Life Part 12

Author: JeepNY

Category: Angst/Drama

Disclaimer: I don't own SGA, but Lienna is mine.

John wasn't sure how long he lay there awake just watching Elizabeth, beating himself up over everything. He thought this was all his fault. There is no way he should have let this situation between him and Elizabeth.

As for the work after she had left for the mainland, well that was his own doing. He missed her, he wanted to prove to her that he could run the city, not just the military and security side of things. He wanted to prove to himself that he could. And in the end, he only endangered his team, his friends, and basically the city with his actions.

He wasn't sure at this moment in time whether he was fit to rule anything in this city again.

Elizabeth was never going to talk to him again.

That thought brought a while new bundle of emotions and thoughts into his head. What if she never spoke to him again? What if she saw him as unfit and sent him home on the Daedulus with the next shipment? What if she never looked at him with the same happy and flirty expression she usually does?

What if….

Sighing he looked away from her. He didn't think that he could handle not having her by his side. He needed her, there was no doubt of this now. When she was gone, and he had found a spare moment, or just plain made a spare moment, he would himself in 1 of 3 places, her office, her quarters or the balcony. He wanted to be as close to her as he could without really admitting he wanted her.

Needed her.

He closed his eyes for what he thought would be a moment, but a restless sleep enveloped him once again.

In his dreams, his mind was creating different scenarios of what could happen when he woke. Most of his dreams ended with Elizabeth leaving him in one form or another.

He woke in a cold sweat a few hours later, chest heaving, breathing labored. Trying to sit up he remembered why as his ribs protested in the movement.

"Easy son, relax." Carson was at his side in a moment. "Breathe as deep as you can."

"I am sorry Doc."

"Nothing to be sorry for Colonel." He asked as he checked his vitals. "Care to tell me what happened?"

"Just bad dreams Doc."

"Must be really bad if you told me you had bad dreams Colonel."

"Bad enough Doc."

"Have anything to do with that lovely lady over there?"

"Umm…you could say that."

"Nothing to be shy about Colonel, you know you can trust me with matters."

"I know, it's just…just that this is all…"

"Aye, it is."

"Yeah."

"Want to tell me about it?"

With a glance over in Elizabeth's direction he shook his head no. "Not really Doc, but thanks."

"Well then, just remember…:

"Thanks Doc." Carson did a quick check on Elizabeth and went back into his office.

John looked back over at Elizabeth, almost willing her to wake up. He needed to see her eyes, to know that she was going to be alright.

Slowly her eyes opened s if she had heard John's pleas. She looked over at him, worried look on her face.

"Elizabeth?" He whispered, his voice raspy and emotional.

"John."

He wanted to get up and go over to her, but his injuries prevented him from even turning on his side so he could see her. Tears came to his eyes in frustration, he had to see her, he had to touch her, and he couldn't.

"John, what's wrong." She asked slowly sitting up.

"I can't…."

"Can't what?" She whispered as she made her way off her bed and towards him. "John what is going on?"

He reached out his hand towards her, pleading her to come closer to him. He needed her close. Elizabeth took his hand and moved next to him. He intertwined his fingers with hers, not wanting to ever let go.

"Are you in pain?" She asked and he shook his head no.

"No, no pain Elizabeth. Not right now anyway."

"Then why…."

They were silent for a moment before he spoke again.

"Have you ever had the feeling that you needed something or someone so much, and you couldn't get it or them. Like they were just out of your reach?"

"Yes John."

"When I saw you in the next bed…" He looked up at her the best he could. "I was so scared, what had happened to you…"

"I am fine John. Just a little tired."

"You work to hard."

"As do you John, I have heard what happened while I was gone."

"Yeah."

"Do you have any idea how I felt when Atlantis put the call into me that you were injured?"

"I think I have an idea?" He whispered, but she didn't hear him.

"God John, my stomach knotted up, and the utter feeling of dread, all I wanted to do was cry." She paused for a moment and gripped his hand a little tighter. "I was so scared that I had lost you."

"You didn't, I am right here."

"I almost did John."

"I felt the same way when I woke and saw you lying in that bed. I had no idea what happened to you."

Elizabeth moved closer to him, "I can't lose you."

"I can't lose you either."

"What's going on here?" Carson said from behind them. "What are you doing out of bed Elizabeth?"

"I was just checking on Colonel Sheppard, I was about to call you."

"Nice cover Elizabeth." Carson said, "Now back into bed, otherwise I won't release you."

"Go, the city needs you to be back on your feet." Colonel Sheppard said, "Plus I need to rest. Right Doc?"

"Yes you do Colonel, your injuries are healing just fine, but the more you move around…"

"I get the picture Doc. Rest for me."

Reluctantly Elizabeth went back to her bed and lay on her side so she could still see John. Once Carson was gone, she spoke again. "The city needs you too John, I can't do this alone."

I don't want you to." With a sigh, he turned his head the best he could, "I can't stand not being able to look at you."

"I know, but as much as I would love to stay in here with you, I can't leave the city to Rodney."

"We can't have that now can we?"

"No we can't. You need to get well John, I need you to."

The next day Carson let Elizabeth free of the infirmary with a promise to take it easy, and report back to him if she wasn't feeling well.

John was jealous, he wanted out, but she promised him she would be back to check on him in a couple of hours, after she got the city back from under Rodney's clutches.

He slept for most of the time that day. When he was awake he thought of Elizabeth and this last rollercoaster that had both taken a ride on. He wanted more with Elizabeth, he wanted everything. If he had learned anything from this whole adventure, then this was it.

Now he just had to get out of the damn infirmary to make it all up to her. And now that he knew she felt the same, it just spurred him on to go for it.

A week later was the big day, he was going to be free, put on light duty, and no off world trips, but he was out of the infirmary.

Elizabeth was there to escort him back to his room.

"How about I go and get some food a little later and bring it back here?"

"Sounds good."

"I want you to rest John. I'll be back later."

"Okay."

Just as she promised she came back just after dinner with food. He was sitting up in bed, book on his lap.

"How are you feeling?"

"Better now."

"Good I am glad John. I really am."

"Elizabeth about what happened…."

"John, I hope that you aren't blaming yourself for everything."

"I was, but not so much anymore Elizabeth. You helped me to see that. I don't know how to…."

She reached up and silenced him with a finger to his lips.

They sat like that for a moment, both looking into each others eyes, knowing what was going to happen.

He gently kissed her fingers and Elizabeth closed her eyes, relishing in the sensation.

"I missed you, you know." She said to him.

"I know, I missed you too."

"You know this is going to change a lot of things."

"I know, and I don't care."

"Good because neither do I."

The End.