Chapter 20: Winning

He tightened his grip upon the Tetsusaiga, feeding upon his own need to keep on fighting. How long had it been since he last fought off a youkai? Perhaps a week, perhaps two. Naraku was the only other who possessed shikon shards, but considering his power, surely no youkai would dare attack him. Not when there was a hanyou, a child youkai, and three humans so readily available to burden. Inuyasha was restless, more so than ever. More than eager to end what the fates had planned for him, and defeat the man who had poisoned his life. The moist air of mid summer didn't help ease his agitation.

There were times when he thought the battle would never end. Somehow it had become his purpose. It was a burden, but something that came naturally to him now. His hatred, it was natural. Somehow, he was always more than willing to hate the world. A part of him wanted to let it burn, let it suffer as he had suffered. And why he chose to fight to keep it safe, he hadn't a clue. Perhaps some instinct pushed him to do whatever it took. Just maybe… just maybe…

Below him, the young girl known as Kagome did what she always did. Always mending, always cleaning, always something to keep her attention. He knew she was trying to distract herself from her own thoughts. What plagued her this time, Inuyasha had not the heart to ask. Probably the parents that he had managed to separate her from. He growled as he heard her forlorn sigh yet again.

If he hadn't worked his ass off trying to please her since the well closed, maybe he wouldn't have been so irritated. Then again, perhaps he would have anyway. Nothing saddened him quite so much than the thickness in the air whenever she was depressed. It was like she was miles apart from him, unreachable no matter how far he gave chase. Not to mention his pride had been trampled on, his plans to appease her separation anxiety seemed to be failing. If that wasn't an indication that he was losing the battle for her, what was? 'Of all the stupid, mushy, pathetic…'

He leapt down from the tree, landing swiftly in front of her in his innocent dog pose. She jumped slightly at the intrusion, and put her hand to her heart, "Good lord, Inuyasha. You scared me have to death with that entrance of yours."

He glared and pouted, "Stop it."

"Stop what?"

His grimace grew, "You know exactly what. All this sighing and not talking to anyone and looking all funny."

Her hands tightened around the fabric she was sewing as she raised her seating slightly in order to intimidate him, "You saying I look funny, Inuyasha?"

He towered over her, "I didn't mean that, baka! I mean your eyes are different!"

"Huh?" She gasped ever so slightly, "What do you mean?"

Her eyes changed again, and he looked away before the redness in his cheeks could emerge. Of course he would notice her eyes when they were happy or when they were sad. He had memorized those eyes, knew were the light shined through, knew all the different colors that mixed into brown. "Keh, like I don't already have enough to deal with. The last thing I need is you moping around all day, acting like the world has come to an end. You're alive, they're alive, and everything will be okay if you just let it be."

He crossed his arms and turned his chin upward in an arrogant manner. The class in his voice and gestures left much to be desire. Nothing more clear in that than his stupid words. She contrasted, "That's just not enough, Inuyasha. I'm glad my family is alive, but it doesn't mean I won't miss them. You talk as though I could never see them again and actually be happy about it."

The hanyou rolled his eyes and shook his head in dismay. True, it wasn't as though he didn't miss Kagome when she was safe in her own time. He stood up and looked at her, and stuttered for the right excuse. Unfortunately, he could find none, so went to his next thought. "Well… well, how am I supposed to get rid of Naraku when you're being all depressed and stuff?"

The miko from the future concentrated on sewing again, still talking, "Gee, Inuyasha. Now why would it matter to you whether I'm sad or happy?"

He opened his mouth for the rebuttal, but something stopped it in his throat. A mixture of frustration and helplessness. The realization that something important was beyond his control. Why did she always have to be the hardest battle? Why did she have to be the arrow that broke through his barrier? His mouth closed on its own, and he grunted in frustration. Any control he had had over the situation was now lost.

At his silence, her eyes changed again. As much as she wanted to, Kagome dared not look up at him. What would it mean for her to open her soul to him, to be rejected? There was nothing to expect except her broken heart to bleed through him. She couldn't say what her heart desired above all else, just to hear him say that he cared for her, even a little if not a lot, as she did for him. It was a fool's dream to have. That privilege didn't belong to her.

Her change didn't go unnoticed by him. She flooded with pain, pouring it into him and drowning him. Farther and farther down its trenches he sank without a way to escape. The painted pools within her sad gaze pulled at him. His face fell, and he couldn't look away. His nature forbade him. His skin trembled under the tremors of a heartbeat, and he glanced once down to his throbbing chest, who had betrayed his will time and time again. His heartbeat was so fickle to him he couldn't even name it at times. It was something so unpredictable he often didn't care to notice it, but it beckoned him. Somehow, he always came back to that heartbeat, for it was the key to resting the tumult of his troubled mind. She alone condemned him to this fate with her moods. That damned nature of hers that defied his own. But this time, he knew he could not win. There could be no winning when he stood against his own heart. His gaze was hard, but his voice suddenly became soft, "Please, don't."

At the times when he transformed, how was she to know what he had been thinking then? Did he want her blood all over his hands too? Confusion flooded her. Fear shrouded her. Back then, she was afraid… that he would forget her, that his human heart would be lost to the hatred within his past. It always lingered there, in his 'kehs' and in his turn of the cheek. But now, it felt like this man truly knew her inside and out. He knew her pain and shared the burden, promising silently to never let her fall beneath the weight, promising her silently that she was strong enough to win. She closed her eyes tight against his voice, wishing away the affection it implied. No, it wasn't hers to keep. He wouldn't care about her, no matter how much it sounded like he would. This was just Inuyasha, trying to keep his mind on Naraku rather than his friends.

Inuyasha sank in front of her again and sneered, "I said to stop looking all funny, wench! Now quit it!"

"Kagome-chan," Sango called, "Is Inuyasha bothering you again?"

She turned away from the hanyou and crossed her arms, and her angry attitude had already come back full force. "Not at all, Sango-chan. He's just annoyed cause he ain't the center of attention."

"Keh!" He replied, and mirrored her pose.

Sango and Miroku approached the hut at the same time, and eyed the couple's clear aggravation. She leaned over his shoulder to whisper in his ear, "You know what this is about?"

The houshi just shrugged, and they went inside without interfering. Kagome soon joined them, ignoring the hanyou's gaze as she packed up her things and walked quickly behind. Only Inuyasha remained outside, and he rapped his claws against his arms in a growl, "Stupid wench…"

He clenched his fist in a show of determination. "I'll show her center of attention. I'll show her so much, she'll fucking drown in it."

Staring at the horizon, he rested his cheek against his hand. The frustration in his gaze disappeared. All that remained was a look of hopelessness. The inherent need to please her assailed him, and he felt more anxious by the second. What had he to offer the miko? All he had to call his own were his skills, his hanyou instincts, and a red haori on his back. He didn't have the money to buy her fancy things.

Such thoughts brought him back to his previous gifts: the flowers. The memory of her smile hardly ever left him, and how he missed it now. But he frowned. Would it be enough? That happiness didn't seem to last for long. Not like those flowers were anything special. 'Besides, I already picked all of the ones I knew of for Kagome. There aren't any more for a few miles.'

His head shot up. The roses! Hojo had given her roses. He recalled the look on Kagome's face when she received the red bouquet. Were he to give her those instead of the usual wild flowers, she surely would be even more pleased. Afterall, they were far more beautiful than the weeds he had been getting her.

The hanyou got to his feet and immediately started the long dash down the hillside, all the while looking at the long stretch land towards the west. There was only one place he knew of where such flowers existed, and it lay deep within an empty forest in that direction. He unconsciously prayed that he remembered rightly where the place was from when he was a child, but then settled on the theory that he could rely on his instincts for anything.

When he reached the bottom of the hill, he suddenly stopped and turned to look back. Everything was still peaceful, too peaceful for his liking. 'Should I tell them I'm going?'

He immediately shook his head afterwards. The others couldn't find out what he was up to, and Kagome would try to stop him. She always fretted over him whenever he went off alone. 'Then again, Kagome will sit me plenty once I get back. Then again, she won't really have to know. I'll only be gone for about 2 hours. She's probably so mad anyway she won't want to see me for a while. Then again, what if something happens while I'm gone. Then again, the others are here to protect her. Then again,…'

"Agh! Whatever! I can't win either way." he told himself, and sprinted again for the east.

As long as he was on watch, her smile would not be lost. That, regardless of any future fight or sitting, regardless of inevitable defeat, was worth fighting for.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Nearly sunset upon the valley, and the hanyou kept running. By this time, the sunset only started to make its first impressions upon the mountain tops, haloing them in white light and illuminated the cosmos with pink and orange. High above him, the sky was dark, to the point where he could see the stars. He unconsciously thanked the fates that he was to remain a hanyou tonight. The idea of being separated from the others on such a night would have been enough to make him turn back. He knew, as a human he was useless to any plan in mind, including making Kagome happy.

But the further he went, the more it became apparent the rolling thunder clouds approaching. His hanyou senses told him it would be a force not to be reckoned with. Yet he had not the wits to turn back. Not when his stubborn pride told him to keep fighting. The grass beneath gave way only slightly to his light feet as he managed to graze the blades. With this speed, he would make it to the middle of that forest within the next hour.

Only once did he stop to rest, at a waterhole to quench his insistent thirst. Flopping to a sitting position in front of the pond, he heaved a sigh of relief. Even as a hanyou, he wasn't ready to run so far for so long. He panted as he rubbed cold water through his hair to cool his off. As he gazed back down at his own reflection, he stared at his own abrasive manner. It reflected well in his eyes. And as he looked, the light of the locket around his neck caught his eye. Without taking his eyes off himself, he lifted his hand to the locket and clutched it in his palm. His eyes immediately glazed over, and he could no longer see even himself to know what was now vibrating from his amber orbs.

His voice tried to be passive, but it failed more with each word, became more and more melancholy by the second. "Keh, stupid humans. It's cause they're so slow… I can't run away anymore."

He fiddled with the locket, and allowed countless memories to flood him. Somehow, everything had begun to remind him of Kagome, not just the locket. Every color he saw in her. Mostly the invisible colors that only he could comprehend. The pattern of her skin too etched itself into her memory, so he could know even the sight of her touch, knew how her body would bend to him were he to touch her. Every fabric on her clothes, every strand of hair felt like it had been memorized. Perhaps he had stared at her far too often for his own good. So much, he knew too much of her grace.

The more time that passed, the more he thought of her. Everyday she made herself his greatest characteristic. She was the one detail that could best describe his life, not just in his time but in his thoughts.

Along with the memories came endless possibilities of what she would do when he got back. He assumed she would be mad, but if she saw the flowers… His heart leapt to think of how she might look at him then. He told himself she would be pleased… so pleased. That hope alone was what made him rise again, and continue to run towards the center of an empty forest, where a garden of roses resided.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Sunset came, leaving the forest as dark as the sky. The waxing moon did not provide much light where the sun had left, and Inuyasha pretty much had only his instincts to rely on beneath the shadows of the trees. He could smell the wanted fragrance in the air. The further he went, the stronger it became. His steps by now had slowed due to the absence of good light, and the unmarked presence that filled the air. The forest had no signs of animal life, and it disturbed him greatly. But the ground slightly trembled beneath him, and gave way to something he could not smell. As he glanced at the clouded sky, he didn't question that it was the instinct of a storm that had him on edge. Such instincts were not as strong as an animal's, but definitely told the story of nature at its possible worst.

Finally, he came to a clearing, and smirked as he saw he had been correct. The only place he knew of where he could find roses, and the land was full of them. Most of them were red, but some were quite, and even orange. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw what looked like a very old and run-down greenhouse. From what he had been told, the forest had been abandoned after most of the animals left the area, leaving the humans with none to hunt for food. They had considered the situation as remarkable, that in one day, there were no more animals to speak of. And even more curious was how farm animals fought against their owners were they to attempt to return them to their farms.

Casually, he walked over to the nearest bush.

In letting his guard down, he didn't notice the rumble increase beneath his feet, nor the sound of earth crumbling. In a flash of light, something hit him. He wasn't sure what. But the next thing he knew, he was flying through the air, a painful throbbing at his side as he skidded across the ground. He rolled a few times before coming to rest on his stomach.

His head was still dizzy, for he had not yet recovered from the shock of the blow. A few moments later, he was able to look up, and saw the cause of his toil. A snake demon, not any small kind, but one 40 feet long, raised itself up to peer down at him menacingly. Now in the opening, Inuyasha could see well the moonlight that bathed the creature. His scales burned with a bright red, making the yellow in his eyes stand out like the sun. The beast opened his mouth to grin, revealing the large fangs dripping with saliva, shining within the kinship of moonlight with himself. Upon obvious recognition of the prey, his pupils dilated to the point where they appeared like the eyes of cats. One skinny tongue immerged from his lips to taste the thick air surrounding them.

"The gods have been good to me. A hanyou!"

Inuyasha got to his feet and got into his fighting stance, "Bastard! What the hell do you want from me?"

The snake youkai inhaled a raspy breath, and Inuyasha realized that he must have been quite aged. It spoke, "It has been so long since I've feasted upon meat, and now you have come to me instead. You have made this too easy, hanyou."

"Keh, if you're planning on eating me, you're sorely mistaken. Now get out of my way before I kill you. I've got things to do, baka," he smirked arrogantly.

"Heh heh heh… So cocky for a pathetic hanyou. Perhaps you'd care to test that theory. Allow me to educate you!"

He opened his mouth wide and positioned his fangs well, and brought them down for a blow. In one leap, the hanyou was out of the way, and the snake's teeth met only dirt. He recoiled his body instantly, in time to see Inuyasha pull out his Tetsusaiga. The beast halted for but a moment, awing in the beauty of the sword.

Inuyasha looked up as he felt the first drops of rain land on his face, then looked back to his opponent, who was already eyeing him for flaws. After a few moments, he smirked again and laughed, "The rain will keep your nose at bay. And you'll find the night is my greatest ally. How will you find me if you can't even see me?"

He slithered to the right slowly, and Inuyasha followed suite, so as to not be cornered. Always he kept his sword in front of him as he moved. The world was silent, other than the hiss of the demon and the pat of rain on the ground as its intensity grew. The rain was not his ally, for it hid the scent of the enemy. The clouds now blackened the sky, and there was barely any light to see by. And without his scent to aid him, he could be attacked at any minute.

For a moment too long, he had practically lost sight of him by cover of darkness. All he could make out now was the dark outline. It was too dangerous to continue that way, and he knew it. "Kaze no Kizu!"

He swung into the air, and light-giving fire immerged in five blazing strips upon the ground. Their path broke up the already disheveled ground, and threw rocks in every direction it could. Finally, the whole battlefield was lit up, but the hanyou gasped as he did not see a defeated enemy, but a large tail swinging for him. He didn't even have time to react as the scales grabbed hold of him. For about a moment, it pushed him against the ground. When Inuyasha was able to swing, it was already too late. The end of the tail came back for him and wrapped around both the sword and his body. The large muscles locked him in place, and they were so powerful that he couldn't move for the life of him.

"Feel the pain of your own thorns, hanyou."

When he squeezed, the edge of the blade went straight into Inuyasha's own skin. Even in the rain, his senses were invaded with the smell and feel of his blood. The metal of the Tetsusaiga was hot against his skin, so that his blood boiled. He held back a yell of pain, clenching his teeth, gasping for breath. The snake demon said, "Ready to die, already? My, my, my… now this wasn't much fun, was it. But I'm sure the feast will be most worth my while…"

As well as he could muster, Inuyasha turned his head towards the direction of his opponent, and growled at him. It only caused the beast to laugh louder. "… Did you come here for the flowers, little hanyou? No other being has even touched them in years. Such beautiful flowers were left to rot away under the sun. Yet they have thrived, just as I have, despite lack of water and food."

The snake lunged. Inuyasha couldn't do a thing as the sharp fangs dug hard into his skin, penetrated him deep. He yelled out in pain as an unknown electricity shot through him. The firey substance sent his blood over the edge. Any second, he suspected his blood vessels to burst. The hanyou waited for the teeth to tear through him with one turn of the head. But the snake didn't continue the assault, much to Inuyasha's surprise. It lifted its head up again and glared at his now helpless form. "No way a simple hanyou could change that. You have no reason to keep fighting. What do you have to live for?"

Almost as a reflex, the amber eyes rested on the roses some feet below him. The knowing warmth tickled at his heart, caressed the memory. It didn't take a lifetime of fighting for him to know what he lived for now. There was only that single detail of life that made the difference in whether he lived or died. The thought of a girl with raven hair that was the ray of light, making him shine through and through. His vision began blurring over, running the colors together like his face had been drenched in water. The high winds and drops of water echoed back in forth in his sensitive ears, getting louder and louder until he was deaf in them. The sounds of his opponent were getting hazy, but were still deep and discernable from the rest of the ear-splitting sounds. "The poison shall rob you of your power, hanyou. Over time, you'll transform into a mere human, and from there you'll die a slow and painful death. Perhaps I'll make it easy for you by eating you before you can pass out under the pain."

The coils squeezed a little tighter, and Inuyasha let out what sounded like both a whimper and a gasp. Already the poison was taking effect, and his very thoughts became incoherent between the long gaps, 'I… have to… get back to… Kagome. She… I can't leave her unprotected out there.'

Throughout any pain he had ever faced, the knowledge that he might die that very night finally hit him full force. Countless times had he been greeted with the promise of death, but they were always empty. Empty because he was far too powerful to ever be defeated. The running force that drew his ambition had always kept him on his feet, his sword in his hand. Within the confines of his inmost needs, there lay the core of purpose. The meaning of his life. The tremble within him that obliged him to live. On his tongue, the right to die came in the form of blood. Its metallic taste stabbed him sweetly, tempting him to pass away so as to not feel any more pain. When he left the world of living, there could be no worry about what pain or responsibility.

In the back of his mind, he pondered why he chose to fight. It was a question he had asked himself countless times. Never before had it had answer. Innately, he had to win, because losing would mean loss of purpose. He would be nothing.

But now, the hush of night gave way to truth. He listened to the silence, and there is was.

The answer came in a wave of energy, forming around him and stampeding through him. His heart trembled under the weight of a thousand possible reasons, but only one came forth to reveal the thumb beneath his rib cage. The heartbeat that gave him life and purpose had but one word, only one name. 'Kagome…'

To be continued…

Hope that wasn't too rushed, but I just can't wait to get to the fluffy stuff. Hahaha! I love fluff! Sooo exciting! Thanks to all who responded. I can't believe I got so many. Be sure to tune in for the next chapter. There's fun stuff happening. Bye bye!

So, sorry all. I guess I'm not supposed to put in my answers anymore because of a new rule. Unless they decided to wave it, maybe you'll just have to track me down by email for answers. I don't know, we'll see what happens. But you should all know by now that I love you to pieces for supporting me and reading what I've worked so hard on. Take care, everyone.