Rating: Yes, I know that I've updated the rating to M, but I've never been quite sure about the rating and I figured that it was better to be wrong than removed off fan-fiction. So, here it is.

Disclaimer: None of the characters mentioned in this story belong to me, but rather to J.K. Rowling, I promise to return them to her once I am done with them. The poem which this story features is taken from the novel, The Smoke Jumper by author Nicholas Evans.

Part Two – Feelings

"Be bold yet modest in your grieving,

There is a change but not a leaving."

---

April 1974

Remus watched from a distance as Sirius and James chased a very pink – literally – Severus Snape through the halls of Hogwarts, trying not to laugh as Snape squealed in a rather feminine way. He knew that he really should be intervening; another stunt like this would definitely land James and Sirius yet another detention, and most likely a further loss of House points. McGonagall would not be happy. James and Sirius eventually stopped chasing Snape, allowing the humiliated Slytherin to return to his common room where he would no doubt suffer even more ridicule. The Slytherin's were a ruthless bunch.

Remus turned his eyes to watch Sirius as the boy laughed, giving James a high five before being surrounded by his admirers who all, no doubt, wanted to congratulate them on their successful prank. Sirius and James were famous among both the students and teachers at Hogwarts for being practical jokers and pranksters. They had even managed to get Peter and Remus embroiled in some of their greater pranks. Remus could see Peter now, amongst the admirers, sticking to James' side. James had become rather like an idol to Pete in the three or so years that they had all known each other. James put up with this idolism. In fact, Remus thought that he rather enjoyed having someone look up to him.

Remus watched from afar as the girls all clutched at Sirius. Even at fourteen the girls all loved him; for his charm, his sense of humour, and – of course – for his looks. Sirius still wore his black hair neat and long, and his eyes, which on that first day had been a dull grey colour, now shone silver with his love of life. Remus felt his jealousy spring up like a wolf within him, as one of the girls surrounding Sirius reached up to whisper in his ear before kissing him on the cheek. But he quickly stifled it, afraid that someone would see what he felt in his eyes. Remus had become accustomed to the feeling of jealousy that would appear whenever he saw Sirius surrounded by the girls who would proclaim to love him but never really knew him.

Everyone else saw only the Sirius Black who strolled around the castle with an air of arrogance that could rival a Malfoy's. But Remus knew the real Sirius, not the Black, but the boy who walked apart from his family, who had to fight daily to win people's admiration for just being himself. Not for the family name that he bore. Remus saw the Sirius who would place the safety of his friends before his own, the Sirius who had stuck by him when they discovered his secret. The Sirius who, after the full moon, would come by before classes to bring Remus some of that chocolate that he loved and who would – against his own nature – come by after class to give Remus his notes for the classes he had missed. That was the real Sirius. Not the arrogant, cocky one who strolled around the castle, but the kind and sensitive one who only his friends saw.

That was the Sirius Black whom Remus Lupin had come to love.

And that was where the jealousy came from. These girls who surrounded his friend knew nothing about the real Sirius, and yet they were able to get closer to him than Remus would ever be able to. For some moments, Remus continued to watch Sirius unnoticed, until Sirius - realising perhaps that he was been watched, looked up and - catching his friend's eye, smiled at him before winking and returning to his conversation with the girls around him.

Remus sighed before turning around and heading back to the dormitories. For some time he had known that what he felt for Sirius was more than friendship. At first he had just told himself that it was nothing, after all, didn't he love all of them like brothers? No, not all of them: Sirius he loved like a man loved a woman, like his mother loved his father. But this love would always go unrequited; it was too dangerous to love a friend, for fear of destroying everything.

"Oi, Remus! Wait up!" Remus turned around to see Sirius running up to him, having finally distanced himself from his fan club. He stopped and waited awhile for Sirius to catch his breath. "They're wild back there. Did you know that one of those girls actually told me that she loved me and wanted to have my babies? Psychotic that one."

Remus laughed along with his friend, but on the inside he felt like crying. Love was a dangerous game and at the moment Remus Lupin was losing. But he would not let Sirius know it. What he felt was best left unsaid.

"When are you going to leave Snape alone, Sirius? What did he ever do to you?" Remus said, pretending, as always, that what he felt didn't exist.

"Leave Snape alone! Are you mad? Never. Pulling pranks on Snape is one of the best ways to have fun around here. Besides, it doesn't hurt anyone, right? Just a bit of enjoyment to pass the ti—"

"BLACK!" McGonagall's voice cut Sirius off short, and the two boys whirled around to face their furious Head of House who already had James, Peter and a still very pink Snape following behind her. Remus looked at Sirius and was forced to hide a smile when he saw that his friend had assumed an innocent expression.

"Yes, oh Professor of Professors?" Sirius said, in an angelically innocent voice that would have fooled anyone except McGonagall, whose lips thinned more than Remus would have thought possible.

"Enough, Black. You have detention for a week, and I have been forced to take 75 points from Gryffindor. I would have thought that after last time… but no. Of course not. For the last time, Black, magic is not to be used outside of the classroom. Especially not on another student. Do you understand me Black?" McGonagall's voice had been rising in both volume and pitch as she spoke and Sirius winced when she said his name, before answering her with a weak 'Yes'. "And that goes for you too, Potter. I want to see the both of you after dinner tonight so that we can discuss your detention. Severus, please come with me. We'll see what Madame Pomfrey can do for you."

McGonagall walked briskly away, a dejected Snape following closely behind her. Remus turned to look at his friends in an 'I-told-you-so' way, only glaring at them harder when they burst into laughter. However, his look changed to a blush when Sirius slung his arm around Remus' waist, steering him once again in the direction of the common room.

"Ease up a little bit, Remus, you old wolf." James said, smiling when Remus glared at him through his blush. "We're keeping McGonagall alive."

"Keeping her alive? You're going to give the poor woman a heart attack!" Remus replied.

"I thought it was brilliant." Peter said from behind them, causing Remus to scowl.

"Don't worry about it Remus. We'll be fine. After all, we're already in detention for the next three weeks." Sirius said, smiling as he steered Remus through the portrait hole after James. "Oh, and would it be all right if I borrowed your notes for today's lessons. I, uh, forgot to take my own."

"Yeah, yeah, Sirius. I've heard it all before," Remus said, hitting his friend lightly on the shoulder. Sirius grinned before bouncing away to sit in his favourite chair by the fireplace where James and Peter were already seated. Remus followed in a quieter manner.

Later that night, Remus lay awake in bed, thinking once again about his feelings for a certain friend. For Remus, one thing was certain, his feelings for Sirius would never be returned, and so, it was safer for him to just leave them as they were. Deep within his own heart.