Rating: Yes, I know that I've updated the rating to M, but I've never been quite sure about the rating and I figured that it was better to be wrong than removed off fan-fiction. So, here it is.

Disclaimer: None of the characters mentioned in this story belong to me, but rather to J.K. Rowling, I promise to return them to her once I am done with them. The poem which this story features is taken from the novel, The Smoke Jumper by author Nicholas Evans.

Warning: Slight Angst... And character death.

Part Ten – Death and Betrayal

"What we were, we are.

What we had, we have."

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October/November 1981

Remus woke to the sound of someone trying to break down his front door. He looked beside him to see if the noise had woken Sirius up, but the bed was empty. Throwing on a dressing gown, Remus ran down the stairs of the apartment before yanking open the front door.

On the steps leading up to the house, fist raised and hair dishevelled stood Sirius Black. Without knowing how or why, Remus Lupin knew what had happened. Maybe it was the tears that ran silently down Sirius' cheeks, maybe it was the soot smeared over his face and maybe it was the lost look in Sirius' eyes, but suddenly Remus knew and he crumbled to the floor, a sob rising in his throat. Instantly, Sirius was at his side, still wanting to comfort Remus even when he himself was suffering so much pain.

"They're dead, aren't they?" The question came out as no more than a whisper, but it shattered the peace of the apartment the moment it left his mouth. Sirius jumped up, slamming his fist into the wall and breaking the plaster. They had known for months that Lily and James had been in danger - little Harry too - but they had never understood why. Besides, Voldemort would never be able to kill them; they were young, happily married and invincible. And they had each other.

Remus desperately tried to stop the tears from running down his cheeks but found that he no longer seemed to have control of his body.

"How?" Remus asked desperately. "Why?"

"I don't know." Sirius' voice was no more than a whisper, but Remus heard it as if he had shouted it. "It mustn't have worked. That's the only reason I can think of. That, or… No, that's the only reason. It didn't work. I don't know how it could have gone so wrong." Sirius was rambling now, hardly making any sense and Remus tuned out.

He was remembering something Lily had said when she and James were telling them that they had to go away for awhile. They were under strict instructions to give away as little information as it was possible to give; there was a traitor amongst them. Lily had mentioned something about a charm, a protection that they were going to put in place so that He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named wouldn't be able to find them. Then she had said something about being happy that they were able to trust one of their closest friends with their safety and the safety of their young son. Lily had immediately placed her hand over her mouth, fearing that she had said too much, but Remus had simply nodded and pulled her into a tight hug, telling her that it didn't matter. They would see each other soon…

"Oh Gods." Remus said, beginning to rock backwards and forwards with the pain of it all. "Why them? Why James? Why Lily? Why Harry? What did they ever do to the world to deserve this?" The tears ran unchecked down his cheeks and he felt like screaming with the pain, but he didn't, he couldn't.

"Shh," Sirius said, back at his boyfriend's side. "It's all right. It's all going to be all right."

"No it's bloody well not going to be all right!" Remus shouted, causing Sirius to jump backwards. "They're dead, Sirius! Dead! Lily and James, Sirius! And Harry!" Remus broke into sobs again, his energy nearly spent.

"Harry's not dead, Remus." Sirius said, making Remus looked up at him sharply.

"Not dead, but then… where is he, Sirius? Why isn't he here? With us?"

"Hagrid took him. Said Dumbledore had a place for him to go to. Something about a protection charm…" Sirius slid down the wall, his hands covering his face. "There was nothing I could do. By the time I got there the place was in ruins." Sirius trailed off as he looked up at Remus, his eyes red and bloodshot. "It was a miracle that I even found their bodies. But Remus… Oh Gods…" Sirius broke into sobs.

Remus crawled over to where his boyfriend sat on the floor, gathering the larger man into his arms and kissing him on the head, the only consolation he could offer.

"Lily said… something about a charm," Remus said after awhile and Sirius looked up at him sharply. "Something about a charm that would hide them from… Him. And something about a friend protecting them."

Sirius had suddenly stopped crying, the pain in his eyes replaced by a furious anger and Remus backed away when Sirius started laughing maniacally. "He thought that he'd get away with it! But he won't. Just you wait and see, Remus, I'll kill him! I'll kill the little bastard if I die trying. For revenge, Remus. Revenge will be mine." With that Sirius jumped up off the floor and headed towards the door.

"Sirius!" Remus called out, realising that his boyfriend was leaving. "Don't go. Don't leave me here."

"Don't worry, it's all going to be all right. I'll fix it." Sirius said, kissing Remus softly on the lips. "I won't be gone long. I promise. I'll be back soon." Sirius moved off towards the door again, fingering something, probably his wand, in his pocket as he did so. And then he was gone, leaving the front door open and Remus Lupin lying on the floor in the middle of the hallway, tears streaming unchecked down his face.

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Remus waited an agonisingly long seven hours for Sirius to return. He didn't dare move from his spot on the floor, for fear that if he did, the world would shatter to pieces around him. Not long after Sirius had left, the sun rose, bathing the hallway and Remus in light. But Remus didn't want to think about the light. Truth be told he didn't want to think about anything. But the thoughts refused to leave him alone.

Thoughts of Lily and James ran through his head, driving him near-crazy with the knowledge that he'd never see his two friends again except in his mind and in the photos he'd always keep. Images of the two of them flashed before his eyes: James sitting in the common room for hours writing a truly terrible poem about Lily; Lily standing on top of one of the coffee tables in the common room, threatening to curse James if he didn't get over there and ask her out. Images of James standing at the head of the church, running his hand through his hair for the fifteenth time in thirty seconds; Lily walking down the aisle, a huge smile plastered on her face as she glowed with love.

Lily berating James for forgetting about the Christmas pudding in the oven and letting it burn; James smiling as he ran his hand through Lily's hair as she slept against him, sixth months pregnant and worn out; Lily lying exhausted on the hospital bed, smiling at her husband as he held their son in his arms; James holding Harry in his arms as they all sang 'Happy Birthday' to him, and Lily blowing out the candles, a huge smile on her face. And last of all, Lily and James as he had last seen them, waving goodbye to them from the car as they prepared to go into hiding, brave smiles on their faces even as the tears ran down their cheeks.

Remus couldn't bare it anymore. He couldn't stand to sit here on the floor of his empty flat while somewhere the hearts of his two friends were no longer beating, and Sirius was running around like a madman. Sirius. Remus had to do something before Sirius landed himself in Azkaban in his grief. Remus raised himself off the floor and walked out the open door of the apartment. He was just beginning to walk along the street in the direction he had seen Sirius head when he was stopped in his tracks by the form of Gideon Prewett. Gideon was a fellow member of the Order of the Phoenix and worked within the Ministry of Magic as an Auror. Remus felt an iron fist curl around his heart and squeeze tightly: one of Gideon's main roles within the Ministry and the Order was to tell family that their loved one's were dead.

"What is it?" he asked, there was no time to be polite, not when Remus had to find Sirius before he got himself or someone else hurt.

"Remus," Gideon said by way of greeting. "I think that you should come inside and sit down."

"I already know about Lily and James, Gideon." Gideon looked up at Remus sharply. "Now, if you don't mind, I need to find Sirius." Remus made to move past Gideon but was stopped when Gideon reached out to grab his arm.

"That's what I need to talk to you about, Remus."

"What's happened?" Remus asked desperately. "Where is Sirius?"

"Like I said before, I think that you should come inside and sit down." Remus nodded mutely and walked back up the stairs of the flat and down the hall into the kitchen. Taking a seat, he motioned Gideon to the one opposite him and closed his eyes, covering his face with his hands. Gideon began looking uncomfortable.

"Just tell me Gideon." Remus' voice was less than a whisper and cracked with emotion.

"The Order has discovered the traitor." Gideon's voice was calm, professional and Remus closed his eyes, relieved after all that this had nothing to do with Sirius after all. "It seems that he has been serving You-Know-Who for quite some time. He appears to have gone mad following the destruction of You-Know-Who last night in Godric's Hollow." Remus looked up at Gideon, Sirius hadn't told him this part. "I'm sorry to have to tell you this, Remus, but Peter's dead." Remus felt another sob rise in his throat; another friend dead. Next Gideon would probably tell him that Sirius was dead too. "It appears that Peter discovered the identity of the traitor and confronted him."

"You idiot, Peter." Remus said under his breath.

"Remus," Gideon's voice was still calm, but something in his voice caught Remus' attention and he looked up. "I didn't want to have to tell you this, but Dumbledore thought that it was best. It's Sirius. Sirius Black was the traitor." Remus felt the world shatter around him. How could Sirius betray him like this? How could he betray all of them? It wasn't possible.

"He's dead, isn't he?" Remus didn't know how he could be calm when his whole life as he had known it had just ended.

"No," Gideon said, but then as Remus looked up hopefully, he continued. "But, you must understand Remus, Sirius has just killed thirteen people. He massacred Peter and was responsible for the deaths of Lily and James. He's going to Azkaban, Remus. Personally, I hope that he rots there."

Remus jumped up out of his seat at this, no one deserved Azkaban. "No! That is a life of misery, of torment. He doesn't deserve that. I'll stop it. I'll testify for him at the trial. I'll—"

"Remus!" Gideon interrupted him. "There isn't going to be a trial. He's already been sent to Azkaban. He was laughing when the teams got there and didn't even resist." Remus sunk back into his seat. "He's already mad, Remus. There's no saving him now. It's best that you forget all about him and remember those whom you have lost."

"But I have lost Sirius." Remus whispered and hid his face when he saw the pitying look in Gideon's eyes. He hated it when people pitied him. That was what had drawn him to his friends in the first place; they had never pitied him. Remus groaned with the pain of it all; not only had he lost three of his best friends, but in the same stroke he had also lost the only person he believed he would ever be able to love.

"I'm sorry, Remus." Gideon said. "Like I said, I didn't want to have to tell you all of this."

"It's all right, Gideon." Remus said, before laughing at his own words. "I needed to know. You can go now if you want."

"Actually, Remus," Gideon replied, "I can't. Dumbledore asked me to keep an eye on you." Remus looked up at him questioningly, silently asking him to elaborate. "He said to make sure that you don't do anything… stupid. We need you Remus. We've suffered greatly in the last two days alone. We can't afford to lose you as well. The Order needs you. Dumbledore said to tell you that he's going to need you undercover, to make sure that Death Eaters aren't planning any attacks in the near future. But until then, I'm to look out for you."

Remus nodded understandingly. So, Dumbledore thought that he was going to try to kill himself, did he? He obviously didn't know Remus as well as he thought. Remus had survived becoming a werewolf, he wasn't about to pull a knife across his wrists. At least Dumbledore had given him something to focus on other than the images of his friends as he had last seen them. Remus slowly rose from his seat and moved off in the direction of the stairs. He was stopped by Gideon's hand on his arm.

"I'm just going upstairs to shower and change." Remus said, and even he was shocked at how dead his voice sounded in the silence of the apartment. "I can't stay in this for the rest of my life." At Gideon's uncertain look, Remus said, "Look, I promise that I'm not going to slit my wrists while I'm up there, all right? I don't do things like that. It's my belief that we can't choose when we're going to die." With that, Remus loosened Gideon's grip on his arm and walked up the stairs, trying desperately not to think of that other promise that had been made earlier in the morning and which had already been broken.

But despite all of his best attempts, one thought plagued him as he made his way upstairs and walked through their bedroom – his bedroom – and through to the bathroom; Sirius.

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Message from the Author: This is my longest chapter yet! I hope thatit is all right... Once again, thank you so much for reviewing for the last chapter, guys. It makes me feel so warm and happy inside.

Evalanis.