The Choice

Chapter 5

Dr. Rodney McKay was in a surly mood. He had bypassed impatient and grumpy hours ago, left irritated and grouchy in the dust, and had settled into argumentative and snappish. His co-workers had abandoned him, leaving him to stew in his own misery. Even Radek Zelenka, Rodney's second-in-command, who was accustomed to McKay's mercurial mood changes, had stomped out of the lab, muttering angrily in Czech under his breath.

Now, he peevishly tossed some Ancient device on to the table. He knew he was being unreasonable, but he was annoyed at Sheppard. Who did the Colonel think he was, preventing Rodney and Elizabeth from leaving the city? Rodney had been sure Elizabeth would confront Sheppard, and was amazed that she had remained silent. If he had tried to pull a stunt like that on her, he would have been lectured from today until doomsday.

"Rodney?" The scientist swung around, his blue eyes dangerous as they settled on John. Well, well, well. Rodney crossed his arms, his look challenging. He glared at the Colonel, noticing the fatigue on his face, the slight stoop in the man's posture. Rodney felt a small tingle of empathy flow through him, and forced himself to ignore it. He was angry with John.

"What can I do for you, Colonel?" Rodney spat out the words, seeing a slight flinch on John's face. He expected to feel satisfied, but, instead, regretted his harsh tone the second the words left his mouth.

John's own mouth drew into a straight line. He knew talking to Rodney would be much harder than dealing with Elizabeth, but the physicist wasn't making this easy.

"I wanted to apologize for this morning," John began. He raised his eyes, matching his gaze to Rodney's. The scientist had unfolded his arms, letting them fall to his sides, and started squirming uncomfortably.

"Well, you should be sorry. Elizabeth and I were looking forward to going to P2X-966. Do you have any idea how hard it is to coordinate our schedules?" Rodney paused, honestly not knowing if Elizabeth really was anticipating her time away from Atlantis. He watched as John's eyes shadowed, and mentally kicked himself. Something had happened to make Sheppard react the way he did, and Rodney cared about his friend. If he could only learn to curb his own tongue, things would be so much easier.

"Look, Rodney, I…. I had a nightmare last night, and it really screwed with my head. When you started talking to Elizabeth about leaving Atlantis, I just…freaked." John wandered over to one of the chairs, and sat down, running a hand through his hair.

Rodney remained silent. A nightmare. Inwardly, he shuddered. His own sleep was invaded on a regular basis by bad dreams. Dreams of Wraith, dreams of Genii, dreams of pain, and death and loss. Rodney worked himself to the point of exhaustion for three reasons: one – it was his job, two – it was a habit, and three – it kept him from dreaming.

Awkwardly, Rodney approached John. "Do you want to talk about it? The nightmare, I mean." He watched as John closed his eyes briefly, then glanced up at the scientist.

Once more, John spoke of being forced to make a decision, forced to watch as one of his closest friends was murdered. Rodney listened, his body growing cold as Sheppard described a nightmare that was eerily similar to his own.

"I had to choose, Rodney. I just couldn't let you both die, just because I didn't want to make a decision. It was really…..hard." John's voice had dropped to almost a whisper, and, without realizing it, Rodney had sat down next to the Colonel, wanting to offer the man some comfort.

"Been there, done that," Rodney quipped. He gave John a wry grin, but there was no amusement in the scientist's blue eyes. Only a look of profound sadness, and understanding.

"Look, John, I'm sure Elizabeth told you that we all have these dreams. It comes with the territory." Rodney paused, making a decision, then softly added, "You know, some of mine have been so bad that I've thought about leaving Atlantis."

John froze, surprised that Rodney had shared this secret with him. He watched as a myriad of emotions crossed the scientist's face.

"There are lots of reasons for me to stay, but the most important one is…well, I've grown used to having you guys around – even Ronon. Even if I felt safer on Earth, I'm not sure I would be as…..happy," Rodney added.

Happy? Rodney? John refrained from chuckling. If Rodney was happy here on Atlantis, John wondered what he was like on Earth. Yikes.

McKay got up and started pacing the floor. His brow was furrowed, his hands twitching, and John recognized the signs of a decision being made. He waited, and a few moments later, Rodney paused in front of him.

"Colonel, I want you to make me a promise," Rodney said. John merely raised an eyebrow, not committing to anything.

Rodney plunged ahead, his voice quick and sharp. "I want you to promise me that if you ever really have to decide between me or Elizabeth, that you choose Elizabeth to live. Got that?"

John sat in shock for a long moment, then slowly shook his head. "No, Rodney, I can't do that." The Colonel stood, staring steadily at the agitated scientist. "You just don't get it, do you?"

McKay's eyes were clouded and angry, and John realized he had better tread carefully. Deliberately choosing his words, he rose and approached Rodney.

"You are my friend, Rodney. As difficult it is to believe, I like having you around. Even if you weren't a genius, I would still want you as my friend. God only knows why," John said wryly. The scientist stared back, an look of incredulity on his face.

"Umm…well…thanks. You too. I mean…you know what I mean, right?" Rodney's voice held a hint of desperation, and John shook his head as he smiled. Some genius.

"Yes, Rodney. I know what you mean." He watched McKay's shoulders relax, although the scientist still looked pensive.

"Look, let's just hope that we never have to make that choice, okay? After all, it was just a nightmare," John said, trying to inject a little lightness into his voice. Thankfully, Rodney just nodded, releasing a sigh as he ran a hand across his face.

"Are we good?" John asked, and Rodney gave him a small, crooked smile as an answer. Relief spread through John, and he realized how much he would regret losing Rodney as a friend.

"Look, I have work to do, so why don't you go and bother someone else for awhile?" Rodney said, turning back to his Ancient device. John paused long enough to rest his hand on the scientist's back, silently thanking him, then turned and left the lab.

TBC