Cold fluff: doesn't give you warm fuzzies, but pulls at your heartstrings… I hope.
Okay so I'm trying my luck with a song-fic chapter. It isn't essential for the message to come across, but it was a great source of inspiration for me and the meaning of it really helps the chapter along. The song is "Duele el Amor" (hence the title) by Aleks Syntek and Ana Torroja. I know, I know. It's ridiculous that there's a Spanish song in a fic that takes place in Japan, but with all the instruments and the way the words and everything lined up it was too perfect. I don't know how this is going to turn out, but I'm crossing my fingers. Tell me if it was a good idea. If you can, I highly recommend listening to the song that inspired this chapter. And please, enjoy the chapter that inspired this entire fic!
Chapter 8: Love Hurts
Duele el amor sin ti
Duele hasta matar
The ticking of his own time clock ran slower and slower, and it was feeding upon the growing fear inside him. He knew he should have turned away before he could see, but he was paralyzed by the impossibility of it all. Every passing second was more improbable than the last. But it couldn't be what he thought it was, it just couldn't. Inuyasha was still very much a child: selfish, irrational, stubborn, and fearful of loss. He wanted to jump down there, to end it before it began. He wanted to rip that boy's face apart. All he knew of why he didn't was because of his trust in Kagome that she would pull away. She just had to pull away.
But she didn't.
In what felt like a lightning strike to his own heart, Hojo pushed his lips against hers, and she accepted. The force of it threw Inuyasha's back into the tree trunk he was perched on. His fingers and ears began to twitch repeatedly without stop. His face was contorted with horror, but he couldn't bring his lung to release the gasp in his lungs. There could be no exhale, not anymore.
Something erupted within him, he didn't know what. But the pain became unbearable and he clutched one hand into his chest, wanting nothing more than to tear it from his body. It swam deep inside him and in his blood stream, until he became consumed by the pain. What was this pain? He had never felt it before in his life. Why, why were their lips still locked? It felt like an eternity since he witnessed it, and yet it was still there, causing a swarm of happy and sad memories to flood his vision. Memories of his mother and Kikyo, and the pain endured when he lost them. Yes, that was this pain, but this time, why did it feel like his heart was being stomped on? He couldn't take it anymore.
Siento la humedad en mi
De verte llorar y hablar
Through the wind they fell rapidly, as if unmoved by his heartache. But as they left the hand that had grasped them, they did feel a loss, and their purpose was stolen from them. There was no reason to be anymore. They accepted their fall. They scattered upon descent, and the wild flowers dispersed themselves over the ground below the trees. Before they could even hit the ground, the hanyou was gone.
Si es que tú te vas de aquí
Creo que a mi me va sufrir
By use of every tree and dark alley he could find, Inuyasha ran. Ran from the sight that caused the pain. It was a naïve prayer that somehow the pain would subside if he was not there to see it. He glanced behind him occasionally, as if that fear was still chasing him. After all, the feeling inside him was growing and growing every second. He had to outrun it. Never had he felt like running away from a battle, except for now. He had always stood strong, but now even Tetsusaiga couldn't save him. In the distance ahead of him he could see the shrine. That was his salvation. The only place he could think of to accept what he had witnessed. He needed to be rid of this world that was stealing Kagome away. He needed to be released of her smells and home, so that he could find even a second of peace.
Os quisiera detener el tiempo
La distancia entre los dos.
Pero se apagó la luz del cielo
Ya no sale más el sol
Using one arm as support, he threw himself over the side and down the opening of the well. The blue light surrounded him and suspended him in mid-air. In the middle of it all, he saw Kagome's face stern and so unlike the one he had grown attached to, and she was saying, "Goodbye."
He let out a small whimper as the blue light subsided, and raced out of the well as fast as he could. He didn't even notice that it had started to rain. Little drops of water stabbed his lifeless skin, only making him colder. But the hanyou kept running. The powerful winds of the downpour blew his hair and haori in every direction it could. Inuyasha ran by the field where he had picked wild flowers for Kagome, and some of them were crushed beneath his feet. The others broke off their petals and flew away under the command of the wind. Free as a bird they flew to the highest altitudes, not allowing anything to touch them anymore. Not allowing the delicate hands of compassion to caress them and care for them.
Soy fragilidad sin ti
Como superar el fin
¿Dónde es que dañé? No sé
Y el recuperar se fue
Ni tú ni yo somos culpables
Pero somos vulnerables
Son las cosas de la vida
Que me queda por vivir
The animals of old Japan were traveling around to find shelter from the ran and a few looked up as a heartbroken hanyou tore through the land. Inuyasha nearly tripped over tree roots and rocks as he ran. In truth, he didn't even know where he was running to. Just anywhere he could escape the memories. All around, he ran into visions of Kagome, telling him the things he didn't want to here, but what he feared would soon come. "I'm leaving you, Inuyasha… I don't need you anymore… You are pathetic… Why should I stay with you?... You are nothing to me… I've forgotten all about you… You're just a hanyou…"
Duele el amor sin ti
Llueve hasta mojar
Duele el amor sin ti
Duele hasta matar
He cowered away from each vision, as the cold words and equally cold face stung his ears and eyes. The amber eyes squeezed shut and the hanyou shook his head fiercely, "No! You're lying!"
Inuyasha flew past the visions and started tearing down trees in his path. His tense claws ripped through wood and plant, tearing up the wet ground to reveal the roots. His haori became dirty with mud.
He finally came to rest at the mouth of the cave. It was a cave he had known quite well, but hadn't been to since he was a child. The last time he was here was after his mother had died, and he had taken refuge from youkai on the search for his blood. For him, this cave represented the beginning of his solitude, and therefore, his bitterness. He remembered how he hid away from everything and everyone. When she had passed, many youkai took advantage of the young one's weakness and chased him as far as they could follow. A hanyou, and a young one at that, would be easy prey after all. Humans too would chase him from their villages. They didn't want a half-demon playing with their children or eating their food or going on a wild rampage for blood. He hid in this cave the first night he was hunted by youkai, and they soon forgot about the hanyou. After that night, he wandered the earth alone for years to come.
Duele el amor sin ti
Todo está tan gris
Even when Kikyo entered his life, he trusted no one. And when he let his guard down for but a moment, any chance of trust in Kikyo had been lost by a cruel trick. Only after he met Kagome did he begin to trust again. He no longer felt the need to hide away in some cave or tree or anything for that matter. He could be out in the open, enjoying life with her. That had been the end of his solitude. Because she had saved him, he had received a home and friends, not to mention the acceptance of many local towns who praised him for his help in defeating troublesome youkai. All… because of Kagome.
Hoy quisiera detener el tiempo
La distancia entre los dos
Pero se apagó la luz del cielo
Ya no sale más el sol
Inuyasha was sitting on a rock just outside the entrance, not even bothering to go inside to escape the rain. He lifted his head to look at the sky and let the raindrops fall all over his face. He could feel the pressure in his eyes, and didn't know if the tears had been released yet. Either way, it would all be washed away by the rain. He closed his eyes and bit his lip hard to hold back any tears that may surface, 'Why would I cry anyway? I never cry. Even if I am… losing her.'
Soy fragilidad sin ti
¿Cómo superar el fin?
¿Dónde es que dañé? No sé
Y el recuperar se fue
Lightening shook the air and brought him out of his trance. He opened his eyes to look at the terrifying forest around him. Some fifteen feet from where he sat were a patch of wild flowers, mocking him with the memory of his failed efforts to keep Kagome. They glowed in an evil brilliance and laughed at his foolishness. Their jeers dug through his ears to his brain and drove him made. He sneared back at them and walked over to where they were.
Ni tú ni yo somos culpables.
Pero somos vulnerables.
Son las cosas de la vida
Que me queda por vivir.
He took them into his hands and began to tear them apart with his claws. The hanyou was merciless to them as they fell into hundreds of tiny pieces and dissolved into the rain. Every thought of how he had failed to keep her there. He had failed to keep her happy enough. These flowers had failed in their promise that she would be by his side forever. As he did, the grimace never left his face. He growled with clenched teeth and angry amber eyes, punishing them for their abuse on him. Between the breathless glares, a few saddened sobs burst through. They were just unable to hold themselves back. He finally let himself stop and let his hands come to rest on the pile of dead, muddied flowers beneath him. His hands were now covered with mud as well, along with a good part of his haori.
Duele el amor sin ti
Llueve hasta mojar
Duele el amor sin ti
Duele hasta matar
Duele el amor sin ti
Todo está tan gris.
He got to his feet and walked back to the mouth of the cave. This time he did not stay in the rain, but went inside to dry off. Down a rock corridor he walked until he came to a clearing. The cave was very beautiful on the inside. There was a flat surface that served him once as a ground to sleep on. Behind that were more corridors leading further into the mountain and next to them a pond where a waterfall deposited fresh water.
Siento la humedad en mí
De verte llorar y hablar
Si es que tú te vas de aquí
Creo que a mi me va sufrir
(x2)
Finding some comfort in the sound of the waterfall, he laid his body down on the cold hard ground in the hopes that it would ease his troubled mind. Right now he wanted nothing more than to just sleep, but he knew it would be a mistake to fall asleep now. There were bound to be countless nightmares awaiting him. As he lie there waiting for something to happen, his mind was plagued with thoughts of her. Most of them were memories of how kind she had been to him, even when he treated her badly. It always amazed him how she could be so caring after everything she had been through. It was a miracle she hadn't abandoned the Feudal Era long ago. The hanyou with amber eyes knew he was lucky to have had any time with someone as wonderful as her. Yet somehow it just wasn't enough, was it? It wasn't enough that he had had her to himself this whole time. Somehow he just wanted more.
Duele el amor sin ti
Llueve hasta mojar
Duele el amor sin ti
Duele hasta matar
Duele el amor sin ti
Todo está tan gris
Countless times he had kept her from danger, held her close to his heart, dreamt of her, wished he could wake up next to her every morning. These were the things he never wanted to stop. He wanted to keep protecting her, he wanted to hold her close, he wanted to smile in his sleep, and he wanted the sight of her to bring him to his knees. He welcomed this weakness wholeheartedly if she would accept it. Be damned his promise to Kikyo, for now there was something more that couldn't go unchecked. Not only his commitment to Kagome, but his commitment to his heart. He had known long ago that he loved her, but this… could he let go of the one he loved? He was selfish; he needed her to breathe.
He rolled onto his back and looked up at the gray ceiling. Lifeless just like him. If there had been any tears before, there were none to cry now. He may have cried all he could for all he knew. It didn't matter. For a few moments, all seemed quiet in his mind. Except for the two thoughts that plagued him. Would Kagome leave him? If she did, would he be able to stand for it? He felt for sure he would die to keep her, but how far was he willing to go to do that? He thought, 'But if it was what she wanted, how could I stop her?'
Another voice spoke from within him, and it was a very dark one. It was a voice Inuyasha was sure he had heard before, but he couldn't remember. 'You fight to keep her.'
He countered it, 'I can't force her to stay here. I'm not like that.'
'Perhaps that's the problem. Perhaps that's who you need to become. Afterall, you could make her happy here, right?'
'I suppose.'
'Then there's no problem. You find a way to keep her here and she'll be happy. You can't lose.'
Inuyasha let out a saddened sigh. He just didn't know if he could force Kagome to stay with him, no matter how much he needed her. But the dark voice that continued to speak lured him in, 'Afterall, are you really willing to let the one you love go? Are you that weak that you would lose her without a fight?'
It must have been a hallucination when he saw Kagome's face hovering above his own. She was smiling down at him with the bright eyes he had fallen in love with. He gulped and held his breath. She spoke, "It'll be alright, Inuyasha. I promise. Everything will be okay."
Inuyasha released a shaky breath and carefully lifted his muddy fingers. "How can it be okay, Kagome, if I can't be with you anymore?"
As soon as his fingers made contact with her supposed skin, she vanished into several pieces of starlight. Small specks of light floated away from his touch and he was left alone again buried within his insanity. He spoke again to the voice he had talked to, "Who are you?"
He received no answer.
To be continued…
Don't worry! I will definitely explain why Kagome kissed Hojo later on. So, please tell me how I did and what you're predicting. I wanna make sure that you all are left curious about what he's gonna do and the roles that all the characters play in this. Did the songfic thing work?
So now I think you'll have a good idea about where this fic is going? If not, too bad. Haha! And now the fun begins. The plotting… muhahaha! Ooh, soo exciting. Please please PLEASE respond!