Despite a glaring lack of reviews, I have returned with more madness and pirate-y goodness! YATTA!! BTW, lone brave soul who reviewed (name forgotten, sumimasen!) I shall use your idea of the cameos, but you won't get them till chappie three. Sorry!
Chapter 2: New Navigator
"So, Yuffie. Have you gotten your hearing back?" Sephiroth asked as he approached the cell of the young and recently deafened ninja.
"WHAT? SOMETHING ABOUT JACK?" she yelled, either faking, or still deaf.
Sephiroth's eyes widened from intense anger and annoyance. Baring his teeth, he yelled, "HAVE YOU GOTTEN YOUR HEARING BACK YET, YOU ANNOYING, SHALLOW LITTLE WITCH? ANSWER ME PROPERLY, OR I'LL LEAD THE CREW IN A GAME OF 'DRENCH THE WENCH' INVOLVING A BARREL DRILLED FULL OF HOLES, A ROPE, AND A BOBBING BOWSPRIT!"
"Eep! Yes sir, Sephiroth, sir!" she said, cowering in a corner of her cell.
"Good," Sephiroth said, more calmly. "Cloud, release her." Cloud came forward with a set of keys and opened the cell door.
"Huh? I don't-" Yuffie began.
"It's quite simple," came Tess' voice from the shadows, where she had been leaning on the side and watching the scene with much amusement. "We're hiring you to be our navigator, since you're a materia hunter/thief. It was Sephiroth's idea," she explained. Sephiroth glanced at her as she walked up.
"May I introduce my first mate/quartermaster/self-appointed advisor, Tess Blackheart?" Sephiroth said.
"Hey! You're that b----h that held me down on the deck an hour ago!" Yuffie yelled, glaring daggers at Tess.
"Such language," Tess said, smirking, as she withdrew into the shadows. Sephiroth molly-whopped Yuffie.
"Oooww! What did I do?" she whined.
"You've been hanging around Cid Highwind for too long," he replied. "Now then. Tell us where to find rich Shinra ships. Or else, we'll have fun playing 'Drench the Wench'."
"Umm… try near Costa del Sol. President Rufus likes to take cruises there this time of year. That would be a good place to look."
Sephiroth climbed out of the brig and hollered at Cait Sith. "Cait Sith! Take us to the seas surrounding Costa del Sol!" He looked at Yuffie. "If you've led us astray…"
Yuffie vigorously shook her head.
"Well, get up there and provide Cait the bearings!" Yuffie darted up to stand next to Cait Sith and point the mechanical cat in the right way. "Nanaki! Start looking towards the north! We're looking for Rufus' ship!" yelled Sephiroth.
"Aye, aye, Cap'n!" Nanaki cried as he turned towards the north.
Sephiroth looked at Yuffie, then at Tess. "Can she be trusted?" he asked.
"I believe so. I think she's frightened of playing 'Drench the Wench'. You do know that we'd have to really be mad at her? She could drown, playing that," Tess said, looking at Sephiroth.
"Yeah, well… you know I'm just bluffing. It just worked ever so well," he said, grinning.
The massive sloop sailed on, although powered by normal wind or Tess it was hard to tell.
Around midday, Nanaki spotted something off the port bow. He frowned at it, and looked again. It looked like….
"Ship Ahoy! Off the port bow!" he yelled to Tess. She looked up from the game of Go she was playing against Sephiroth, and pulled out her telescope. She peered through it at the indistinct smudge on the otherwise clear horizon. A grin lit her features.
She used the air to put away the Go board, and told Sephiroth Rufus' ship had been spotted. Sephiroth barked out the order to go to combat positions.
"Vince! Long nines with chain shot! Cloud! Cait Sith! Hard left! Tess! Air in the portside sails! Nanaki! Keep an eye on it! Yuffie! Help Cait Sith!" Sephiroth pulled out his Masamune. Having finished her task, Tess pulled out two guns held from the side, like tonfu. Sephiroth looked at it curiously.
"I like tonfu blasters. I had them custom made," she said.
They hefted their weapons eagerly. "Are we doing the flag thing?" Sephiroth asked.
"No, not this time. I imagine they're quite familiar with that trick, even if they are Shinra," Tess explained.
On Rufus' ship, Rude spotted the strange ship. "Ship off the starboard bow, President," he said.
"Hmm…" muttered Rufus, who was petting Dark Nation.
Tess watched as the ship drew closer and closer. Come on, you bums, come ooonn…. Yes!
"Vincent! Aim the long nines! When they're in range, fire the chain shot at their mast!" she hollered at Vincent, who saluted.
Vincent carefully watched the ship approach, and then fired the chain shot. It made a whistling noise as it flew towards the unsuspecting Shinra.
A whistling noise greeted Reno's ears. He looked at Tseng.
"What's that sound?" they said in unison. Their questions were answered when something crashed through the mast, and it came toppling down.
"We're under fire!" Reno yelled.
On the Scourge, they whooped and cheered. The first shot was theirs, and Shinra took the first damage!
"What the hl was that?" Rufus yelled as he made his way to Reno, who was attempting to free Tseng's leg.
"That ship over there fired chain shot at us and took out our middle mast!" Reno said. "We can still sail, though. We have to get over there and retaliate!"
"What happened to that chain shot they fired at us?" Rufus asked.
"Right in the water."
Rufus looked over at the sloop. "Elena! Take us to that ship!"
"Ha-ha! We nailed 'em!" whooped Cloud.
"Don't be too sure. We only took out one mast. Good shot, though. We want them to come our way. If they run off, then we wasted our chain shot," Sephiroth said warningly.
"Right little ray of sunshine, aren't you?" Cloud muttered.
"They're coming this way! It looks like they're trying to ram us!" Nanaki yelled from the crow's nest.
"WHAT?!?" Tess yelled angrily. She yanked out her telescope. "Oh, st, he's right! That bow has a metal casing on it! Cait Sith and Yuffie! Hard left! Get us alongside them!"
"Charge!" Rufus yelled. They flew at the other ship. The other ship turned and tried to get next to the Shinra's ship. Soon the ships were aligned, gun-to-gun.
"Fire!" Reno yelled.
"Fire!" Tess yelled. The guns on both ships roared, as Vincent fired cannonballs alternating with chain shot to further cripple the Shinra. The Shinra only got in one or two shots, so fast was Vincent's firing. Soon the Shinra were forced to surrender. They were taken aboard the Scourge and tied up. Their hunk-a-junk ship was tied to the Scourge, for whatever reason.
Sephiroth walked in front of the Shinra. He laughed. "You try so hard to capture me, yet I end up capturing you! Now that's what you call ironic."
"Sephiroth, you b-----d!" Rufus yelled, as he struggled against the ropes. The pirates laughed.
"You aren't getting out of those ropes until we let you. Tess Blackheart tied them! No one can escape her knots!" Cait Sith cried.
"Tess Blackheart? She's here? The professional? She's the most treacherous, ruthless pirate to ever sail these seas!" Reno cried.
"I'm the only pirate to sail these seas! ...I think."
"Hey! Aren't you supposed to be on our side?" Tseng asked Cait Sith.
"Not this time, bud. Piratin' is more fun than you lot!"
Sephiroth and Tess walked away as the others teased the Shinra.
"What are we going to do with them? They don't add much to the décor," Tess said.
"We could maroon them with that hunk-a-junk ship on a sandbar. As far as I know, sandbars aren't permanent; they disappear when the tide comes in. That ship is full of holes. It can't float. And I don't think any of them can swim." Sephiroth said with a malicious grin.
"Well, Rufus. We hope you enjoy your new, personal island! Sure you have to share it with those idiots, but you won't have to put up with them for long!" Sephiroth yelled cheerily from the deck of Scourge.
"I will have my revenge! You hear me?" Rufus yelled.
"How could we not?" said Cloud. The others snickered.
Rufus fumed at them.
"Uh, Rufus?" said Reno nervously. "The tide's coming in, I can't swim, and sandbars disappear in high tides."
"Oh, crap."
On board the Scourge, festivities were underway. Cloud and Yuffie consumed copious amounts of alcohol, Cait Sith bugged them all with his megaphone, Tess and Sephiroth continued their abandoned Go game, Vincent polished the guns, and Nanaki hid in the rope from Cait Sith.
"I'd say that went rather well, don't you?"
That seemed to be the general attitude. Soon the next morning though, Cloud and Yuffie had monstrous hangovers; Cait Sith had nearly lost his voice; Tess and Sephiroth, having stayed up all night to finish the Go game, were asleep on the board with chips stuck to their faces; Nanaki was stiff from sleeping in a coil of rope, and Vincent was asleep on the last gun, smelling strongly of polish.
The Scourge has two rows of sails, one on each side of the mast.