Author's Note: I'm sorry that I haven't updated in forever, I really am. From now on, I'll update once a week continuously, so look for an update on this fic every Saturday :) Or if you really don't like it, then don't look. Whatever pleases you please me.
Michael: Come on, Walt. You can't sit there all day.
Walt: Oh yes I can.
Michael: How did you even get up there? It's like… tall, man!
Walt: I climbed. Moron.
Jack: #walks up to Michael# What are you two on about? A little father and son moment?
Michael: Actually-
Jack: #interrupts# Father and son moments are good. Really good. I mean, my own father never took moments to do these… well, at least not encourage me. All he did was tell me that I didn't have what it takes, and all my life I wanted to prove him wrong, but he never accepted-
Michael: #smacks Jack# Will you shut up!
Jack: My daddy never loved me! #breaks into tears#
Michael: Oh man…
Jack: My daddy never came to the knighting ceremony!
Michael: O.o?
Walt: That's not you, that's Austin Powers! Moron.
Jack: #sniffs, wipes tears# Well, it feels like it could've been me.
Michael: But it wasn't. Now, scram.
Jack: But what's Walt doing sitting in a tree? #takes a closer look# With a banana, round glasses and a wooden stick?
Walt: Idiots! It's not a wooden stick, it's a… the sphere of life!
#dramatic music plays#
Jack: It sure looks like a wooden stick. Kind of like the one Buffy used, only longer!
Michael: Yeah man! If Buffy would've used a spear, that's what it would have looked like!
Jack: Indeed. So, what's with the wooden spear Walt? And the banana?
Michael: And the round glasses?
Jack: That's right, don't forget the round glasses. It kind of makes him look like…
Michael: Harry Potter! #drops jaw# Oh my God, my son has become a fruit and wants to be Harry Potter!
Walt: Harry Potter OWNS me.
Jack: #pats Michael on shoulder# Good luck breaking through that force field.
Walt: Wizards don't use force fields, idiot! That was Star Wars! #shakes sphere of life#
#dramatic music plays and thunder strikes in the sky#
Jack: Oh quit the drama, sissy boy.
Walt: Thou shall shut your mouth. Thou art not Dumbledore.
Michael: Well, he can't be- he's dead.
MistyX: #swats Michael# Way to go a-hole! Now you just spoiled the latest book for everyone who hasn't read it.
Michael: Oh come on, every fangeek has already read it.
Walt: Actually, it hasn't been translated and published in every non speaking English country yet.
Michael: Well, if they can't read it in English, then… tough luck.
MistyX: #throws head in hands#
Michael: Well, ehrm… #turns to look at Jack# He looks kind of like that Snape dude, doesn't he? #points to Jack#
Walt: Actually, Snape has much more hair. And a larger nose. And is creepy.
MistyX: Oh come on, like you can't say every crying scene with Jack is creepy.
Michael: I really haven't noticed.
MistyX: Pay attention. There's been so many crying Jack scenes that the show should be rated " creepy" just because of that.
Kate: #emerges# Hey, be nice to Jack! What's he ever done you?
MistyX: Besides annoyed me? Makes me cringe and sigh every time he's on the screen?
Kate: …
MistyX: See. I can't be nice.
Walt: Hey, we were talking about ME! #shakes sphere of life#
#dramatic music plays#
Jack: Hey, wait!
#music comes to screeching halt#
Jack: We still don't know what's with the banana.
Kate: Banana? Whose banana?
Jack: Walt's banana!
Michael: Who's banana?
Jack: Walt's banana!
Kate: Walt is banana?
Jack: Walt's banana, damn it!
Kate: You're talking about a young kids banana?
Jack: Walt's ban- no, eeew. You have a dirty mind.
Sawyer: #emerges# She's been spending time with me.
Kate: #snicker#
Sawyer: #snickers back#
Jack: Stop your snicker!
Hurley: #joins in# Anyone's got a Snicker?
Jack: No! They're snickering. And it's annoying.
Hurley: Well, if someone ate a Snicker right before my face on this island I would be annoyed too, dude.
Jack: NO! ARGH! They were snickering! As in giggling, laughing!
Hurley: Oh. #scratches neck# No point in me standing around then. #leaves#
Jack: #turns to others# No, where were we?
Sawyer: #snickers# Te-he. Werewolf.
Jack: Werewolf?
Michael: #slightly panicked# Where wolf!
Kate: No. #points# There wolf. #points to Sawyer#
Sawyer: Hey! I'm no werewolf.
Kate: But you're wild… #flirt flirt#
Sawyer: You got that right, sassafras.
Walt: WE WERE TALKING ABOUT MEEE! #shakes sphere of life so dramatically that he drops it#
Michael: #goes over and grabs sphere of life#
#dramatic music plays#
Walt: NO! The sphere of life has found another master! #hops down from tree, strides over to Michael# It doesn't answer to anyone but its rightful owner!
Michael: It just did. And stop going all Lord of the Rings, you fruity fangeek. #breaks sphere of life in two#
Walt: #gasp#
Michael: Now I'll go and spread the pieces in random parts of the island, and hopefully they'll never see the light of day again. #walks off#
Jack: This is disturbing on so many levels I don't even know where to start.
Kate: Tell me about it.
Jack: Well, this chapter started out wit Walt sitting in a tree, although the author didn't say it was a tree at first, so he might as well have sat in the air for all we know-
Kate: I didn't mean it literally! God! Come on Sawyer. Let's go so you can annoy someone and I can watch and reprimand and then end up somehow in a situation filled with sexual tension with you.
Sawyer: Sounds good to me. #walks off with Kate#
Jack: But what about me? #looks over at banana which Walt dropped, now covered in flies#
Jack: #picks banana up# I shall be the Lord of the Flies! I shall rule the island! Muhahaha!
#his echoing laughter fills the beach#
Jack: Muhaha- #gets book thrown in the head# Ow!
Michael: Stop ripping off books and movies, man!
MistyX: #clears throat very narrator-wise# And next week, tune in for…
Jack: Nobody even likes this. The people who review pity you.
MistyX: Do not dis the reviewers, dude. Their powers is strong.
Jack: I'm dissing you.
MistyX: My powers is strong, too.
Jack: You're a fool. I pity the fool who wears my jewellery! I pity the fool who-
MistyX: #smacks Jack: STOP ripping of movies and books!
Jack: This is SO unfair…
MistyX: If you don't stop ripping stuff off and shut up now, I'm gonna make you dance the hokey-pokey with long blonde braids in your hair and in a mini skirt.
Jack: … and that is why the Sox will never win the World Series.