudge pasties, after all. She artfully slowed the atmosphere in the room and turned to her daughter, her lower lip trembling.
"Honey...."
Kagome looked for a spot behind her mother's head to glare at. Never look straight into her eyes, she reminded herself. She looked at Sango, Miroku, and Inuyasha, whose heads were bent forward, entranced by Mrs. Higurashi.
They'll agree with everything she says, Kagome thought desperately, how do I get out of this?
She looked at Inuyasha and decided he was good looking—in that criminal type of way. Well, no, not exactly. He was...she groped for a word...manly, she supposed. Silver hair was strange, but it didn't make him look old. His face was a chiseled oval of tan skin, coming to a close at...lips, she guessed. Kissable was too intimate a word for a guy she had just met. And his eyes...were yellow? They seemed to be searching for something...not from her or her mother...but from life in general...and were darkened by the thick eyebrows that beetled into a genuine frown. She'd probably have to fix that if they were going to end up living together.
Oh, but he had dog ears. She could forgive him everything else if she had those dog ears all to herself.
She vaguely recalled her mother saying something.
"—and how can you say you barely know Mr. Inuyasha here when you barely know the father of your own child! And don't think I didn't try and stop y- ooouuu!" Mrs. Higurashi's words ended in a wail that broke the general awe of her and made everyone either uncomfortable or upset at Kagome.
Inuyasha was both.
She's...a slut? She doesn't look like one.... Inuyasha glanced at Kagome and almost went into a cardiac arrest.
'She looks like Kikyo! Oh god, why me? Why?' Inuyasha was certain that there were people worse than him in the world. Sesshoumaru, for a start.
He decided it would be a good time to say something.
"What do you mean, 'you barely know the father of your own child'? Are you some kind of--"
Mrs. Higurashi was tactful enough to make erratic hand gestures and yell 'NO!' multiple times.
"It's nothing like that, Mr. Inuyasha!" Mrs. Higurashi hurriedly explained, "Kagome went through that...that...in-in-vierno...erm."
"In vitro fertilization, Mom."
"Oh indeed! And suddenly, she's having a test-tube baby! I ask you, girls these days! She wanted a baby and no father at all! I personally blame her grandfather for traumatizing her with all those lint bedtime stories...." Mrs. Higurashi trailed off into her own thoughts.
Inuyasha and Kagome uncomfortably stared in different directions, realizing speaking would cause an all out warfare and probably, with Inuyasha's luck, another lawsuit.
"Okay." Kagome said at last.
"Fine," piped Inuyasha, who decided someone who had to live with Mrs. Higurashi probably couldn't be exactly like Kikyo.
"This probably means I'll be seeing more of you, Miss Sango," Miroku said, leering, "As we are the best friends of the expectant parents...."
Sango grabbed Kagome's box of Kleenex and buried her face into a soft fold, sobbing.
"But don't expect me to like it!" They said at the same time, ironically, cornily, and unfortunately for their blossoming relationship.
They glared at each other. Let the child management begin.
@)~~~~