Chapter 4: Charlie Sparrow
Jack: What is he doing?
Claire: #approaches, with the hat that Sawyer knitted for her firmly on her head# He's singing.
Jack: But what's that in his hand?
Claire: A bottle of Rum.
Jack: And where did he get that?
Claire: God knows… All I know is that he thinks he is some Captain Jack Sparrow, Captain of the Black Pearl.
Charlie: #running around the campfire, singing# Drink up me pirates, yo-ho, yo-ho…
Jack: #approaches Charlie#
Charlie: REALLY BAD EGGS!
Jack: Sorry?
Charlie: I just sang ' really bad eggs'.
Jack: You've eaten bad eggs?
Charlie: No! 'Tis a song! Sung by me, Jack Sparrow. #extends his hand, twirling his very, very, short beard# Sooo nice to meet you, fancy boy.
Jack: #shakes head# But I'm Jack.
Charlie: You delusional or something m'boy? I'm Captain Jack Sparrow! #extends hand again, full Jack Sparrow grin#
Jack: No, Charlie, you're not. You're Charlie Pace- former singer in the band Drive Shaft. I'm Jack. Jack Shepard.
Charlie: #eyes him, puts fingers to mouth, then wavering them around Jack Sparrow-style# I know… you're suffering from split personality. That's it!
Jack: O.o?
Shannon: #approaches# Who the hell stole all my eye-liner! #notices Charlie# Give it back, you much-too-short pathetic excuse for a dragqueen!
Charlie: I'm Captain Jack Sparrow-
Jack: #interrupts# I'm Jack, damn it!
Charlie: #ignores him and continues# … Captain of the Black Pearl, finest ship on this island.
Sawyer: Well, the only thing it'd have to compete with is the raft, so…
Claire: #slaps Charlie all the sudden for talking to Shannon#
Charlie: Ouch! What was that for?
Claire: That's for you are talking to Shannon during one of my most sensitive periods… you know… after going bald… and giving birth to a baby…
Shannon: #slaps him for stealing the eye-liner#
Charlie: Ouch… not sure I deserved that.
Claire: And here's for letting Aaron play with the fire, using ' Cavemen have to be trained early' as an excuse! #slaps him#
Charlie: I might have deserved that one.
Locke: #approaches# You will be given a sign from the island to reveal your true identity.
#Suddenly, a random man walks in. Let's call the random man 'Bob'. Bob walks over to Charlie, hangs a sign around his neck and exits again.#
Locke: See? I told you so.
Sign: Me go IDIOT!
Jack: But wait… there was a movie with a Jack Sparrow right? Pirates something…
Shannon: Pirates of the Caribbean, actually.
Boone: You saw that?
Shannon: Hell, it's got both Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom! I mean, that speaks for itself…
MistyX: .
Jack: Yeah, but what did they do with him in that movie?
Shannon: Well, they tried to hang him in the gallows…
Claire: Which I won't like very much.
Kate: Obviously.
Claire: What's that supposed to mean?
Kate: A couple of moments ago you slapped him.
Claire: That doesn't mean I want him dead!
Sawyer: Ya women change ya minds a lot.
Kate: Exactly.
Claire: #confused# What?
Shannon: HEY! #screams# I was talking!
Sawyer: Like anyone ever notices what you're saying, sticks.
Shannon: You should just shut up, exile man.
Sawyer: I could make you…
Sayid: Or I could. Gladly. #grins#
Kate: #shouts# Enough! Lay off each other!
Sawyer: What? It's not my fault she's so thin you could do an x-ray on her with a 30W lamp.
Shannon: #seethe# .
Boone: Okay, I've seen it too! It ends with him jumping off a cliff-
Claire: A fort wall, actually.
Boone: … right, and then he disappears into a ship. The Black Pearl.
Claire: But was it really the Black Pearl?
Locke: Of course it was. The whole point of the story would be lost #cough cough# otherwise.
Jack: OK, am I the only one who hasn't seen the movie?
Sawyer: Probably had your head stuck in a patients intestines and were too busy noticing anything outside that world.
Jack: I'm a spinal surgeon, thank you very much.
Sawyer: Shit the same… you're a Doc, either way.
Claire: Wait a minute… #looks around# Where did Charlie, or the Captain go?
Everyone: #looks around#
Charlie: #suddenly emerges from bushed, totally wagging Jack Sparrow-style# Do we have any apples?
Kate: Apples?
Charlie: Fresh apples. Preferably green.
Kate: No.
Charlie: No?
Kate: #nods#
Charlie: Oh, well… #jumps back into jungle to find apples. Suddenly, he comes back.#
Charlie: How about swords?
Kate: Not that either.
Charlie: I'll damn the French for that.
Danielle Rousseau: #swats Charlie's head#
Charlie: Ow! You… bloody skank.
Claire: #squeals# Charlie's back! #embraces him#
Sawyer: Hold your horses for a minute… He gets cured? In the chapter?
MistyX: Well.. one of you had to.
Jack: Why?
MistyX: #dwells# Because.
Jack: Because isn't a good enough answer.
MistyX: If you don't want yourself marooned on another island, it's a good enough answer. I mean, imagine that… Alone, with nothing else but: Sawyer!
Jack: #instantly shuts up#
Kate: I wonder whose turn it is the next time.
MistyX: #whistles#
Kate: I'll run.
MistyX: I'll find you.
Kate: #says swoosh!#
Michael: Hey, wanna hear a joke?
Sawyer: No.
Michael: What's the difference between a flamingo and a ballet girl?
Boone: Why not ballet boy?
Michael: Huh?
Boone: Look at Billy Elliot…
Michael: I don't care about some little boy with identity problems!
Walt: #instantly runs and hides his ballet kit#
Michael: Just answer my question. Riddle. Thingie.
Everyone: #shrugs, shakes their heads and so on#
Michael: Both of them go twirly-twirly, because they're so girly-girly, but one of them stands still!
Everyone: O-O
Michael: #proud#
Everyone else: #cough cough#
Michael: #exasperated# What!
Everyone else: #walks away#
Michael: What! Didn't you get it?
Everyone else: #is gone#
Michael: #turns to author# But you got it, right?
MistyX: Eh… no, not really.
Michael: Ah, man… screw it.
MistyX: Yes.