Rating: Yes, I know that I've updated the rating to M, but I've never been quite sure about the rating and I figured that it was better to be wrong than removed off fan-fiction. So, here it is.
Disclaimer: None of the characters mentioned in this story belong to me, but rather to J.K. Rowling, I promise to return them to her once I am done with them. The poem which this story features is taken from the novel, The Smoke Jumper by author Nicholas Evans.
Message from the Author: The End! Sorry that it took so long... This chapter, the last chapter of Footfalls Within My Heart I would like to dedicate to my wonderful mother, for being the best beta reader a person could wish for, and to Lucy. I hope that this one finally being up will help to end the pain. You mean so much to me, and this one is for you, even if you never read it...
More later...
Part Fourteen – The Last Marauder
"Be still.
Close your eyes.
Breathe."
July 1998
Within a day, Sirius Black was dead.
This time, Remus found that he was able to mourn. And mourn he did. For three weeks, Remus locked himself away from the rest of the world; for three weeks he cried the tears he hadn't been able to cry before; for three weeks Remus allowed himself to forget everyone and everything except himself and Sirius. Sirius who was gone from him forever.
At first, all Remus could think of was how empty he felt. Of the hole that Sirius had left in his heart with his passing. After a time though he realised that he did not feel empty, but strangely complete. Before when he had lost Sirius, he had refused to dwell on the happy moments which he had shared with the dark-haired boy and had fallen into a despair so deep it took him twelve years to climb out of it. This time, Remus allowed himself to remember Sirius as he had been, and he was able to live properly. To go on, even when now there was no chance of ever being reunited with Sirius Black, except in death.
Now, more than two years after the death of Sirius Black, Remus was satisfied. Everything they had ever fought for had been won, although the cost had been higher than they had originally believed in their youthful immortality. Remus paused for a moment, remembering those friends he had lost. James and Lily who were killed as they defended the life of their young son. Peter who had betrayed them all but who had, in the end, shown his true Gryffindor colours and sacrificed his own life for Harry's. And Sirius. Sirius who had fallen with the grace of an angel.
None of them had ever really gotten the chance to live properly, and that, Remus thought, was the worst part of all.
Remus carried each of those friends within himself; Lily and James as they kissed at the head of the church, glowing with their love for one another; Peter as he searched through his bag for the ever evasive Chocolate Frogs; Sirius as he lay on the couch in the Gryffindor common room, resting his head in Remus' lap and looking up at him with those beautiful silver eyes. This was how Remus would always remember them, young and full of life and love.
He still remembered the day when, three weeks after Sirius' death, an owl had entered the room he had once shared with his lover and unceremoniously deposited a letter on top of his head. A letter written in Sirius' somehow graceful and yet untamed writing. Remus remembered the way that his heart had beaten louder than any drum as he broke the wax seal on the piece of parchment. He still, even after the past two years, could recite the letter word for word, and he doubted that he would ever forget it:
Remus,
If you're reading this, I am dead. Sounds rather cliché doesn't it?
I was wrong Remus. Wrong when I said that death was not for me. I wouldn't have been able to live if it wasn't. For death is a part of life, Remus. The most important part.
I hope that by the time you find this letter, I will be home, truly home. With Lily and James. If I am, only one thing must be missing, and that is you. Always, Remus, you were the one who made life worth living. Even when James and Lily were no longer there I always knew that everything would be all right. As long as I had you with me. As long as you were out there somewhere, I was able to go on. You were the pillar I leaned on, the source of all of my strength.
In Azkaban, only three things kept me going; the knowledge of my innocence, Harry, and you. I never stopped loving you Remus.
I never told you how much I loved you often enough, did I? I should have. You were the world to me and I loved you with all of my black heart. No pun intended. I love you still.
I know that nothing I can possibly say can explain to you how completely I have loved you, so I won't try. Even now, I fear how much of a fool I would make of myself. Look after Harry for me, Remus. You're the last one now. The Last Marauder. I'll be waiting for you, and if you ever need me, all you have to do is look inside your own heart.
I love you Remus. I always have (even when I didn't know it myself) and I always will, even when I am no longer here. Forever isn't such a very long time when it comes to love. For love will outlast even the moon, especially our love.
Forever yours,
Sirius.
So it was that after three weeks of doing nothing but lying in his otherwise empty bed with the tears he hadn't cried for fourteen years running freely down his cheeks, Remus Lupin had gotten up out of his bed and re-entered the world of the living. He had to live. For Sirius.
Now, some two years later, Remus smiled as he walked up to the front door of 12 Grimmauld Place. The gloomy house had changed in the two years since Remus had lived there. Where before it had been derelict and dark, now it brimmed with the life of it's new owner. Even Sirius wouldn't have minded being locked up here now. Remus rang the doorbell and grinned when Harry pulled it open, apron around his waist.
"Oh, hello Remus." Harry said, running a hand through his hair, mirroring his father without knowing it. Funny, how the two could be so alike. "Come in." Remus followed Harry into the house, smiling to himself as he noticed once again that the terrifying portrait of Mrs. Black had been removed. It had taken a lot of hard work, but eventually Harry had managed to remove the portrait; with the simple technique of striking a match. Mrs. Black had never expected it. Now, in her place stood a Muggle landscape picture, depicting a castle that Remus had always thought looked suspiciously like Hogwarts.
Remus followed Harry up the stairs and into the Drawing Room. It, too, had seen a lot of change since its days of Doxie infestation. Remus looked around him, taking in the changes to the room. All of the furniture that had once stood in the room was now gone, replaced with furniture that Harry had purchased shortly after leaving Hogwarts.
On the mantelpiece stood photos of those Harry truly cared about. In the centre was a photo of Harry, Ron and Hermione, taken by young Colin Creevey on their last day at Hogwarts. On one side of that was a photo of the Weasleys during their vacation in Egypt five years ago. And on the other side stood a photo that Remus recognised very well. Framed in a picture of eternal youth stood James, Lily and Sirius on the day of Lily and James' wedding, laughing at something Sirius had no doubt said. Remus stepped up to the picture, looking closer at his three best friends.
"It's my favourite photo of them." Harry remarked from behind Remus.
"I took it. Sirius had just commented on something, I don't remember what, and they started laughing." Remus turned to look at Harry as he spoke. "They were so happy that day, Harry. We all were"
"They look it." Harry commented.
"You should have seen them on the day you were born." As he spoke, Remus turned back to look at the photo. "They were glowing with pride."
"You were there?" Harry asked quietly.
"Of course. You were a 'feisty little thing,'" Remus said, causing Harry to laugh. "If I remember correctly, you tried to pull Sirius' hair out." The two of them laughed for a moment until they calmed down. Remus looked into Sirius' silver photo eyes and smiled, lifting his hand up to trace his lover's cheek.
"You loved him, didn't you?" Harry questioned softly. Remus smiled.
"I did, and I do." He said softly.
"Do you miss him?"
"Every single moment of every single day." Remus turned to Harry and grinned. Harry smiled in reply, both of them knew that it wasn't truly happiness that they felt.
"It must be great," Harry stated. "To love somebody so much."
"I loved all of them." Remus said, turning back to the photo on the mantelpiece. "And now I live for all of them." Harry smiled and the two of them remained silent for a few moments.
"You can have it, if you want it." Remus turned to look at Harry and then back at the photo.
"No, I don't need it."
"But you—"
"It's not seeing them again that draws me to the photo," Remus interrupted. "But remembering them all so happy. I don't need any photos of them because none of them could ever be as clear as my memories of them."
"I understand," Harry said, looking over at the photo of himself and his two best friends.
"I'm sure that you do." Remus said, looking once more at the photos on the mantelpiece before turning again to look at Harry. "Now, I'm being incredibly remiss. I came here to give you your birthday present."
"Remus," Harry began. "You really don't have to—"
"I know," Remus interrupted. "I wanted to." Remus dug in his pocket and brought out the present inside. "Here." Harry stepped over and took the present from Remus' hands, looking at it for a moment before moving to unwrap it.
"No." Remus said sharply, causing Harry to look up at him. "No, don't open it yet. Wait until I'm gone. It's from all of us." Harry looked into Remus' eyes, a question in his glance. "All of us." Harry's gaze travelled back to the present he was holding in his hands, understanding in his look. Remus smiled at him, before turning and quietly leaving the house.
It had been hard for Remus to part with the scrapbook, but he had decided that Harry would need it, would cherish it, more than he would now. For nearly the whole of their seven years at Hogwarts, the Marauders had kept their scrapbook and filled it regularly with their thoughts, their plans for pranks and the photos that they had taken. Remus had known the moment that he had found it hidden away in the apartment he had shared with Sirius that he had to give it to Harry. There was no better present he could think of to give Harry on his eighteenth birthday.
Remus descended the stairs of Grimmauld Place and walked slowly down the street, watching, but not seeing, all of the other people walking hurriedly by. He smiled as he became lost in the memories of his friends.
Remus was still smiling when he went to bed later that night, consumed by his thoughts of those whom he had loved and eventually lost. And he was still smiling when in his dreams he approached a dark figure whose form he knew better than his own. He smiled as Sirius Black turned to face him, as he reached out his hand to touch him for the first time in two years. He smiled when Sirius kissed him softly on the forehead, and he was still smiling as they turned as one, to walk together into the distance.
In the morning, when Harry came to thank Remus for the present he had given him, he found him still smiling, lying on his bed with his amber eyes open and unblinking in the morning sunlight. Harry merely smiled in return, a single tear running silently down his cheek.
The last Marauder was finally home.
---
"Listen for my footfall within your heart,
I am not gone but merely walk within you."
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Message from the Author: So that's it. The final part. I know that it's probably not as sad as the majority of you thought and maybe even hoped that it would be, but I found that there was no way in hell that I would be able to write about Remus shortly after Sirius died. Maybe another time. Okay, responses...
The Cotton Candy Kisses, chaeli.meep., S.c.o.u.s.e.r.4.l.i.f.e andmolloch - Thank you all so very much for your constant reviews. It was wonderful to know that you guys were actually all coming back to read my fic, time and time again. So very heartwarming. Thank you.
MousePad - I don't even know if you're still reading this, but thank you for your reviews. You were one of the very first people to ever let me know that my work was appreciated, and although I would have continued writing it anyway, they definitely helped me have the courage to continue doing so.
Charlotte Lazarus - Thank you so very much for all of your reviews, they've been a constant source of inspiration for me. I never thought that I would be able to make someone hate me as much as I've hated some other authors. I'm sorry, I didn't want to end it either, but all thinkgs must come to an end. Or so they say... Thank you so much for the constant reviews. They were definitely very welcome.
Deathless Elf - Although you haven't been reading this little story of mine, thank you so much for the reviews that you left. You can have no idea how much you made me smile when you said that my characters were natural. Your comments were very appreciated and definitely meant a lot. I hope to be able to read something of yours some time.
To 'anonymous', Idril831, Joolz, elsie777, AuthorityThief, lilliephoenix, birds of morrigan, Tanya J Potter, somon244 and self-harm-self-ingulgence - Thank you all! Your reviews meant so much.
And finally, to all the people (no matter how few or many) who have been reading this little story of mine, and who haven't reviewed. Thank you for reading.
And now, it is time for me to bow out (finally), or the 'thank yous' will become longer than the story itself. Thank you all...
Evalanis.