Harry wanted so much to express how he felt for Severus, but he didn't quite know how. He was not able to put his feelings into words well, and although the pair had kissed and slept in the same bed, the thought of doing anything more was daunting to Harry. He knew, though, that he had to, eventually. A voice in his head taunted him daily, saying that Severus would leave him if he didn't get some play soon. The voice was less in his head, though, and more coming from the mouths of his friends, who were, in all fairness, trying to be supportive. He couldn't escape their questions and suggestions for more than thirty minutes on any given day. That particular day, the three of them were wandering around Hogsmeade, peering into the windows of the shops until shooed away by the shopkeepers.

"So Harry," prodded Hermione, "has anything new come up." She looked at her friend expectantly.

"Not really," he said, doing his best to evade the question. "I mean, I guess transfiguration isn't as hard as it was."

"That's not what she meant, Harry," Ron said. "She wants to know if you and…well…you know." He still wasn't able to say that Harry and Snape were a couple. Strictly speaking, no one at Hogwarts was supposed to know, so of course everyone knew. Strangely, though, everyone managed to be pretty normal about it. Snape said that Dumbledore had drugged them all in their sleep, but Harry thought that it was just a matter of time before someone grew a pair and told the entire world.

"We're just curious, is all," continued Hermione, "and we want to help you, if we can."

"I mean, you can't really be celibate for the rest of your life," muttered Ron.

"Well, you could," corrected Hermione, "but you probably wouldn't have much of a chance at maintaining a long term relationship that way."

"It's not like it's horrible or anything," said Ron. "I mean, it's different when, y'know, both people…"

"Ron," hushed Hermione. "What he means is that the past does not necessarily dictate the future. Simply because something was one way before does not mean that it will be that way this time. I'm sure that if you just talk to him, it'll be fine."

"And there are loads of ways to relax beforehand," Ron said. "I mean, lots of times 'Mione and I have a few butterbeers before we…"

"Ron," scolded Hermione, "when will you pay attention? You know that Harry can't drink." She launched off on some tirade, but Harry wasn't listening. It seemed, actually, that he had found his answer. Perhaps Ron had a good point. If he could just relax himself a bit, the first time with Severus wouldn't be completely dreadful. Severus had kept stressing that they wouldn't consummate their relationship until he was ready, but Harry thought that perhaps he had found the thing that it would take to get him ready. Absently, he veered off to the left, heading to another part of Hogsmeade.

"I'll catch you guys later," he said, "I've got some things I need to pick up." As he wandered off, he hoped that his connection was still around town.

"Do you think he heard anything we said," pondered Hermione, as she watched her small, thin friend wander down the street.

"You know how he is, 'Mione, always with his head partially in the clouds."

It'd been a while since Harry had consumed anything remotely intoxicating, so he wasn't surprised that a little bit of smack went a long way. He felt the familiar feeling of relaxation come over him as he sat in Snape's quarters, staring into the fire. He'd taken enough to relax himself, but he was pretty sure that he would still be able to think and act like he normally did, thus arousing little or no suspicion in his partner. His purchases were safely hidden away in his trunk, and he was curled up on the couch, awaiting his lover's return. Snape arrived with no ceremony, cursing mildly under his breath. The man hung his robe in the closet and walked over to where Harry sat.

"Bloody staff meetings," he said, "it's ridiculous, the things that go on." The older man shook his head and leaned in to kiss Harry on the cheek gently. He was startled when the boy returned the kiss, focusing on his lips. Severus was taken aback at Harry's sudden bravery, and then forgot about it completely as his lips were enveloped in a deep, sensuous kiss. Without thinking, he pulled the boy onto his lap and began tracing the length of his body with his hands. Harry squirmed in his lap, gasping as he was touched in new ways by his lover. Severus gasped as the boy latched onto his neck and began to suck gently, teasing him with his tongue. The boy made his way up to Snape's ear, nibbling on the earlobe gently. It was then that he whispered the words that Snape had been waiting to hear.

"I'm ready Sev," the boy moaned. He moved to kiss Severus deeply, as sensuously as he knew how. Immediately, Severus reacted, allowing hands free reign over the boy's body. Harry had spoken. He would get what he wanted. Gently, Severus lifted the boy and carried him to their bedroom, kissing him all the while. It seemed like an eternity before the pair made it to the bed, as if there was no possible way to wait.

Severus laid Harry down on the bed and disrobed him with a flick of his wand. Soon, his larger body joined Harry's thinner, smaller one on the bed. He grinned as he saw, for the first time, Harry's cock, jutting up, begging for attention. Instead, he stroked the boy's chest, gently working his way down to his hips. His fingers moved along Harry's legs, between Harry's legs, eliciting whimpers and groans from the boy. He knew that this needed to be good for the boy. It was important that Harry learn that sex could be fun, pleasurable. He felt Harry's head nuzzled against his shoulders, and he smiled. Despite all of his experiences, Harry was, essentially, an innocent. He kissed Harry deeply before moving down and taking the excited cock into his mouth. Snape had to keep his lips from turning up into a smile when he heard Harry's gasp. He continued to lick gently, at the same time reaching into a drawer to withdraw a small jar of lubricant. He dipped a finger into the jar, and then moved the finger to the boy's entrance. Gently, he began to massage, stretching Harry out. At first, Harry tensed up when the finger entered him, but gradually, he began to relax. Once Harry grew accustomed to one finger, Snape inserted two, careful to hit what he recognized to be Harry's sweet spot. Soon, the boy was writhing underneath him, and Snape could tell that he was close to coming.

Abruptly, Snape withdrew his fingers and ceased his ministrations about Harry's cock. He smiled as the boy looked up at him, clearly confused. Grinning, Snape lifted Harry's bottom up and placed it on a pillow.

Harry knew what was coming when Snape reached for the pillow. The inevitable was coming; he only hoped that he would remain relaxed. He could still feel the affects of his drugs coursing through him, but fear joined the intoxicants in stimulating his psyche. The feeling grew when he could feel something that was definitely not a finger perched at his entrance. He felt Severus' hand come down and caress his cheek. Gradually, Harry felt an increase in pressure. He could feel Severus as he slowly entered him, sheathing his cock inside. Harry closed his eyes, hoping to banish the thoughts of his past from his head. After a moment, he felt Severus begin to move. The older man's lips met his in a fiery kiss, and at that moment, Snape increased his tempo. Harry wrapped his arms around his lover, feeling very confused by the entire experience. Everything felt different that he had expected it to. He had expected Severus to treat sex like his uncle had. This was different, though, just as the man had promised. Before Harry's thoughts could continue, he felt a gentle hand reach down to pump his cock. He gasped, as the sensation of being filled and fondled overtook him. Like fireworks, it coursed through him, causing his muscles to tense, causing him to moan audibly. Soon after, Severus followed him into oblivion.

Harry awoke with a screaming headache and the feeling that someone was about to get very angry at him. Instinctively, he curled up into a tight ball, preparing himself for the onslaught. After a moment, he realized that something was awry, and he poked his head out from under the covers. He saw Severus laying beside him, sleeping contentedly. Visible also was his trunk, carefully locked, just as he had left it last night. A million thoughts ran through his head as he tried to figure out what, exactly, he had done. When he moved his lower half, a familiar soreness reminded him of exactly what had transpired.

God, he needed a hit. Without thinking, he quietly got out of bed and walked over to his trunk. Quickly, he looked over to make sure that the older man was asleep. When he confirmed that Severus was, indeed, still in the land of the dreaming, he opened the trunk and reached for a small bundle at the bottom. Hurriedly, he walked to the bathroom.

Within minutes, Harry was floating, all anxiousness leaving him. He had the presence of mind to walk back into the bedroom and hide his bundle safely in his trunk before climbing back into bed. Nestled against the man he loved, he fell into a warm sleep.

He wasn't sure, exactly, what was going on with Harry. The only thing he truly knew was that something was undeniably different about the boy. It felt like there were secrets again, like there was something going on behind those green eyes. Snape wanted to get to the bottom of it. He was sick of this new Harry. Sure, now he could fuck Harry's brains out, but it seemed that the boy he loved was gone. After all, what good is sex if it distorts a beautiful relationship?

Severus had been observing Harry carefully for two weeks now. Unbeknownst to the boy, he'd also recruited Ron and Hermione to keep an eye on him. Whatever it was that was going on in Harry's life was remaining well hidden. Snape had to hand it to the boy; he was a splendid actor. He could lure you into a false sense of security with a smile, make you forget your concerns with a kiss, and utterly take away your thoughts with anything else. He only hoped that Ron would find out what was going on with Harry. The boys were having a sort of party in the dorms tonight. Since the end of 5th year, the boys in Harry and Ron's class had become friendlier towards each other. The group, which included Draco, Ron, Seamus, Dean, and Jordan, had taken to having Friday night get togethers, where they would play cards, drink, and talk. Severus assumed, of course, that Harry didn't drink. He knew that the boy smoked cigarettes, a habit he tried to discourage. He hated that the boy smoked, but he wasn't about to take that away from him, yet.

Later that evening, in Gryffindor Tower, the boys were getting feisty. Ron had smuggled bottles of Firewhiskey and butterbeer from the kitchen, and Draco had somehow acquired muggle liquor. Much to the pleasure of the drinking boys, Draco rather enjoyed playing bartender, and he often spent the evening mixing drinks for everyone else. Generally, the parties stayed calm. That night would be somewhat different, though.

The first difference occurred when Ron saw Harry snag a drink from Draco. He watched, somewhat horrified, as the boy poured the drink straight down his throat. When Harry reached for another drink, though, Ron reacted.

"Mate," he said, grabbing the drink from Harry, "I thought you'd given this stuff up." He looked at Harry, somewhat concerned.

"Aw, Ron," replied Harry, jovially, "a drink or two won't hurt, really. It's not like I'm going to get smashed." He took the drink from Ron and moved to sit on the floor, where a game of gin rummy was taking place.

"Ok, Harry," Ron spoke cautiously, "if you're sure."

"Course I'm sure, I've done all this before." Ron nodded in agreement. If any of the boys here knew their limit, it would have to be Harry. With that, the night rolled on for quite a while, with nothing out of the ordinary occurring. Once everyone had a few drinks in them, though, things started to get weird again. It was then that Harry brought out his bundle. Curiously, the boys watched as Harry began to shoot up, right in front of everyone. The boys were shocked but were too drunk to do anything.

"Hey, Harry," asked Seamus, "I thought you'd given up that noise."

"Well, I tried, but it's quite helpful when you've got some things to cope with," replied a relaxed Harry. "Y'all want any," he asked, "I've got extra supplies."

Ron watched nervously as the other boys contemplated Harry's offer. None of them looked particularly keen on the idea of injecting something into their veins. Instead, they bummed a cigarette off of Harry and called it good.

"So Draco," spoke Harry, "how are things between you and Blaise?"

"Decent, I guess," he said.

"Only decent," asked Seamus. "He's so cute."

"Yeah, well, he's a little nervous about…erm…sexual things," spoke Draco.

"That's what this stuff is for," erupted an inebriated Harry, holding up a drink in one hand and waving a fag in the other. "It's good for all that ails you, my friend."

"What are you sayin', mate," asked Draco warily, "are you sayin' that I should try to get Blaise drunk or something?"

"Drunk, high, whatever it takes to relax him," said Harry. "It'll sure make things easier." He took a long drag off of his cigarette and laid his cards on the ground and said, "I've got a full house."

The rest of the night passed slowly for Ron. Part of him was concerned for his friend's well being, but the other half of him was simply too far gone to care. He hadn't meant to drink so much, but judging from Harry's behavior, the golden boy had fully intended upon getting royally soused. One by one, the boys drifted off into sleep as they lay on the floor.

"He's just been acting so weirdly lately,' muttered Ron. He was doing the one thing he'd never in a million years have imagined doing. He was talking to Snape. "He's not himself."

"Well there's a point we can both agree upon," remarked Snape wryly. "He hasn't been the same for a while."

"But you see," began Ron, "I think I know what's up with him."

"Do you," asked Snape curiously. "Well you simply must share this with me." Obviously, it wasn't in Snape's nature to have a discussion with Ron either.

"The other night, we were all hanging out, playing cards, like we always do." Snape nodded. He knew of the get togethers in the dorms, and generally, he thought they were a fine way for the boys to spend an evening. "Everything was quite normal," Ron continued, "until Draco began mixing drinks, like he always does."

"Contraband alcohol, is this what you're here to tell me about," sneered Snape, "because if it is, you'll find that I have very little interest in that."

"Except that Harry was drinking too," spat out Ron. Immediately, he clasped his hand over his mouth, as if he had said something completely without thinking. It was too late, though. Snape was furious.

"He was what," yelled Snape.

"He was…drinking and," stuttered Ron, his fear of Snape fast returning from its brief hiatus.

"And what," roared Snape, "we haven't time for your incoherent mumbling."

"And he had cigarettes."

"He's allowed cigarettes, although it's a filthy habit and he'll soon have to quit that as well," retorted Snape.

"And drugs," whispered Ron. The words seemed to hang in the air, as if they would never go away.

"I thought he'd quit," said an astounded Snape.

"Well, he had quit, I think," said Ron, "and he was doing well too." Severus didn't hear the last part, though. He had already hurried to the door, heading to his quarters. No doubt he was going to wait for Harry.

"Sure wouldn't want to be Harry about now," muttered Ron, knowing that his friend was in a world of trouble.

Harry was sitting in the living room when Severus stormed in. The boy had been doing his homework in peace, all the while sipping on a cup of tea. Suddenly, he felt a pair of hands grab his collar, and before he knew it, he was slammed into a wall and held there.

"What," hissed Snape, "did you think you were doing at that party last night?" When the boy didn't answer, the potions master shook him. "Who put the idiotic idea into your head that using any of those things was ok?"

"I…I…it just happened," spoke Harry, hesitating.

"It didn't just happen," roared Snape, "I destroyed all of your junk so that this wouldn't happen again. You had to deliberately acquire it, after all that we've been through."

"I needed it, though, I was scared," said Harry defensively. He wriggled in Snape's grasp, hoping to escape. Never before had the potions master restrained him against his will.

"So scared that you couldn't even talk to me? What could possibly be that scary at this point?" Before Harry could speak, though, Snape dragged him to the door and threw him out, glaring at the boy.

"Come back when you're ready to be sober," Severus said sinisterly, slamming the door in Harry's face. He didn't want to see Harry's face as he fell to the ground, didn't want the boy to see him as he flew about the house in a rage, attempting to destroy every last bit of Harry's illicit goods.

It was late at night when Hermione found Harry curled into a ball in the hallway. Confused, she approached the boy. Usually, he spent the nights in Snape's quarters, so it was highly unusual to see him in the hallway leading to Gryffindor Tower. Of course he still had a bed in the tower, but Ron used it to store his laundry on. She touched Harry's shoulder, only to have him look up at her with tear filled eyes. She knew, then, without asking, that Snape had thrown him out. An instant later, she realized that it was because Harry was undoubtedly high as a kite.

"Oh Harry," she cooed softly, pulling the boy to his feet. Gently, she led him to the Gryffindor common room. "Sit on the couch, Harry, I'm going to get you cleaned up." She hurried upstairs to get a wash cloth for Harry's face, and a first aid kit, just in case he had tried to hurt himself. You never knew with Harry. When she returned, Harry had curled into a ball on the sofa and was staring into the fire as if it held some answer for him. She lifted his head and placed it on her lab as she sat, wiping his face with a cool cloth.

"Harry, dear, we need to talk about what's troubling you," she said.

"He found out," he cried softly, "he found out and he was never supposed to find out and he knows now."

"What did he find out, Harry?" When Harry didn't answer and instead began sobbing again, she simply began stroking his hair and back.

"Why did you start using again, Harry?"

"It was easier this way," said Harry. "I wasn't scared anymore. It doesn't matter now, though. He threw me out, I'll never be able to go back."

"What was easier," she asked.

"Sex," muttered Harry so softly that Hermione almost didn't catch it. She had to restrain a gasp, though. Suddenly, it all became clear. She and Ron had mentioned that sometimes they drank before intimacy.

"Oh Harry, don't you know that Severus would have waited as long as you needed," whispered Hermione.

"Didn't seem like it, from what Ron would say."

"How long," asked Hermione tentatively.

"Few weeks," said Harry. Hermione sighed, knowing that in Harry's case, that was probably enough to undo all of the work he'd put into quitting over the Christmas holiday. Suddenly, Harry looked up at Hermione, wild eyed and crazy. "I need it, Hermione, I have to go get it."

"You'll do no such thing," scolded Hermione, "we're going to figure this all and fix things between you and Severus." Before she could stop him, though, Harry bolted from the couch and out of the common room. She started to follow him, but realized that there was no way that she could keep up. Instead, she watched as Harry disappeared from her sight.