When You Least Expect It Chapter Three

"Marissa? Marissa."

Marissa was jolted out of her restless sleep by a gentle voice she couldn't immediately identify. For a moment, she didn't understand where she was, then as she looked around it all came back her.

Ryan had been in an accident last night. He still hadn't woken up. There was no promise he WOULD wake up. She'd fallen asleep at his bedside. Part of her had prayed when she woke up it would be to realize this was all a horrible nightmare and Ryan's arms would be wrapped around her, but instead she awoke to see Ryan as motionless and damaged as he'd been when she fell asleep, and Sandy was kneeling next to her chair holding out a cup of coffee.

"Thanks," she mumbled, taking the coffee. "I'm sorry I fell asleep…I didn't mean to intrude or mess up visiting hours or anything."

"Marissa," Sandy sighed, running a hand over her hair. "I meant what I said last night. You're family, especially where Ryan is concerned. You're not intruding in any way. I got the staff to look the other way where you're concerned," he smiled a little. "It's selfish, really. I figure the more you're by his bed, the better chance he has of waking up."

Marissa smiled a little tearfully. "Thank you so much for all this," she said softly. "It means a lot to me that you'd say things like that." She studied his face, saw all the lines on it that hadn't been there so much as three days ago when she'd seen him before he and Kirsten had gone away. "How are you holding up?" she asked uncertainly. "I mean, I know that's a stupid question to ask…"

"No, you're sweet for asking," Sandy sighed, moving to take the chair next to her. "It's just…you spend every day fearing this will happen to your kid and then when it does, you realize you didn't expect it at all." He shook his head and ran a hand over his face. "So now there he is in that bed and now that I can do is watch him and pray he wakes up, I can't help wondering if we've done as well with him as we should have. I mean, does he feel like part of this family? Does he know how much he means to us?" His voice cracked and he lowered his head.

"Hey." Marissa reached out to take his hand. "Ryan loves you all so much. He is so incredibly grateful to you for everything you've given him."

"None of that means he knows how much we love him," Sandy said in a tired, defeated tone.

Marissa shrugged helplessly. "It's hard for me to say about that. I think he does, but it's really only been recently that he's started totally opening up to me about our relationship or family things. But I think that has a lot to do with you guys. I don't think he'd be able to open up so much if he didn't feel like he had a family."

Sandy gave her an exhausted but grateful smile. "You're a good kid," he murmured, squeezing her hand a little. "You just…there's no way to plan for this. For your kid to get slammed as he's sitting at a damn stoplight…"

Marissa frowned in confusion. "A stoplight? I thought he was in the middle of an intersection. How did he…"

Sandy blinked. "No one told you? I guess you were in the room or asleep. He was hit by a drunk driver."

A drunk driver.

Marissa wandered the hospital halls aimlessly, hugging herself. It had taken everything inside her to stay in the room with Sandy before she could make an exit without being suspicious. She'd barely made it into the bathroom before she threw up, and it had taken her twenty minutes to compose herself at all.

Logically, she knew this wasn't her fault. She'd been at home when Ryan was hit. Hell, she hadn't even touched alcohol in over six months, and she hadn't been completely smashed in almost a year. Still…she could have done this to someone. How many times had she gotten behind the wheel drunk? It was just luck that she hadn't, nothing more. How was she even supposed to be angry at this young boy who'd hit Ryan and now she'd learned, lost his own life in the process? Was she supposed to judge him for doing what she'd been doing a year earlier?

She was so lost in her thoughts that she almost passed a lone figure sitting in the waiting area; it wasn't until she was level with the person that she realized it was Kirsten. She was sitting alone in a chair with a similar expression on her face to the one she'd seen in the mirror five minutes earlier. Sighing, she hesitantly went over to her. "Hard to be angry, isn't it?" she said quietly. Kirsten jumped and looked up at her.

"Oh, Marissa," she said awkwardly, a faint flush creeping up her neck when she realized that Marissa had read her demeanor and realized what was on her mind.

"I don't mean to pry or insult you or say anything that's not my place," Marissa said hastily, coming over to sit by her. "I just…I wanted to say you can talk to me if you want. Obviously I can't judge."

Kirsten smiled faintly, looking profoundly sad. "Marissa, you're a teenager. I'm an adult. Of the two of us, I am most definitely the one who should have known better."

Marissa shrugged sadly. "Does it matter in a case like this? That kid was younger than I am and it doesn't mean Ryan's struggling for his life any less. I was just walking around thinking the same things I can see on your face and I just wanted to let you know I'm around."

Kirsten touched her face gently. "You're sweet," she sighed. "I guess you know how it is, don't you? I want to be angry at the boy who did this, but…"

"How can we?" Marissa finished quietly. "We can't judge someone else for something we did, too."

"In a nutshell," Kirsten muttered in shame, looking down at her hands. "I'm the mom. I'm supposed to set an example. And I can't even say anything." She looked up the ceiling, a few stray tears slipping down her face. "How am I even going to face him, if he…"

"He will," Marissa said adamantly, refusing to allow herself to think otherwise. "He has to. And really, I think it'll be more on us than him."

Kirsten nodded a little tearfully. "Thanks, Marissa. It was very thoughtful of you to come to talk to me about this; I really do feel better now."

Marissa knew she was being politely dismissed; she didn't mind. She knew it had to be awkward to talk about something like that with her adopted son's girlfriend, she'd just wanted to try to say something to make Kirsten feel better or at least not as alone. "I think I'm going to go back to Ryan's room," she said, standing up. "Do you want to…come? Or you know, if you want to be alone with him I'll just get some more coffee," she hastily added.

Kirsten smiled weakly. "You go ahead. I'll be there in a bit." Marissa nodded somewhat awkwardly and patted her shoulder before walking off. She'd always gotten the faint impression that Kirsten absolutely loved Ryan, but almost didn't quite know what to do with him sometimes.

She got to Ryan's doorway and closed her eyes briefly, taking a deep breath before going back into the room, which she somewhat shamefully was grateful was empty.. It tore her apart to see him like this. She tried to tell herself that the doctor had been optimistic; it didn't matter until he opened his eyes. She even tried to tell herself that his brother had been in a coma for months and had ended up fully recovering, but the thought that Ryan would be like this for one more day, let alone months on end made her want to curl up and die.

"Hey baby," she said softly, taking his hand and leaning over to brush the slightest kiss against his lips before sitting down in the chair beside his bed. "I don't know if you can hear any of this…I remember on some stupid TV show I watched some time people could hear you on some level, but I don't know if that's true." Her voice broke on a tearful laugh. "I wonder if you know how many people love you? All last night and all this morning, I've been talking with people who love you and need you in their lives." She rested her forehead against their joined hands. "I love you so much. I can't even imagine my life without you in it in some way. We haven't always been together, but you've been THERE since I met you. I hate it when I'm not with you, but I don't know if I've ever really thought about a world that didn't have you in it-" she broke off on a choked sob. "I hate to sound like I'm a part of some lame soap opera, but you can't just leave us here, Ryan. It would leave too many holes in too many peoples' lives. I don't even know if I could ever find my way out of that hole." Squeezing her eyes shut, she pressed his hand against her cheek and tried to forget how bizarre it felt to have it simply lay there instead of his warm, strong hand stroking her face the way he usually did. "Wake up, Ryan. You have to wake up."

Everything was a thick gray fog at first.

In the very beginning, Ryan had no knowledge of anything but the gray fog. There was no feeling of being anywhere in particular, of having anyone around him, of having any time pass. He was just floating alone and quiet in the gray. Eventually, the vaguest impressions started to creep into his awareness. There was a faint concept of time passing, an idea of sounds and distant voices very far away from him, and the concept of a somewhat removed pain that he didn't want to go any closer towards.

And then all of the sudden, one voice was clear.

With the clarity of that voice, he could suddenly remember who he was, and who was talking to him. He was Ryan Atwood, and Marissa Cooper was pleading with him to come back. He still couldn't exactly place where he was or why she'd be pleading with him, but the knowledge of who he was and that the woman he loved needed him was all HE needed to stop caring about any pain and force his wall through the thick walls that were separating him from the rest of the world.

The first sensation WAS pain, intense and overwhelming and everywhere. He couldn't name an inch of him that didn't hurt somehow. Wait, that wasn't true. He could feel his right hand gently pressed against a warm, soft cheek. He'd recognize the feel of that skin anywhere; it was Marissa. With the tiny scrap of any kind of strength he had in him, he struggled to rub his thumb across her cheek. The effort cost him and he groaned.

"Ryan? Oh my God, Ryan? Can you hear me?" Marissa's voice was soft and gentle, and desperate and pleading all at once. Somewhere through the haze of pain he knew he'd never heard her so distraught and almost instinctively, he opened his eyes. Everything was hazy; his head felt like it was splitting wide open and his vision was blurry and splotchy. Still, he could make out what was unmistakably Marissa's face leaning over him.

"Oh God. Oh my God. Ryan." Marissa could hear herself babbling on some level, but the other part was too stunned and overwhelmed with relief. She hadn't realized just how big a part of her had feared he'd never look at her again until she'd seen those big blue eyes flutter open. Once the shock and elation wore off a little however, she realized his eyes were filled with pain. "Oh God, let me get a doctor," she said in distress. "I'll be right back, baby. Okay? I'll be back in two seconds." She looked at his blessedly conscious face one last time and bolted for the door, shouting for a nurse or a doctor.

"Marissa?" Seth appeared as if out of nowhere, looking alarmed and frightened. "What's happening?"

"He's awake," Marissa said, laughing and crying at once. She repeated it to the nurses who suddenly surrounded her. "He's awake!" She whirled back around and bolted back to the bed with Seth right on her heels, half afraid Ryan would have fallen back unconscious but his eyes remained open when she came back. He looked helplessly lost and pained, but he was still awake.

"Marissa?" Ryan said faintly, dazed and confused at all the people suddenly surrounding his bed. He still barely understood where he was; he kept his eyes locked on Marissa to keep from feeling like he was going to either slide back under or throw up.

"I'm here. I'm right here. I'll be here the whole time," she promised, her voice sounding blessedly soothing.

"Hey buddy," another familiar voice said sounding oddly shaky and suddenly Seth came into focus right beside Marissa. Ryan relaxed further; if they were both here he'd be okay regardless of what was going on.

"I hear Mr. Atwood has awakened," an unfamiliar voice said and Ryan frowned at the sudden intrusion as a blur passed by Marissa, obscuring his sight of her. "You've been causing quite a few people some worry, young man. Now that you're awake, I suppose you'd like some more pain medication?"

"Yes," Ryan croaked out, suddenly grateful for this man. He was too dazed to really understand anything going on around him; he had a vague sense that he was being looked over and people were talking about his vitals, but it didn't take too incredibly long for some blessed relief to sweep through his body; he closed his eyes at the sensation.

"I thought so," the voice said, sounding somehow like the person was smiling. "I'll be back to check on you again in a little while, but so far everything looks good, Mr. Atwood."

Ryan barely understood what he was talking about, didn't care. "Marissa?" he mumbled sleepily. "Seth?"

"We're right here," Marissa's soothing voice reassured him again; he could feel her take his hand.

"Ryan?" Yet another familiar voice entered the mix, sounding shaky and overwhelmingly relieved. He opened his eyes with an effort. Sandy and Kirsten.

"It's a real party in here, huh?" he joked weakly, even the effort of one sentence wearing him out.

Sandy laughed in a way that almost made it sound like he was about to cry. "Don't EVER scare us like that again," he ordered, although it sounded more like a plea. "We need you around these parts, kid."

"Do my best…" he murmured, already drifting.

"You need to rest," Marissa said gently, rubbing the hand she was holding with her free one.

"No." Suddenly firmer than he thought he could be, he did his best to grip her hand although he knew he was likely barely squeezing it. "Don't leave. Please?"

"Okay, okay," she promised, and he had the impression of her sitting down next to him. "I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere."

"Good…" That was all the energy he had left; he could feel himself fading away into sleep. With the last bit of anything he had, he uttered two final words.

"Love you."