Author's Note: This is made with no sense at all. Really. None. At. All.
Kate: How can something like this have happened?
Jack: It's most unnatural… I can't come up with some medical term for it, either.
Kate: And you checked him? He hadn't hit his head or something?
Jack: He was fine from all that I could determine…
Kate: #gasping# He let you check him!
Jack: As un-believable as it is, but yes… he let me.
Kate: I wonder when this… this… madness is going to stop. I don't like the things it's doing to people.
Jack: You sure this isn't one of the few changes for the better?
Kate: Sawyer being un-able to curse and being nice to everyone? You've got to be kidding me…
#Glance over to Sawyer, sitting on a log with Claire and Aaron, knitting. Yep guys, knitting. And don't even ask me where they got the tools to do so from.#
Claire: But Sawyer, you really don't have to do that… I mean…
Sawyer: But I want to!
Claire: Yeah, it's awfully nice of you to knit a hat to I can wear it over my now bald head, but-
Sawyer: #cuts in# You don't like my hat! #lip quivers#
Claire: No! No, it's not that, I just-
Sawyer: Cause this is going to be the bestest and most prettiest hat this island has ever seen, I tell ya.
Claire: I am sure of that.
Sawyer: #hurts himself on needle# Ouch, god da-
#Here; enter the magic censure squirrel! Dum-de-dum!#
Magic censure squirrel: #flies in, landing near Sawyer's head#
MistyX: Yeah, so he flew. So what? Just imagine he's called Rocky or something.
MCS: #points finger at Sawyer# Now, don't you dare swear, Mr. Sawyer! The author of this story is fed up with your constant swearing-
Sawyer: Like she's really fed up of me. #wink wink#
MistyX: #drools#
MCS: … and if you don't do as I say I'll turn you into a twelve year old girl, and make you braid Kate's hair!
Claire: You can do that?
MCS: I could turn Charlie into Peanut Butter if you want to.
Claire: #considers# How about both Charlie, and the peanut butter? Together?
MCS: #makes face# There are some things I just don't want to do. #collects itself# (So- I couldn't decide the gender. Sue me.) Well, Sawyer, what were you saying now before?
Sawyer: God dandy it is sweet to be on this island?
MCS: Now, that's more like it. And remember, I'll be watching you.
Sawyer: Fu-
MCS: #glares, waves magic wand#
Sawyer: Fungus?
MCS: My job is done. #flies off#
#Kate and Jack approaches#
Jack: Sawyer, are you really feeling okay?
Sawyer: Of course! #gives Claire the finished hat# Why wouldn't I?
Kate: Sawyer… you just made Claire a hat. You knitted it. And you're nice to Jack. I mean, even he finds it creepy.
Jack: I really do.
Sawyer: I just cannot understand what the matter is with you two. #grabs Charlie's guitar# Well, now… who is up for some Cumbahya?
Kate: O-O
Sawyer: #singing# Cum-bah-ya, my lord! Cumbahya…
Hurley: #chuckles# He-hey dude! Who knew that Sawyer had a singing voice! Charlie, you should team up with him and like form a band, man!
Charlie: But I'm already in a band.
Hurley: Yeah, but this could be like… like an island band, dude.
Charlie: And what should we call it?
Hurley: #points at Sawyer who is now down on his knees, rock star style, doing a solo to a Kiss song# Dude!
Charlie: Dude?
Hurley: #looks at him# Sweet!
Charlie: Dude?
Hurley: Sweet!
Charlie: Dude!
Hurley: Sweet!
Michael: #pushes them both# All right, knock it off! Stop stealing lines from other movies, you stoners!
Walt: #throws stone at his dad#
Michael: What the hell?
Walt: #snickers#
Sun: #comes running# I know how you can cure him!
Everyone else: #looks and listens#
MistyX: #singing# Stop, look and listen baby, that's my philosophy…
Readers: Shut up!
Sun: It is simple, really.
Jack: What do we have to do?
Sun: Someone just has to agitate him until he cannot take it any longer.
Jack: Who?
Everyone else: #whistles#
Jack: Ah, come on…
Hurley: It's just the simple truth, dude… The guy seriously dislikes you.
Charlie: You're not shibby enough for him.
Hurley: Dude, low five! #does low five with Charlie#
Jack: Oh, well. #walks over to Sawyer, stealing his guitar as Sawyer was in the middle of singing Lucky Luke's "I'm a poor lonesome cowboy…".#
Sawyer: #looks at him with his big, blue eyes#
Jack: #pokes him#
Kate: What are you doing?
Jack: Agitating him. #pokes again#
Kate: By poking him?
Jack: Well, I don't see you have any better idea, so…
Kate: #punches Sawyer# Hey, Sawyer! Jack told me to do that. Whoops.
Sawyer: #rubs his strong, well defined jaw# That was not nice of her. Clearly not.
Jack: Hey Sawyer… you stink.
Sawyer: I do? #sniffs self# Oh, I do, don't I… #gets up and starts running for the ocean, throwing off his shirt in the process, his blonde hair glistening in the sun, sun rays reflecting over his slightly sweaty, muscle toned body, every motion slowing down, his feet contacting with the salty water. He stops, splashing some water on his skin, droplets of water running down his brow onto his chin, down onto his lips, heavy eyes opening to shine along with the sun#
All girls on beach: O-O #drools# (Occasional murmurs of "Hot…" and " Chocolate sauce" keeps coming from them.)
All men on beach: Meh. We could have pulled that off as well.
Girls on beach: Somehow, we doubt that. You're cute and all… but he's downright sexy, damn it. #continues to drool as Sawyer stretches his muscles in the water#
Jack: #jealous# I'll take care of this… #goes out in water and starts beating Sawyer severely#
Girls on beach: No! No stopping of the ongoing hotness! #all jump Jack, dragging him away from Sawyer#
Sawyer: Motherfucker! #goes on a swearing tirade for the next five minutes#
Everyone: #as five minutes have passed# O-o
Hurley: Dude. Whoa.
Boone: I didn't know anyone could swear that much…
Walt: I didn't know what half of those words meant. Daddy, what's a cun-
Michael: #interrupts# Nothing, m'boy. It means nothing.
Kate: Well, at least he's back to normal.
Sayid: Wait a minute… if he's normal… then someone other is bound to get crazed.
MistyX: #evil grin# Oh, yes indeed.
Locke: Any hints?
MistyX: He's British. And he's in a band. And he ain't especially tall, either.
Boone: I know! Elton John!
Shannon: #swats head# He's not on this island, dumbass.
Locke: Never be sure about that…
Charlie: #approaching# What are you guys talking about?
MistyX: #shushes everyone# Nothing! They're talking about nothing.
Charlie: Then why did I hear Elton John something?
MistyX: Because… Shannon really digs him.
Shannon: I so do not!
MistyX: Unless you want me to kill off Sayid, oh yes you do.
Sawyer: No one even cares, sticks. #looks at all the women# What the hell are ya'll staring at?
Girls: Nothing. #sticks in tongues#
Sawyer: Ah, end it all already.
MistyX: Your wish is my command.
A/N: Sorry, just couldn't help myself… Sawyer getting Mary-Sued sounded like a too good attempt to pass. Well, at least he's pretty enough, right? ;)