It's been a while. I thought I'd give it another shot. Somehow I feel this one isn't as good as the previous ones, but I needed to write something in some manner. Feel free to criticize.

"It says here my uterus is the size of a grapefruit while my baby is the size of a cherry."

"So?"

"So it just made me hungry. Taco Bell. NOW."

"Uuuugh." Inuyasha wanted to explore her synapses. Fruit made her think of zesty meals and the mention of corn made her yearn for deep fried dishes. It happened at all the wrong times too….

3 am from the kitchen:

"Inuyasha, where's all the Easy Whip?"

"Whyyyy do you neeeeeeed itttt?"

"For my hamburger! Ye gods, must you be so insensitive!"

1 pm at work:

"Inuyasha, sir, you have a phone call."

"Thank you." He stupidly lifts the receiver.

"I've decided on yellow, Inuyasha."

"Mmkay."

"I just want an honest opinion, Inuyasha," Kagome's voice thickens with tears on the other end, "You don't have to be so indifferent and uncaring. Oh my god, you just made me want a Mallomaaaaaaaaarrr."

Click.

11:30 pm in the living room:

"Inuyasha, do I look fat to you?"

"Well, you're pregnant."

Tense silence.

"That didn't answer my question."

"Awuasdioufekles."

"You're mumbling, you yellow bastard."

"You're a little bigger than you were." Inuyasha blanched at his own attempt at sensitivity.

"A little! LOOK at me, I have no waistline! I used to be a size 3, people said I could have been a model, but I gave it up for an intellectual basis, for a stable career, for a baaaaaaaaaabbbbbbyyyyyyyyyyyyyy…." And Inuyasha would wonder why more men weren't gay.

She was nearing the second trimester. He felt these would forever be the longest nine months of his life. It shouldn't be him suffering through all this; he never willfully did anything to anyone in his life. Catastrophe followed him around like a lost puppy. Every morning he woke up hoping to come home with all his limbs. It should've been easier for him, really, he had demonic powers, an amazing body, enviable hair, sterling intellect, and modesty.

If there was any justice in the world, Miroku should suffer through all this. Inuyasha, breaking the male code of hormones, decided he, too, deserved to bitch at someone.

"Hi, it's Miroku!"

"HOUSHI! I will find you, shave your skin off and dip you in vinegar! This is entirely your fault—everything horrible that has ever happened to me since I was born is because of you! Even in the damned hospital, you managed to steal my damned binky and somehow felt up a damned nurse in the damned process getting me damned blamed somehow"

"…Hahaha, I bet you've been talking for the past two minutes and didn't realize that this is just my answering machine. Leave some love, ladies!" Beep.

"…Miroku, when you get this message, shove a lead pipe in your ass. Then get over here. I'm sick of it."

Kagome rolled over and wistfully stared at the freshly painted moons on the nursery ceiling. Something was growing within her, and it was definitely not the glowing spirit of motherhood. It was a multicellular organism, she had read, that at some point would develop synapses and organs and legs that would kick her from the inside, come out in a bloody placental mess, and start to emotionally beat her from the outside…as if the 9 months of getting cheap thrills from gullible pizza delivery boys who alluringly bent over at every given opportunity—too many opportunities, she felt—weren't already destroying her. She was already reproducing, dammit, it was Darwinian…so why did she feel like she needed it more!

It was torture. Even Inuyasha was starting to look good with his demonic powers, amazing body, enviable hair, manipulative stupidity, and pig headedness. She always made sure to add at one bad adjective to her list so as not to jump him when he came home looking adorable with his amazing body, enviable hair, manipulative stupidity, pigheadedness, and bad breath.

Her musings were interrupted by the phone.

"Hello?"

"Kagome? It's Sango."

"Hi, I haven't heard from you in ages!"

"…We just saw each other yesterday. I spent the entire afternoon with Miroku. He wouldn't leave me alone. It was horrible."

"I'm sorry. I live with Inuyasha." With his amazing body, enviable hair, manipulative stupidity, pig headedness, bad breath, and habit of chewing with his mouth open.

"You win. Oh, that reminds me why I called! I found out something terrible about him, it may explain a lot of how he acts."

"Oh?" This was it. He was a serial killer, a sex fiend, a transvestite, a mime, an IRS agent, and/or something else extremely difficult as a roommate.

"He has one nut!"

"Yes, I finished all of those yesterday."

"No. I mean, he lost a testicle in a firecracker accident."

"……….."

"It was horrible. He was just a teenager too. During new years, his father sent him outside to entertain his cousins. He thought he was lighting a lady finger at a safe, professionally recommended distance…" Sango suppressed a sob, "…but he didn't realize how far they manage to zip…it was a 16,000 strip…he'll never have children! That entire line is now dependent on his older brother…" Sango waited for the shocked response from the other end.

"Wait, so a lady finger tore off his testicle?" Kagome repeated to Sango with a trace of humor in her voice.

"Yes, why, Kagome, I thought you'd be more" Sango held the phone away from her ear to lessen the intensity of Kagome's howling hysterics.

"Oh my god, Sango, oh my god! No wonder he has to be so macho all the time! I'm having a baby from a test tube and he can't even…oh wow…oh man….I should, I should probably be more sensitive…."

"Ugh. You think, Kagome?"

"Can't I torture him a little bit?"

"No, it's emasculating."

"Damn straight it's emasculating! Finally, revenge for all the times he's called me fat and stared at me disconcertingly with those devilishly good looking eyes." Kagome's eyes widened in shock at the recent update of the Inuyasha adjectives.

"……."

"I have said too much, Sango."

"You have."

"I'm going to hang up now, and you will not mention this conversation to anyone."

"Will you torment Inuyasha?"

"Most likely."

"Then the world will know."

"…Why are we friends again?"

"Because one time, in the subway, you walked in with your skirt tucked into your underwear and I was the only one in the group who said anything, even though you didn't believe me, and I had to forcefully tug it down, making us the local favorite of subway pervs, yet saving you from further humiliation on the surface. Remember? It was a white ski"

"Oh yes, yes. I'm amazed you remember that."

"Well, I knew it would come in handy one day when I had to save some poor nutless hanyou from your sadistic feminist wrath."

"I'm going to hang up now, Sango."

"Bye."