Category: Angst
Season: 7
Summary: Jannet lived and died but memory lives on
Disclaimer: not mineand yaknow what theynever will beDaMn ill give em back.
AN: as alwayz ... R&R please.
Fade to black
It's true what they say about your life flashing before your eyes the moment before you die. Except its not just your life you see. Sure you see the good and bad things that have made an imprint in your memory but most of all you see the regrets…
You come to think that because you spend your life helping people you will live out the rest of your days and die a natural death. I mean come on they owe you that much don't they? But more often than not when you finally realize that its so easy to get screwed over, all it takes is one mistake, one little slip up, its usually to late. As it is in my case. It's kinda sad really, only waking up to myself now. I mean I know I'm already as good as dead, a few milliseconds is all it takes. I mean direct hit to the chest, that's gotta hurt. Except of course I know it doesn't and nor will it because by the time my brain responds to say 'hey this hurts, there is pain over here' I'll be long gone, I won't be in pain…
But that just reminds me that I'm not the only one this effects. And they will be in pain, they are still able to respond to it. They will be fourced to breakdown and cry, to mourn their loss. These are the kind of things you regret. You regret that you don't get to tell them not to cry for you. After all you got the good end of the bargain… I mean HELLOOOO no pain, no suffering, sounds pretty sweet. But most of all you regret not being able to tell them one last time how much they mean to you, how much they have helped shape not just who you are but your entire life as well. I needed to tell them that I wouldn't have missed this experience for the world. From this job I gained a daughter, a sister, three brothers and a father. Not to mention all my other friends throughout the SGC. THEY have made my life. With this you got more than a job description you got a family. And it hurts to know what I will be putting that family through now that I have to go. Not like I have a choice on the matter, if I did I wouldn't do it, I wouldn't go. Not because I'm afraid or any other selfish reason but because I was always there to stop pain not cause it.
But I know while all of this is running through my head I still haven't hit the ground. Its amazing how quickly your mind process' things in this kind of situation. My medical mind doesn't believe this is possible and wouldn't but for it happening right now. Its too busy assessing the damage even though I know that it is fatal, I don't need a medical examination to tell me that. and my practical mind has already come to the inevitable conclusion with an 'oh shit' kinda response.
I hear a slight shout as if it's from far away, it's calling my name, the voice is panicked. It sounds shocked and hurt. I want to tell it -- him, its probably Daniel he was here with me -- I want to tell him not to cry for me, that I'll be fine. But suddenly I realize that by now I've hit the ground and everything I've ever known, ever loved, ever lived for fades to black…