Note: I'm tying up some 'loose ends' and putting in some closure for a few characters.  Not a lot of plot.  Wow.  Say that six times fast.  Ended up kinda sad and kinda sweet.  Oh, and this is the most you're going to see of Angel for a while.

I'm heading out of town for a few days so I'm putting up the three chapters I have finished and beta-d. 

Loose Ends –

            Bringing Willow and Xander on patrol was something that Buffy had always hated.   She hadn't had to ask for a very long time.  As the vampire she was fighting disappeared in a cloud of dust complements of Xander's crossbow, Buffy silently thanked whatever higher power or fate had given her friends.  Unfortunately, patrol was the only Scooby bonding time she got after working around Willow's schoolwork and Xander's new contracts.  She was determined to make up for the last three years of sticking her head in the sand.  She was pretty much in the Land of How? What? How? when it came to being a better person, a good person.  But she was trying.  That had to count for something.

            "Thanks, Xan." She panted, catching her breath.

            "Why didn't you tell us they were having vampapalooza in Sunnydale?" Xander dropped down from the top of the crypt where he had been getting in his sniper practice.  "How long has it been this bad?"

            "Only seven vamps.  Not that bad."

            "You mean it's been worse.  You still should have told us."

            "It's getting bad everywhere." Buffy picked up her stake and headed toward the other side of the cemetery to meet Willow.  "Giles says it's part of this whole dimensional flooding or surging, whatever.  The bright side is that we get to see all these cool demons who are supposed to be extinct."

            "How is that bright?  In the oncoming train sense?"

            "You're right." Buffy sighed.  "Willow seemed excited."

            "That's because she's a research lovin' fool.  And the purple one had claws you grind up into a powder for a spell she's been wanting to try."

            "Hey guys." Willow smiled cheerfully as she met them, shouldering her crossbow.  The plastic bag in her hand looked suspiciously like it was spattered with demon blood.  Good old Willow, Buffy thought, never the squeamish one.  Well, not for a long time anyway.

            "Will?"

            "I only took the fingers."

            "Not actually making us feel better."  Xander wrinkled his nose.

            "I'll probably never get these ingredients again, Xander."

            "You may never get a chance to use them if we don't find a way to stop the two way street between here and the demon Hall of Extinction."

            "I know." Willow sighed.  "We've still got a lot of books to go through."  She glanced at Buffy.  "How's Dawn?"

            "Scared." Buffy tried to smile.  "She's trying to be tough."

            "More nosebleeds?"

            "Yeah.  And the headaches are getting worse." The Slayer rubbed her arms against a chill.  "Sometimes she shakes so hard she can barely talk.  I don't want to tie her down but I'm afraid she'll hurt herself."

            "I'm sure she'll understand.  If you have to."

            "Maybe."

            "We'll find something, Buff." Xander put his arm around her shoulders and gave her a quick hug.  "The big brains are working night and day."

            "I know.  I just don't think they're looking past killing Spike."

            "They have a point." Xander raised his hand to cut off her protest.  "Just being the devil's advocate.  Someone has to.  I don't know why that someone always has to be me but I never shy away from the call of duty.  Usually I duck and cover."

            "Then you can face the wrath of Dawn when we tell her that we've decided to kill Spike."

            "She'd get over it."

            "Xander!" Willow glared at him.

            "She would.  Maybe she wouldn't talk to us for a while.  A few years.  But at least she'd still be alive to be mad at us."

            "Let's go home."  Buffy gave them a tired smile.  "I don't want to leave Dawn alone too long."  They walked silently for the rest of the patrol route, concentrating on finding vampires and demons they could kill.

              "Buff." Willow's hand stopped Buffy as they neared the entrance to the cemetery.  "Vamps.  Lots of them."  She held out the crystal she wore around her neck.  Enchanted to glow in the presence of the undead, it was shining brightly in her hand.

            "Where?"

            "Getting closer."

            Buffy heard the growling first.  It was always the arrogant ones who announced themselves.  That was good.  It usually led to mistakes.  She shifted her grip on the stake and nodded to her friends before calling out to the unseen and soon to be dusty fiends.  "Come out, come out, wherever you are!"

            "Slayer." The vamp who stepped out of the shadows must have been the leader.

            "No points for originality."  Buffy told him dryly.  "And really not much of an entrance.  Next time try a nice aria."

            "I will drink of your blood."

            "I hate the chatty ones." She rolled her eyes and tapped one foot impatiently.  "Where are the rest of your flunkies?"

            "My minions await my command."

            "So command already."

             Xander pivoted as more vampires appeared, closing them into a circle.  "This might be just another walk through the bone yard for you, Buff…and I hate to be the Princess Leia here."

            "You don't have enough hair."  Buffy caught the look and raised her hands.  "Sorry."

            "As I was saying…I have a bad feeling about this."  He grinned over his shoulder and lifted up the crossbow.  "I've always wanted to say that."

            "Good for you." Willow nervously eyed the vampires closing in around her.  "I can probably take three or four."

            "Leaves two for Xander and five for me."

            "Hey!  I can do three.  Just because superwicca can shoot black lightning and I'm stuck with a lousy crossbow."

            "Silence!" The leader thundered angrily.  "I tire of your pathetic whining.  You are nothing compared to my greatness.  I will destroy you and make this place my throne."

            "Or not." A male voice startled Buffy.  A very familiar male voice. 

            "Angel?" She watched him step out from behind one of the crypts, a tall brunette at his side.  "Cordelia?"

            "Hey guys." Cordelia gave them a stiff smile. 

            Most Pompous Leader growled before turning to his minions.  "Kill them.  Kill them all."

            Buffy kicked out at the closest minion and sent him crashing into a headstone.  Another grabbed her arm, trying to pull her off balance.  Using him as leverage, she kicked his buddy in the head before tossing him onto the ground.  A quick jab and he was blending into the lawn.  Tombstone boy was back on his feet and swinging, she dodged, catching his arm and pulling him onto her stake.  Glancing around quickly, she saw that Willow had set two of the minions on fire and Xander was happily goading another into doing something stupid.  Angel was fighting two of the vamps, toying with them and trading barbs.  One of the demons was a dark blur as he ran the opposite direction and away from a certain staking.

            Seeing the idiotic Master wannabe, Buffy started through the melee to tell him what she thought of his boring speeches.  Definitely worse than Giles and his Sacred Duty monologues.  She frowned, tensing to run as the Master grabbed hold of Cordelia and opened his mouth.  The former cheerleader watched him calmly and began to glow.  Glow?  Why was Cordelia glowing?  Master vampire pulled away from her, screaming as his body dissolved into flame and ash.

            "It's pretty cool." Cordelia shrugged when she saw Buffy's surprised expression.  "Only works up close."

            "What?  How?"

            "Part demon now." Her smile was tight and controlled.  "Long story."

            "I bet it is." Buffy turned back, seeing the rest of the vamps dissolve into dust.  "What are you guys doing here?  Not that I'm unhappy to see you."

            "Cordy had a vision." Angel brushed off his jacket.  "Said you needed help."

            "You have visions?"

            "It's a thing.  Also long."

            "Oh.  Well.  Great.  You in town long?" Buffy watched Willow help Xander up and motioned for them to come over.

            "Just long enough to find Spike and tell him that there's no way I'm working with him.  I don't care what the PTB think, I'm not going to waste my time listening to that stupid accent of his."  Cordelia paused and gave Angel a pointed look.  "Although he does have an ounce of fashion sense, which is more than I can say for Mr. Tall, Dark, and Color Inhibited."

            Willow waved.  "Hey Cordy, hey Angel."

            Xander smiled blandly, sticking his hands into his pockets.  "To what do we owe this dubious pleasure?"

            "Spike.  Where is he?"

            "Whoa.  Time out." Buffy held out her hands.  "Why are you looking for Spike?  And what is PTB?  And a general what the hell for good measure."

            "How about we do this somewhere else?" Willow suggested.  "It's late.  We should check on Dawn.  And Giles is here too."

            "Good idea.  My house." Buffy kept the pace brisk as they headed back to Revello Drive.  All she needed was for Riley to show up and her week would be a shoo-in for the top slot of the Buffy Summers World of Weird.  Of course, now that she'd thought of it, it was bound to happen.  Damn.  Being a Slayer meant having psycho ex-boyfriends who refused to just go away and never come back like normal psycho ex-boyfriends.  Of course, two of her exes were immortal.  That probably had something to do with it.

            "Casa Summers.  Come on in." Buffy waved the group into the house.  "Ignore the books.  And the two stuffy English guys.  They're just for decoration, they don't actually do anything."

            "Angel." Giles looked up from his book.  "This is…a surprise."

            "We're here to help." Angel offered.

            "We're here to give the bleached Angel imitation a piece of my mind." Cordelia cleared herself a place on the sofa and sat down.  "Where is he so I can get this over with and go home?"

            Angel smiled apologetically.  "She doesn't travel well."

            "In a convertible that's older than I am.  With a vampire.  Who would under those circumstances?"

            "Nice to see you're the same old Cordelia we know and love." Xander retreated into the kitchen.

            "Angel!  Cordy!" Fred hurried into the living room, stirring her coffee carefully.  "I didn't know you were coming.  Did you call?"

            "Cordy had a vision."

            "That's great!" Fred settled back into her chair.  "Maybe it was just a dry spell.  Giving you time off or something."

            "It's because of Spike."

            "Again with the mentioning of Spike." Buff interrupted.  "What's going on?"

            "There's a prophecy.  A vampire with a soul." Angel began.

            "That would be Angel." Cordelia was inspecting her nails.

            "A Champion for the Powers.  Cordelia gets the visions, we help people.  Pretty standard actually."

            "In return, Angel gets to be human again. To shanshu.  Except that now, there are two vampires with souls and the visions are all hit and miss.  Mostly miss.  I refuse to work with Spike."

            "Human?" Buffy blinked.

            "According to the prophecy.  Wesley translated it."

            "Oh."

            Silence.  What was she supposed to say?  What could anyone say? Maybe Spike had messed everything up.  Angel was going to be human?  When had that happened?  Probably when she was dead.  Close your eyes for a few months and the whole world decided to rearrange itself.  Oh, for the innocent and joyous days of math tests and chemistry labs.

            "I do believe," Giles took his glasses off and pinched the bridge of his nose.  "That we are all going to rue the day Spike was sired."

            Fred took a sip of her coffee.  "He's done a lot more than just mess up the prophecy."

            "Are you drinking coffee, Fred?" Cordelia frowned.

            "Decaf." Fred assured her.  "But all that weird stuff that we've been noticing, the increased demon activity, and the strange behavior."

            "Yes?"

            "It's because of Spike too.  Because he got his soul back.  And then he didn't kill Faith.  Or he did kill her but he brought her back and he didn't kill the new Slayer either."

            "He killed Faith?" A low growl began in Angel's chest.

            "Oh please." Buffy sat down and rubbed her temples.  "Don't go all guard dog on us.  She perfectly safe with Spike unless she's into blood sports."

            "Faith and Spike have a thing now." Willow explained.

            "What?" Angel finally sat down.  "His soul?"

            "Not a curse.  Won it back fair and square all by his lonesome.  Hence the wacky dimension problems." Fred nodded toward the Head Watcher.  "This is Mr. Iverson.  He can explain the whole thing to you much better than I can."      

            "Nonsense, Miss Burkle, your grasp of dimensional physics is extraordinary.  I don't suppose you would ever consider working for the Council?" Iverson had dark circles under his eyes and he'd removed his tie at some point during the evening.

            "Back to the soulness of Spike." Cordelia raised her hand.  "Could we focus?"

            "Oh yes.  Spike regained his soul deliberately.  I'm afraid it caused quite a backlash in the supernatural world.  We believe," he smiled at Fred.  "That it destabilized the energy base of the dimensional walls.  They are beginning to crumble and the dimensions are merging.  In a nutshell."

            "And Dawn is resonating." Buffy sighed.  "Somehow she's linked to the whole vibraty thing."

            "There is a simple solution." Giles cast Buffy a sour look.  "Spike's death would most likely nullify the effects and reverse the damage."

            "And this is a hard decision how?" Cordelia asked.

            "I'm afraid that Spike and Faith have left town." Giles kept polishing.

            "I told them to get out." Buffy admitted.

            "Why?  Didn't you know what was happening?"

            "I knew.  That's why I told him to leave."

            "Buffy?" Angel frowned.

            "Don't bother.  I've heard it all.  From everyone."  Buffy got to her feet.  "He's gone.  We'll find something else.  I'm going to check on Dawn."  She left them badgering Giles and the others with questions.  Was something wrong with Buffy?  What was going on?  When had Spike left?  Sighing as she rounded the corner and headed toward Dawn's bedroom door, she wondered if she'd done the right thing.  Her cavalier attitude toward the end of the world had felt good, relaxed.  As the situation worsened, she had to consider that she had merely traded in one form of denial for another.  An old death wish for a new one.  She knocked softly before opening the door.  Dawn was curled up on the bed, hugging a ragged teddy bear to her chest.    

            "Hey." Sitting down, Buffy brushed Dawn's hair away from her face gently.  "How's my favorite sister?"

            "Feeling like I've been through one of those push toys.  You know, with the little plastic balls that bounce all over and sound like popcorn." Dawn pulled the blanket up to her chin and managed a thin smile.  The Kleenex box next to her bed was half empty, blood stained tissues filling the garbage can.

            "Any more?"

            "One.  While you were on patrol."

            "It's gonna be okay, Dawnie.  We'll find something." Buffy kissed her forehead.

            "Buffy?"

            "Yeah?"

            "I don't want you to tell me that if you're just trying to make me feel better.  I need to know the truth."

            "I am telling you the truth."

            "I can feel it." Dawn smiled sadly.  "I can feel the world ripping apart.  Shaking into pieces.  When I'm shaking, I can see it.  Watch it tearing."

            "We'll find a way.  I promise."

            "Don't tell Spike.  About me."

            "Dawn."

            "He'll do it." Dawn's eyes glistened with tears.  "If he thought it would save me, he'd do it.  And we don't know for sure that it would work and then he would…and it would be my fault."

            "I know." Buffy caressed her cheek lightly and smiled.  "You always did have him wrapped around your finger.  Big Bad Pushover."

            "Don't tell him."

            "I won't.  Just get some rest."  Buffy moved back to the doorway.  "Call if you need anything.  I'll be close."

            "Thanks."

            "I love you, Dawn."

            "Love you too, sis."

            Buffy closed the door softly and crept back down the stairs.  She avoided the living room purposefully and found Xander sitting in the kitchen.  Fixing herself a cup of tea, she watched him stare at the newspaper without seeing it.  Tea was soothing.  Tea reminded her of her mother. 

            "Xan?"

            "Hey Buff.  How's the Dawnster?"

            "Right as rain." Buffy smiled into her mug as she dunked the tea bag.

            "Liar."

            "Yeah.  But you love me anyway."

            "Also true."

            "Hard seeing them.  Isn't it?" Buffy sat down beside him.  "Even if it was years and years ago.  Somehow it's never easy.  Easier."

            "But not easy."  He smiled.  "At the same time, it's simple.  Looking back, we were young and crazy.  Did we even know what love was back then?"

            "Different type of love maybe."

            "It was so exciting.  Like a wild amusement park ride.  With the screaming and the arm waving and cotton candy."

            "Minus the whiny children and heatstroke."

            "Exactly."

            "Very Days of Our Lives."

            "Or Passions…this is the Hellmouth after all."

            "And Passions is more fitting actually.  With the whole Spike thing." Buffy stared down at her mug.  She didn't want to choose between Dawn and Spike.  She refused to choose between them. 

            "So I'm sitting here, wondering why I scampered into the kitchen like a bunny rabbit.  Forgive me Anya." He looked upwards in supplication.  "And I don't know the answer.  Maybe I was afraid that being around her would still hurt.  Maybe I was afraid it wouldn't."

            "Introspective Xander?"

            "Better than Running in Fear Xander." He grinned.  "What about you, Buff?  How does it feel seeing soulboy the first again?"

            "It's…it's kind of nice." Buffy shrugged.  "He's safe.  Nice, safe, predictable Angel.  Like Riley.  Always there when you need him.  Except when he's not." She frowned and shook away the confusing thoughts she'd stumbled into.  "But you know where I was headed before that derailed, right?"

            "Yeah.  I get it." Xander nodded.  "Old familiar pain is always better than new and unfamiliar pain."

            "Much so.  Angel and I are so dead in the water that it would be impossible to be hurt by him again."

            "Buff?"

            "Xan."

            "Whatever you decide.  With Dawn and Spike.  You'll do the right thing." He took her hand gently.  "I know you will."

            "I'm the Slayer."

            "You're Buffy Summers." He stood up with a deep breath.  "And now I am going to gather up my meager courage and face the dreaded Cordelia demon."

            "Better take some weapons.  And don't get too close to her if she starts doing the glowy thing."

            "Yeah." With a lopsided grin, he headed toward the doorway. 

Buffy smiled as he disappeared around the corner.  Nostalgically, she headed out to the back porch with her tea to gaze at the stars and remember the times she'd stood there with Spike.  Or sat on the top step and let him comfort her.  It seemed so strange.  Comfort from a demon.  But Spike had always been just that.  Comforting in his strength and his conviction.  His sheer tenacity had grounded her even she had hated him.  Seeing Angel again brought the striking differences between the two vampires into focus.  Mostly, she realized that she didn't know either of them as well as she or anyone else had assumed.  It had been years since she had spent time with them, since she had known what books Angel was reading or how many kittens Spike owed in poker.  Did Angel still draw?  Did Spike still like marshmallows in his cocoa?  Had she ever really known them at all?

            Usually, Buffy and deep thoughts were unmixy things.  Undead and sunlight type of unmixy, doomed to combust and leave scorch marks on her psyche.  With a heavy sigh, she eased down onto the top step and cupped the warm mug with her hands, breathing in the sweetly scented steam.  Years had passed since she had last dragged these particular memories kicking and screaming to the surface.  Repression was safer and easier than trying to make sense of life.  There was always something more important to worry about.  Demons, money, school.  Better to sweep the dark thoughts under the rug and pretend that they didn't matter.  But there they were, waiting for her to find them again.

Her relationship with Angel had been meteoric.  Epic, Romeo and Juliet, terrifying beyond all reason.  Stronger than anything she had felt before but ultimately shallow.  And doomed to crash, burning away through the atmosphere of the real world.  The relationship with Spike had been just as hopeless for completely different reasons.  It had been dark, violent.  Two people who loved and hated just enough to destroy each other.  Their passion had been no less real than what she had with Angel.  Just different.  Less innocent.  She felt much older than twenty-five.  It wasn't the years, it was the mileage.  The dust and blood of each night taking its toll on her.  Maybe the real reason Slayers didn't live very long was that they were too tired to keep going.  Too tired to hold on to the moral compass that had kept them firmly believing that they were right.  That kept them from killing human beings.  She shook those thoughts away.  Being the Slayer meant making the tough decisions.  Killing Ethan had been one of them.

"This seat taken?" Angel's voice was soft.

            "Pull up a plank." Buffy motioned toward the step as she sat down, sipping her tea. 

            "How have you been?"

            "Not bad." Buffy glanced over at him, still reigning in the runaway thoughts of the past.  "Between Faith getting killed, getting my ass kicked by Spike…which was all sorts of embarrassing, by the way.  Then getting shot and tied up by the new Slayer.  And the Council?  Being way too nice to not be planning our gruesome deaths."

            "The Slayer tied you up?"

            "She was supposed to kill us.  The old Head Watcher wasn't big on the forgiving and forgetting.  Ethan Rayne saved us."

            "Giles' old friend?"

            "One and the same.  That turned out to be a trap.  Again.   I chained Spike up in the basement and Faith saved us.  I sent Cara home.  No one knows where she is."

            "Cara?"

            "New Slayer."

            "And Ethan?"

            "Back in the hands of the criminal justice system." She glanced away.  She didn't have to tell him that Ethan was actually pushing up daisies.  At least the flowerbed would have some good blooms for summer.  How things changed.  How she had changed.  Maybe that was why Angel and Spike seemed like strangers.  She had changed.  It didn't seem likely that she would ever feel comfortable telling Angel the truth about Ethan.  Not like Faith, who Buffy knew would understand and wouldn't judge.  Angel wouldn't judge her, he just wouldn't understand.  "Other than that, not much has changed since I talked to you last.  A year ago?"  Not exactly a lie.  Did he really need to know just how much she'd seen and done? 

            "Dawn's graduation." Angel nodded.

            "How's L.A.?"

            "Gunn and Gwen are the same.  Lorne's got a new club.  Wesley's seeing someone."

            "I heard.  Cordy?"

            Angel sighed, "No progress.  I can't convince her that Connor's death wasn't her fault."

            "Still wigs me out.  You having a son." Buffy set her mug down on the porch between them.  "I'm sorry about what happened.  I know he would have come around eventually.  You were a good father."

            "Maybe." He looked up at the stars for a moment before turning back to her.  "About Spike."

            "I really don't know where he is."

            "I believe you." Angel watched her closely.  "Do you love him?"

            Buffy turned her gaze to the lawn, "I did.  For a long time."  She shrugged, not wanting to dig up past uglies with him.  That reminded her of Spike and she smiled.  "What can I say?  Vampire fetish."  As destructive and ill fated as it was.  

            "When?"

            "After Willow brought me back, we had a thing." She curled her arms around her knees.  "We hurt each other.  He left."  There wasn't any need to go into the details.  They simply didn't matter anymore. 

            "That's," He paused and smiled at her,  "Disturbing."

            "And you having a son with Darla isn't?"

            "I could probably think of worse."

            "Like what?"

            "Cordelia having sex with Connor."

            "Ewww!"

            "Yeah." He stared out into the night.  "There was this Beast and the rain of fire.  It turned out to be part of an evil plot."

            "What part of our lives isn't an evil plot?"

            "So Spike and Faith?"

            "Yep." Buffy picked at her pant cuff.  "How's that for the train wreck no one saw coming?  Ethan tortured her, Spike found her.  Some trauma bonding and a few Kodac moments later, they're inseparable.  I think he'd do anything for her."

            "He always was a bit of a den mother.  With Dru."

            "Be glad you didn't see her.  It made me sick." Buffy shuddered at the memory.  "What he did to her would have ruined some people.  It just made her stronger." 

            "She's tough."

            "Yeah."  Buffy smiled.  "Angel?  I need to ask you a favor."

            "What do you need?"

            "It's Dawn." She took a deep breath.  "She's getting worse.  Fred thinks it might help if she were somewhere away from the Hellmouth.  Lessen the influence.  Maybe."

            "Where would you go?"

            "I don't know.  But I can't leave the Hellmouth unprotected." She picked up her mug and turned it over in her hands.  "Could you, I mean, is there any way you could get away from L.A.?"

            "Just give us a call.  Cordy and I will do it." He patted her shoulder gently. 

            "Thanks.  I'd feel better if I knew someone was here."  They sat in silence, watching the shadows dance in the breeze.

            "Buffy."

            "Spare me the save the world, make the hard decisions, be the Slayer talk.  I know how to make those decisions.  It's all I do."

            "I want you to be happy.  That's all I ever wanted for you."

            "I'd say the same for you but we both know how that leads to badness." She was surprised when he smiled.

            "Just thinking."  He leaned back on his hands.  "Maybe the person who should be making this decision is Spike."

            "How can I ask him to do that Angel?  After what he's done, what he's been through.  He deserves a chance to be happy."

            "Maybe he doesn't have to die." Angel examined a crack in the wood thoughtfully.

            "What do you mean?"

            "Maybe he just has to give up his soul."

            Buffy stared at the mug in her hands.  She hadn't thought of that.  Had the Watcher's Council thought of that?  They seemed convinced that only Spike's death would solve the problem.  Would it be so terrible to have a non-souled Spike?  Dawn was right, he had always been different.  Could she let him live without a soul and without a chip?  What would stop him from feeding? Was it fair to ask him to give up his soul?  That was potential migraine territory.  "He's not cursed.  How would he get rid of it?"

            "There are ways.  Shamans, soul-eaters.  Wesley could help you find something."

            "I suppose."

            "It might save Dawn."

            "It might." Buffy sighed.  "I'm tired, Angel.  I'll talk to Giles about it tomorrow."

            "Let me know if you need anything."

            "I will."  This was the Angel she knew.  Always doing the right thing, always trying to help.  Some things didn't change.  She smiled, "I guess Spike was wrong about something after all."

            "What?"

            "We can be friends."

            "Hey." Xander took a seat on the porch bench next to Cordelia.  "Everyone else is pretending to research.  Are you all right?"

            "And you care since when?" There was no bite in her voice, just the barest hint of the old venom.

            "I always cared." He watched a car drive past, following the tail lights as it turned the corner because there was nothing else to look at.  Except Cordelia.  She was a stranger to him.  Cold, aloof.  It reminded him of Buffy after the battle with the First. When she had locked herself away to grieve and mourn, blocking out friends and family because she didn't want to burden them with her suffering. 

            "Angel must be really desperate if he sent you out here to talk to me." She crossed her arms tightly and stared ahead.

            "He didn't.  Just wanted to talk.  You know, exchange nouns and adjectives.  Maybe a verb or two."

            "There's nothing to talk about."

            "That makes having a conversation a little difficult.  But I'm sure we can figure it out." He leaned forward, tapping his fingers together lightly.  "How's Wesley doing?"

            "Fine." She shrugged.  "He's got this new girl.  It won't last.  They're totally incompatible.  It's like she's not tough enough and too tough at the same time."  Realizing that she was actually talking, she stopped and looked away.

            "So you two never worked out?"

            "Please.  As if." She rolled her eyes.  "I was eighteen.  Young and stupid."

            "Yeah.  I've been there, done that.  With a big helping of the stupid."

            "Xander." Dark eyes finally turned to him and she smiled sadly.  "I'm sorry.  For the way I treated you."

            "Water under the bridge." Xander gave her a half smile.  "I think it's part of growing up.  Doing stupid things, being mean to people who care about you.  Like some sort of initiation into adulthood."

            "But you weren't terrible to me.  Most of the time." A glint of humor appeared in her eyes.

            "I had my share of Social Darwin moments.  Not nearly as spectacular as some but they were there."

            "What do you regret most about high school?"

            Xander took a deep breath, trying to think back and pick out just one moment.  Just one thing that he would change if he could.  At the same time, he knew that changing even something small could have dramatic consequences.  End of the world kind of repercussions.  Like Spike getting a soul and ending up destroying everything.  No.  He wouldn't change anything.  But he could still regret.

            "Xander?"

            "I lied to Buffy.  Once." He kept staring at his hands.  "I did the right thing.  But it still feels wrong."

            "What was it?" There was genuine interest in her voice.  Maybe even empathy.

            "When Buffy had to send Angel to hell." Xander glanced over at the door.  "I didn't tell her that Willow was going to try to curse him again.  I told her to kick his ass.  The curse worked."

            "She would have had to do it regardless."

            "Probably.  But I shouldn't have lied to her about it." He sighed.  "I didn't want her to let down her guard because she thought there was a chance."  She was watching him solemnly.  "What do you regret, Queen C?"

            "It seems like someone else's life.  I don't even know where to start." Cordelia sighed and rubbed her forehead tiredly.  "I was a bitch and I was proud of it.  It made me who I was.  But I shouldn't have been so mean.  I guess that's it."

            "We can't change the past." Xander started slowly.  "Sometimes I wonder what would have happened, if I'd told Buffy the truth.  Maybe Angel wouldn't have gone to hell.  Maybe Buffy wouldn't have run away.  But if Angel hadn't gotten sucked into the Acathla vacuum cleaner, would he have ended up in Los Angeles?  Would he still be among the undead?  Would he have killed Buffy?  Maybe none of us would be here at all."

            "You can't dwell on it, Xander.  You can't change what's done."

            "Is that compassion I hear?" He grinned at her.

            "Just a little.  Don't tell anyone." Her smile faded and she turned back to the street.  "The visions.  A friend gave them to me.  They weren't meant for a human and they were killing me." She shivered.  "The Powers made me part demon so I could still help Angel.  Be his link to them and to the whole destiny trip.  It made me feel like I was helping, like I was a part of something important."

            "Fighting the good fight."

            "Everything else seems so shallow.  Who really cares about trying to impress guys or the latest Jimmy Choo line when there are demons out there killing innocent people?"  Shifting against the armrest, she pulled her legs up and he noticed she was wearing worn tennis shoes.  Cordelia had certainly changed.  "And then I get this offer to really do something good.  To be a higher being and actually get to see how things work.  Maybe even help Angel get his reward."  She shook her head sadly.  "But that turned out to be a complete bore and a total hoax.  Evil plan to produce this all-powerful being who could brainwash the whole world.  Using me and Angel's son as breeding material.  Did you know Angel had a son?"

            "I had heard something to that effect.  Right before my head did a full Exorcist spin and I had to start taking those little blue pills every morning to keep the voices away."

            "Yeah.  Twisted.  That's prophecy for you." She was quiet, watching the night.  In the shadows, she looked tired and lost.  "His name was Connor."  He waited for her to continue, sensing that she needed to work through her thoughts.  "He's dead.  And I keep thinking that if I'd just done something different.  If I hadn't said yes.  Hadn't left Angel.  Hadn't done a hundred things.  I could have stopped it."

            "Maybe." Xander put his arm around her shoulders hesitantly.  "Maybe not."

            "You should have seen Angel's face." Her voice was soft, trembling.  "I know he doesn't blame me.  Because he's a Champion.  But he should."

 Xander watched a single tear begin the trek down her cheek, "You can't change what's done." He repeated her words back to her with a soft smile.  "No one's perfect around here.  Especially around here.  As a matter of fact, most of the people here have been evil at some point in time.  Or at least killed someone.  And Willow?  Tried to destroy the world."

"I heard." Cordelia sniffed and leaned her head on his shoulder.  "Why is it that the world depends on us?  We've got to be the worst people to be doing this."

"Yet the world continues to turn.  And I know that we've also been a part of that.  You've been a part of that."

"When did you get all motivational speaker?"

"After I lost Anya, I guess." Xander leaned his head against hers, breathing in the scent of her conditioner.  "When I realized that she was really gone and I'd never be able to finally make it down that aisle to be with her."

"Do you think any of us will ever be able to have that?  Love, marriage.  Family." There was a catch in her voice and her shoulders began to shake.

"I don't know, Cordy.  I don't know." He held her tightly as she cried.  

           

            "Hello?" Giles put the telephone against his ear, trying to balance the coffee in his right hand and the book in his left.

            "You have a collect call from," The nasal computer voice began.

            "Faith."

            "Do you accept the call?"

            "Yes, yes." Giles glanced around quickly.  Buffy was still absent.  Willow and Fred were talking quietly by the coffee table, going over passages and diagrams.

            "B?" She sounded far away, echoing through the lines.

            "Faith?"

            There was a pause.  "Giles?  That you?"

            "Faith.  Yes.  It's Giles.  Are you all right?"

            "Five by five.  Just checkin' in.  B wanted to know we were safe."

            "Yes.  That's very considerate." He slipped around the corner.

            "How's Sunnyhell?"

            "Busy.  Demon activity has been increasing." He refrained from mentioning Spike's role in the destruction and chaos.

            "Wicked crazy here too." Her voice was subdued, cautious.  "Everyone okay?"

            "Yes." Giles hesitated again.  "Except Dawn.  I'm afraid she's feeling the effects of the changes as well.  Headaches, seizures.  It will, no doubt, get much worse before the end."

            "You haven't found anything then."

            "No.  I'm afraid not." He squashed the guilt squirming in the back of his mind.  "We have every reason to believe that when the walls collapse, they will take Dawn with them.  If she survives that long."  There was a long pause.

            "Tell Buffy we're safe." The phone clicked and Giles stared at it for a long moment before returning to the base.  Would Faith tell Spike?  If she did, would Spike react the way Giles hoped?  The vampire had never forgiven himself for not protecting Dawn that night with Glory, blamed himself for Buffy's death.  From what had happened in Sunnydale more recently, it was possible that Spike was still hell-bent on protecting Dawn. 

            He returned to the table and his research.  He would look for another solution because he had promised Buffy.  Keep on looking after Iverson and Fred left the next morning because she believed Spike deserved that much.  What was it about the vampire that inspired such loyalty?  First, from Buffy and then from Faith.  It was more surprising from Faith who, to the best of Giles' knowledge, had never trusted or cared for anyone.  But there was a connection.  He had seen it that night in the basement.  The unmistakable intimacy between them.  With a sigh, he took another sip of coffee and grimaced at the bitter liquid.  If they were lucky, Spike would realize that Dawn was in danger and take the right course of action.  If they were lucky.