Author: Uchiha Yumi

Title: Shadows of grey, scent of roses

Genre: General

Rating: PG13

Summary: Ayame talks about his relationship with Yuki. I hope Ayame is not too OOC.

Pairings: None

Main Characters: Sohma Ayame & Sohma Yuki

Disclaimer: I don't own them.

Notes: English is not my native tongue. If you find something wrong, please tell me!

Special Thanks: To my beta-readers.

Shadows of grey, scent of roses

Life isn't always the way we wanted it to be.

All of us are born carrying a burden on our shoulders, a burden which determines the path we'll be bound to follow.

I guess that's the reason why I was separated from my little brother. The shameful secret buried in the mysterious origins of the Sohma family.

Since Yuki was born, I wasn't able to feel nothing towards him, the person they called my brother.

Maybe because I was never allowed to see him or talk to him.

They said it was for his health.

They said it was because Akito wanted Yuki for him and him alone.

So it was, since the beginning of the course.

The Mouse always had a special bound to the God of the Juunishi.

And so it was to be, till the end of time.

And I? I just didn't care, keeping on observing him from above.

I could see his sufferance, his pain, his sorrow.

I could follow the bitter tears running down his cheeks.

I could hear his hurting sobs escaping through his rosy lips.

I could sense the fear lingering in his widened eyes as he stretched out his warm little hand to never reach my wintry one.

But I felt like it wasn't real.

Nothing but a mere dream. A sort of movie, as if I was standing behind a glass shield in a rainy day, wiping away the mist with my fingers.

But time is something magic. It heals our bruises, slowly closing our wounds and showing us the evidence of the facts.

I am your brother, Yuki.

I know, maybe it's too late to figure it out now that you're a boy, a teenager.

Now that you don't need my cold hand anymore.

Now that you learned to ignore my existence and live as if we had never been real.

Sometimes I feel my mind wandering, exploring my memories.

I remember that you liked peaches.

You loved to deeply inhale their scent, and caress their soft skin.

But you were never able to peel them.

And I didn't help.

I was told you graduated in middle school with the highest marks ever since the foundation of the Academy, and there had been a huge ceremony to celebrate the event.

And I wasn't there.

I knew nothing about you.

And actually I'm not even able to fix this lack.

Maybe I am unforgivable. Maybe I will never get again the chance I spoiled ten years ago.

But time is a great counsellor. It makes you understand your mistakes and warns you to repair them.

Life it's just too short to waste it regretting your paste actions.

As long as you're alive, you have time.

And as long as you have time you can hope to set things right.

I just let too much of my time slipping through my fingers.

Now I want to hold it.

I want to be your brother, Yuki.

I want to stand by your side.

Even if you don't need me anymore.

Even if you hate me and blame me.

I want to see you smile and smile back at you.

It's not easy to always look cheerful and glad when fear and sorrow are tearing your soul and wounding your bleeding heart.

But I feel like I have to do it for you.

I failed you once. I won't let it happen twice.

I want to be there for you, if you'll never reach fro my hand once again.

I don't want to hide behind a curtain, anymore.

I don't want to look as a shadow of grey to your wet eyes, anymore.

This time I want to take you out of that dark room.

Today it's a beautiful spring day, Yuki.

I want you to feel the scent of roses.