Naked

CHAPTER 4

Disclaimer: Look at chapter 1...

A/N: Finally! I got a new laptop and so I´m able to continue writing … Hope you guys still want to read this story… Thanks for the reviews! I really appreciate it (though you guys make my story better than it is, it feels good to know you like it)!

Enjoy

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm trying to remember
Why I was afraid
To be myself
And let the covers fall away
Guess I never had someone like you
To help me fit in my skin

Kate and Tony sat on Kate´s sofa in silence, eating their Chinese food, giving each other looks from time to time.

„Don´t you want to tell me what´s bothering you?" Tony broke the silence after he cleared his throat.

„Nah, not really."

„Why is that?"

Kate sighed. She was sure this wouldn´t have any effect on anything at all. Honestly, what did he expect? That she told him about all her fears that people didn´t respect her for what she was and what she did? He had certainly been one of those boys every girl wanted, one of those who always had an arrogant way to show how good they were - one of those who Kate had hated and secretly fancied, just like any other girl.

She decided to be as honest as possible, as he seemed to care at least a little bit. „You´d better not tell him, Todd, telling personal things always backfires." she thought before she banned those thoughts and asked:

„What do you expect from me, Tony?"

Tony shrugged „I don´t know. It´s up to you to talk to me. But, Kate, to be honest I worried about you after what happened today. I never intended to hurt you in any way, so I would be happy if you talked to me. See, we´ve known each other for two years now, and though serious talks between us almost never happen I thought you´d trust me enough to tell me what makes you sad." He stopped for a moment „People say it sometimes helps."

Kate just stared at him. She hadn´t expected him to care that much - sure, she sometimes wished that it was that way, but she knew chances were as high as winning a million dollars in a phone-in programme.

„I…I don´t know Tony, it´s not that I don´t trust you, it´s more my habit to keep personal things to myself." she finally managed to say.

„Not a healthy habit."

„That depends."

Nobody spoke for a few minute, then Kate turned to Tony, looking him straight into the eyes

„Promise you will neither tell anyone what I am about to tell you nor use it against me?"

„Yes."

„Alright…So…I don´t know where to start. It´s practically half my life." Confused, Kate shook her head. She hadn´t seen this coming and wasn´t prepared at all.

„I think the first thing you need to know is that high school wasn´t exactly the best time of my life. There are people who will tell you something different, but for me, it was hell." Kate said and remembered the many days she had come home and wished to be far far away. Not because of learning but because of the people around her.

„What was the matter?" Tony asked

„Well, I sometimes don´t know myself. I mean, my younger sister would probably tell you about me being in the student council, getting good grades , being known and liked by most of the pupils and stuff like that."

„Doesn´t sound like you were the idiot of the class or something."

„No it doesn´t. I don´t know if you know that my parents are divorced and I have quite a bunch of siblings. I lived with my mom and my younger brother always was kind of her favourite. I used to be daddy´s girl and the typical eldest child of my mom. I … I don´t really know how to explain it, but I was always the one getting involved the most at school, bringing home the best grades and so on, and hardly got any praise for it."

„Didn´t you get the attention you wanted? I mean, being in the student council usually is…"

„Yeah." Kate cut Tony off „I was popular. But I didn´t want to be popular. All I ever wanted was to be respected for the things I did. Everytime I did something good someone came up with something I messed up. I.. It hurt every time. I tried to be caring, sincere, responsive… I worked so hard not only because I liked the work I did but also because I wanted the respect and the praise I didn´t get at home.

I even helped the people that talked behind my back to pass their exams."

„Sounds like work." Tony said and thought that this might be the reason why Kate always reacted so pissed when someone didn´t take her serious.

„It was work. And I kinda liked it. I just couldn´t hate people and I think that was my mistake. I never wanted to hurt anybody because I knew how it felt to be hurt. The story behind that is, that I used to have a few girls I called best friends once. I never used to be a party animal or someone that enjoyed hours of talk about drinking and boys. I told them a few times and finally, we broke apart. They said it was my fault and that I didn´t care about them. That was something that really hurt. I always cared for them but not in the way of listening to every crap. And I still was confident enough that I didn´t want to change who I was… But then, when we finally had managed to build something you could call acceptance , we went on a class trip and my class had a fight. Well, it was my class against my ex best friends. I felt very uncomfortable and didn´t want to get involved in that, but of course I did.

Anyways, I ended up going upstairs crying. I went to one of them who had gone upstairs a few minutes ago and had also cried when she left. I wanted to talk to her… and she called me a liar, a want-to-be-perfect girl that lied when opening the mouth to speak, someone who was only with her now because she had nothing better to do.

That hit me hard and that isn´t all that happenend, but I´ll stop here before you fall asleep…I´m just not made for things as friendship. I can try as hard as I want, I always screw it up."

Tony had listened carefully to the words Kate had said. She had been getting more and more silent during the story and was now shyly whipping away a tear. Gosh, he thought, he had always known Kate was very sensitive, but he had had no idea that she was that sensitive. Now he understood her allergic reaction towards his comment. It reminded her of trying to be a good friend - trying to be good in general- and not being accepted and respected for it. All she had gotten from the people around her was responsibility for things that had gone wrong and ironic comments about her will to reach her aims.

Tony could imagine Kate trying to explain something about a competition the school was taking part in to her class, and her class not paying attention at all. He saw Kate finally giving up, suppressing anger and trying to ignore the people that were laughing and giving her ha-you-can´t-do-it looks. He saw her sitting down on her bed, hugging herself and thinking about the reasons why people didn´t respect her and what she had done wrong.

Looking at Kate again, he realized that she was crying.

She tried to smile „Sorry."

Tony didn´t say anything . He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer until she almost sat on his lap. Surprised, he realized how much it hurt him to see her cry and suffer like this.

----------------------------------------------------------------------TBC----------------------------------------------------