Life Part 6
Author: JeepNY
Category: Flight to the mainland… pov in spots.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Sheppard sat in the front of the jumper, doing whatever else needed to be finished, which really wasn't anything. He just needed to look like he was busy.
"Alright, you know the rules, no working, period. I will be out there in 2 days to make sure you are alright. If anything happens, just call."
"I know, thanks Carson."
"Take of yourself lass."
With a smile he walked out of the jumper without as much as saying two words to Colonel Sheppard.
This was going to be a long flight.
As they ascended and left Atlantis behind, Elizabeth sat back in the seat and closed her eyes, hoping that John would not want to talk.
Not that she did not want to talk, but right now, she did not think she could handle much without breaking down.
She kept noticing that John would turn and glance quickly at her, sadness in his eyes, concern also there, but then he would look away again.
Closing her eyes once again, she hoped sleep would come quickly so she could be on the mainland in what would seem like record time.
No further conversation was attempted by either one. John landed the jumper and the back hatch opened.
"Do you need a hand?" He asked her.
"If you could take that bag for me."
"Sure."
Sheppard followed her out of the jumper and towards some of the towns people who were supposed to meet them.
"Colonel Sheppard, we did not expect you."
He looked over at them, and then to Elizabeth, "Yeah well I did not expect to be here either." HE paused for a moment, "How are you?"
"We are good. Are you staying for the evening meal?"
"I am afraid I can't, next time?"
"As always it would be an honor."
"Well, that is my queue, good bye Dr. Weir."
She watched him walk slowly back to the jumper and close the hatch. Elizabeth was truly alone.
"Is there something wrong?" One of the woman asked her on their way back to the village.
"Not really, just need some time off."
"It just seems like Colonel Sheppard was very distant."
"Yeah, well…"
"I will leave you Dr. Weir, we are at your residence. This is yours for the duration of your stay here."
"Please, call me Elizabeth, and I am sure it will be fine. Thank you."
As Elizabeth watched the woman walk away, she reached down for the rest of her bags, and opened the door.
Alone.
She did not show up for the evening meal that night. Instead she went out to the lake and sat down at the edge to watch the sun set. The colors danced across the sky in reds, oranges, and yellows.
When she was on Atlantis, she felt alone, and depressed, but here, here she was defiantly alone. The people here knew of her, but did not know her.
The only person who knew her was John. And these days she was not even sure that fact was true.
But that is one of the reasons why she was here.
Right?
But did she really want to get over them? Her emotions for John Sheppard were so strong, they were taking over her life.
And he did not return her feelings.
As she pulled the blanket closer around her, she shivered and sighed. The stars had finally come out and the darkness had started to swallow her whole.
Maybe that is what she wanted.
Something to swallow her whole, and take away the pain she was in.
The next day she found herself out by the lake again. Some of the children and women came by to see if she wanted to join them for their daily goings on. But Elizabeth declined, and went back out to the lake.
Around lunch a elder woman came by to bring her some lunch. Elizabeth picked at it while the elder woman watched her.
"My dear, you really need to eat more."
"I am just not hungry."
"You skipped the evening meal last night and morning fest this morning."
"I have food with me."
"Don't give me that dear."
They sat in silence for a few more moments before she started to speak again. "What is wrong dear?"
"It's nothing really."
"It must be something if you are here, the leader of Atlantis."
Elizabeth looked over at the older woman, a small smile washed over her face and was gone just as fast. She agreed with her, it was something. Maybe talking about it to someone would help?
It couldn't hurt right?
Well any more then it already does right?
Elizabeth went on to tell the other woman the story, and how she came to be in the situation she was in now.
They sat there for more than an hour before the woman's daughter Rieke came to see where she was.
"I am alright dear, just talking with the dear Elizabeth."
"Alright mother, please do not stay to much longer, you have to rest this afternoon."
"I know my dear."
When she left, "You might want to try meditation dear Elizabeth, it will open your mind and calm you."
"Maybe."
"I have taught many, even your friend Teyla."
"Tomorrow then?"
"Tomorrow."
She ate a little more at the bread after she left, but skipped the evening meal once again.
Carson stepped out of the jumper the next morning with Rodney in tow.
"How is our patient?" He asked one of the men.
"She had skipped the evening meals, and the morning fest. Rieke's mother had gotten her to eat some lunch yesterday."
Sighing Carson knew that this was going to be tough, but she had to get past this. Atlantis needed her.
Things had already started to get rough back in the city. Colonel Sheppard had started to withdraw into himself, even when Rodney had tried to draw him out. He just brushed his off, and continued on his way.
Carson had to threaten Rodney not to tell her anything while they were visiting, saying that everything was going to work out just fine and they hadn't need to worry her with something this trivial.
"Wait, she's not eating?" Rodney pondered, "I mean that can't be good, right Carson?"
"Not Rodney that is not good."
The made their way to her cabin, when they did not find her there, Rodney went into the town and Carson went looking around the area by the cabin.
He found her by the lake, just sitting there staring out across the glassy surface.
"Elizabeth?" HE asked as he approached her.
When he got no answer he tried again, this time he say down next to her.
"Elizabeth, are you alright lass?"
She quietly looked over at him, "No Carson."
"They told me you haven't been eating, Elizabeth, you of all people know better."
"I don't know if this was such a good idea Carson, being here, that is."
"Why is that?"
"Because, here, being here, I am completely alone. That is all I think about, how this is how my life is going to be."
"You are not truly all alone lass."
Smiling I lean into his shoulder and gently nudge him. "That's not what I meant, but thank you."
"Please tell me you are going to try and eat today."
"For you Carson."
"Good. Now how are you doing otherwise?"
"No work, no thinking about work, no nothing but sitting here watching the lake."
"It is a beautiful lake."
"It's not like Atlantis. I miss being there."
"I know you do, but this will be good for you."
They spent the next hour chatting, and Elizabeth persuading Carson that she was fine, and to let her stay there.
Mid afternoon Rodney and Carson headed back to Atlantis with the promise to be back within 2 days time.
Smiling Elizabeth walked back to the lake until dinner.
That was the first night that she had joined them in the evening meal, and she felt better already.
For the moment anyway.
When she sat down before bed to look up at the stars, her mood had changed for the worse.
Not that she was not used to this feeling… in fact she had gotten quite used to it over the past few weeks.
Thoughts kept running through her head. She had no way of stopping them before the tears began to fall.
What have I got to do to make you love me?
What have I got to do to make you care?
What do I do to make you want me?
What have I got to do to be heard?
Why can't we talk it over?
She was crying again, and the only thing she could think of is, that she hoped John was going through the same thing.