Every Story is a Love Story
by
Draco's Daughter
Disclaimer: Lord of the Rings, in any shape or form, is not my creation. That belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien. I have to say this so that the Tolkien's will not descend upon my head like eagles onto an innocent bunny.
Love to all of the reviewers! You guys are awesome and make me want to write many more of these Jester Tales. Now Individual love:
CopperFang: Thank you for reviewing both chapters in succession. You are awesome. In your first review you thought you knew who the jester is. It may turn out to be different than you think. Elrond's Eyebrows of Doom are not my original idea, many people think that his eyebrows are evil and I agree, very much. Ahh, that Jester, he is very naughty indeed. I must to punish him! (Jester: ((covering in corner)) I'll be good! Make it stop! Make it stooop!)
Luthien and Tari Oronar: A nonexistent donkey? Hmm, maybe your dreams are trying to tell you something... like become a Republican?
FFAMasquerade2005: Thank you Kim, parts two and three are for people like you who care.
Faerlas: Thankies, thankies.
Sarahbarr17: Shhhhhh! Don't tell Elrond! He'll kill me and Lego-kun! ((Begs)) Ah yes, since his introduction to the twenty-first century, said elven prince has decided to ahem "update" his vocabulary.
Tinewen: As said in above reply, Elrond's evil eyebrows aren't my idea I just liked it allot. I also don't know witch one was better because they are my stories... my children! (sniff)
Legolas's Girl 9: Well, I'm glad that I'm not the only one that finds these stories funny! Yaaaay! (does a little dance)
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Story Three: My Strongest Suit
Another day of Legolas's stay in Gondor, today the elf was in its vast library pouring over books and scrolls. He was having a moment of peaceful thinking, the first he had gotten during his trip, and thought he might be able to take a short 'nap' while appearing to be reading when Eldarion burst in. The child was wanting yet another Court Jester tale from the mighty elf prince.
"Legolas! Are there any more stories about the Court Jester you haven't told me?" the little prince of Gondor asked. Legolas looked lost in thought and then shameful as the librarian shushed the prince.
"Well, there's one I know of that may be on interest. Pull up a chair and settle in," Legolas replied, offering the librarian a small smile. She sighed and walked off, shelving books. Eldarion did as he was told. Legolas reclined in his chair as the smiled to himself. "Now, in this story we have an extremely vain steward, named Denathor, and his son Faramir, the Jester, and Gimli are planning to teach him a lesson in true beauty."
"This is going to be good, I can tell," Eldarion said with a smile of gleeful anticipation.
Once Upon a Time...
In the king-less land of Gondor there lived a steward, named Denathor, who had two sons. One son, Boromir the favored, has gone off to Imladris and later had been slain by Uruk-Hai. Now he only had Faramir, whom he wished had now gone in Boromir's place. This was always causing problems in the family.
"What had happened to the momma?" Eldarion asked.
"She had died some years earlier," Legolas explained.
"Oh."
At that moment, Arwen came into the library, looking for Eldarion. She came across the elf prince and her son.
"What's going on?" She asked.
"Sit down momma! You're just in time to hear a Jester story!" Eldarion replied, hopping up to give his mother a seat. Arewn sat down and Eldarion climbed into her lap. Legolas looked slightly embarrassed, well as embarrassed as an elf could be, before clearing his throat and beginning again.
Now, Denathor was always buying expensive clothing with the kingdom's taxes. This made many people, including Faramir, extremely angry but, because Denathor was cruel and heartless, there was nothing they could do about it. One day, Faramir decided that he would play a trick on his father. To do this he called upon his friends, the Court Jester and Gimli.
"Wait, how did Faramir know those two? And who is this Jester?" Arewn asked.
"Well, you weren't here for the last story so I won't explain. And the Jester is a friend of mine," Legolas explained.
"Legolas don't like interruptions, momma. Shhh!" Eldarion said, putting a finger to his lips.
"Doesn't, Eldarion. Legolas doesn't like interruptions," Arwen corrected.
"Don't, doesn't. They're just words! Now hush, both of you!" Legolas said, crossing his arms in mock pout. "Or I won't tell the story and head on back to Mirkwood where we are quite confident in our grammar skills." Eldarion and Arwen hushed in reply.
Now, Denathor was wanting a new set of clothing, even though he had plenty of nice clothes to ware already.
"Father, I have heard of two new tailors that are quite efficient, they once catered to the Emperor of Harad," Faramir said when his father was asking which tailors to commission his new clothing from.
"Hmm, for once I think that you may be right Taramir," Denathor said, taking a drink from his jewel encrusted goblet.
"Faramir, father," Faramir corrected.
"Whatever."
And so, Faramir brought the Court Jester and Gimli to the palace the very next morning. Denathor and the couriers were surprised at their appearance. No one considered that these two were the greatest tailors in all Middle-earth. Of course, the court was laughing at the Jester's jingling clothing.
"Hey, that's rude. He's just a dwarf," The jester said, pointing to Gimli, totally oblivious to what the court was really laughing at.
"Get back here you insane Jester," Gimli said, pulling the Jester back by one of the belled strips of his tunic. "Why couldn't you just have changed into something more professional?"
"Well, are you two really the tailors my son, Caramir, has told me of? He claims that you both served the emperor of Harad," Denathor asked.
"Yes, my lord. We weave cloth that is softer than silk, more luxurious than fur, and it holds the power to show you which of your subjects are wise and which are fools," The Jester said, stepping forward again, jingling again. None of the court laughed that time for Denathor looked interested.
"What would a suit of that material cost me?" Denathor asked.
"Three bags of gold and several spools of golden thread," The Jester said with his trademark mischievous grin on his face. Gimli gave him a look that clearly stated: "Are you mad?"
"Excellent, you shall have what you need and whatever else you require," Denathor said, happily. The Jester smiled and bowed before grabbing Gimli and heading out the palace door. Once they were back on the sixth level, Gimli began to question his friend's sanity.
"Are you crazy? We can't weave!" Gimli exclaimed.
"I know, we won't have to. Remember what I said about a cloth that will show Denathor who is a fool and who is wise? Well, the cloth doesn't even exist so everyone's a fool! We just have to pretend that there's something there," The Jester explained. Gimli didn't know whether to kiss him or kill him. He decided that a kiss on the forehead was sufficient.
"You're a marvel! Well, let's go get started," Gimli replied, they then waked off with a confidence unmatched save by Aragorn himself. So, the two started work on the cloth. They worked on looms, not producing a single garment but running through thread like water.
Several days later, Denathor had not seen a single piece of cloth from the two tailors or any garments. He then sent Faramir and his wisest minister to see the cloth. All Faramir could do was smile as they went into the home that the Jester and the Gimli had taken up resident in. The two were hard at "work" weaving away, they only looked up with Faramir and the Minster walked in.
"Ello, governor, come to give me my pay check?" The Jester asked, looking up from his work and smiling mischievously.
"No, my father has sent me and this minister to see how the work is coming along. I really like the patterns you done so far, very beautiful, wouldn't you agree?" Faramir said, looking at the nonexistent cloth and turning to the minister. The minister saw nothing but did not want Denathor and Faramir to know that he was an idiot like the jester so... he lied.
"Oh yes, Faramir, I quite agree. I think lord Denathor may pay you more for this beautiful cloth," He lied, smiling the whole time. The three co-conspirators smiled secretly to one another, their trick was already working. So Faramir and the minister returned to the palace and reported on the pair's work.
Several weeks later, the Jester and Gimli returned the fabric they had made in their hands. Denathor didn't see a thing but he didn't want to let his court know that he was a fool.
"Ah yes, this is the perfect cloth! The patterns are splendid, very splendid," Denathor said, The Jester and Gimli just smiled.
"Then, my lord, we shall take measurements to make your garments," Gimli said, still smiling. Denathor nodded and allowed the two to take the required arrangements. In twenty-four hours Denathor had a new outfit that was unreal. The Jester and Gimli did the final fitting before taking all their money and leaving town with a final goodbye to Faramir.
Now Denathor had arranged a big procession a few weeks earlier, not knowing the outcome of the tailors' work. He was wearing the new outfit and sitting on a horse in just his underpants as they went through all seven levels of the city. All the way people sarcastically talked about the "beautiful patterns" and such of the fabric.
In a fit of frustration a young child said, "Why isn't lord Denathor wearing anything?" That was when Denathor realized the lesson he had been taught buy Gimli and the Jester.
After all was said and done he finally stopped buying extravagant outfits and spent the tax on the war with Sauron.
"The end," Legolas said.
"What a fantastic moral, I shall have to listen to more of these stories and record them for future generations," Arewn commented. Legolas nearly fell out of his chair.
"No, milady! There's no need for them to be in print. They're word-of-mouth only," Legolas stammered. He didn't want the public knowing about his silly stories told out of desperation to calm a young prince.
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Well? What does everyone think?
Help Me
If you would like to see more of these Jester tales, please give me some ideas about which fairy tales to parody and how the jester could fit in. I'm thinking of doing "Six Able Bodied Men" next but after that I'm out of ideas. Please submit your favorite fairy tales and help me out! Thanks, guys.