A bit deeper than what I have written… hope you like it….

Why?

Why what?

What am I asking about?

These questions ran through my head as I added another cut to my collection. I watch as my own blood spilled over the off white colour of the tile. I must be quite the sight, I thought with a cruel smile playing on my lips.

I watched as the crimson stained the tiles of the bathroom, and darkened the colour of my blue jeans. One droplet at a time slowly leaking over my arm, like a stream trickling away. I watched as my other hand grasped the knife, and marked my left arm… again.

Little by little, droplets of red are slowly appearing. Little streams of red slowly trickle down my arm. I watch, as yet again, the droplets of crimson stained everything in its path… marking its route.

I bask in the pain that I've caused myself. Closing my eyes, I relish the sensation of the little lines of blood trickle down my arm. I smile, an ironic little smile. Who knew pain could make you smile.

Why am I doing this?

Causing more and more pain to hide the pain that I'm already suffering from. Physical pain masking the mental and emotional ones, who knew that hurting yourself, could hide so many problems. It's really remarkable how pain can be a good and bad thing, and at the same time.

I sit there, eyes closed, letting my thoughts run off.

Why am I sitting here?

Why am I sitting here mutilation my arm? Isn't there a better solution? I start it panic. There has to be a better solution. Why didn't I choose the better solution?

Simple, the better solution was too far away.

I needed a better situation… now! I wasn't going to go far for a solution, when there was one on the kitchen table. The knife.

My thoughts turned to another topic… and the panic subsided.

The reason… the reason…

Why am I doing this? Easy, I couldn't take it anymore. Overly stressed with an average day's homework and school clubs. That would be part of the problem. The stress of the family, having to fill in shoes that are too big for you to fit, Et Voila… my pain in a nutshell.

I add another cut, a deeper cut. I let myself gasp from the pain, as I think about the rest of my problems. How in the world ca you keep from hurting yourself over boys?

Boys…

Another patch of skin cut open, as my thoughts linger on this problem.

What do you do with boys? When you swear you like one…. Or when you're positive that the one you have will keep you happy? How do you choose?

You don't have to.

I forgot… I don't have to choose anymore do I?

No… no you don't…

Good.

Another cut makes it into the collection… I let out a cry; this one was deeper than the rest. The crimson blood pours out of the wound, like it was just waiting to get out.

You let me go didn't you? And you made me feel I couldn't live without you… well, I hope the both of you are happy.

As I was lingering in my thoughts, the pool of blood around me grew. My hand automatically gripped the handle of the knife and…

…cut…

Another mark. By the, my arm looked like a criminal marking his days until freedom. Soon, I will have to move to my right arm, or perhaps another body part.

The both of you… caused my pain. I should've stuck with what I knew… I shouldn't have ventured out of my safe spot. I should've never thought that I had fallen in love with the enemy… if I didn't… then I wouldn't have hurt him now would I? One is my friend… one left me for another. Both are ignoring and playing me, like a yoyo of some sorts.

Clang

I dropped the knife. I tiredly opened my eyes, and picked it up. I examined it, a simple kitchen knife had my blood all over it. I turned it over, ran my finger on the blade, taking the blood with me, and put that finger in my mouth. The coppery taste of the blood reminded me that I was still here, that I was still alive.

We cant have that now can we?

Another cruel smile played on my lips. I take the knife, and struck my palm. I cried out in pain, and fell against the tub.

"Good-bye Ron. Good-bye Draco. Good-bye…" was the words that escaped my pale lips. My eyes started to close, but before they did, I saw two male figures burst into the bathroom. I gave a weak smile, and that was it.

That was it… I'm sorry it's crappy… I'll let you figure out who was who.