Chapter 2: The Angry Princess'sSong (My Humps)
Disclaimer(ARGGGGHHHH!): I do not own Thirteen Ghosts. I never said I did. Okay, maybe once when I was drunk, but like the many "I Love You's" I said that night, it was a complete lie. I also don't own "My Humps" by the Black Eyed Peas, even though I am parodying it in this chapter.
For the confused:
Areola is the foreign exchange student/token nude scene girl from Not Another Teen Movie. In this way, she is very akin to The Angry Princess, who is the token nude scene girl for Thirteen Ghosts. For that reason, I gave her a cameo in this.
And The Hammer Hos are The Hammer's three fly girl backup dancers. They look like normal fly girls, except that, like The Hammer, their bodies are impaled with railroad spikes in several places.
For the offended by nudity: There is a thing called imagination. I do this sometimes, too. The key is to, while you imagine the offensive body part, immediately imagine a censor blur that can completely cover the surface of the "bad part" and then, with your mind, put it OVER what you don't want to visualize! But seriously, I am not a pervert, and I don't assume that of anyone who reads this. If you are offended by anything so far, please, just leave. Do not be a jerk and read through this, if you are already biased against it.. And if you are against this before reading it, please do not review. I need some criticism of my relative talent, not what the story is about or what the rating is.
That's it for notes, that should prevent lots of confusion. But hopefully not all, hehee!
Now the Song
The Angry Princess steps onto the stage She is wearing nothing but an open faux fur coat, one of those J-Lo hip-hop club hats, gold hoop earrings, and a pair of sparkly open toe high heels. She strikes a pose. Behind her are two special guests you may recognize from their nude scenes: Francesca of Ghost Ship, and Amber, one of the T-Virus infected Raccoon City strippers from Resident Evil: Apocalypse. The beat picks up and in unison they start to back their things up as they enter a pop-and-lock routine. The hammer then pimp walks his way onto the stage headed for The Angry Princess. He is followed by The Hammer Hos Who quickly join the other three girls in formation.
Hammer: Whatcha Gonna do wif all dat stuff, all dat stuff inside that bust?
Princess: I'ma get get get get you drunk, get you love drunk off my humps. I said my humps. My humps, my humps, my humps. My humps, my humps, my humps, My bouncy perky bumps! Check it out:
I drive the censors crazy,
Because I'm butt-ass nakie.
They ask me really nicely,
To please put on a nightie.
Or wear at least a sports bra,
So noone sees my na-nas
Yellin', they be tellin' me
My melons can't be on TV
Pointin' and they're laughin'
But, brother I ain't laughin'
All this cup size I be rockin',
but they just keep censor blockin'
So If they keep on hatin',
I'll just keep on hatin'
We can keep debatin'
But I'll just keep on shakin'
My humps. My humps, my humps, my humps. You love my bouncy bumps, My humps, my humps, my humps! My bosom's got you
Hammer: It got me payin'
Princess: Payin' all attention to me,
And my frontal nudity.
Hammer: It got me payin'
Princess: Payin' all attention to me, t-to me, to me.
Hammer: Whatcha Gonna do wif all dat stuff, all dat stuff inside that bust?
Princess: I'ma get get get get you drunk, get you love drunk off my humps.
Hammer: Whatcha gonna do wif all dat bustin at da seam.
Princess: I'ma make make make make you scream. Make you scream, make you scream!
Cuz of my humps. My humps, my humps, my humps. My humps, my humps, my humps, My bouncy perky bumps! Check it out:
Hammer: I met a ho down at the glass house, she said "Hey hey hey lets make out! I can be your princess. You can be my Hammer, Let's make blood go splatter, mix your chocolate wif my milk duds. Milky milky choco duds. Mix your chocolate wif my milky duds. Milky milky riiiiight!
Princess: Fans say I'm really sexy,
They say they wanna sex me.
I find that disturbing,
Cuz I'm cut up and dead, see.
They're dreamin' of my hump humps,
Grabbin' at my bump bumps.
You can dream but you can't live it,
If you think so, then you
Need a hobby, need a, need a hobby,
Need a hobby, need a, need a hobby.
So don't reach out to feel me,
I aint real, G.
That's all I wanna say, G,
About my humps.
My humps. My humps, my humps, my humps. My humps, my humps, my humps. My humps, my humps, my humps, My perky bouncy bumps! My perky bouncy bumps. My perky bouncy bumps! Shakin' shakin' in the front! My bosom's got you,
Hammer: It got me payin'
Princess: Payin' all attention to me,
And my frontal nudity.
Hammer: It got me payin'
Princess: Payin' all attention to me, t-to me, to me.
Hammer: Whatcha Gonna do wif all dat stuff, all dat stuff inside that bust?
Princess: I'ma get get get get you drunk, get you love drunk off my humps.
Hammer: Whatcha gonna do wif all dat bustin at da seam.
Princess: I'ma make make make make you scream. Make you scream, make you scream!
Hammer: Whatcha gonna do wif all dat(Looks at watch) Daaaaaaaaaaaamn! Cut da beat! (Beat Stops)
Princess:What? What's wrong?
Hammer: I gotta bounce, shorty!
Princes: Hey, wh-what do you mean, baby? You still have to finish the song!
Hammer: Yo I wish I could, but I got's ta meet someone here.
Areola walks in wearing a scarf and...that's it.
Areola: Hello I am new foreign exchange ghost. I am only here to serve as object of lust for poor ghost who cannot get Mary Sue p(bleep) !
Hammer: C'mon Shorty! Let's hit da town!
(Hammer leaves with Areola)
Princess: B-but I, she,(Sobs) He told me my boobs were special!
Francesca: (Pats The Angry Princess on the back) Did you know there's someone on Yahoo! Search right now looking to pay for an Angry PrincessxFrancesca Thirteen Ghosts/Ghost Ship crossover smut fic?
Princess: (Sniff) How much?
The End?
Maybe, maybe not. All I know is that i am not doing smut!