A/N: Was listening to 'The Reason' by Hoobastank. Great song, but this chapter… listen to something slow.

Thank you all for your reviews, replies in the next (and probably final) chapter.

'If I could save time in a bottle,

The first thing that I'd like to do,

Is to save every day,

Til eternity passes away,

Just to spend them with you.

If I could make days last forever,

If words could make wishes come true,

I'd save everyday like a treasure,

And then, again I would spend them with you,

But there never seems to be enough time
To do the things you want to do
Once you find them
I've looked around enough to know
That you're the one I want to go
Through time with

If I had a box just for wishes
And dreams that had never come true
The box would be empty
Except for the memory
Of how they were answered by you' – 'Time in a Bottle,' –Jim Croce

Chapter 62- The Reason

The sun was high in the sky, beating down hard onto her shoulders as she finally stepped onto the wooded floor of the docks. The seaport smelled of fish and the stale sweat of the tired workmen on it. It made her look around at the people who worked there, slogging their guts out for just a handful of money every month, a handful of coins to try to live on. Christine closed her eyes and took a deep breath before turning to look at Henry, whose eyes were focused, looking concerned, onto her face.

'Are you okay?' he asked and reached out to touch her arm. It was the gesture a brother might give to a sister and she lifted her hand to rub his fingers gently.

'Yes,' she said and sighed, she felt her stomach somersault and placed a hand on it carefully. Henry let go of her arm, reluctantly, and nodded at her.

'Go on…' he said, nudging her away gently. 'And hurry.'

Christine showed him a tired smile and turned away, she walked through a large shack which ran down the centre of a strip of the docks. She was whistled at by sailors and stared at by drunks, both types had many things in common, not least of all that they acted as if they had never seen a woman before.

Henry had asked if she wanted him to go with her but she had very politely declined, asking him to wait for her while she tried to get back something she should never have released in the first place. He had been unwilling, at first, to let her go alone, he had obviously witnessed the sailors antics before, but after she had explained what this really meant to her, he had grumbled and then ushered her on.

The boards creaked under her feet and she ignored the sound of the sailors, instead choosing to be with her focus instead of with her fear. When she got to the far side of the shack she looked out of the window onto the sea, onto the boats and ships and people walking and running around… working or leaving for holidays and business. There were children, animals, mothers and grandmothers… young men, old men, short, tall, fat, thin, dirty men and tidy men.

They were happy and angry, they were guilty and hard working… they were sad.

She saw people of all walks of life, from all backgrounds…

But no Erik.

'Can I help you?'

Christine turned to face a young boy, no more than thirteen years in age, who was looking up at her with curiosity.

'Umm,' she said and then cleared her throat. 'When is the next boat to England?'

He frowned and asked her to wait before darting off and into another room, leaving her standing there, once again alone.

It was a couple of minutes before he came back his eyes sparkling and she noticed their green through to muck on his round face.

'Five o clock,' he said.

'Five? Isn't that a bit late?' she asked, staring at him.

'No, Madame,' he said, ringing his hat in his hands. 'You just missed our afternoon passenger carrier.'

'I…' she began but didn't finish, instead she turned from the boy to shield him from her tears and ran out onto the docks so that she could look out to sea. She stood there for what seemed like an eternity, horses carrying men and carriages carrying families passed her but still she stared right ahead. She watched the too and fro of the water, the boats bobbing gently, side to side, up and down, on its rhythm.

She felt something tug at her arm and she turned slowly to face it.

'Madame,' said the boy. 'You can get the next one.'

'Oh, no…' Christine said softly, through her tears. He had followed her outside. 'There was someone I needed to see on that boat.'

'Oh,' he whispered. 'I'm sorry.'

Christine looked at the softness of the boys features compared to his rough callous fingers, he was thin and pale under the dirt but still he looked happy.

'What's your name?' She asked, lifting her hand to wipe her eye carefully.

'Peter,' he said. 'I was born in England.' He swelled with pride.

'Thank you for your help Peter,' she said, allowing a small smile to cross her lips, and then she reached into her hidden purse to pull out a coin for him. He glanced at her, took the coin and flashed her a smile.

'What for, Madame?' he asked.

'Just for being so… so very helpful,' she said and then politely shooed him away.

She tried to get the energy and the will to turn around.

She knew that she had missed him, she knew that he was on that ship and she knew that she had lost her race against time.

She knew she should leave but still, her heart was heavy and her feet felt like lead and all she wanted to do was sit down, in a dark and isolated corner. She wanted to be alone, to rest alone… to think of those things she had lost.

The things she was supposed to have with Erik that she should have known years ago.

If only she had given him the chance.

She would miss their everything… their future… their home, their long and careful conversations. She wanted to cry while she imagined the love they would never make, the children they would never have and the time they would never spend together… she wished in her heart that she could turn back time to when she made her mistakes.

Her heart ached and sank in her chest, she placed her hand over it, grabbing the cloth of her dress and squeezing it next to her heart. She fought away tears, battled against sobs… looked out to the water… wishing she could see him. Wishing he was there… just for one more moment, just so that he could know… so that he would know…he would know that she had made so many mistakes in her life but marrying Raoul… leaving him behind was the biggest of all. She knew now, standing along on the docks, that mistakes had consequences and this consequence was hardest to deal with.

What crushed her the most, what stabbed at her soul, was that she could have been with him, she could have turned to him anytime, at any time … while he was there… she could have told Raoul that he wasn't the one… that he wasn't her love, her life… her soul… he wasn't Erik, not her Erik, he wasn't her angel.

In her heart she knew that she had accepted her love for Erik long, long ago… many years ago. She had loved him from the minute she had heard him… how could she not?

How could she not fall through heaven for a man so strong, so talented and so intelligent… with so much to give and so much teach. How could she not want his presence and his company…

She clutched her throat as a sob escaped.

How she would miss him… how she was going to ache for him every waking moment, how she knew that she was going to forgive herself for his pain… his anguish …

…his anguish. She could have rescued him from that anguish.

They called him murderer but she was the worst criminal of all because in her life she broken a man so that he lived in perpetual nothing because she had never taken risks… until now.

And look what had happened.

She had lost everything.

She coughed away another gasp of air, stopped the choke in her throat from spilling out into more heart wrenching sobs.

The money… the house… the clothes… Raoul… she could live without. They meant nothing to her, not in her heart and soul…

But to live without Erik…

To live without him forever… how could she do that?

She stepped forward, dazed and confused, something in her mind making the decisions for her feet. Another carriage flew past her and nearly knocked her down but she simply shook her head and brushed herself off.

She felt sick.

She looked to her right and allowed carriages past her as they began to queue in front of her. People still barged past her but she didn't care if they knocked her over…

They weren't to know the pain she was in.

Her body shook involuntarily and she wrapped her arms around herself, rubbing her upper arms. The sky was bright and blue, the sun was beaming down and the heat was astonishing, yet she was chilled, she felt cold and she was shivering.

As more carriages piled past she momentarily went back to the place she was in not so many weeks earlier.

Wrapped up in Erik's arms, warm and damp with sweat, clinging to him like he was her life raft, like he had rescued her.

Had he rescued her?

He always seemed to.

When she looked up the queue of carriages was so long that it now reached past her and she was, therefore, stuck where she was standing for a moment. She swallowed back a sob, stopped herself from crying and stood up straight. Once again she neatened her clothing, her hair, brushed tears from under her eyes and blew out a sigh.

She glanced up at her reflection in the window of the carriage, that was parked directly in front of her and as she began to drop her head she caught a glimpse of something in the mirror of the glass which sent shivers down her spine.