When You Least Expect It Chapter Two

Marissa shifted restlessly on her bed and looked at her clock for what felt like the millionth time. Where was Ryan? They hadn't agreed on a specific time, true, but she'd said two hours and it had nearly been three. Maybe he wanted to make sure her mother was asleep or something. He was rarely late and if he was, he usually called. The only time he was somewhat slack about that was when he was pissed off at her and she figured it was fairly safe to say she was on his good side tonight.

She'd just made up her mind to call him and find out where he was when the phone rang. Smiling in relief, she reached out to pick it up. "You know, when I said two hours I meant two-"

"Marissa?"

For a second, Marissa couldn't place the voice, it sounded so harried and desperate. "Seth?" she asked uncertainly. "What's wrong?"

The truth was, on some level Marissa knew the instant she realized it was Seth's voice. He had no reason to be calling her at this hour, sounding so frantically upset. Maybe part of her had known before that in some instinctive way. An icy ball formed at the pit of her stomach and spread through her body in that way that felt like it took a long time because seconds like these seemed to go on forever. In the couple seconds it took Seth to respond, she'd gone completely numb.

"There's been an accident."

Later, Marissa would not remember much of the immediate following. She must have gotten so upset she'd awoken her mother, because her mother was the one to drive her to the hospital. The next clear thing she remembered was bursting through the doors of the ER. Immediately, Summer was at her side; she must have been waiting. "What happened?" she demanded, not aiming her question at any one person in particular. It was Seth who answered, standing up as Summer guided her to him in the waiting area.

"Somebody broadsided him," Seth said, sounding utterly dazed and in shock. "We…I mean, I guess he must have been in the middle of an intersection or something, I don't know. They called my dad's phone and he called me…they're on their way home." He looked around as if he magically expected them to appear out of nowhere.

"How is he? Have the doctors said anything? How bad is it? Is he awake?" Marissa knew these questions probably didn't have answers, but she couldn't help them from spilling out anyway. Almost childishly, she just wanted someone to tell her he was going to be okay. She felt like she wouldn't even be able to breathe until she heard those words.

"Marissa." Awkwardly and instinctively at the same time, Seth reached out to pull her into a hug. "I don't know much more than you do right now. He's going to be okay." He rested his head on her hair, obviously trying to convince himself as much as her. "It's Ryan, right? Of course he'll be okay."

Marissa choked back a sudden sob and leaned her head into his chest. She and Seth had kind of a strange relationship; they were in the same very close circle of friends but out of the other three, she knew Seth the least by far and she knew he was the same about her. Such a huge part of their connection was Ryan; he was such a significant part of both of their lives. It felt…natural to be by Seth's side at a time like this.

"Marissa?" Her mother came up beside her. "Honey, what's going on? What's happening?"

Before Marissa could answer, a doctor came up to their group. "Mr. Cohen?" he asked, addressing Seth.

Seth visibly swallowed hard and instinctively took hold of Marissa's hand, reaching out for Summer with the other. "How's he doing?" he asked, obviously somewhat terrified of the answer. He noticed the doctor's questioning look at everyone surrounding him. "We're all family here," he said simply, not having the time or inclination to explain anything else.

The doctor sighed deeply, the expression on his face not altogether reassuring. Marissa felt like she was going to be sick. "First of all, Ryan has not regained consciousness. He suffered a bad blow to the head and he has a severe concussion. His right leg was also badly damaged; it's broken in three places. However, his biggest problem right now is the internal damage. He has three broken ribs, one of which punctured his left lung, and he's bleeding internally. We have to perform surgery on him immediately." He stopped the sentence there but what was left unsaid was clear to Marissa. If they don't operate, he'll die. She only vaguely heard the rest of the conversation through a deep fog, heard Seth numbly asking if his parents needed to be there to sign anything, heard the response there wasn't time, heard this had to be done now, felt Seth's grip on her hand get tighter and tighter, felt her mother rubbing her back.

"But he'll be okay, right?" Marissa suddenly asked, some small part of her knowing she sounded like a naïve little girl but unable to help herself. "I mean…you'll do this operation and you can fix the damage and he'll be okay."

The doctor gave her a vaguely pitying look. "We'll do all we can," he said simply. "Someone will come in to keep you posted; I have to prep for the surgery, if you'll excuse me."

Marissa didn't even hear the rest of his sentence, nor did she notice him leave. We'll do all we can. She didn't want to hear it put like that. She didn't want to accept it like that. For a ludicrous second, she tried to block the words from her mind but she couldn't. No matter what she did, she couldn't keep the incomprehensible out of her head.

There was a very real chance Ryan might not make it through the night.

"Marissa? Marissa?" She heard her name, but she couldn't make out who was saying it and she couldn't raise her eyes to see. Jumbled words and images were spinning around in her head so fast she couldn't think, could hardly breathe. She could see Ryan as she'd left him earlier in the evening, giving her that smile that was reserved only for her as she drove off. She could hear the doctor telling her without saying it that he might not live through the surgery.

She might not ever see those eyes on her again.

The fog around her turned her world completely gray. She could still hear her named being called, but it was too far away for her to answer. The picture of Ryan's face in her mind was the last thing she could remember seeing before everything faded away.

Julie watched her daughter intently.

After Marissa had passed out- those things were never as dramatic as they seemed on TV- she had only stayed out for maybe half a minute, but when she came to, that was when Julie REALLY started worrying. She'd woken up behaving like some Stepford girlfriend, apologizing for worrying everyone, offering to get coffee, comforting Seth. It was like she was in some deep form of denial. It was times like these Julie truly felt like a craptastic mother. Sometimes she barely felt like she knew her daughter, and she didn't understand anything about her relationship with Ryan. She felt almost ashamed thinking of it at a time like this, but she'd used that boy to however it suited her needs, whether as a scapegoat or a savior for Marissa. Deep down, she knew he loved her daughter. She knew Marissa loved him. The truth was, the intensity of Marissa's bond with Ryan, the way the air would crackle whenever they looked at each other...it scared her. Ryan wasn't the only part of her daughter's life she'd been more or less shut out of, she knew, but he was by far the most important part. Every time Marissa looked at him and Julie could see he was the most important person in her life, she felt her little girl slip even further away than she already was. It was ridiculous and selfish, but that had never stopped her from acting a certain way before. Now here they were, Marissa was faced with the possibility of Ryan dying and Julie couldn't help her because she didn't understand. She hadn't tried.

She shook her head to clear it; Kirsten and Sandy had arrived five minutes ago and she might actually be able to do something to help them. Kirsten was borderline hysterical and Sandy was fighting a losing battle against falling apart. She forced her eyes off her daughter, who had put her arm around Seth as he'd struggled to explain what was happening to Ryan to his parents, and went over to Kirsten and Sandy. "Is there anything I can do?" she asked quietly, slipping an arm around Kirsten's waist.

Kirsten shook her head helplessly, tears filling her eyes and a few falling down her face. "I just…how did this even happen? It was late, wasn't it? Where was he going?"

"He was coming to see me."

The words were spoken so quietly Julie barely heard them at first. She turned back to her daughter, whose arm had slipped away from Seth. Her face was paling; Julie could tell the shell had started to crack.

"Oh, honey…" Kirsten instinctively reached out for Marissa, taking ahold of her hand. "I didn't mean it like that. I should have figured that's where he was going; you two are always in and out going to see each other at all hours. This isn't your fault."

"It's fine, don't even think about it," Marissa said quickly. "We all need to be focused on Ryan right now." She leaned forward to give Kirsten a hug, as if to reassure her worrying about her at that time was silly and unnecessary. Julie admired the strength Marissa had gained as she'd gotten older; two years ago she knew her daughter might not have even been capable of that. Still, as the only person who could see Marissa's face over Kirsten's shoulder, she KNEW she was close to snapping.

Marissa couldn't lose it now. She could feel herself sliding back into oblivion as she hugged Kirsten; she couldn't allow herself to be like that in front of Ryan's parents. Forcing herself to cling to her charade one minute longer, she lamely lied that she needed to go to the bathroom and asked if anyone needed anything, barely waiting to hear their replies before she hurried off.

Thankfully, the restroom was empty when she entered it. She leaned her forehead against the cool wall of the far corner and closed her eyes. Her charade was crumbling, she knew. She'd awoken in some bizarre form of denial, but it hadn't lasted and she could feel the walls closing in on her, crowding her mind with a kaleidoscope of images of Ryan and the incomprehensible terror that…no. No, if she kept thinking that over and over again, she'd lose her mind. Ryan was going to be fine. He had to be.

"Marissa?" She jumped at the sound of her mother's voice and turned around. Julie was standing in the doorway, looking as hesitant and unsure as Marissa had ever seen her. "Is there anything I can…I know I'm not very good at the whole comforting thing, but I could try."

Marissa sighed. "I'm fine, Mom."

"Marissa, you're hiding in a bathroom with your head against the wall," Julie said bluntly. "What are you so afraid of? The boy you love is on an operating table; no one's going to blame you if you want to cry or scream."

"WHAT is that going to do, Mom!" Marissa burst out, feeling that continuing sensation as if she couldn't breathe. "So I'm supposed to be the same selfish, stupid, whiny girl I've been throughout most of my relationship with Ryan? Make it all about me and my pain? No, I can't be like that." She pushed impatiently off the wall, took a few agitated steps forward, then whirled around to repeat the process. Julie helplessly tried to reach for her but Marissa brushed her off. "I can't be like that. Ryan is in that room and he's going to need me when he comes out; I have to keep it together."

Julie closed her eyes briefly. "'Marissa…"

"No," Marissa said shakily, taking a few stumbling steps backwards. "Don't say it. I don't want to hear it."

"Marissa, you heard the doctor," Julie said quietly, slowing coming towards her. "I know you did. You passed out, for God's sake."

Marissa shook her head almost violently, as if doing so would block the words from her mind. "I don't care, he's going to be okay."

"I really hope so honey, but…"

"Would you just shut up?" Marissa burst out, her voice nearing a shrill scream. "Stop talking like that! He's going to be okay. He has to be okay." The fragile shield that had been guarding her from breaking down shattered and tears started to slide down her face as her breath came in shaky gasps.

"Oh, baby," Julie said quietly, her heart aching. For a moment she wasn't caught up in her own worries, her own doubts, her own fears about her abilities as a mother. She just WAS Marissa's mom. Instinctively, she reached out for her. Marissa fought her at first, but Julie held on tighter and Marissa suddenly went limp in her arms. They sank down to the floor together, Julie keeping a tight grip on her daughter as she sobbed into her neck.

"I can't lose him," Marissa said shakily, the words coming out more as gasps as she cried. "I can't. I wouldn't survive that."

Julie was helpless as to what to say. She wanted to tell her it would be okay; she couldn't promise that. She wanted to believe her daughter could survive Ryan dying; she wasn't sure. So she simply sat on the floor, hugging and rocking her baby girl as she cried.

She didn't know how long they stayed like that on the floor; it could have been a minute or an hour before a timid voice interrupted them. "Coop?" Julie started and turned around to see Summer standing in the doorway, looking stricken at the sight of her best friend so clearly unhinged.

Marissa closed her eyes and tried to compose herself to some extent, wiping the back of her arm across her face and shakily standing up, her mother following to support her. "What is it, Sum?"

"They think we might get some news soon," Summer said softly. "I thought you'd want to be out there."

Marissa tensed, feeling like she was about to be sick. She almost preferred the feeling of limbo; she wasn't ready for the finality of anything. "Uh…yeah," she said, feeling anything but ready to go out there and face things. "Just…give me a minute."

"Oh Coop, sweetie," Summer said softly, coming forward and grabbing a paper towel to gently wipe at the tears on her face. "It's okay if you're crying. Nobody's going to blame you. People will be shocked if you DON'T cry."

Marissa shook her head as more tears slipped down her face and fell into Summer's hug. "I just wanted to be strong for once, you know? I didn't want to fall apart and make everyone's lives harder but I can't stop now."

"Oh baby, that's okay," Summer murmured, stroking her hair. "I wouldn't be doing half as well. No one expects you to be Wonder Woman. No one expects you to even be emotionally stable." She pulled away enough to stroke Marissa's face. "Coop…it's Ryan. If anyone can make it through this, he can."

Marissa nodded shakily, grateful for the small reassurance even if Summer was simply trying to make her feel better. "Okay, let's go." Grasping Summer's hand tightly, she made her way out of the bathroom with her best friend and her mother. Her feet felt like lead at first, but as soon as she saw the doctor standing with Sandy, Kirsten, and Seth, it was as if she was on automatic pilot. Reaching the waiting area seemed to take a hundred years and a half-second all at once; part of her didn't even feel like she was there. Had Summer not been holding her hand, had her mother not been leading her with a hand on her back, she wasn't sure she would have made it there. "What….what's going on?" she asked, her voice so soft she would have been surprised if anyone could clearly hear her.

The doctor- Dr. Cobb, someone had referred to him as- smiled faintly at her. "Ryan made it through surgery." The words hardly made an impression on her at first; when they sank in she almost collapsed against Summer in relief, who wrapped both arms around her as Sandy, Kirsten, and Seth all hugged. He's alive. He's still alive. Marissa chanted the words over and over in her head. "Now, he isn't out of the woods yet," the doctor was going on to caution. "He lost a lot of blood and sustained a serious head injury; he still hasn't regained consciousness."

Kirsten raised her head off Sandy's chest. "What…does that mean he's in a coma or something?" she asked, her voice trembling somewhat.

"He's in a coma-like state right now," the doctor confirmed. "However, it's common in cases like this for that not to last very long if surgery goes as well as his did. We're going to monitor him very closely; if he makes it through the next 48 hours, even better if he wakes up, it's likely he can make a full recovery. The next 48 hours are critical."

Part of Marissa barely heard what Dr. Cobb was saying; all she could focus on was that Ryan was still alive, that he'd lived through surgery. The other part felt somewhat beaten down; things didn't seem all that different than before. They still simply had to sit and wait like they had been to see if he was going to live or die. He made it through surgery, she forcefully reminded herself. Summer was right; he can make it through this. He has to.

"Can we see him?" Sandy was anxiously asking the doctors. "We'd really like to see him."

"We're setting him up in ICU right now; as soon as he's settled a nurse will be down to take you to his room," the doctor assured him.

Marissa hung back somewhat awkwardly as Kirsten profusely thanked the doctor. She desperately wanted to see Ryan. She wanted to look at him with her own eyes and assure herself he was alive, she wanted to hold his hand just in case some part of him could feel her. But she wasn't a member of his immediate family and she wasn't sure if it would be appropriate or if the Cohens would want to see him alone.

"Doctor," Sandy spoke up, startling her out of her thoughts. "This girl is a part of the family as well." He indicated to Marissa. Her eyes filled with tears. "I'd like her to be able to see him whenever she wants."

Dr. Cobb simply nodded. "Feel free to talk about that with the nursing staff." He smiled at them and Kirsten thanked him one more time before he walked off. Marissa kept her eyes locked on Sandy before impulsively rushing forward to envelop him in a tight hug. "Thank you," she whispered in his ear.

Sandy hugged her back and kissed her hair. "He would want you there." He pulled away enough to hold her face in his hands. "If anyone can guilt that kid into waking up by crying at his bedside, it's gonna be you."

Marissa let out a surprised giggle through her tears and Sandy kissed her forehead. "I'll do my best," she promised.

A half hour later- which felt like an eternity to Marissa- they were given the green light to go up to ICU and see Ryan. Nothing quite prepared her for stepping into that room and seeing Ryan lying motionless in the bed. She stopped dead and swallowed hard, grasping at the wall behind her for support.

No matter what, she'd always seen Ryan as the strong one, maybe one of the strongest people she'd ever known. She knew he wasn't invincible; she knew better than most people how easily he could be hurt. She'd seen vulnerabilities to him that few others had and she'd never forgotten them. Still, he was the protector. He was the one who defended all of them from people who might hurt them. Now he was lying in a bed, so still and bruised and bandaged she could hardly recognize him.

The last time Ryan had been threatened with death, she'd been able to do something about it. It had been terrifying and traumatic, and it wasn't something she thought she'd ever get over completely. She'd never forget running into Trey's apartment to find Trey choking the life out of him; she'd never forget that sense of utter panic and desperation she'd felt when she thought she wouldn't be able to stop Trey from killing Ryan. But she had been able to. She'd picked up a gun and shot Trey, and Ryan had lived as a result. No matter how horrifying that night had been, she'd still been able to DO something. Now she had that same sense of panic and desperation- and nowhere to put it. There was no one to attack or ward off Ryan, no one to blame. There was nothing she could DO to make this okay. She simply had to stand by and wait, and pray he woke up.

She wasn't sure she'd ever felt so helpless in her life.

Gathering up her courage, she slowly made her way to the side of the bed the Cohens weren't occupying and carefully took his hand, bending down first to kiss his hand, then finding a space on his face that looked the least bruised and pressing her lips softly against his skin. "Ryan?" she whispered, although she knew it was ridiculous to expect him to wake up so soon. "Ryan, I'm here." She prayed on some level he could hear her. She prayed he could somehow feel all the people surrounding him, all the people that loved him and needed him.

For now, all they could do was wait.