Title: Biting Chill
Author: omearalee
Disclaimer: Not everyone has gazillions of dollars for ownership of stuff.
Author's Note: Brought to you by 6th hour pre-calc. It inadvertently took a bit of a Kibbs-y tone, if you spin around in circles and stand on your head.
-Gibbs hates everyone right now. Even himself.-
The words that flew from her mouth in his vision of her were fierce and blaming. They stung his soul like alcohol on an open wound. The tingling, burning sensation still hadn't faded as the accusatory look in her eye colored everything he thought about, everything he did, everything he was.
He was at fault.
He failed.
Why did she have to die?
Even a month later, the guilt ate away at him, tearing his life to shreds. The initial aftermath of the shooting was numbness. All he could focus on was how there was a hole in Kate's head, a hole in her Kevlar, and a hole in his team. His family. His heart.
After that, the numbness faded into shock and a strange spirit. He was nice to those around him, a little softer around the edges. He didn't slap Tony upside the head. He told them to change after being in the rain so they wouldn't get sick. He offered the coffee.
After the funeral, though, a twig snapped in the forest and snow avalanched down the mountain. A cold fog descended behind his steely blue eyes and a biting chill settled in his cadence. Some nights would see him sitting idly behind his desk staring intently at Kate's vacant chair, visions of her flashing before him. Every smiling face, every fight with Tony, every loving moment tore a bigger hole in his resolve, cauterizing the edges of the wound slowly, painfully. They carefully expanded the blackness with tiny cuts and burns, pushing the ache closer to his consciousness.
Why did I have to die, Gibbs? Wasn't one bullet enough for you?
I always said I'd have your back. I always said I'd give my life for you. You said you'd never let that happen. Well, here I am. You lied and now I'm dead.
The moment they need you most, you stop leading. What's wrong with you? Do you want them to die, too?
-end-