A/N: The best couple out there, ladies and gents.
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"I'm telling you, if they combined Baywatch and Diehard, they'd get millions."
"Or if they made Yasmine walk around naked."
"You mean like a law?"
"Dude, anybody with the name Yasmine is bound to be hot. It's all foreign and stuff."
"You know what other name is bound to be hot?"
"Do not say Monica."
"I wasn't going to say Monica!"
"You were thinking it!"
"I was not! I was going to say Livana."
"What the hell name is Livana?"
"What would you choose?"
"Jewel."
"That's a stripper name, you cheater."
"I knew someone named Jewel!"
"Was she a stripper?"
"Yeah."
"Then, no. You can't use that name."
"What? Why not?"
"Okay, you know what, instead of arguing, why don't we just make an amendment to the constitution forcing Yasmine to walk around naked?"
"Hey, cool."
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Bracelet buddies: what he thinks.
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Chandler admits he sometimes makes snap judgments.
Joey agrees.
"So when you first met Ross, what did you think?"
"A multitude of things – but mainly idiosyncratic. You?"
"Dorky."
"Good one."
"What about Monica?"
"Obsessive. High-strung."
"Rachel?"
"Ditzy."
"Phoebe?"
"I'd have to invent a whole new word for Phoebe, Joe. What about you? What did you think of the girls?"
"Hot."
"Shocking."
Joey lit another napkin on fire, watched it until the flames licked his fingertips, then tossed its burnt remains into the sink.
"Chandler?"
"Yeah?"
"What does idiosyncratic mean?"
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Lenny and Squiggy: what others think.
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Chandler always thought that yogurt was a weird word.
"You can spell it yo-gurt or yog-hurt," he explained. "It sounds like a terminal illness – mucus built up in the lungs or something."
"Who spells yogurt with an 'h'?" Joey replied incredulously.
"Sophisticated people, I guess."
Joey looked thoughtful. "So, kinda like donut with a 'gh'?"
"But donut isn't the same as yogurt. Yogurt makes sense without an 'h'. But donut is just dumbing it down."
"You know what else is weird?" Joey said conversationally, twirling his chopsticks between his fingers. Eons ago, Chandler had attempted to teach him how to use them properly, but after a failure of mythic proportions, he now simply preferred to sit back and watch Joey's ingenuousness at work.
Chandler found Joey charming like that.
"What?"
"When people eat pizza with a fork. I mean, what's up with that?"
"Well, I think, in Italy, that's how they eat pizza."
Joey looked thwarted and Chandler cringed; disappointing Joey was like watching Schindler's List on VE-Day.
"Oh."
"Okay, what about when you're reading –"
"You've lost me."
"I think you can, I think you can."
"Okay, I can."
Chandler continued, "So, when you're reading, you stare at a word for so long that it actually looks misspelled – has that ever happened to you?"
"I don't read, I have sex."
"I'm so glad we have these profound conversations."
Joey tucked his chopsticks into the infamous "drawer of no return", licking them as he had done one thousand and ninety seven times before (and which Chandler now let slide, for simplicity's sake).
"So, dude, are we watching Wheel of Fortune or not?"
Chandler always kept his weeknights open.
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Chanoey: just that.