Fall
Chapter 4 – Lost
I never got the chance to win another goldfish though. There were other things to reckon with. There was worrying over 'kaasan, taking care of the pickles, helping 'tousan with the laundry, there was kendo, there was the unwanted heaviness of living with a man I barely know. There was growing up, in a hurry.
One month after his arrival, things haven't improved. I would hesitantly try and close our gap and 'tousan would only smile and find an excuse to be by himself. The laundry, dinner, the bath.
Love was a strange emotion. Tae-chan said 'tousan loved 'kaasan. And yet they would take their meal in total silence; walk along side each other without uttering a word and sleep on separate rooms come night time. The happy reunion that fateful night seemed to have dissolved and was lost somewhere irretrievable.
Now everyone was plastered with happy faces. Everyone looked relieved that finally, there was a reason to smile about.
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One afternoon, I found him sitting by our porch as usual. 'kaasan was out and it fell on me to prepare his tea. I went over silently and placed the cup beside him but before I could leave his voice stopped me.
'Kenji.'
I looked down at him and felt awkward. He motioned for me to sit down beside him and I did.
'Here.' He produced a tiny small figure.
'Froggy.' I hesitantly took the carved animal from his hand.
' Froggy.' He let out a weak and weary laugh. 'I thought maybe you would like it.'
'Arigato.'
'A friend gave that to me. Long ago…' I waited for him to finish, he patted my head instead.
'Take good care of it.'
He stood up, leaving me to sit alone once again, in total silence.
Somehow I expected more; kendo, flawless swan origami, an extra big fish for dinner, fireworks, happy faces, the precious feeling that someone has finally returned home, safe and sound. I could have perched myself upon his shoulders and told him that I liked Kaorin-san. He would then, laugh and dismiss my blush.
But he was simply 'tousan, struggling helplessly with guilt and despair, like anyone would. He had an excuse and he used it.
It was odd. As I fumbled the wooden gift, I knew I was supposed to feel something and I didn't.
That scared me, more than anything else.
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a/n: beh.